Silver River Stag

Walking through the woods 

The Moon kisses all things with her silvery light 

Looking up, you see the tops of the bare trees, outlined against the blue black sky 

Their branches reaching up to caress the sky 

Your breath mingles with that of our Mother, your footfalls soft upon her breast 

The wind pulls at your hair in greeting 

Carrying with it the sounds 

Of this winters night 

All is movement and flow

The river, gently relentless 

Never thwarted in it's journey

Over, under, around, and through 

Spirit knows the way 

Strength of heart 

Standing where so many cannot

Purpose crystal clear 

One of those who has come 

To help the people remember 

And to relearn how to walk

If a journey is weighed 

By the world's standards 

They cannot make sense of it 

But the Moon has come to witness 

And in the morning she will tell the Sun 

As they kiss in the moment of dawn's first light 

Those who walk with Spirit are never alone 

Written for my friend Paul Bagge, December 23, 2015, on the day he received his Native American name. 

Everyday Heroes

I found myself thinking of my dad today. I'm glad that he comes to mind often, he's been gone for ten years and it's odd to me because it doesn't seem like that long. I miss him.

For some reason today, I found myself thinking of dad's work. He worked in shoe shops, and as a security guard. But the job he held the longest was as a steel worker. For those who are unfamiliar, this is an extremely physical job. In this case it involved working in hot temperatures, near a furnace, wearing huge tongs, picking up and repeatedly "slapping" heavy red hot steel. 

I can't even imagine how anyone does this work.  Add to it the fact that my dad had very severe rheumatoid arthritis and it becomes unfathomable. His healthy coworkers always said they were amazed at what he was able to do, despite the oversized joints and gnarled hands.

Many of us understand having pain on a regular basis. Arthritis, fibromyalgia, sciatica, back problems, job related wear and tear, and many other conditions leave many people in daily pain. I've had rheumatoid arthritis for almost 25 years, I get it. 

But there's one thing I notice that can be easy to lose sight of. Thinking about my dad this morning got me thinking of everyone else who does really physical work every day. 

First, the way soldiers, firefighters and police officers put their lives on the line is bravery and heroism that needs to be recognized. In addition to this factor of putting their lives on the line, the work can take a physical toll on them for many reasons.

Many other jobs are also really tough on the body. I think we could have more appreciation sometimes.

Your plumber has to lay on his back on the kitchen floor, carry the new sink in, and drag your old water heater outside. Someone working construction is climbing, bending, lifting, crouching and stooping for six to eight hours a day, in all sorts of temperatures. 

There are lots of other examples. There's the person who fills your oil tank, warehouse workers, the guy who plows your driveway, CNA's, brick masons, farm workers and many, many more. 

What about those who are on their feet all day? Cooks, waitstaff, flight attendants, and thousands more.

My dad got up every day and did that job, right next to completely healthy people. All day, every day, he had to repeatedly make motions and perform tasks that hurt and caused more damage. Ouch. And he did it, for the people he loved. 

I understand people are being paid for what they do. That is as it should be. I'm not addressing that. I'm expressing my appreciation for all who do physical work day in and day out. I'm saying I see you, because I saw him, all those years. So I see you now. I know what it costs you. I can tell when you're not okay, even though you tell the boss and your loved ones that you're fine. I'm saying you're amazing. This work needs doing, and as someone who isn't physically capable of doing any of it, this steelworkers daughter is saying thank you.

While many of us may deal with pain from our homes and from our warm office cubicles, in most cases I don't think that's the same thing as those who have to actually physically put it on the line every day at work. They do that for days, weeks, years. 

Growing up watching my dad do what he did gave me a view to what those who do physical work really do every day.  I consider these people to be every day heroes. Today, while I remember my dad, I thought it needed to be said.

Sometimes...

Sometimes 

There is a raging fire under that patience 

Sometimes 

The ferocity of a tigress

Can be found camouflaged within quiet resolve

Sometimes 

Great power simmers

Just beneath the surface 

Of a receptive pause

Sometimes 

Inner knowledge 

Provides the silent compass 

Sometimes 

Inspired action 

Hides in plain sight 

And the sleeping never notice 

Sometimes 

Magick moves mountains 

Yet seems quiet and invisible 

Sometimes 

Time is loose and bendy 

And we play like gumby 

Sometimes 

Love is pure, unconditional 

And utterly without agenda

So, it blesses every life it touches

Sometimes you remember 

That what's in the stars 

Is what's in you

And you speak it into being 

Yes 

Sometimes 

These Days

Waffling between roaring confidence

And the need to get tiny, be invisible, and hide

Reveling in the rush of free fall

Then grasping in white knuckled terror

The days you are patient and sure 

Followed by hurricane's rage and fury

At times, all are your kindred 

But there are times you feel utterly alone 

Moving naturally, instinct and intuition your compass 

Then a moment later back up in your head, searching for control and assurance 

You learn every day 

You realize you know nothing 

Conquering fear by charging ahead, right in it's face 

Other times wanting nothing more than to be held, warm and close, while someone strokes your hair and says "It's okay"

To live, open and awake, every day the heart expanding,  the pain, love and joy woven together 

While the days of comfortably closed are a dim memory 

Desiring nothing more than to be truly seen, unfiltered, and loved wholly for it 

And later, finally giving that gift to yourself 

You're a work in progress

And those old habits die hard 

But, over time you realize there are no dreams that come without risk, and that if you can't be who you are, then you can't breathe 

You see that free fall has it's own unique way of creating space, and that life will fill that space with good things, if you let it 

So you begin to learn of letting go.

You start to understand the unexpected power in those times of vulnerability you used to hide and run from 

You learn the power and sacredness of pleasure and honoring the desires that the Divine has placed within you 

You learn day by day while walking and speaking your truth with integrity 

You are witness to the danger of smallness and the destruction that comes with numbness 

You see evidence, every day, that what is meant for you cannot pass you by 

Light, dark, good, bad, real and time become fluid, elastic concepts that change shape like play-doh 

And it's weird because your sight is so altered 

And a thousand poems could probably never capture what it's like 

But you keep writing them anyway 

Because it's what you do 

Monkey Monkey

Monkey, monkey 

Little monkey 

Playing in my head 

Telling me missed expectations 

Mean that I should dread 

Always saying there are rules 

And if we stray it's wrong 

Rigid rules for me and others 

Make prison bars so strong 

People being human 

Are sure to disappoint 

When happiness is an outside job 

We kind of miss the point 

So monkey monkey 

Worried monkey 

I know that you mean well 

I'm just going to give you a hug right now 

You have a story to tell 

Little monkey, calming now

I think today we learned 

That happiness is an inside job 

The tables now have turned 

No situation, person or place 

Is going to make it right 

And when we load them down like that 

They're sure to put up a fight 

Monkeys do what monkeys do 

And playing with others is fun

Some days we go bananas

And the other monkeys want to run 

But with some luck 

And a little love 

We find our happy troop 

Monkeys who are glad that we're around 

Even when we're looped

So monkey, monkey 

There you are 

Playing in my head 

I hear what you are saying 

But now, there is no dread

When Positivity Becomes An Obstacle

I used to think that by allowing those darker, more difficult emotions – the ones we would consider "negative", that I was somehow going to "un manifest" or push away the things I was working toward in my life.

It is a fact that there are many Universal and metaphysical laws that do apply to all of us. Though it is not recognized by many, the vibration that we are in each day has a direct correlation to what comes our way. We can be intentional about this, or have absolutely no idea. Either way the result is the same.

