Ableist Spiritual Abuse

Hey! Hey you! Magickal peeps with chronic illness! This message is for you. I know someone needs to hear this. 

I know. You keep hearing "You get back what you put out there." ""You called in your reality." So does that mean this lovely medical condition you have is somehow YOUR FAULT? Did you somehow call this in? 

Seriously, my brave ones. It’s ok. Step away from the bullshit wagon. Healthy people say a lot of profoundly stupid things, in all honesty. They simply cannot know, and we get that. 

This particular line of ableist abuse with a spiritual twist has to be one of the worst. Most who spout this haven’t really thought it through. 

It’s right up there with dark age beliefs that disease is caused by sin.  

Yes, you can explore endless layers of information. You can learn about The Law Of Attraction and other laws. Of course it powers your magick and manifestation if you match the energy of what you're trying to do.  And yes, energy never dies, it simply changes shape - so what you put out there is definitely going SOMEWHERE, and you’re a part of that working. It’s all over you, you know? 

This does not mean you called in your condition! 

Understand this. You are NOT less than. You do not have this condition because you are bad, wrong, or less than. You don’t somehow "deserve" this.

If you have the energy for daily practice and beautiful rituals, that’s wonderful! If you whisper a healing spell into the Campbell’s soup or the Hot Pocket you’re heating up, that’s alright too.

I see you. Sometimes a good day is "I got dressed today!" Or "Wow, my left arm works today!" Other days, we don’t make it out of our pajamas. 

It goes in cycles, right? At times we get those AMAZING times when it all comes together and we feel amazing. Other times, you wake up and realize this is one to just get through.

Understand this. You are both the alchemist and the gold. You are a most amazing magickal being. Your Magick is potent and amazing and strong, because YOU ARE all of those things. 

You are here, doing your thing, the best way you know how. Good days. Rough days. Everything in between. Your magick and your connection with Everything is in you. You get up every day and keep going. 

Know that it is enough. In fact, it is MORE THAN ENOUGH. It’s beautiful.

Blessings, my loves.

Get Over It

We need to move past this idea that we should never be inconvenienced, nothing should be difficult, we should always get what we want, things should arrive instantly, everyone should agree with us, only one kind of person is "good" and we should get something for nothing or receive way more than we have given just because we want it. Our rights aren’t being violated when we are inconvenienced, and being told no by someone we are trying to extract something from is not abuse.

Hospitality

Perhaps after this odd and trying time, we will learn appreciation for some things that we may have taken for granted. I have been thinking about this a great deal over the past few days.

Here is one thing in particular that I treasure. 

We all know people who are the epitome of hospitality, who are generous and can make a simple cup of tea and conversation such a warm and wonderful experience. I love those times when you feel good visiting someone’s home and you leave feeling refreshed and warm, like all is right with the world.

Seemingly, they didn’t do anything that dramatic. They picked up the living room or dining room where they would be sitting with you so it was welcoming. They fluffed the cushions, and dusted. 

They made sure to have a couple of different kinds of tea and coffee. Maybe they made a treat for you to share. They put aside time so that they could talk to you. They didn’t pick up the phone while you were there.

They gave you their undivided attention. They didn’t monopolize the conversation. You probably even left with some treats to take home.

Whatever was going on with you when you arrived is still there. Yet somehow, in the space your friend created, you found a place that is safe, that is good, and builds you both up. As you head back to your own house, your step is lighter and your mood is hopeful.

Not everyone knows how to do this. I think sometimes that we live lives that don’t allow us the space for these kinds of things to happen. The value placed on expressing yourself through your home can be lost sometimes. There is always so much to do. Having your endless responsibilities back off long enough for you to make your surroundings the way you want them to be makes such a difference. Having the time to create order around you, which leads to a feeling a quiet accomplishment and peace  matters. 

You see, I don’t want to cram you in between things. I don’t want to sit with you while I shuffle piles of things out-of-the-way so we can find some place to sit. It’s important to me to live a life where I can express myself through the way I walk through my days. I want to sit with you in my freshly cleaned dining room and give you choices of four kinds of tea and three kinds of coffee. I want to offer you treats. I want to talk to you for hours and hear how everything is going with you. This is an important lost art in our times.

