Auburn Summer

Fireworks to light the sky
Music to light the soul
Friends to brighten the heart
Beautiful clouds, sun setting
Summer sounds, scents
We're not rich...
But then again
I think maybe we are

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Alice's Lessons in Wonderland

This story started a year ago, a gals weekend away, with my best friend. We did some talking, some drinking, more talking, I finished with a nasty case of the spins. (Side note: Saw Joe Perry at a charity event that night, he played 3 classic blues songs. Amazing!) It's so cool having a good friend to rescue you when you need it. She was working an extended gig in New Hampshire, so I called her, packed up the car and drove up. I knew it wasn't right. I wasn't right. My life didn't fit me. I was closed completely. So I opened Pandora's box, didn't avoid anything. No subject was off limits. No hiding, work, marriage, faith, sex, all of it. Excavation can be excruciating. I've worn out a few shovels over this last year. I'm making changes, and taking steps daily. I've freaked out some people in my life. I've changed so many things, and I've only just scratched the surface. I'm not sorry about my journey, even if some of you think it's pathetic. Maybe I really am a cliche. That hurts, but it's mine to live with. I was in the plastic bubble so long. When I came out into the sunshine to play, and discovered how fucking amazing life is, I was a little overwhelmed. I found my passion. Everywhere. My writing has taken off, my love for music has again returned. I have dozens of ideas on how to change my career and I'm taking real steps to move that dream forward. All the while, I'm taking down this house of cards we've constructed that was killing us all. Here is my regret. Alice is new to Wonderland. There have been stops and starts. Life just feels great, I dive in and the water feels so good. This is right. But then, the current gets stronger and I'm not used to it, yet. I get scared, pull back. I've encountered some amazing people. People who are so fucking beautiful. I'm very lucky to have been able to know some of you. But my stops and starts have messed with some people. People who didn't deserve to get caught in my...mess. It was unintentional but that's no excuse. I had no business having such a lack of self-awareness. I know I can't go back to closed. But I can't let all of these walls down until Alice learns her way around Wonderland.

I Only Just Met Me (Stumble)

I make mistakes
Change direction
Send mixed signals
I want it all
The next moment
Fear takes over
And I pull back
Consistently inconsistent
Freaked out
Simultaneously
Angel and devil
Trying to leave
The wrong road
Find the right one
So many side trips!
I'm not a game player
Drastic change
Is hard to manage
So I screw up
Frequently
But I will not
Can not
Give up
If I've upset you
On my journey
I am truly sorry
But you see
I only just met me
So keep your distance
If you must
While I stumble
Toward my life

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Cut Me Down

Have you always
Had confidence
Lived in the land
Of self-acceptance
Well, I just got here
Not too sure
Of myself yet
Just opened the door
To the possibility
That maybe I'm OK
That I might have
Something to offer
Dare to believe
That I'm a poet
This is so very new
And it feels good
Until you cut me down
Infer I should
Go back into hiding
I am getting stronger
Someday maybe
What you think of me
Won't matter to me
I'll get there
Until then
I'll continue anyway
I think maybe
I AM okay
So, I'm staying
In the land of
I like me
Your barbs
Won't send me back

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Starfucked

They like me flirty, they like me soft
Love when I quote the greats
Tell me that they like my "art"
Our following must be fate

So keep it happy, keep it light
My hand upon your star
If I massage your....ego
Our friendship will go far

But sometimes I might say too much
And spout a bit of truth
Then they don't like me anymore
They need no further proof

So, be careful what you say this day
For tweeps you may offend
There'll be no more stars for you
Your hatred will be a #trend!

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Crap Shoot

Some will sit
And simply watch
Afraid to leave the grind
Others make a sudden jump
And put no thought behind
Always, it's a crap-shoot, babe
You know not what you'll get
If we do not crash and burn
We may just find we're set

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Soul Connections

We encounter many souls
On our journey
All different
Stunningly bright, beautiful
I have been blessed
To know many
You weren't there
Then suddenly, you were!
A perfect fit
Connection instantaneous
You make me laugh
You cry with me
You show me the truth
Daily, your walk inspires me
Some I've known for years
Others, I've just met
When I hate myself
Or get scared
You remind me it's OK
I'd do anything for you
The understanding profound
Definition unnecessary
You all amaze me
I can not imagine my life
Without you
And I am grateful