Having said this, what I didn't leave room for was the simple truth of my unique vibration in this universe. We each have a unique energetic signature. That means that each of us plays every day in the playground of this universe in a way that no other being does. 

What I'm finally starting to wake up to, what I'm remembering, is that these darker emotions, the ones I formerly considered to be "negative" are just a natural part of being human. 

Quite often, these types of emotions are uncomfortable. We're human, our natural inclination is to move away from discomfort. Add to that so much of the "spiritual" literature out there urging us to stay positive, and it's quite easy to convince yourself that you must always be blissfully skipping through fields of daisies, or you're "doing it wrong." I don't know about you, but I was putting a huge amount of pressure on myself, constantly, to remain in a positive state of mind. I felt like there was something lacking in me if I wasn't feeling happy all of the time. 

I have come to the extremely freeing conclusion that all of this is bullshit. I can only speak for myself, but here's how it works for me.

You see, I do have quite clear objectives for the things that I am calling to myself on an every day basis. I'm taking very clear steps both physically and energetically to make certain that these things happen. I'm doing what I need to do and then I'm letting go and trusting.

I am finding that when darker or more "negative" emotions do arise, they invariably have something important to communicate to me. There's something there that I need to be paying attention to. It may be a new lesson, or maybe the clearing of an old pattern that no longer serves me. It could be the healing of an old memory. Whatever it is I don't have to run away from it, squash it down, send it away or think that it's wrong. 

And, here is the lovely freeing part. I don't have to worry that these feelings are chasing away the things I'm working on today, or with regard to my future goals. 

YAY! 

So, the very cool truth here is that when these darker, or more difficult emotions arise, they are simply a natural part of the process. It is a very "positive" thing for me to be integrating, learning from and lifting the energy of these experiences. That's how we use them, it's how they become fuel - fuel that we can use just as effectively as all of the more bright, sunshine moments. In fact combining the two is a fantastic rocket fuel! 

So, I just sit with them and allow them to be. I just sit, and allow. I ask myself what I'm feeling, see if I can identify it. I ask myself a few simple questions, about why am feeling that way. I might talk it out with myself. I might write in my journal about it, write poetry, sometimes I might talk to a trusted friend for some perspective. Sometimes I might cry it out, or just curl up in bed and give up for the moment, and hope that I feel better in the morning.  I might yell and curse.  

The key here for me lies in being completely allowing, accepting and open with myself about whatever arises. Whatever comes up is good and natural and normal. I love and accept myself in whatever state I am in in that moment. 

Eventually, whether it takes a couple of hours or a few days, I work through it. I can see and understand what was upsetting me.

I'm noticing that what follows every single time, once this process is over, is a feeling of lightness, a return to equilibrium. I have clarity about what I need to do now, if anything, and whatever learnings might have come out of the experience. 

Did I chase away the things that I am working on in my life because I allowed this process to happen? Should I now expect doom and gloom to follow me everywhere because I felt these "negative" emotions? 

I'm actually finding exactly the opposite. I'm finding that when these things come up for me, and I love and show compassion for myself and the things that have come up, that it actually frees things up. I find that by moving through this process it's a part of the forward momentum I'm working on in my life. 

Sometimes it takes a few minutes. Sometimes it takes a few hours. Sometimes it can be days or even weeks. We always move through it. That can be hard to see from the inside of it when you're dealing with it, but you do always move through it and come out the other side. It sounds incredibly counterintuitive, but I have found that by not fighting with it, that I come out the other side sooner and more easily.

 I would go so far as to say that it is a part of manifesting and creating the life that I am choosing to live, both on a moment by moment basis, and when working toward my future goals. I have come to understand that this is a necessary process. Things come up that must be dealt with - this is not a negative thing. It is not wrong. You are not backsliding spiritually when this happens to you. And you are not chasing away the things that you're working on. On the contrary it's part of the work. It's all good.

You are the one that is crafting your life. I am the one that is crafting mine. There are all sorts of beautiful building blocks that we are each using in order to do this. There are many many colors that we are each using in the painting of our lives. Working through darker or "negative" emotions is simply a part of that creative process. 

When we allow this and show ourselves love and compassion we truly are in motion, we are creating space physically and energetically for more amazing things to happen. By giving ourselves and others love and compassion during this process, we are still creating. 

Once we come out the other end of whatever it is that we have needed to allow, explore, love, meet with compassion, and learn from, we continue on, doing what we do, better for the experience, and wiser for the learning. 

The combination of our absolutely clear intent, our purity of heart, our daily action, and the ability to let go and trust continue to be the navigational tools that we use on a day-to-day basis. In those moments where we went swimming in the dark places, we find that we did not slow the journey at all, but instead they were just a part of the rhythm of our days - just as the moments in the sunshine are. Both are a part of the process. 

Unswerving faith and belief in who you are and what you're doing is absolutely necessary. That is what I define as "being positive." I look for the good in people and situations, and I usually find it. I trust completely that the universe has my back in every situation, even when outward appearances would seem to indicate the opposite. I no longer define being positive as needing to blow sunshine up everyone's butt 24 hours a day. I have found this shift in understanding to be extremely freeing. I'm interested to find out what other people's experiences have been.

Sum Total?

We see the action 

And assume we know the motivation 

Right then and there 

We stop seeing the other person 

Seeing instead what we expect

Picking a category 

Summing them up

Instead of simply being 

Wait and see 

Let it unfold 

You can be you 

Now, let them be them 

Vampires Anonymous

'Tis a magickal thing indeed 

The journey of remembering 

Who you are 

And why you have come 

Yes, this alone 

Is your very own 

Revelation 

But there's more 

You reach the point 

Where you are able to bear witness 

To what you are 

And all that you do 

As you live each day

Finally, there comes a time 

When only the bravest openness 

And relentless authenticity 

Will do 

Yet, you see yourself 

Still seeking completion 

In others view of you

As authenticity burns away illusion 

The old vampiric ways 

Of drawing, pulling 

Using the energy and emotion of others 

To prop yourself up

Falls away 

You stand on your own. 

Oh fear! 

I'm lost. Disconnected! Empty! 

Ugly. Useless.

Can't you see!?

It isn't safe. I'm not enough!

And I never will be...

Must hide. So naked. So scared. 

Get tiny. Cover my face. 

Block my ears. No. Oh no. 

The habit, so ingrained 

Neural pathways 

Like well traveled roads in your psyche

You watch yourself 

As the fear pumps loudly in your ears

And the familiar downward spiral 

Is about to begin 

But 

No 

Something is different this time 

Oh, the habit is there, so strong 

But now, the desire, the need to walk that familiar road 

Of latch on, or hide 

Is gone 

You released it

You felt it leave you

The dark and heavy energy gone from you

And in the midst of the fear 

The inner Witness speaks 

Hey. Wait a second!

It's alright to be afraid 

Standing in your personal power 

Self contained 

Complete, beautiful 

Not seeking outside of yourself 

For validation 

Belief, faith in who and what you are

Without the crutch of others approval 

This is new 

And the fear? It's a habit. 

But it doesn't own you. 

You don't need it.

Not anymore.

Let's go. Let's walk. 

You've got this! 

That fear will get smaller over time. 

And you can rock who you are

Even if you are afraid sometimes 

Standing 

Tentative steps 

Back straightens

You stop looking down 

And bring your gaze up 

To meet the world 

See that? That's bravery. You're doing it! 