To me, it speaks of civilization, gentleness, humanity, and compassion.

When we are all not in danger of dying from the plague, perhaps this is an art that we can relearn. 

We already have being busy down to a science. It hasn’t really done positive things for our society. We are more disconnected than ever. Let’s take life back, shall we?

DEFINITIONS

OK. Can we chat about definitions? We seem to be having some confusion.

FACT: Something backed by proof. Some examples might be audio recordings, films, written documents, or hard provable science. These things exist regardless of our feelings.

OPINION: This is how you feel about something. There is no legality attached to your opinion. Opinions are about your feelings. We do not legislate your feelings.  We each have a right to our feelings, but we do not have a right to get what we want in all situations. (This is customarily referred to as ADULTHOOD.)

COMPROMISE: A term which defines what happens when people of strong character, compassion and good moral fiber work together, each willing to give up something they want so that everyone has something that works for the greatest common good. 

COMMON GOOD: Something that has the most widespread benefits for the most people. 

FREEDOM: Freedom in the United States of America, historically, has been the freedom to live as one wishes, while providing for the common good. (This is not to be confused with SELFISHNESS which is to do as one wishes WITHOUT care for the common good.) 

PUBLIC SERVANT: Someone who is in their position in government by the will of the people. Their own likes and dislikes are irrelevant. It is their job simply to carry the will of the people forward.

Thanks for listening. 



Legacy Unraveled

 I have always been unraveling

That which the world would make of me 

In doing so, I have pulled your strings, too

You haven't always liked the unraveling 

But I just kept finding those strings 

Unable to refrain from picking at things that felt wrong

More instinct than intention at first 

My questions and my ways making waves

I see now why I was often such an irritant 

But there was no other way for me

From the beginning, I saw the holes in it

In the way we were taught to be 

Woman, blinded and powerless 

Invisible, made right only in her disappearance 

And so you gave it all to them

Making of them Prince Valiant 

They wore it like a heavy, ill fitting coat 

It wasn't right for them 

But if they took it off, what then?

They tried to dull the pain of dragging it around

While you watched proudly, your own life force spilling out

Everyone filling roles that were killing them 

You all stood around saying it was holy

And I was incredulous, shaken with the horror of it 

The Princes had to wear the coat you fashioned

Miserable in the wearing, pretending a perfect fit 

There never seemed to be  relief 

Sex, drinking, praying, hating, loving....

Nothing worked

Only in taking OFF that coat are they free 

And few  are up to the task 

It takes immense strength, every day 

But when they do

Those very few strong ones

I stand with them 

For I am one who sees 

And when truth finally reigns 

I use all that I am 

To protect, support and make easy the way 

Yes 

I unravel myself, and all around me  

Pulling on every string that smells false 

It  is my nature 

I may unravel you in doing so if you stand too close 

So stand back if you wish to remain as you are 

There is beauty, truth and freedom in the unraveling 

But it is not for the faint of heart 

Nor the weak in spirit 

Mystic Fire

Many years ago, my brother and I cooked up an idea together. We wanted to open a little shop together. It would be a combination bookstore, gaming shop and tea and coffee place.

I adore books, so we would sell used books. There would be a section for used video games and systems, with tables set up for various types of games and perhaps tournaments. Of course we would have tea, coffee and some simple treats.

We were going to call it Mystic Fire. The name comes from a poem that I wrote about my brother Brad years ago after a very rough point in his life.

Over the past few years I have watched some close friends that have shops of their own. The amount of hours and time they have to put in are very likely more than my 56-year-old arthritic body would be willing to give right now.

But somehow, that dream never quite dies for me. I keep thinking if the money was right, we know enough people who would want to be a part of it who could work there and it could happen.

What do you want to be when you grow up? This was pretty much always my answer. To work in a quiet, comfortable happy place. To be surrounded by the people and things that I love. To create a haven for others that need one.

Somehow, I ended up in Corporate America. It has been good and bad. It has provided insurance, stability, food, and a roof over our heads. I can only be grateful for that. But it hasn’t been easy, and it has never been where my heart is. 