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Renewal

Easier to believe
There was no hope
That you didn't care
And I should move on
Asleep so long!
But life has a way
Of revealing the truth
We've both seen that lately
How could I not see
Your beautiful soul
The one I saw that first day
I was closed so long
Amazing that I didn't see
This road might do the same to you
Now, you are astounding to me
I see you again
I wasn't wrong that first day
You ARE beautiful

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Your Story

You think you know
Walk through life
Decisions, large and small
The door was closed
Now you realize
You don't know much
After all
Look in truth
See it all
Without delusion
No self-justification
See everything
Even the painful and ugly
Takes a courageous heart
Excavating your soul
Is always thus
You write a very different story now
Authentically yours
OK, it's scary sometimes
DO IT ANYWAY

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For a Friend (for dh)

You are my friend
Despite misunderstandings
And I will never ask
For more than you can give
I accept you
Just as you are
In fact
I think you're beautiful
Though my heart tells me
That you do not think so
Talking and sharing
Makes the load lighter
Adds a smile to our day
So let's be friends
Simple, uncomplicated
Like kids in the schoolyard
There really are some
In the world
Who only wish for your good

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Gift

In my life, you were a gift, I did not tell you so. And when you're gone, I feel the lack, the knowledge I was wrong. At times we get just so caught up in all the everyday. A moment gone cannot come back, we have no chance to say. So tell them now and don't delay, no moment like right now. The regret you'll feel won't bring them back, so make telling them your vow.

Identity

I know who I am
Face that
Every part
The beautiful
And the dark
Ignoring that which frightens
Is to be the walking dead
Face and embrace
To walk with grace
No hiding
From yourself

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Fear

Fear
Preventing a bad move
Or blocking me from reality
We stay with what is comfortable
Afraid to color outside the lines
Don't kid yourself
It's still all there
Avert your eyes
But it hasn't left
Better to face it
Unequivocally you
And then decide
Your next move

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Beautiful You

Sometimes we are gifted with such beautiful souls, who cross our path. These people give and give, and are such a blessing. Often, we do not give back, or we don't appreciate this gift, despite being given multiple opportunities to show it. We continue on, blind and clueless, our stumbling lack of self-awareness hurting those around us. I'm sharing this so that maybe we can all stop and appreciate those we have in our lives. Lack of self-awareness is no excuse. Stop your mindless stumbling. Show them today.

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Self Awareness

Someone once said
Self-awareness is a bitch
I guess that's true
But I'd rather have it
Than live from the delusion
I know who I am
Imperfect freak
Artist
Lover of life
Not always an easy walk
But I wouldn't go back
To "eyes closed"
Not ever

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OPEN!!

My apologies to you all for the crazy "CLOSED" post.
I could never go back there again!!

I thank you all sincerely for your support of my work.
You are a light to my path and I love you!

Inside of Me

A constant presence
Though I am alone
In my heart
Never far
Close my eyes
A warm place
I know what I seek
And it is there
Just below the surface
Pick up the thread
And comes the smile

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At Odds

Is it comfort or complacency
The silence, peace or censorship
Honesty or big-mouth bitch
Being true to myself or
Just one more walking cliche
Having a "mid-life crisis"
It's all in your view I guess
But I'm not buying the labels
This is me
Being honest

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Greeting

That warm feeling
Like a smile for my heart
Arrives with your greeting
Happens every time
Feels nice

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Cubicle Daydream

Bare toes
Wiggling in the sand
Clear blue sky
Red Umbrella
Eating a peach
Juice down my chin
Waves crashing
Bliss

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Amazing Grace

We stumble
Trip and fall
Missed cues
Treasures ignored
Blinded by the details
So much to carry
Once in a while
A ray of light
On the road
Let me help
Shall we walk?
Amazing Grace
Found
In those we encounter
On the road

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Glass Hearts

The most beautiful
And profound
Also infinitely fragile
With love, trust
Strong as steel
Use caution
Once broken
Never quite the same
Please
Handle with care

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Altered

From afar
The lightest touch
Without contact
Profoundly altered

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Desire

Desire
Seeking light
One to One
Overtakes
Demands to be honored
Music, routine
No hiding
Always
The fire