And you're not disconnected 

Not ever

Quiet your mind and see what you find

You know and feel the truth of that within 

There's a vast difference 

Between being complete in and of yourself 

And being cut off, separated from love 

Without a lifeline 

You were never alone, you know that now

Beautiful connection 

With all things 

Every person 

The world, energy 

The Divine

It's all One

We are One

Now you can enjoy that natural thread 

That connects us all 

Without needing anyone 

To prop you up 

Or tell you that you're okay 

You're free 

This Is Your Road

Footsteps 

How many days, lives 

How many steps

Hands move through the day

Thoughts running wild 

Then taking sudden pause 

Like children playing tag

Wind blows, and it feels clean inside you

You knew the rain outside 

Before it came 

Catching the scent of life's flow 

Moved to quiet, sweet ecstasy 

While the day does it's happening 

What is this foundationless certainty 

Security in blind free fall 

Time stops being a line 

And it's all one instant 

Impossible to describe 

You'd love to tell someone

Or to show them, a joining 

You look into their eyes 

Once in a while, when you do 

You see it, a fleeting glimpse 

Before they pull the shutters closed

You smile with love 

Feeling the cry forming in your throat 

And you walk on 

For you 

There's no going back 

And you're not sorry 

Oh no, never, ever sorry 

To be living this crazy, indescribable love affair with being 

Fear makes it's visits

And you know longing as a constant companion 

Senses altered 

You know this life 

Differently now

So 

You do what you do 

And as time goes on 

Only raw, relentless authenticity works 

Otherwise, how can you breathe 

This is your road 

Me And My Shadow

Shadow dancing. When I was growing up, my reference point for that phrase was a song by Andy Gibb. Like many, I had a huge crush on Andy, and had a poster of him on my bedroom wall.

Nowadays, shadow dancing is a bit different. It's when all of the lovely "stuff" we're so tempted to hide comes out, refusing to be hidden or quieted. 

My shadow self is relentless.  She can be angry, restless, sad, uncomfortable, impatient, full of doubt, easily bored, judgemental, selfish, terrified, and emotional. She's convinced she is hideously ugly. She craves validation. She's oblivious, and is hungry and horny for something to quell her fear. 

I don't like hanging out with her. I prefer to pretend she doesn't exist. I don't like her.  But she's not having any of that.  She won't be ignored. 

For a long time, I thought love meant not having any of that "darkness" in your life. I thought it was something to be eliminated. I searched for, and tried many methods to do exactly that. But it doesn't work that way. At least, I will say it hasn't for me. 

In late 2011, I took the lid off Pandora's Box. Slowly, my view of my shadow has changed. 

There's a balance in everything. Love becomes a living thing and a way to be. Expectations become chains that you choose not to wear. There's this peculiar, intricate pattern of doing and waiting, moving and stillness; it's like a mathematical equation and yet it's art all at once. And you're part of it, one with it. 

My nickname for my shadow self is "Rage Bitch."  Because my first clue that she's around is that I am angry, enraged at everything and everyone. It's hot, red, venom, and it's hard not to spew it at everyone. 

I don't fight with her anymore. Shadow gets way more intense, so much stronger when I deny her or fight with her. She's like a cornered animal, she gets vicious if threatened. 

So I sit with it, whatever I'm feeling. At first, I literally just sit there and accept it. I'll just be there, and be angry. Sad. Impatient. Ugly. Terrified. Whatever is there is alright. I don't judge it. 

After a while I talk to Shadow. I ask. "Why are you so angry? What is making you afraid? Why do you think you're ugly?" And I let her answer. Again, no judgement. Whatever the answer is, it's okay. 

Finally, I just tell her it's alright. I tell her I love her. I thank her for being honest and for being so brave in bringing this up so we could talk about it. I remind her that she's beautiful, loved and amazing just as she is. 

Sometimes an action step will come out of this, like talking to a family member or friend about an issue, or taking some other action. Other times, just the recognition and acceptance of where I was at is enough, and I will begin to feel lighter, happier, more at peace.  

I've come to understand that Shadow comes out when there's something deeper, buried beneath the surface that needs the sun to shine brightly upon it. Something is needing to be seen, acknowledged and loved. 

I also find the wisdom within my own body to be remarkable. Whenever Shadow comes to hang out, I usually find that there has been an accompanying message in my physical body. It can be a headache, fatigue, or a myriad of other symptoms.  When Shadow comes to remind me of things that I need to release, this is often timed to line up perfectly with my menstrual cycle. 

All in all, I've spent a good deal of time and effort trying to run from Shadow. What I've learned is that I can't. Shadow is a part of me, a part that has just as much to teach me as Light does. 

She's the one who has made me look at all of the things that fly out of Pandora's Box. She's the one who gave me the gift of discomfort that made me question the status quo of my life, on all levels. She graces me with impatience when I'm not moving along when I need to be. She was the one who kept pushing when I was looking for a place to learn as I continue on this path. She makes me uncomfortable enough to break meaningless rules that limit me, and everyone else.

And yeah, when she makes herself known, I still roll my eyes and think "Here we go, what's she all freaked about this time?" But truly, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Darkness, light and everything in between. It's all me. And, it's all good.  

Night Driving

Tree branches 

Splayed against a blue black sky

Car headlights 

Reveal glimpses of fire

In safe little yards 

People slumber in well kept homes

While I drive on by

Fingers tapping on the wheel 

I think of them 

All installed in their beds 

And I know 

They have an inner world, too 

Letting their thoughts have wing 

Without limits 

In those last few moments 

Just before sleep 

I love these peculiar little snippets of living 

When solitude, motion and spirit dance

You're reminded 

That you exist on both sides of the veil 

All at once sometimes 

And that you can trust 

What you know 

No matter what 

I do love the beautiful, sacred night 

I Didn't Ask You

I didn't ask you if your religious or spiritual tradition "allows" a particular belief. 

I didn't ask you if you have the civil right as an American citizen to have that belief. 

I didn't ask you what you've accomplished or what others say about you. I don't want your "good person" resume.

What I am asking you is this:  If we strip away your religious or spiritual beliefs and your civil rights and leave you as a naked human being- what does your inner sense of integrity and humanity tell you about your words and actions which are hurting other human beings? 

We aren't perfect. We fail, a lot. I do. But how does anything ever change if we don't ask ourselves the question?

Wing Walker

After a while, you come to realize that your sense of values is far, far outside of where you used to be; indeed, far outside of that of many you know and love. 

The things that excite you, make your heart beat faster, and your entire way of being in the world has been radically altered. 

Home is something you know within you, but isn't anything you can describe very well. It has always been there, inside you, and all the times seeking it elsewhere are behind you now. 

Your words and actions perplex people, but you know that you are exactly where you ought to be. You try and describe that inner compass sometimes, with mixed results. 

The structures you once held dear, the common everyday safety nets that bring comfort, the methods we all use to weigh ourselves and our world - they have all fallen away. You find it difficult to articulate what has taken their place, but you find that you do know how to walk it. You always have known, really. The days of squashing down and ignoring your intuition and natural instincts are gone.

It's like the most glorious, perplexing combination of blind free fall while all at once knowing exactly what is coming - and living each moment in the certainty that it is yours. Indeed, it cannot pass you by.

It's very lonely sometimes. It's breathtakingly beautiful while being heartbreaking, too. But you can't even consider going back to sleep.  It's not possible, not now, and you know that you wouldn't - even if you could. You aren't sorry to be where you are. You know who and what you are, you have a sense of why you're here. You remember. And, in truth, you are never alone. 

