Passenger Seat

Quiet little December town
Sweet sugar coating
Just like confectioners sugar
Signs go by
My glance settles on each
This passenger's seat
My own little world
She's talking
Sister of my soul
I'm replying, smiling
All the while
I'm watching myself
From somewhere else
And the signs and empty sidewalks
Keep going by
While I sit in the warm car
And the music goes deep
So, when doesn't it?
And I can feel every heart
I've ever been graced to know
They stay with me, you know
If you had an hour
Or maybe a lifetime
Or two
We could sit,  have a drink
I could tell you the story
Of each one
Going back to the days
When I was tiny
And when the music goes deep
They all come back to me
Like waves to the shore
I can tell you it's the sweetest grace
The pain, the soaring love and joy
They come together, always
But, most of you figured that out for yourselves
A 4 minute song
Or maybe it was a lifetime
Talking, riding
And the little town goes by

So, Let Me Get This Straight......

OK. So, based on various news stories and commentary I've seen recently, I am to believe the following:

1. Breastfeeding in public is disgusting
2. Same sex marriage is destroying the fabric of our country
3. Black people are not being discriminated against, targeted or treated differently
4. When women are assaulted they are responsible for it and men are completely unable to control themselves and this is expected and normal
5. The members of Congress have the highest good of the American people at heart and we should trust them
6. It's completely acceptable and ethical for regular people to struggle while corporations rake in millions
7. Immigrants and the poor are the cause of all of our financial woes

America?

Really.  I say - Bullshit. You're blind. Wake up.

It's time for us to stop hanging on so tightly to what is comfortable and even insulting and mistreating others in order to retain that comfort.  It's time for us to see what is actually happening.

The Berlin Airlifts and Mourning The America I Miss

Just caught the end of a show about the Berlin Airlifts, how those supplies made those people feel....one person said he was a little kid at the time and said "It was more than just the food. Someone in America knew we were in trouble."
I almost started crying because that's how I used to think of my country. That's who I thought we were, that we had resolve in how we handled things, and we helped people.
Now, it feels as if we hate everyone, and each other. We worship money and lack unity.
It was just a quick moment, between the blurb on TV and my reaction probably less than 5 minutes. I was just not prepared for how hard it hit me. I really had to reel myself in to not end up balling.
I can't explain it. It just is, it's what I felt. I didn't realize the degree to which I mourn what I thought we stood for.
Wow.

Perhaps

Perhaps

We can choose to speak, and not scream and yell.

We can be patient and learn to listen.

We can learn and display mutual respect in the way we interact with each other.

We can speak our truth, share our heart's concerns and even our fears, without needing to be so completely polarized that we poison ourselves and each other.

We can give anger and anguish a voice, and an outlet, but not a fist or a gun.

We can stop listening to those who benefit, both in power and money by keeping us frightened, polarized, angry and fighting with one another.

We can put another human being, any human being over our need to be right and to be justified, even when we do not agree with their words or actions.

We can all admit and recognize our own faults.

We can learn to have lively debate, and open discourse that allows an exchange of ideas, isn't afraid of differences, and encourages compromise for the greatest good of all.

We can put people - living, breathing human beings, over what politics and religion may insist separates us.

We can realize that another person's life and experience is different from our own and that these differences are not a threat to us.

We can each look within, tackle our OWN demons and stop tranferring that inner turmoil and fear on to other people.

We can stop looking to labels, blaming and self justification as ways to operate in our day to day lives.

We can stand firm in who we are, comfortable in that, not needing verification from any other source, thereby freeing us to accept and love others exactly where they are.

We can learn that peace is not achieved with violence.

We can come to understand that mistakes made do not mean a person is less than human.

We can remember that if it is happening to one person anywhere, it is happening to us all.

We can realize that we are ONE and that no one is better than anyone else.

We can realize that we need to treat everyone with love and respect, not just the people who look, talk, believe and vote like we do.

Perhaps.  Perhaps we can come to understand that nothing is going to change based on who we elect, what laws get passed, or who we are or are not at war with.  Nothing changes until WE change.  We must each be the change we want to see in this world, and all of the rest of this will be lifted and will happen on it's own because of our energy and momentum.

This is what I am choosing, what I am striving to become.  I will make mistakes, we all do.  But this is what I am going to get up every day and focus on as far as how I interact with the world.

It's just my choice, and my path.  Whatever your path may be, may love and light be yours.