Oblivious

We move
Causing ripples
Not watching
Circles, moving out
Unconcerned
Damage done

Souls Entwined

A gaze

From faraway

Sweet mystery

Light

Reaching toward the other

Souls entwined 

Then move on

Death Comes Knocking

Wasted time
Behind the walls
Words unspoken
Death came knocking
Made you look!
Outreached hand
Lover's touch
Present, once again

Calling Out

You call out
Making yourself known
Enter my consciousness
Add your song
To my day
Before you go
On your day's journey
I am altered

Beneath the Surface

I see you
Just beneath the surface
I glance away
Momentary distraction
To find you gone

Brave Walk

Uncertainty
Turns the knife
Unsure what's next
Fear creeps in
Still
Stand in the sun
Embrace the unknown
Run through life
Heart on your sleeve
Making a beautiful mess
Laugh 'till you cry
No do-overs!
Live now

Thinking Small

Don't think small
The voice inside
Simplicity, not smallness
Seeking safety is not life
You are precious
The ache
To know, be more
Quenched on this walk
All things
Synchronicity
One life
A triumph
Touching, sharing
Don't think small

Perfect Moment

Perfect moment
I simply am
Expectations gone
No lists
Success, failure, joy & heartbreak
I cried, my soul bled
Because
You were not
But here
In this place
Knowledge
All souls
Bright, beautiful, broken
Woven together
In this life

A Real Man

He finds creative and new ways
To wage the battle
When obstacles present themselves
He keeps his sense of humor
And brightens other's lives
Instead of giving in
To discouragement
Tender arms
A passionate heart
Show his woman
How he feels
Change comes
Inevitable
But he finds new paths
To rock his life
And love those
He walks with
And that is strength

Blues Dance

There was blues music playing
And it felt....
The way it always does
Deep down inside
Sweetest of grooves
Touching what's fucked up
And setting it to music
We are all a mess
In our own way
And we're fucking beautiful
You danced
Not like the rest of us
Cautiously
But you just let go
Young, spontaneous
Didn't care what anyone thought
You reminded me
What it's supposed to feel like
What LIFE is supposed to feel like
Damn, this music feels so good
Deep down inside
And we all
Move to it
In our own way

Don't Give Up

I can see you
Trying to make your world
Smaller and smaller
To protect yourself
Control it
Keep out everything bad
Oh, sweet friend
It doesn't work that way
Life is hard
Sometimes all you can do
Is put your head down
And walk through it
And closing all the doors and windows
Isn't going to change that
But I understand
If you want to pull back
Sort things out
Try to heal
Just don't disappear altogether
Because you deserve
To stand in the light
You have so much inside
That is beautiful
Trust that for yourself
As I do for you
And remember
I am here
A listening ear, a laugh
A moment of understanding
And I'm not going anywhere
Don't give up

For all of my friends, both in person and on FB and Twitter who are going through a tough time.  Don't give up, you're beautiful, inspiring, and precious.  Never forget that.

Alone

Alone
Hidden Moment
Beautiful
She takes it out
Looks at it
Straight on
Allows for a moment
To embrace it
Get lost in it
Curled up tight
Broken
The Truth

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Common Ground

So different
Your approach to life
Entire philosophy, beliefs
What makes you tick
At the most basic
Elemental level
Not at all the same as I
But we connected
Nevertheless
In common
We have seen beauty
Felt pain
Acquainted with failure
Working so hard
Every day
To overcome, thrive, soar
Lending a hand to another
As we walk
Because we've been there
We know
That hand, outstretched
Can save a person
Saved us
Makes all the difference
So, perhaps we are
Not so different
After all
Don't ever give up
For you are amazing
My beautiful friend

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Sweet, Smoky Groove

Bluesy groove, hits my temples first
Works it's way down
Erasing logic, stripping worry
Forgotten, the details
Remembered...naked hunger
Desire, heartbreak
Coupled with joy
Soul torn in two
We all feel it
Only what is basic remains
I feel molten
Burnished, hot, shining
Have to move
Slow rotation
Circular, like honey
Dripping down
Close your eyes
Lose yourself
Feel it
Core on fire
Heart bleeding
Please
Don't stop playing
Because
Damn, baby
Nothing feels like this