So you trust it. You trust The Universe. You trust yourself. 

And you keep walking that path. 

It's What Makes Everything Go!

I choose to walk through my days 

And the sacred nights 

With heart open 

Even when tenderness becomes a pain 

I do not run or hide

No more walls and avoidance

I glow with warmth 

And when the time comes I rain

Some days I am a peaceful meadow 

Some days I am the storm 

I am afraid sometimes 

But I choose to continue 

Intuition speaks the path

Intent and integrity to what is within are my compass

These are not the world's rules

Steps not dictated by fear

Moving when the steps are true

Patiently waiting when it is right

Resting in perfect love and perfect trust 

What is meant for me cannot pass me by

Spirit and body see from within 

I embrace this succulent life 

I choose to be juicy, delicious and joyful 

I am not watered down 

The energy of all things

Heart centered and present to each moment 

Love, energy, creation

Learning more each day 

Body, heart and spirit attuned to the highest vibration 

All Things move together 

We dance and wrap around one another 

For Creation cannot help but make love

Love and bliss so great that the cosmos moves with it 

This is how everything 

Happens! 

I do not lose sight of this 

I breathe it in as I walk 

Knowing time is a game 

And what is to be already is 

And so, there is now 

Right now 

To do this thing 

This love thing 

This energy thing 

It lifts me 

It lifts others 

It's what makes everything GO! 

Sent from my iPhone

Goddess Challenge

We walk around 

As if who we are isn't written on our skin 

And pouring out of our eyes 

We say what's safe 

Even though our purest essence is in every exhale

We try and arrange it just so 

Because it's "different this time"

Then, life does her thing 

And aren't we just blown away 

But....but....that wasn't in the plan! 

No

No, I guess it wasn't 

But you know

The truth is within you 

You can either follow it 

Make love to it 

It's yours already

Or

Be safe

A slow death 

And all the fear that your old stories tell you 

Doesn't change that 

Hands

Bones and tendons unhappy 

Blinding, shooting pain upon grasping too tightly 

Or when I insist on that white knuckled grip 

A loose grip causes no pain at all 

Things pass in and out of my hands naturally, effortlessly 

When I do not insist on hanging on 

This frees me up to always be open 

Able to give happily 

And to receive gratefully

The cycle continues as it is meant to 

And so this morning 

I look at what they called broken, beyond help 

And I see wholeness 

And I thank my hands, and even the pain 

Because this rather obvious metaphor for life 

Is a lesson I very much needed

And avoided for a long time 

Today is a new day 

And my hands are ready to play their part 

In the beautiful circle 

Yes!

Unlocked

All at once

She could see endless possibilities

A world 

Dripping with color and texture 

Clear sight, deep dive

Listening for The Old Ones

Senses on ecstatic overload 

Every cell electric 

Fire within an inferno 

Finally unafraid 

To be the Magick 

Presence

Like a refreshing spring

Clear water running 

Or the clean, crisp air 

On a fall morning 

It starts as a tingle 

The subtlest of sensations

Spreads over me

Like the softest touch

It warms me, inside and out 

Until I'm in sheer delight 

From head to toe 

Presence

I close my eyes 

And exist in Love's embrace 

In that moment 

I know that I have the strength 

To do anything

Limits, sadness and fear fall away

For home is within 

And I am never alone

Never separated

From Love

Blue Finds Her Safe Place, A Faerie Story, Ch 2

Once there was a faerie. She had eyes of hazel, and her garment was cobalt blue. The light around her, because all faeries have such, was also blue, and so Blue is what she was called. She lived with the other faeries in a strongly bonded troop that sought to help each other, and all things.

It came to be that one beautiful day, when the sun was shining, Blue was working with the rest of the troop doing the daily tasks. It was Blue's turn to go and bring items to trade with a nearby troop. Blue had never been on this errand before, and she was very nervous about doing everything exactly right, so that the troop would be pleased.


Her friends helped her gather the items together. Blue lifted them into the air next to her with a simple thought, and she was on her way. As Blue traveled, she had to change her route a few times. The first time was because of a human with his gun, and the second was when sister hawk was hunting and flew right in front of her, startling her!

Blue was growing more and more nervous, she did not want to be late. She imagined what the other troop would be thinking, worrying that they would be angry with her. They might send someone back to her own troop to report how inept Blue was! Picturing this in her mind made Blue so frightened. It was almost physically painful for Blue to contemplate making someone unhappy or displeased.

As Blue continued on her way, she could not stop worrying, and she found that it was getting much harder to keep the items aloft that she was bringing along. She was getting so very tired. In looking around she realized that she had taken a wrong turn. It took Blue quite some time to find her way once again and by the time she did she was in tears, and she dropped all of the items to the ground!

Suddenly, 5 faeries from the other troop surrounded her! Blue was practically cowering, waiting for the worst. One of them said, "Hello! My name is Cherise. We came to meet you and show you to our home. We'll each take one of these items, come with us." Blue followed the others and upon arriving at their beautiful glade, was given honey and water. Cherise and the others listened to the tale of Blue's day. Cherise hugged her, saying, "We have all had days like that, Blue. Don't worry at all. You did wonderfully. Everything has turned out just fine!" After a short rest, Blue returned to her troop, relieved that she had not angered anyone.

The next day, Blue was with the others, gathering honey. The bees gladly shared this in exchange for the troop sharing their love in the form of a very special blessing upon the Queen of the hive every spring. It was a tradition that had been around for a very long time. Her friends and family had a very particular way of gathering the honey. Blue thought the system, which involved twigs and leaves, was much more complicated than it needed to be. Blue suggested a different method using cupped flower petals held aloft by a delicious thought. Her intuition told her this would work very easily because she knew pleasurable thoughts were very strong indeed, and besides, the flowers were always willing to help.

Several members of the troop were very skeptical of Blue's idea and told her so. Heather, who was considered to be very wise, counseled against changing things that had been working just fine for so long. Blue felt her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment. She said "I am going over to the second hive to try my idea." Blue hated hearing her own defensive tone of voice. As she made her way over to the second hive a short distance away, she felt hot tears on her cheeks. Blue was very frustrated and sad, and she thought to herself, "Sometimes my different ways do not fit in."

Blue tried her idea, and found that it worked very well, indeed! In fact, it was so simple and easy that tiny Periwinkle, the very smallest of the troop was able to manage it on her own with no help at all! Blue and Periwinkle worked together for quite some time and after gathering what they needed, they thanked their beautiful bee friends and made their way back. Upon their return, the troop was amazed, because Blue and Periwinkle were able to gather and bring back three times as much honey in a shorter time than the entire rest of the troop had done using the old system.

Heather was full of praise, saying, "Thank you, Blue for sticking with your intuition and doing what you knew made sense for you. Your courage and creativity are a blessing to yourself and the entire troop!" Blue felt tears coursing down her cheeks. Some of her friends and family still seemed a bit disgruntled, and firmly stated that they would stay with the old way. Others were eager to try Blue's idea the next time around.

Blue and Periwinkle held each other's gaze for a long moment, and then everyone moved off to take care of their own affairs. Blue sat on the soft moss under a small tree for a very long time after this, letting the sounds of the forest sooth her. Eventually, she fell asleep.