Lunchtime Thoughts On Being Awake

You get to a point in your life where you're comfortable in your own skin.  You're aware of your past mistakes and successes and you can comfortably own both and the lessons that came with them.  You outgrow other people's opinions. You can respect that everyone is on a different path, and you no longer expect them to be anywhere and anyone except who and where they are right now, and you rejoice in that and love them exactly that way.  Then, you discover that you can love yourself that way too. You know for YOU what your path is, and who and what you're called to be.  No one else has to do it, no one else has to agree.  You're just happy for them to be where they are now, because that's their path, and this one is yours. They don't have to like it or be comfortable with it.  You realize that you're no longer willing to compromise who you are.  It's not militant.  It's not crazy. It's simply following your own road.  You have compassion, love and gratitude for everyone around you. It's just that you realize that you're going to live unapologetically as yourself, fully yourself with no excuses or explanations.  It's odd the things that happen when this time comes to you, because you truly start to realize that there are simply parts of your life that don't fit.  Habits, ideas, situations, people, whatever it may be. You start to automatically "find your tribe" without any effort, and you find yourself gravititating toward these beautiful, bright souls as  you all walk, talk, love and work through this beautiful world every day.

That's where I am now.  Some of you are OK with it.  Some of you aren't.  And that's OK.  I love you all either way. Each person I have known has been a gift in my life, without exception.

But each of us has our own journey.  And mine?  Mine has been and will continue to be beautiful, I have much to be grateful for.   My journey continues, and I'll be true to myself and my path.

Forest Lessons

Yesterday, I threw on jeans and a hoodie, stuffed my hair under a slouchy hat and took off for the afternoon.  I found place fairly locally which I hadn't realized was there.  It has some really gorgeous trails to walk.  In all, I spent just over 2 1/2 hours out in the woods.

The trails at Cormer Woods in Uxbridge, MA aren't long, wide roads with gravel, rocks or sand.  These are actual trails, marked by colored blazes on the trees at intervals and with enough travel to have a subtle feel for the trail, but with the fallen leaves it's very easy between blazes to lose the trail, especially if you're me and everything catches your eye!

The temperature was a blustery 51 degrees, just cool enough to be a perfect fall day for hiking but not so cold that I was uncomfortable.  I was glad of the slouchy hat, though with the wind yesterday.

I love the solitude of a walk in the woods.  This place was completely new to me, and so unlike my antics with areas I frequent constantly, I made a concerted effort to STAY on the trails.   When you're hiking alone you have to follow some safety rules and I always tell people where I am going. plan plenty of daylight time for the hike, bring my phone with me, and stay on the trails if I don't know the area extremely well.

The foliage yesterday was gorgeous, so I was snapping pictures some of the time.  I'm always overcome with the beauty of nature when I'm out there by myself.  I never really feel as if I am alone though, but that's a subject for another blog entry. Cormier Woods is really a strikingly beautiful place, and I was enchanted as I walked the trails, enjoying everything from the colored leaves to huge rock formations, the changing plant life as it gets colder, birds, and much more.

I really do love these times.  Me, the forest and nothing else.  Eventually, your day to day thoughts fall away and it can become almost a walking meditation.  You're truly just one with the place, and with your own soul.  Who says witches don't go to church?

At one point on the "blue blaze" part of the trail, when I'd been out there a little over 90 minutes, I did get a bit lost.  I never left the trail but the blue blazes on the trees, coupled with the "private property beyond this point" signs were a bit confusing and I found myself coming back to the same spot, a second and third time, apparently making a confused loop, but via different routes.  I also almost lost the trail a few times, as the blazes were far apart and there were so many fallen leaves.

I discovered something at this point. The trail, my "path" if  you will, was ALWAYS there.  At times it was very obvious and easy for me to pick up, and I could clearly tell where I should be walking next.  At other times, the signs that I was on the trail were much more subtle, but they were STILL THERE.  It was all about me quieting myself enough to read those signs, and follow my intuition.  Each time I almost got off track or became confused, choosing to stop, and calmly evaluate, checking the visible signs and my own intuition always put me back where I needed to be for that next step. The path was always there.

During the time that I looped around three times, I found myself getting mildly panicked at one point. I mean, I was on the marked trail, but I had also looped around to the same spot 3 times.  How had I managed that!?  I started getting angry at myself and at the Universe in general and a bit concerned because it was after 4 at this point and I wanted to be back to the car by 4:30.

At this point, I just stopped.  I calmed myself, and reminded myself that I get to choose the direction of my thoughts.  I took the time to breathe in and out and focused on the fact that I am always well taken care of.  In addition to the usual precautions mentioned earlier and the comfort of knowing my fully charged cell phone was in my pocket, I had also taken Archangel Michael out on my walk with me.  Say what you will, but I rarely do anything without Michael, and his protection is flawless.  I felt peaceful.

This allowed me to evaluate, to think through how I had gotten looped around, and to to decide which direction to go in next.  By doing this, I easily found the correct path to where I needed to go.  As I rounded out the end of the "blue blaze" trail and reconnected with the "red blaze" trail which would eventually bring me back to the parking area, I realized that peace isn't dependent on my circumstances or surroundings.  I can choose it, in any and every moment.