I will be 56 years old in December. We’ve never had the kind of budget where you go out and start a bookstore. We have a lot of things that need addressing at our house. My husbands car is practically an antique.

Our lives have been a mix of joy, happiness, tragedy, brilliance, stupidity, and blessings. Always, there is Rob, me, Josh, and Patrick. We have weathered everything that has come and I know that we will continue to do that. We are amazingly blessed and my heart is filled.

Yet, as I get up every day and put on the cloak of order and responsibility that Corporate America taught me in 1982 when I graduated from high school, I find my thoughts returning more and more to Mystic Fire. 

I picture Brad and I working in the store, surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. I picture other lost and unique souls finding our shop and knowing that it’s a place that they too belong. Whether it ever happens or not, I will always hold this dream as one of my favorite sweetest ones. It holds the same place in my heart as health and happiness for my husband and children, family and loved ones.

We all have dreams. Some we can bring into reality. Some we cannot. They say something about who we are. What are yours?

PURGATORY

The name of this place is ironic to me. It implies a place of difficulty, of long suffering, being in between, potentially on the way to something better, but one cannot be sure of when, or how? And, what will it look like on the other side?  

I don’t believe in the Catholic concept of Purgatory, yet if one looks at or climbs through the chasm here, I can certainly understand the comparison.

As I recall from many years ago when I could do such things, the climb through is NOT easy, but is definitely worth it. The chasm is beautiful in its silent power.

This land of giant stones, trees, water, animals and so many spirits touches my soul like few other places.

The irony in the name, for me, lies in the way I feel so completely at peace, so very much at home here. Here, there is never conflict or suffering for me.

I connect deeply with the spirits here. The stone people have allowed me to “see” their story when I touch them. The trees breathe and are as one. They will tell you many things if you can empty yourself. The waters here contain blessings for those who come with humility. The spirits of the land are luminous in the perfection of oneness with our Earth Mother. They are my friends.

In every season, there is beauty. After a winter snowstorm, the sleeping trees creak in the cold wind, and if you close your eyes, you can catch a glimpse of their dreams, as they prepare to bring the green things back to life in the Spring. They show us by their example, there is always life, even in the cold, dark seasons. But it takes time, and often we must wait.

In the spring, all is life! Birds, insects, buds, and stream will all teach you about rebirth, if you are open. Spring here reminds us of hope. Hope that does not die. The energy of new life is so potent, you could dip a ladle in endlessly, and never be thirsty, forever.

Warm summer days here are bliss. Park your car near the water. The water reflects on the underside of the leaves, poetry in motion. Frogs croak. Dragonflies dart about, bees buzz, and flowers grow on lily pads. Do not bring your agenda. Just sit. Be.

Autumn here is glorious, with all the colors of New England. The air is crisp, and all of nature is decked out in her finest. As the veil thins, Mother Earth reminds us that the Autumn cycle of life can be the most delicious, most breathtaking time of all. I like that, as enjoy my own "autumn."

Purgatory. A place of waiting, a place of in between, when we are neither here nor there. It can be uncomfortable.

Sometimes there is nothing, just endless bland nothing, and you just want to MOVE, to find out what is next, to FEEL something. Other times, there is great upheaval. Ask the giant stones here about that. They will remind you that like them, you too will arrive after the time of the great rising. You too will survive, and be strong, beautiful in your own perfect way.

Purgatory? Indeed. Perhaps this is a perfect analogy for this year.

As the spirits here teach, all is well in its own cycle. Let us keep going, helping one another as the wheel of the year continues.

Blessings to you.

Written at Purgatory Chasm State Park, Sutton MA, July 1, 2020

Non Confrontational Subversion

Originally written in June of 2019, published on blog in May 2020.

I find myself thinking about the phrase “non-confrontational subversion.”   Honestly, stealth is my super power, and I think I am really only coming to respect, understand and embrace that.

Growing up, many of the adults around me had, shall we say, a certain lack of coping skills where stress was concerned.  So, whenever a tough moment happened, there was a great deal of verbalizing to let off steam.  Without consciously realizing it until much later, I came to devalue this, and preferred a quiet, non-confrontational approach most of the time. 