A few days later, Blue was sitting under brother Oak. He was a very old and wise tree, and had been in the forest longer than anyone could recall. Blue loved being with Oak. Ladybug, butterfly, dragonfly, and several other friends were there. Blue and her friends had worked for a very long time to create a stunning, colorful mandala under the Oak, as a gift to all creatures, using many items found in the forest. As they finished, Blue breathed a blessing into the mandala. The mandala represented the connection between all of the creatures that lived in the forest, and was made with much love. By speaking with the other trees, Oak was passing the word around so that other residents of the forest could come and see the mandala and feel the loving energy.

Just then, Farrow, another member of the troop came along. He looked at Blue, and then at the mandala. He said, "There's no time for play, Blue. There are many tasks that need doing back at the glade. Your time should be spent there, and not wasting time here on things that are not helpful." Blue had been friends with Farrow for so very long, and they had often worked together companionably. She was deeply disappointed and hurt at Farrow's words. Despite their friendship, he could see no value or blessing in the work of Blue and her friends. Blue felt her heart sink. Trying not to cry, she looked up at Farrow and quietly said, "My friend, I hear your words and I appreciate what you are trying to say. But this work is the very best place for me. I will not be going with you right now." Farrow stared into her eyes for the longest time, thrown off by her refusal, which he had not expected. "Fine" he said, and left.

After Oak spread the word, more creatures came to see the mandala Blue and her friends had made. Many exclaimed what a marvel it was, and everyone could feel the love and the blessing coming from the beautiful work, made in spontaneous creativity, fueled by love. Blue and her friends felt such gratitude that their work brought joy to others. Blue found herself in the most peculiar combined state of joy and sadness all the rest of that day. She was overjoyed at the way the mandala was received and how it had helped so many, but the interaction with her dear friend Farrow hurt so very much. Just before sundown, everyone went back to their own homes. Blue and her friends said goodbye to each other. Owl and Oak promised to guard the mandala.

Blue went to sit on the great rock near the still quiet lake, it was her very favorite place to be. As the sun made its way down, the sky lit up with every imaginable color, and they were all reflected in the water. Suddenly, Blue was overwhelmed by the beauty of life, beauty that created such a tender feeling in her heart as to be an actual pain, and she finally cried freely. She cried for the beauty, and for the love of all things. And she cried for the pain inside of her that wondered where was the safe place, the place where she fit?

"Daughter." Blue heard the voice say. It was the Mother, and Blue felt warmth and love encompass her entire being. "Oh Mother!" Blue said, and just cried and cried all the more. The voice said, "My sweet daughter. Why do you seek in others that which only you can give to yourself? The safe place you seek is within you, my beautiful one. You are wondrously made, and unique. Only you can be Blue, and you are doing so in a singularly beautiful way."

Blue stopped her sobbing, and looked up. The sun had set, and the moon was rising. The lake and all of the forest was alive in a magical silver light, which was reflecting everywhere. She did not hear anything else from the Mother, but knew Her presence in the warmth that still enveloped her entire being. She sat on the rock, watching the fireflies and breathing in the sweet, damp night air.


"I think...I think I'm alright", she said aloud, hiccupping a little. "In fact, I think I like me. I might even love me. And maybe I make mistakes sometimes, and I probably cry too much, but I'm doing my absolute best every day. I'm the only one who knows how to be Blue after all, so I'm going to do that my own way. I can do that and still love everyone, I understand that now. I am never separated from Love. My safe place is always here, within me!" The tears were still flowing but they were good tears, the kind that clean everything out, and leave you so very much lighter. Blue's tears dropped into the lake, creating ripples in the water.

After a little while, a very sleepy Blue moved over to the ferns growing near the lake. They curled around her body, creating a soft bed for her, and she fell asleep, smiling, with the night time forest sounds as her lullaby.

Written by Elizabeth A. Carrignant
This writing is the property of the above writer
October 15, 2015

Grace Tapestry

I have had many opportunities recently to reflect on the question of what our response should be to others suffering. This question has appeared in the past two weeks in many places. When a friend brought it up this morning, I was moved to write about it.

We are certainly weavers of our own destiny. I know this because I call things to myself and they come. I have been broken and hit rock bottom, and then later realized the incredible learnings that occurred as a result. I've been able to look back and see how my choices often caused what happened, even the ones I made blindly. I've been involved in soul altering Karmic clearings that played out in my life that involved energies that went back lifetimes. I've allowed love to change shape and be redefined in me. I have known the sweet blessing of grace. I do see a pattern of gossamer threads here, and I am learning to trust that, although it is not always easy. 

Still, some things that happen to others are so horrific that it's hard to get my head around why they might be happening. My heart hurts so much for them.

Can those people truly change that situation? What if they have absolutely no awareness that it is possible? What if in some cases it's not possible for some reason we can't see?

I believe that we all come here with some specific things that we are going to work on. There are many ways to work through that. We can't always recognize the pattern from where we stand, but it is there. It's like an intricately woven tapestry that we are all a thread of.

Having said that, I don't believe standing by and watching the suffering of others because I somehow feel they are a vibrational match to it is where I am called to be with this. As Sara Sophia Eisenman recently reflected on her Facebook page, this often seems to be a theme in the new age movement. I find it disturbing.

Sara's post was the first of many these past two weeks that caused me to pause and look at this question. In looking at the dynamic that allows something to happen, and examining where the person is at who is harming another we can look within and see what our response is to be. 

I look back on my own situation. While Archangel Michael is the one who saved my life in 2013, it has been through other people that the gift of grace has come to me, over and over and over again. 

Some examples: 

1)  Markers on my path that I clearly saw because others helped shed light on them. 

2) Learnings that showed me how to climb up and out and to follow my own path and forge my way - because others shared wisdom and knowledge and showed that there are multiple ways by their example. 

3) Connections and openings made within me because another spoke and walked their truth and it rekindled the fire within me, 

4) Simple hope given - love and help with basic survival so that I could feel safe enough to explore past that point. 

5) Clear sight. The ability to see myself through new eyes because of those who treated me as beautiful, worthy, amazing and valued.

6) Sacred space. I am learning the profound healing of holding sacred space for myself, my experiences and my journey because of the grace of those who hold that space for me and help me to see I can do this for myself, too. 

7) When situations don't seem to be able to be changed and they just are. When this has happened, I have known the gift of those who simply come and be with me. They aren't trying to fix the situation or me. They aren't analyzing or advising. They just sit with me. This is a profound gift, simply not being alone in the midst of pain, grief or chaos.

Without these things I would not be where I am, and I am grateful every single day.

So, I don't always know why. I can't always see that greater design. But I know that we are all part of that greater plan.

 I believe that often the way another person learns that they can change things, or survive things is because we are the ones to show them that. Sometimes we are the vessel that allows learning, hope to continue on, and grace to reach another heart. 

By speaking and walking our own path courageously, opportunities to interact with others are with us every day. Looking at the way the world is, it sometimes feels as if we couldn't possibly make a dent in all the greed, violence, fear and blind hatred.

But I know that we do. One heart at a time, starting with our own, then radiating out from there. And that's magic, my loves. 