Realization

Do you understand
You have to be your own hero
Change your own world
Stop waiting for someone to do it for you
If you want something
Only your actions will make it happen
It's not going to fall from the sky
Into your lap
Because you wish it were so
When you compromise yourself
Change your path
Go in the wrong direction
Stay blind
Keep your eyes covered
You do it in vain
There's no reward you know
For all that you've given up
It's all inside of you
Always has been
Not in another person
And not up in the sky
MAKE YOUR WORLD HAPPEN

Soul Screams

Dissatisfied
That feeling
It's not right
Can't grant myself
Even a moment
Of complacency
My soul
Has tired of that behavior
You see
She was in the dark
A very long time
And then.....
I let her out to play
And now that she
Has seen the sun
She will not be stilled
I know what I need to do
I've even planned out the steps
SO MOVE, she screams
She'll never let me rest
Can't get comfortable
And you know something?
I think that's for the best

Afraid To Need You

You come to me
From near, and far
Many colors
So different
Each with your own
Blessings and baggage
I see your light
It feels good
You reach out
And pull back
Like it's a game
And, I'm afraid
To need any of you
Too much
I need to stay
Self-contained
I'm open
Listening
We can walk together
If you'd like
Talk for hours
But
I don't want
To need you
Compromised
Far too long
Won't tear off
Any more little pieces
Of me
To fit
I'm painting
My own picture
If ever, just once
There was one
Complete already
OK with who I am
But
Would I be able
To let them in?

Be Still (Power)

Notes
Lyrics
Words on a page
Fingers across the keys
A moment
The truth
A voice in the silence
I stop
Only breathing continues
Eyes closed
Be still
I am filled
Overwhelmed
In this moment
Grateful
For what has been revealed
Such terrible beauty
Power
Found in brokenness
Discovered
Only when you hit bottom
And are completely open

Crossroads

Making it fit
And wondering if it ever could
Parallel universe
To go left, or right?
Which road?
I can see how they'll turn out
Knowing I can't
Turn my back
On my dreams
But not wanting to hurt those I love
I can only walk my true path
Every day
For as I do so
I know that I will be
Where I should be
Some will still walk with me
Others will not
But I cannot turn back
Not now
I know who I am
And the days
Of blind,empty following
They are over
No more being numb
No more hiding
This is the brutal truth
The cutting shards
The horrible, beautiful, tragic, open
FREEDOM
The freedom to be truly myself
This is truly right
And it's where I belong
And I know now
That I am

Living The Real

Tenderness
A touch, a look
Waited so long
Now, here it is
I'm wary
It's what I needed
Still, I question
Is it real
Do you finally, truly
See me
Or is this
Because you're scared
Foundations shaken
Vulnerable
And I've changed
I know you see
Do you fear
The writing on the wall
Time will tell
I walk my true path
The journey will show
The truth
For I can only
Look it straight on

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In Your Arms

Your arms around me
While I nod off to sleep
My head on your shoulder
It's warm here
I like this feeling
Giving myself permission
One brief moment
No thinking, just drift
Yes, I like it here
In your arms

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Dealing With It

At times, I think
You misunderstand me
Perplexed at my reactions
Maybe disappointed
I admire your commitment
And you're right
It's no way to live
And it has to stop
Trust me I know
But please understand
I deal with
Horror, injustice, apathy
That which appalls
Or frightens me
Differently than some
Through the lens of humor
Gallows humor at times
Irreverent, often "inappropriate"
But, you see
I have to
If I do not
This poet's heart
Feels too strongly
All the shards
So painful
I still face the reality
And like you
I take action
This is just how
I process "broken"
And still have the strength
To go on

A Dream Journey

I dreamed of a cave, more like caverns really, with multiple chambers.  I felt a strange fear, mixed with anticipation, and even a tinge of resignation.  A compulsion to move forward, regardless of what the outcome might be fought it's way to the surface, pushing the other feelings away.  I walked.  Forward.

In each chamber, I met someone different.

In the first, a child, spinning and dancing, long hair wild around her shoulders, and down her back.  She has crunchy autumn leaves all over her, from head to toe. She is in the midst of a huge pile of them, which I am now just noticing. The phrase "free spirit" comes to my mind. She stops abruptly, hazel eyes focused on me. Frozen in the moment, we stare at one another.  She sizes me up, and finally, looks away.  I cannot tell if she is disappointed or has simply lost interest.