Early on in my life, I rarely “got into it” with people, as far as screaming and yelling, name calling, belittling, devaluing or labeling which I so often saw happening when people disagreed. The more I saw others doing it, even other kids, the more I retreated to my solid ground of quiet calm. This was completely subconscious on my part, there was definitely no thought process around this until many years later, as an adult, when I realized I was doing this and sought to dig into it more deeply.

Looking back now, I can see areas where I stood my ground for certain, but not in the more “outward” way that I saw most people adopting. 

When our gym teacher had us do square dancing, I refused, along with several other students.  We were assigned to bring in 100 reasons why we would not square dance.  Everyone else did it.  I had three.  I told the teacher that I talked to my parents about it and there were only 3 reasons, and they agreed with me.  The teacher and the other kids said “You just make up silly nonsense reasons to get to 100.  I just looked at him…I couldn’t make sense of this.  I finally said “I wouldn’t write lies.”  I don’t think he knew what to do with that, and the issue was dropped.

A former boss many years ago forbade me to work with another department to get something done because she disagreed with the internal process being used. She wanted our area OUT of the loop.  Meanwhile, every time this issue occurred, customers were being screwed because of this internal tug of war between departments, with no one giving an inch.   One particular time this happened, and my boss forbade me to work on it.  The following week she went on vacation. The underwriter and I planned ahead, and took care of the extremely grateful customer while my boss was gone. She did discover this a few weeks later, and told me if my department were not currently being eliminated due to a merger, we’d be having a vastly different discussion.  I said that I understood, but that honestly, I would do it again because I believed in what I did.  So, I didn’t “have it out” with her. I simply did what I knew was right and I was alright with the consequences.  I was surprised that there wasn’t more that happened in that regard.

I’ve had a couple of family members or relatives over the years with whom I’ve had consistent difficult interactions with, because I stood my ground.  But I rarely escalated to screaming. In fact, I often drove them bat-sh** crazy in my attempts to try and force a kumbaya moment by calmly discussing things.    I was always wanting to crowbar everyone into that détente, but without anyone getting ornery.   It took  me a very long time to discover that there are times when that isn’t realistic and it’s alright to just walk away from people. 

Over the years, I have spent time  in the “verbal confrontation” arena, either in person or on social media.  I have found that I greatly dislike the person that I became in these situations.  I alienated people and used all of the tactics that I loathe…categorizing, name calling and belittling.  I can be ruthless, personal and brutal, verbally. Each time I ended up upsetting many people, accomplishing nothing, no good came of it, and in the end, I would get physically sick from the negative energy.  Clearly this type of communication is not my wheelhouse.  

 This week a few things have challenged my lovely comfort zone and it has been interesting to stand back and observe myself and others.  

First, I became aware of a somewhat disturbing occurrence locally, a blurring of the separation of church and state, which I believe in quite strongly.  I found myself in the position of needing to decide if I were going to voice those concerns, or remain silent.  My comfort zone said “Shut up.”  My heart knew I couldn’t and so I did let my concerns be known.  I wrote a courteous email voicing my concerns. 

That happens to me frequently.  If I think something could “get ugly” I immediately want to hide and avoid it.  But now, I can catch myself, I can step aside and actually observe myself doing that.  I can recognize that fear reaction and work through it and find a sensible course of action. Often this does NOT involve continuing to hide but it does usually involve much calmer ways of approaching things.  Because, that’s my jam. That’s where my experience lies. I can see now that I’ve built this skill set for years, ways to affect change while working to remain in a courteous, respectful, non-judgmental space.

Then, over the past several weeks, I’ve noticed at least 7 or 8 different sources that all seemed to me to have similar overlapping themes.  What it means to be a witch, what it means to be a pagan, what is the valid way to interact with various goddesses, and what a pagan or witch’s role should or should not be in the community are a few examples.

I am well aware that I have a longstanding issue with this last territory. Going way back to my days as a Catholic, I have had a tendency to become aggravated when someone attempts to define my path or say what I needed to do or not do on that path.  So I’ve been watching myself “eye roll” and be annoyed at what seems to me to be heavy handed approaches toward witchcraft, paganism and various aspects of it.  