Every Day

Today I will give myself the gift of presence

And I will give it to others

For our points of connection with all are sacred

Today I will be with my senses 

All of them, the five and beyond

Guided by love 

I will experience being 

Today I will make eye contact

I will touch the warmth of your arm 

And hug you "too long"

I will hear you without pouncing with my reply 

And I will revel in your unique energy while we sip tea

Today I will honor my body 

It inhabits my soul 

I will be pleasure, delight and joy

For it is no accident that I Am 

Today I will breathe in Divine love 

And exhale fear, and all of her siblings 

I will thank them for stopping by 

And send them on their way

Today I will move, speak and act naturally 

I will flow without struggle, as water does

Intent, integrity and intuition my compass

Movement fueled by Love

Today I will say I love you 

Because this is what my heart and soul 

Long to say 

To everyone I am gifted to encounter 

On this walk 

Today I will fearlessly say and do

The things I know I came here for 

There is no sense in learning mystery's secrets

If I then hide from her truth 

Behind what is comfortable 

Today I will let them know 

I SEE YOU 

Because I do, always

Why now hide from it?

Love without condition blesses all 

Today I will know the wellspring within 

I am refreshed, energized and verdant 

I will be in gratitude with every word and step 

For the gift of this life 

Today I will know the grace that comes from lifting others

For in this moment of precious connection and open vulnerability

Both hearts are blessed 

Today I will know the electricity, warmth and intimacy 

Of my winged family 

As our energy mingles and swirls together 

In this dance of being 

Today 

Every day 

That Thing You Do

It's only when you truly see them 

That you get why they do it 

The thing they do 

You know what I mean 

That thing that happens

To the ones who know why they're here 

Everybody thinks they're crazy

But they can't stop 

Because they came hard wired for this 

And the heart knows

But I think maybe 

You only see it, you only get it 

After you've been completely naked yourself 

And that doesn't happen 

Until you peel off the cataracts 

And wipe the fog away

From your true sight 

Once you've made enough space 

To see yourself 

There's enough space, finally 

To see the other 

When it finally happens 

You'd lose your own arm 

Before you'd change them to fit 

That's freedom 

When you're not trying to clothe them in your fears anymore 

That's love's real walk 

 

Keep Breathing

You can drown in it 

And let it take you out of the game

You can shut it down 

And say it's all good 

So you don't have to feel 

But both of those well traveled roads

They're not yours 

Yesterday's news 

Stand

Stand, damn you 

You've got this 

Be with it 

Greet it, love it 

Then lift it 

Just keep breathing 

There isn't any soaring 

If you're not breathing 

Desert

Can you tell me why 

If you know 

Why am I dry today? 

Some days are an endless verdant Spring

Color and scent 

Rain and sun 

And I am a tree 

Green and so alive 

Deep roots

Branches reaching skyward 

But today 

I am desert 

I search for the message 

That body, mind and spirit have for me 

And I can find none 

In the end 

I have come to know 

Some days are like that 

And so I sit 

This dryness is mine 

And like all things 

It will pass in its time 

Tonight the moon is still mine 

And in the morning the sun 

Maybe then I'll have the answer 

Maybe not 

It's all good 

Being is enough 

Hodgepodge

Exquisite awareness

Peace as the battle is waged

Comfortable discomfort 

Perpetually adrift, always home 

Strength for all things 

Awash in vulnerability 

Hearts fire

Ceaseless crucible 

Source as one 

The beautiful pain of longing 

Fulfillment merges with denial 

Temptation 

To be small

Seek safe harbor, sanctuary 

Warmth

No

No going back 

Sweet melody

Smoky beat

Feet on soft moss

Body rocking 

Wrapped in ecstasy 

Freedom, balance 

The doing and the being 

Allowing all

Swim the depth 

Earth, air, fire, water and spirit 

We are one 

Triggers, Walls and Presence

I've been doing a great deal of thinking lately, about where the line is to be drawn. I've been contemplating that there are two extremes here.

The first is where you live only for other's expectations and/or an external set of rules. That becomes your validation of "self." I'm familiar with this one. There was a time when Catholicism, being a wife, being a mother, my ideas of how to be a "good person", fitting in, not rocking the boat, being a good 9-5er, and generally keeping people around me happy so I would know I was "OK" were my benchmarks for life and who I was. The danger here is that you become invisible, there is no "you" in your life and although you put a pretty picture out there of "I'm fine" the vast majority of the time you are far from fine.

The other extreme comes after you've faced a few things. You've dealt with some hairy shit, and you've come out the other side. You're feeling pretty good about yourself, and there's a sensation of having paid your dues in some way, whether you admit it or not. You've faced up to and owned all of your own crap. You've fallen on your face spectacularly and you survived. You begin to recognize and embrace your own good qualities, talents and creativity. Regardless of how you get to this point, and what tools and methods you use to help you, many of us then come to the "what to leave in/what to leave out" moments. In other words, you've changed in huge ways, and it becomes painfully obvious that there are some situations and relationships in your life that no longer fit, and they feel the same as wearing the wrong size clothes. It can be your job, your marriage, a friendship, your workout routine, your hair style, your car, old habits....anything. A lot of the time, it will be several things at once.

So, you learn to navigate those decisions and the strange happy/sad that releasing what is stale or a drain on you brings. You are simultaneously happy at the weight being lifted off of you, and sad at the ending of something that has been a part of you. This is difficult but it is truly a good thing. After this you become more conscious about your time and energy. You naturally gravitate toward people and situations that are on the same wavelength as you, and you're amazed because they seem to gravitate toward you, too! Beautiful synchronicity seems to follow you. I don't know about anyone else, but when this first happened to me it was such a rush! It still happens all the time and I never get tired of it. You also keep your distance from what doesn't work for you, and you get adept at having healthy boundaries in your life. You say yes and no with equal comfort and you get more practice at living from authenticity and not from misplaced guilt.

So far, so good!

The challenge comes when your healthy boundaries become walls. You see, it starts to feel really good to only go out and play and truly engage with people and situations that feel comfortable, that are a great match for you. The rest you filter out, and limit your interactions. Why do you need that shit, you reason to yourself? This is healthy for me. The less contact the better because if you let that stuff back in, you'll be triggered. If you're triggered, you'll feel uncomfortable. You don't like uncomfortable, this is to be avoided at all costs. If that happens, you'd have to ask yourself why that's bothering you and maybe have to face the fact that you do indeed have some emotions and habits that are speaking to you. You'd have to figure out what the message was. None of that sounds like much fun, so you slam the door. When things outside of your personal truth try to come close, you do whatever you have to do get rid of them. Dismissed! I'm beyond this!

For a few weeks now, this scenario has played out for me a few times. I've been in the position of being "dismissed" by other folks, usually in minor everyday conversations. In each situation, they clearly didn't mean anything personal, they just didn't have the bandwidth for where I was at in that moment, so they fluffed me off. I was finding myself extremely triggered by these situations, and have been extremely angry and defensive each time.

It is an annoying fact that when something is really pushing my buttons, there is a strong message for me there. Today,I finally sat down and asked myself why this was happening lately and why it was triggering me. I wasn't exactly overjoyed with what I realized when it first became clear.

The truth is, I've been doing exactly the same thing to other people. With people I consider "kindred souls" I am very comfortable, and walking in my integrity as the person I choose to be seems easy. With other people, with whom I'm not on the same wavelength, old defensive programming gets triggered. My need for validation kicks in, my desire to stay comfortable, and my need for safety. I'm so busy running old programs I can't really see the other person and I lose my self awareness. I can see that I was definitely slamming that door on people, too. I've been just as dismissive with some people who challenged my truth just by their daily modus operandi as the people who pissed me off were with me.

I'll sum this up with.......ugh.