I walk on, and find a woman, perhaps 18 or 19 years old.  She sits by a fire, quiet, eyes closed.  Seemingly lost in contemplation. Her hands are raised, her long hair forms a veil around her shoulders, and I think to myself that somehow she looks almost like a nun.  There are others in the chamber with us, each doing various random tasks.  The woman seems to be unaware of them; neither is she aware of me. She is lost in this contemplation of hers.

As I continue to walk on, I see others.  In one chamber, I peer down from a balcony to see a woman navigating a maze.  There is a man there, and some children, and several other people. The maze is full  of obstacles.  The woman is running through the maze, trying to get to the man and the children.  She's very concerned that something will happen if she can't get to them and get them out of the maze. She's in such a frazzled state, she misses several chances to catch up to them and be with them. They're practically right under her nose and she misses the opportunity, because she's just running the maze so intently.  I'm getting a headache just watching her, and I move on.

In  the next chamber, I see a woman holding her father's hand as he passes away, shedding no visible tears. She looks up at me and I see; the tears are inside.

I walk forward again, and the next room is very dark, cold and damp. In this room, a woman cowers, half naked, in rags.  She's bruised, bedraggled.  She won't look up.  She is chaining herself to the wall of this horrid place.  I don't feel that she's safe here, somehow. I try to speak to her, to tell her to come with me.  She doesn't react to me,just keeps on fastening the shackles around her own wrists and ankles.  I can't figure out why she would willingly remain in the dark when there is a way out. This chamber freaks me out and I can't wait to get out.

In the next chamber, a woman stands smiling. She is calm, beautiful, very sure of herself, exudes strength.  She tells  me that each of the women I saw in the chambers were in fact, she herself.  Each was a part of her life; something she walked through, good and bad, beautiful and ugly.  Each of those women were a part of her. She told me that only by embracing and understanding each of those parts of herself, was she able to be  strong in this present moment. She had to come to accept, love, forgive, embrace and learn from each part of herself.

I smiled. I felt as if I finally understood.  I turned away from the mirror and walked out of the caves into the sun.

Unique

Each soul
So singular
Unique and beautiful
Existing
Before the physical
And continuing afterward
I imagine your light
In the world
Long before
You were given to me
It had to be thus
You are too amazing
To be temporary
Souls, once connected
Always attached
By a gossamer thread
So grateful am I
That you are in my life

For The Artist

This is who you are
And when you accept it
Love yourself
Trust it
And walk in that light
You are so beautiful
So bright is your soul
When you are thus
That I can see
And feel your warmth
It flows from you
In your eyes, your voice
And that smile
I am inspired simply being with you
And I know
That this
Trust and love of self
Makes us who we truly are
You can be your own worst critic
Tearing your own work down
There is no need
We have so much to give others
When we embrace our own truth
Embrace who you are

This is Right

In these moments of quiet
Inside of your soul
Comes the knowledge
Breathe it in
Like the air around you
Feel it seep into you
With the rays of the sun
And quench you
Like a spring rain
Your soul
Is on the same frequency
As nature
You do know
What your path should be
And it has little to do
With expectations, duties
Or what you "should" do
Instead, it is your truth
When you let yourself
Contemplate it
For just an instant
That strong feeling
Of "this is right"
So, you're afraid
This is risky
Look your fear
In the face
And walk forward anyway

No Safe Harbor

The whisper comes
Almost Inaudible
On the wind
You don't crave
Safe Harbor
Do you
And I know the truth
I truly don't
I need to be
Out there
Being myself
Unapologetic
Taking Risks
Trying what life
Has to offer
I do like to be held
Safe and Warm
In strong arms
But when it's over
I need to fly
On my own
To soar, close to the sun
As high as I can
Only then
To find my truth

Human Nature

Sometimes
We take things for granted
Until fear creeps in
Our foundations are shaken
We grasp
Desperate to find anything
Solid
To hold on to
To comfort us in our terror
But then
The fear passes
We return
To our state of blindness
Missing the gift
Of what we have
Our new found appreciation
Was only selfish
After all
We still don't see
What right in front of us