I watch my reactions. When am I on track? When I am I being unnecessarily fearful or aggravated?  When is it good to do consensus building? When to walk away.  When does someone ELSE’S reaction to “me being me” matter?  When does it not?  I'm learning, more and more, that if I am operating in my integrity, then it's not an issue for me if people are okay with me or not.  Freedom is what that is.

I was in a group of people called into the priest’s office as a young adult in a Catholic youth group. We were overheard calmly discussing and questioning why and how certain things were being done. We were not disrespectful.  We got called on the carpet as a friend of his overheard and reported to him.  Some might say, why didn’t you speak with him?  We were gathering our thoughts, and never had the chance. Questioning his judgement was apparently not appropriate.  In general, I respected him greatly, but I always saw that particular interaction as one where I did not respect his actions, and I did not take anything significant away from that office meeting that day.

I’ve been in a mad love affair with The Divine my entire life.  I’ve never really needed anyone to interpret that.  My usual reaction?  Take what works for me and leave the rest behind, like at a buffet. I have, in effect, “spit out” plenty of things into a napkin and thrown them away if they do not fit.    

 Now that I think about it, that’s a very particular skill set I’ve been building. Non confrontational subversion.  Creating change in gentler ways.  We aren’t all suited to screaming from the rooftops. But we CAN all affect change, each in our own way.  I am really kind of proud of this now. We all find our own path, and do our thing our way.   I wish I'd come to that conclusion sooner, but I'm happy to have gotten there at all. 

Struggling To Find My Way

This is an odd time.  We've all been dealing with the Covid 19 crisis since March.  No one's life is the same as it was.  We have more political division than we've ever had.  And, our country is doing it's Shadow Work in a big way.

Shadow work.  For those who are unfamiliar with the term, coined by Carl Jung, shadow work consists of facing the parts of ourselves that we choose to repress, hide or ignore.  For those of us who have been there, done that, and know it never ends, what is happening in our country is so very microcosm / macrocosm.  What is happening within us is happening in our country, whether we recognize it or not.

We're making the most bizarre soup right now.   There is so very much to manage. We have reached more than 100,000 deaths in the United States from this virus.  What plans did those people have?  How many gardens went unplanted?  How many kids won't know their grandma or grandpa?  How many smiles, hugs and holidays together won't happen now?  How much art, how much music, how many inventions died with those beautiful, bright souls?  We must do better.  We owe them that.

We already had a lot to handle didn't we?  The chasm in the distribution of wealth in our country was already an ongoing, major problem.  Years of laws being twisted to the advantage of a few meant that many were just barely getting by, and some were NOT getting by.  Infrastructure has been failing in dozens of states, due to the lack of funding coming from Washington.  Our earth, the only home we have, has been abused and treated like a Christmas toy, forgotten and tossed aside once the next shiny thing comes along, or profit sounds it's siren call.  Many cannot resist her when she calls, she owns their souls.

Covid 19 will not be the last pandemic we have.  We have become accustomed to NOT having to deal with things like this, and now that it is here, and slow to exit, we have become spoiled children, whining and becoming angry that we have to deal with hardship.  I will include myself in that.  Our ancestors are giving a collective eye roll, right now, my friends, wherever they are. There are no easy answers here, and balance will not be simply achieved.  This will be the hardest work of our lives. People's health and safety must come first.  Then, how will the economy recover?  Where IS the balance?  What is the best path?  For some, the economy is tied up with their health and safety, as they may lose their homes or apartments or their health insurance due to loss of their jobs. Meanwhile, as we struggle through this, we allow our fear to bring on the blame game.  We need someone to blame, someone whose fault this must be, someone to shake our fist and scream at.  Oh, how we LOVE to fight, blame and take sides.