I am blessed to know several people who have gift of simply holding space and being present for another person. They do this without any personal expectation for themselves, and there is no need for me to change or qualify for their presence. I can be exactly who and where I am right now, and I am accepted and even celebrated for it! It is a beautiful example of unconditional love. It's a game changer.

Holding these two very different ways of being next to each other really got me thinking. So, what's so bad about being uncomfortable? This time around, uncomfortable was a dear friend who had a really great lesson to impart to me, and I'm glad I sat and listened. Is it really realistic to think we should never be unhappy or uncomfortable? Does our belief system, our balance, our personal integrity really have to go unchallenged for us to not lose our shit? So, alright, a few conversations lately got me unhinged. I felt judged. Then I realized I was judging. Ah! Light dawns.....

So I'm back to precious balance, stasis, equilibrium. It will be challenged again, for sure. There's always something. It might feel like a sliver or a mosquito bite, or it may feel like losing a limb, but I know the lessons and changes don't stop rolling in. I'd like to think I'll be less resistant to the lesson the next time, but as I'm writing this I'm aware that which of my buttons is being pushed at the time has a lot to do with that!

I'm walking away from this with the knowledge that I do have some solid skills for keeping healthy boundaries, and honestly saying yes and no with firm compassion. I know that I won't be going back to the days when I operated only on what others filled me with in any given moment. Having said that, I know I'm not here to stay behind my comfortable walls, only hanging with people and in situations that "feel good." That's not life and it's not love, not for me. I think this is about having love and compassion for myself, and acceptance for exactly where I am at right now. Because if I can give that to myself, then I open up space within me. And that space that I'm lovingly holding for myself and my goals and dreams? There is more than enough of it, so I can hold that space for others, too. I can be present for them, and give that gift that has been given to me. The energy just keeps going around in this delicious circle.

There it is, that's it. That's what I came to do.

Goddess bless, what a beautiful day it is.

Thanks for reading me babies, love to you all.

When Night Comes

Scents slip through the night 

Seducing the senses 

Silken darkness comes 

Body rising at the touch

Love

No completion sought

Validation not required 

Beyond the shackles of expectation

Instead, Being

Body, mind, and spirit 

Integrated

Nothing denied

Power and vulnerability as one 

In body, bliss embraced 

Energy center pouring light

Dream speak, day and night 

Roots deep, winged heart 

Goddess' daughter 

Dark and light reconciled

The space between 

Where all things are born 

That's home field 

Existing in heart space 

Lovers entwined

Stars collide 

 

Presence

There is beauty to be found 

In the unexpected 

Joy lives in the surrender 

Of the way we thought it would be 

When unconditional love 

Guides the heart 

Space opens, and we hold that

One for the other 

We have clear sight, soul to soul 

Filled to overflowing in our giving 

We are made lighter 

This. Yes, this is the work of a lifetime 

To exist in moments such as this

And the beautiful circle continues 

My Sister Change

I am clothed in impatience 

Lusting for destruction 

Catching the rotting stench of sameness 

Slapping safety across the face when she approaches to help

I am sick of myself 

Critical of those around me 

Disgusted with all of the daily compromise 

Nauseous with the attempts we make at numbness 

Times of transition can be hard

In the past when my sister change came to visit 

I was not a gracious hostess

I fought with her 

I kept my parameters of acceptance so very narrow 

I called surrender impossible 

I tried to claim she was evil 

She is neither evil nor good 

She simply is 

And in truth my own thoughts and actions invited her to come

Whether I own that or not 

Now, I Am Fire

And I dream of burning it all down 

The purity of my heart's desires

And my soul's path

The only thing I can see

And all else has become like too much baggage

Dragged through the airport 

My sister change is visiting again 

This time I admit I eagerly invited her

She smiles at me 

She speaks of balance and deliberate, thoughtful steps 

She reminds me of all the sweet gifts 

In the garden of my everyday life

We spend time in quiet 

Contemplating the Love in all things

We talk about the keys to be found 

In walking daily with our siblings 

Especially Authenticity and Integrity 

I am a spirit of extremes 

Where my heart and soul are concerned 

My sister knows this

And with a smart-ass grin

Introduces me to our cousin, Patience

Patience has accomplished a great many things, Change explains to me

I guess I ignored her at the family reunions 

Because I honestly don't remember her at all

Change calls to the rest of the family 

To join the circle

Where she stands with Patience and I

Intent, Intuition, Action, Authenticity, Integrity and Will join us 

We hold hands around the fire 

Change looks at me across the circle 

And as our eyes meet 

I realize how much lighter I am 

Impatience, twin to Patience 

Had come for a short visit 

To remind me of the price of inaction 

A boot in the cosmic arse for motivation 

And then moved along on her way 

I silently thanked her for the help 

Realization dawned that with these allies

Every day would be an adventure 

Clear direction but surrendering the specifics 

In perfect love and perfect trust 

We sat down around the fire 

To rejoice in the day

And decide on next steps

 

 

Reason to Breathe

You are not a pack mule

To carry their expectations 

Your shoulder blades have wings between them 

Not to be crushed 

By the weight of so many shoulds 

So, while we all have 

Everyday life responsibility 

You get to choose how you do that 

You are a human being 

A gorgeous creation indeed 

Not created as a vessel 

To fill with making it right 

For sheep and rote formulas 

No. Oh no.

You, you get to do this your way

If you didn't 

What would be the point 

To continued breath 

On this pretty blue marble 

Shining in the cosmos 

So when you want to give in 

And all the world's shoulds are so heavy

When following the crowd seems best 

Stop 

Drop all that excess baggage 

Live 

Be different 

Allow the discomfort 

It's okay to rock the boat

We'll all learn to deal 

Embrace the risk

Do it your way 

Free your soul 

Never give up 

Tea and Wandering

Spearmint tea

Soft bed

Crickets and traffic competing outside

Warm skin, patiently alive

Bra tired breasts finally free

Eyes that want to close 

Fingers absently twirling hair

Words doing their dance all day 

Can never catch them all 

Some spill out onto the page 

While the others scamper off giggling

Like children, hand in hand 

You don't want to want but you do

And you breathe Love

Like an ecstatic ache 

The cat purrs and the clock chimes the hour 

The fortune teller who knows everything 

But sees nothing 

And in your definitive answerlessness 

You vibrate and pulse 

Like a fuzzy bee on a flower

Woman

So long asleep

No inkling 

Of your true nature 

Power 

Ecstasy  

Creator 

Destroyer 

Love

Integrated

Embodied

Beautiful 

Goddess

And there's where it's so bizarre 

Endlessly perfect geometric variation 

All of creation alive

Breathing, vibrating as One

And you're part of it! 