We have made note of so many things as this situation has developed.  For many years, disabled people, parents of small children, and others have asked to work from home, and/or have flexible schedules and have often been told it was not possible.  Suddenly, when EVERYONE needed to do so, we discovered that ANYTHING is possible.  Bravo to the companies who already supported work from home and flex schedules before this.  For the rest of you, understand that you're on notice now, there's no going back.  You're going to have to do a better job of balancing shareholder worship and employee needs.  It's also far better for the environment to support work from home.

Speaking of which, let's take a moment to acknowledge the wonder of nature's resiliency as we all pulled back to our homes. It has been a wonder.  I have been in awe seeing so many stories of how the earth responds when we are not behaving like parasites.  It is abundantly clear that the lifestyle we have built is killing the only home we have.  It is also clear that we CAN reverse direction.  Some countries have been successfully doing this on multiple levels for many years, without rampant failure of corporations and banks.  Who knew? What lessons can we take from this moving forward? What cool ideas have been birthed that we can keep?  How can we leave a safe, healthy home for the generations to come?  If we cannot do this, we have failed.

I have come to really appreciate the limitations of the Covid 19 restrictions, despite the inherent challenges we all face at the same time.  It forcefully brought us to a place where we HAD TO slow down.  We had to find other ways of being.  Patience has become an art form. We couldn't be incessantly busy, chained to our paychecks and the endless distractions we use to forget that little nagging voice inside that says...."Wait...hold on....."  Many have had more "family time" since March than they've had for years. Meals together, family game night, enjoying old movies, just being together has been so wonderful.  Medical personnel, first responders, retail staff, truck drivers, and food workers of every type have become the heroes that keep our country going. 

In 2020, we have seen MORE people of color die, frankly being murdered, in situations where a white person would have had far different treatment.  We only needed to see the armed white protestors in Michigan to know that this is true.  If POC had done exactly the same thing?  Ask yourself how that would have gone down.

Systemic racism is deeply embedded in the fabric of our country.  Many are blind to this, due to the way it is bound up in the way we have come to BE.   I am a white person.  The term white privilege bothers some.  I am not bothered by it.  It doesn't mean you haven't had difficulty, or that your  parents weren't hard workers.  We have all dealt with the ugly stuff.  It's not a pain contest, so for crying out loud, stop trying to WIN. Being aware of and having compassion for another's experience does not erase your experience. Acknowledging your white privilege means you understand that as a white person there are some things you have not had to deal with, and that you will never have to deal with.  People of color DO have to deal with a myriad of things that you will never have to face - IN ADDITION TO the hardships you've had.

Covid 19.  Financial instability.  Racism.  LGBTQIA people are still not safe and allowed to simply be as they choose in so many places.  And all the while, some benefit from all of our fighting.  There are those who pit us against one another for their own ends. We allow them to.

Why this blog post?  Why this rant?  Just to acknowledge.......FUCK THIS IS HARD.  I don't want to watch the news or check social media every day and think how frightening, disgusting and base humans are, how we have never evolved.   I don't want to fight with people.  I don't want to keep finding out people I know and care about hold beliefs that do not support basic human rights.  I need hope.  I need to see that we're uniting, that we are progressing, that we can be better than this. That we can find common ground even when we disagree and work toward the greater good.  That respect and humility mean something.  That white supremacy is dying and will rot away, never to return. That we are no longer obsessing about others sexuality, or gender expression.

Day by day, I waffle between anxiety, sadness and grief, rage, and other times when I must shut the world out for a day.  I must retreat to the woods, or spend time with the flowers.  I need soft music, a candle and a purring kitty.  I'll do an art project or clean a closet.  Jack, one of our cats, is absolutely the best at arriving just when I am about to lose my sh**.  He'll sit on my lap and I am forced to stop thinking, stop doing, and just enjoy being with him.  Thanks, kitty.

So, yeah. Shadow work is hard. So, I'll say it.  I am having a really hard time.  And maybe you are too. I see you.  Maybe you see me, too.  The United States is right in the midst of deep, deep shadow work.  It remains to be seen how Lady Liberty will emerge from this dark time.

This is uncomfortable.  But it is important to embrace this discomfort.  Our comfort is NOT more important than other people's lives.  It's not.  So let's collectively suck it up, shall we, and embrace the suckage together.  Let's invite it over for coffee or a beer and ask it what it has to say, understand it, and learn from it so we can begin to move forward.

Thanks to my family, my BFF's, our cats, the forest, birds and animals, the flowers, my daily magickal practice, and a host of beings not in the flesh, I seem to have retained enough of my marbles to function.  I hope you have, too.  I will continue to hold out for hope.  I will keep believing in love.  I will stop myself when I am repulsed by humanity and I will seek stories of the good, stories of overcoming and of progress toward the greater good.  And, I will help to be a part of those stories as often as I can, here in my little corner of our sweet Earth home that I love.

View, Assess, Move!

So, I’m a child of the seventies. "Explanations" tended toward this: "Here is a situation. Deal with it." It was a no nonsense kind of time. 

We tended to avoid the whining and commence the dealing with. 

I admit I recently found myself extremely triggered by a post from someone explaining that they could only make a choice that would help the most people if it was explained in the way they liked and could connect with. Otherwise, no deal. 

Honestly, I thought my head was going to explode.

My entire life, I’ve just gotten on with it, you know? You assess the situation you’re in, and decide what is best and within seconds you’re proceeding. Done. I’m not usually looking for someone to sit me down and carefully explain what to do, how and why that makes sense. From childhood, I could do that. I’m not exaggerating. 

This got me in trouble once or twice when I was a manager for 12 years. When people were capable, intelligent and experienced yet they wanted to be hand held through things......"but why am I doing this? What will I FEEL about it? What’s in it for me? 

My favorite was "How did you learn this?" My answer was usually "I saw that it needed doing. Nobody was there to ask. So I sat down and got on with it. Learn by doing." 

You see. You assess. You move your ass. Can we worry about the niceties later? At what point did someone tell you you would always get what you want? It’s not about that. It’s about what is best for the highest number of people. It’s about how can you bring your uniqueness to the whole, and make wonderful things happen, right where you are, in the muck you find yourself in. Welcome to how life works. We have been waiting for you. JUMP IN.

I really struggle when there is a challenge and a solution is at hand and people are standing around asking WHY they would make the choice that helps the highest number of humans and the earth. 

As always, I’m trying to learn. This is definitely a work in progress.

Simplicity and Respect

Why were strawberries and blueberries so delicious when I was a kid? Why was corn on the cob such an incredible treat? Wasn't it amazing when grandma or a special aunt or friend made that recipe that they ONLY made for Christmas or Easter?

Why was my "dressy sweater" so special and why did I feel so pretty wearing it as a little girl?

What was it that felt SO good about peddling my bike all over the neighborhood (High Street!) until my legs were exhausted, and I couldn't wait to go outside and do it again tomorrow?

What made summer veggies and fruits so delicious? It was a special family outing to go to Petruzzi's on "the East Brookfield flats" and get fresh produce every summer, in season.

We bought local because most of what we needed WAS local. We KNEW the people who owned these stores. Gaudette's market in Spencer would deliver mom's groceries after we walked down to choose them while dad was at work with our 1 family car. She'd pay and then they'd drive them to us at home.

Who remembers your employer providing your Thanksgiving turkey, and lugging it gratefully home from work?

My parents were hardworking people. Shoe factories, steel mills, CNA work in a nursing home. My parents spoke with reverence and respect to and about everyone they knew who worked hard. I NEVER heard them disrespect any hard working person. I didn't grow up thinking manual labor was bad, lower, not necessary, or unimportant.

I find myself thinking of my upbringing so often in these odd days we are all living through. Perhaps there are some lessons for us here. Perhaps there are SO MANY lessons for us.

Simplicity is definitely one for me. We don't need everything we think we do. Oh no! I'm out of this item. I wanted that for lunch.....grab the keys....get in the car....WAIT. STOP. NO. There's probably something right here in the house that's perfectly fine for lunch.

It's definitely possible to have far too many choices. Often in the past few weeks, I realize that I would have rejected choices in my own home for things to eat, things to do, or wear because I could easily go get something else. 5 minutes to the mall or the grocery store, overnight for Amazon Prime! I've been embarrassed and a bit ashamed honestly as I stop and realize how often this was a habit. Now? I stop. I put on the comfortable item closest at hand. I eat the thing that's here, and I'm incredibly grateful to have it. And I DON'T order things just because I can.