We all are

You lie naked across the bed 

Twirling your hair 

Car tires, neighbors voices

And random thoughts of the day 

Popping in and out of your awareness 

Like a mental game of whack-a-mole

You aren't really certain 

If you will alter the cosmos now

Or perhaps have more tea 

Both seem quite viable 

Good Things Are Going To Happen

There isn't any danger 

And there isn't any fear 

The specter of uncertainty 

No longer brings a tear 

Evidence of cares and woes 

Can pile up around 

And I don't need to see them 

To know that blessings abound 

In perfect love and perfect trust

I pull it all to me 

With gratitude and certainty 

From troubles I am free 

Good things are going to happen 

They happen every day

You see my friends, dear Wayne was right 

So, I say it night and day 

And so I walk with joy each day

I sleep with peace each night 

In the eyes of the Divine I'm precious 

And so there is no fright 

All we need will come to us 

I've never been so sure 

The Divine and I, we've got this 

We open every door 

Awakening in power 

This connection I do trust 

Love provides solutions 

And come to me they must 

So let us move the very stars 

For brothers and sisters they be 

All things created wish us well 

There's so much we don't see 

So now I rest, completely safe 

In this I am assured 

The wings of love surround us 

Sweet certainty endures

Sunday Rain

Sunday morning 

Rain falls

Rejuvenating

None are exempt from it's ministrations 

Sometimes we would rather 

Not have the rain touch us 

But she comes anyway 

Kissing our skin 

And bringing cleansing release

And so, I will choose no umbrella 

Thank you anyway 

I think instead 

I shall stand in the Rain

For I have known Love 

Both in Rain

And in Sun 

Inhabiting

Sometimes you're restless, because you'd love to have those answers all buttoned up. But, at times you're supposed to be uncomfortable, until you completely let go. 

There are days you're so open, you're convinced love could actually be fatal, the tenderness is overwhelming. 

There are discoveries that will blow the doors off of your safe places, leaving you in awe of the beauty and power that you are.

After a while, you realize you had it all wrong, just backwards, and you throw off the world's rules. Vulnerability is strength.

A broken heart is one of the most loving, fierce, unstoppable, powerful forces in the Universe. Magic is everywhere. There are way more than five senses. The desires of your heart are Divine, run with those! Your body is unique and exquisite, perfectly beautiful. If you can let yourself truly inhabit it and love it, it will tell you the secrets of where all the juicy, yummy things in life are. Pleasure is sacred. Do the things that bring a smile to your face and make your heart sing. If you don't say yes to yourself first, you'll never have anything to share with others. 

Life. It's the oddest dance, this deliciously fucked up, breathtakingly beautiful experience.  You stumble along, picking up clues, remembering who you are and why you came. Ever so slowly, that comes to rest in each cell, a bit more each day, as you finally learn to let go and enjoy the ride. Blessed fucking free fall!

Connection. 

With everything. 

Tuned into people's frequencies as the days make their way by. 

Just stunned by the souls you see. 

Dropping things by the side of the road as you go. No need to carry all that.

There's such freedom in this wide open place! Naked and trembling, you're just rocked to the core. Do you weep, laugh and exult, or take off and soar? There's nothing and nowhere left to hide, and you wouldn't go back even if you could. At first you think it's like the edge of a cliff, a dangerous rocky precipice, but it's the most truthful moment you've ever inhabited. 

Yes, open. 

Fully aware, awake, and participating.

The Goddess creates her Universe.

Holding the stars in your hands.

There's no up, no down.

No within or without.

Only being. 

One.

The Shift

You know it in your skin 

And at the very depth of you 

You thought it only existed among the winged ones

And in your brief visits 

To what lies beyond 

But then comes the day 

That love comes along 

Surrounds and infuses you

And asks if you'd like a guided tour 

Of all that you are 

You instinctively know that it's safe

So for once 

Instead of holding tight to your fear

You say yes 

Releasing all that isn't for you 

Letting go of what is toxic 

PARTICIPATING IN IT

The truth of what you are 

Draws everything out of you 

And it is just sheer ecstasy 

You are exquisitely aware

Embracing, knowing, experiencing 

Fully and completely 

Everything that you are 

Awestruck, amazed

Most profoundly alive

And suddenly 

It's not in a book 

It's not cerebral 

It's not a place to go in meditation 

It's YOU, you yourself 

Not just within you 

It IS you 

You are One

Your body is no longer something to overcome 

Or a suitcase to store the things you don't want to deal with right now 

Body, mind and spirit 

One soul, finally united

The gift you've received 

Priceless

The shift 

Unmistakable 

Life Is Sexy

What do you desire?

Why, for so many of us, is that question so scary?

The things that make our hearts sing

Activities that bring sheer joy 

The clues are all there 

When we're lost in the moment 

Following our natural inclinations 

Doing what we are naturally drawn to 

Is desire always about sex?

No, but it's the same energy, I think 

Whether we're pampering ourselves in a delicious bubble bath 

Writing 

Painting 

Singing 

Gardening 

Bee keeping 

Developing a new podcast 

Walking through the woods

Going for a drive alone with your favorite music blasting, enjoying the feel of driving 

Helping to create a new program that will help people 

Cooking up amazing things in our kitchen 

Helping in our community 

Or making love to our partner 

I'm finally beginning to see 

That the same luscious energy

Drives all of it

If it makes your heart beat faster 

If it lifts you and gives you joy 

And does the same for others too!

Then that's the Divine within you 

It's okay to listen to that voice, that pull

This is how we're meant to live

Life is sexy 

Let's make love to it 

The Forest Within

Daughter of the Goddess

She walks, barefoot through the forest

The moss is soft underfoot 

The rain has stopped 

And sits in tiny, perfect spheres 

On the leaves

The sweet smell of all of the growing things surrounds her 

She stops to bring this life into her 

Breathing deeply 

Green 

Underfoot and overhead 

The stars twinkle between the branches 

And with the moon they kiss the forest

Like so many lanterns

Glowing 

The night wind caresses the forest 

Like a lover 

Who knows all of your secret places

She closes her eyes 

In these moments 

The love, the connection 

Is so exquisite 

Indeed the sweetest, most paradoxically heartbreaking, soul searing joy one can ever know 

It breaks you open

And in the breaking, you are made whole

She spins, dances

Hands reaching toward the stars 

Feet moving on the sweet earth 

Body swaying 

In this moment, she would take the Universe as her lover 

The heart's need 

To encompass all in this love 

The Winged Ones stand close by 

As she dances 

For she is also their own 

Falling down upon soft moss

She hugs her legs to herself 

And looks around 

She and the forest 

Breathe together 

Her senses are as one 

With all of the wild things 

A gift from the Horned One

There is no need in this moment 

Deep in the soft sacred places of the night 

You will find her lost in bliss like this 

In love 

At home 

You Are Yes

When you're standing on the hill

Seeing the entire view 

While you're driving to work 

And the cornflower 

Speaks revelations 

Breathing as one 

With the green things 

Never alone 

One with Good Company 

Time is relative 

Anything can happen 

And you're patient 

Because you called it 

Heritage and memory 

Knowing 

Smiling, you straighten your glasses 

One foot here 

And the other...

Let's Not

Let's not

Ignore our annoyance and impatience 

They're here for a reason 

Let's not reject our anger 

And cover it in daisies

It needs us to listen 

Let's not 

Whitewash things

When it's time for something 

That isn't working to end

Let's not 

Blow sunshine up everyone's collective asses

When our hearts are broken 

Let's not 

Put supposed to 

Before authenticity 

Let's not 

Clothe wildness and passion

In safety and "maybe next time"

No 

Let's not 

The blood knows what is true

The body

Is the temple of your soul 

When we choose to ignore 

The messages we receive 

From The Goddess

From Ourselves

They find another way out 

And when they do 

We're usually not happy 

With the doorway they've created 

But you see 

There had to be an opening 

A place to reside 

To be heard In some way 

It's the strangest truth 

That so often these strong emotions 

The ones we reject 

Have the most to teach us 

If we just sit with them 

Lean in 

Listen, hear them 

Allow it 

In all it's messy glory 

In hearing what the message is

That was being conveyed 

And granting ourselves 

The gift of a healthy outlet 

We can find a way forward

And know the gift of release 

So really

Let's not