Honestly, I think I've been fatigued to a point where I was in survival mode a lot of the time, and that keeps me skimming the surface only. Not where I like to be.

So many seasonal things, or expensive things were special when I was a child simply because we didn't HAVE them constantly the way we do now. There was an appreciation for things, and a recognition that the fact that they were limited and had a time and a season was part of the wonder, part of what was beautiful.

Looking at the earth now, just 6 weeks of us all stepping back and letting her breathe and she's bouncing back so wonderfully. I always remember, we need her but she actually doesn't need us. The skies over LA are clear, the coal fog over China had dissipated, dolphins and birds in Venice, stories pouring in from all over the globe.

Moving forward we need to make so very many changes. Work is honorable and all workers, all people need respect, rights, and the same access to health care and housing and prosperity. We NEED our service workers. Truckers, food service workers, grocery, restaurant, everyone! There is shame in how we have looked at these people and we need to snap out of it.

Lets have way less gurus writing books about how to get rich and overcome the life you're in and have more people sharing information on the beauty of a simple life and how the day to day is truly magical and crafting that can be the joy of your heart.

Manufacturing needs to return to America. Made here, by us, and sold to our friends and neighbors.
Shopping and buying local whenever possible.

Lets grow some veggies at home!

Health care cannot be for profit. Pandemic preparation is a matter of national security.

Daily life must change. Paper plates and paper towels? What else can we make these from? Hemp is a good option. Or reusable, washable handiwipes for cleaning. In our homes we can use the damned glass dishes and WASH THEM. We can combine wash loads to conserve water, both for dishes and clothes. We can plan trips so that we make less trips to the stores.

We can stop when we are going to order or buy something. Do I need this? If so, do I need it now? Do I have something I can re-purpose or fix? Can someone I know help me? Can I offer my services to them for something they need?

How can I walk softly and respectfully on the earth, our home?

How can I treat people differently, and work for the greater good even when we disagree? Can I stop insisting on being right and having 100% of my own way?

These are the things on my heart and the things I want to challenge myself with moving forward.
Going back to normal? No. There was a lot about "normal" that was infinitely harmful. How can we do better? How can I do better?

One Little Witch’s Covid 19 Lockdown Story

One Little Witch’s Covid 19 Lockdown Story 

Having an arthritis flare in the middle of all of this has been challenging. I can’t see my rheumatologist presently and my infusion treatments are on hold. 

Last night I was not in a good place. Just way too much fatigue and pain. As some of you know, it just takes it all out of you. 

I went upstairs to get ready for bed. Rob was still downstairs. As I laid there in the dark, wondering how I could possibly sleep, suddenly I KNEW I wasn’t alone.

I felt the presence of relatives who had passed away. They were with me. I have an ancestor altar here at our home and I honor the ancestors of my family and Rob’s. And close friends who have passed. Our people. I speak with them frequently and they are a part of daily life for me. 

The presence of all who came to be with me in that moment was so strong, and I was filled with gratitude. I thought of all the stories of their lives that I have heard. I thought of all they had overcome. I realized there was much more that I didn’t know about that they had likely dealt with. 

I felt and understood that so many generations of ancestors we never met were also with me, with all of us. They are with us and IN US.

Political upheaval. War. Plague. Death. Loss. Hunger. Poverty. Sickness. Pain. Family drama and betrayal. Mistakes made. Uphill battles. Addiction. Backbreaking work. 

They survived it all. We know that BECAUSE WE ARE HERE NOW. And we will get through this, too. 

I fell asleep then, and despite waking a few times in the night because my everything hurts, I’ve awakened feeling better than I have in a long time. 

Yes. There are some moments when this is just really hard. We have one another. And we are finding new ways to connect and help one another. 

And we also have ALL OF THEM. The ancestors are always with us. Those you knew, and those you never met, going back generations. Regardless of their life events, they’re pulling for you now! They’ve got your back. They are with you and in you. You are never alone.

Blessings to you all.