At this point, I was at about the 2 hour mark.  The terrain at the end of the red blaze trail included some steep inclines.  I did somewhat expect this, since I remembered on the way in, the trail definitely was going downhill a lot.  So the climb back up was just that in some spots, a CLIMB.  I was getting winded, my slouchy hat felt hot and I was sweating like crazy. My legs were getting one hell of a workout!  I wanted to find a rock or a fallen tree and just sit but something inside made me want to keep going and do this, with no quitting.  I kept telling myself, just keep moving!  It was actually kind of fun to challenge myself, despite the fact that my muscles AND bones were very much in "What the hell are we doing?!" mode.   As I kept climbing and sweating, the thought came to me that when something is worth it, you keep working even if you're tired and even when it seems like at some points, it's all uphill.   I laughed outloud at yet another life metaphor being a part of my day.

After a while, I saw a sign saying "Parking Area" with an arrow.  By this point, I was walking slowly, making a point of mindfully placing my feet on the trail because I was at the "trip over nothing because my legs are tired" stage.  As the trail ended and I saw my little red car, I put my hands up in the air and let out a "Whooohooo!"  I was very glad to reach the car and sit and cool down and even more glad that I'd made the hike. I took a moment to thank the forest and all who lived there for allowing me to come to their home and being a part of my beautiful day.

As my body cooled down and my protesting leg muscles, feet and ankles made the adjustment to being seated, I found myself thinking back on my 2 1/2 hour hike.  There was actually NO TIME on the  hike when I didn't have everything I needed in order to make it a great hike and successfully get back to my car in the time I'd designated.  I truly did have every resource I needed at every moment of that hike. There were times when I lost sight of that and got frustrated, angry and a little scared.  But when you're alone with your own soul and the Universe you can either remain disconnected or plug in.  If you plug in, you realize in quieting yourself and trusting yourself and that Connection, that you do have absolutely EVERYTHING you need - in every single moment.

I smiled again, thinking of what an amazing day it was and how so often I gain such clarity during these times alone out in nature.  I'll be back again to the wild places, as often as possible.  It feeds my soul.  What a perfect day,  I am so very grateful for it!

The Knight And The Dreamer (for pK)

Once upon a time
A knight and a dreamer
Met upon the road

The knight of course
Was brave and true of heart
Honor and Duty
His sacred vows

The dreamer
Head in the clouds
Gazed upon flowers and blue skies
And had a poet's heart

The journey to the next town was long
And so they talked as they walked along
The knight of his hopes
And the dreamer of making it real

They talked and laughed
They sang songs
And helped each other along the road
Their souls were kindred and it was good

After many days of walking
They came upon a fork in the road
Which choice to make?
They stood, uncertain

The signpost was clear
One road, to the town and safety
The other, to a place unknown
Where hopes become truth and dreams become reality

In the end, they went to the town
The knight, because honor dictated it be so
And the dreamer, out of fear
And so they walked on

Their choices weighed heavily on them
And so, although they both continued on
They were no longer kindred
And so their journey together was done

At times each would think back
To those days upon the road together
And each wanted to blame the other
But they knew the truth, each must own their own choices

So they held the joy of the remembered journey
In their hearts
And never forgot the lessons learned
The day they took the safe road

As the years went by
The knight came to understand
At times integrity to self and to love and truth
Must trump even honor

And the dreamer learned
That pretty visions
Can only become real
With risks taken and work done

The most important lesson of all, though
Was to cherish the gift of each and every soul met upon the road
We know not the number of days
That we shall have the joy of walking together

Foggy

A single drop
Travels the length of the mirror
Revealing one thin stripe of me
The rest, obscured in fog

Maybe tears are like that
Whether they be sorrow filled
Or tears of joy
People spill over
When we've kept the walls up too long
The river revealing our tender hearts

Choosing

Called to find peace
In the midst of chaos
Called to find joy
When the evidence tells you to panic
Called to trust your path
When transition brings only questions
Stopping to go within, finding quiet
Despite the clock saying no
Knowing you are never alone
No matter what is happening
Deciding not to be shaken
In any circumstances
Standing firm in your personal power
Knowing who and what you are
All moments fulfilled in the now
As we live, love and move
We are
Each and all
Loved
Cherished
Connected
Who we are
What we do
It matters
And it creates
We create, we are
Choosing peace
When everything tells you it's impossible
You are the architect
With the greatest team standing by you
Choose your day
Choose your reactions
Choose your thoughts
Or they'll choose for you

Incomplete

Your life was incomplete
So you took pieces of mine
Tearing off chunks, oblivious to the pain you caused
Because you didn't think you had a voice
To speak your truth
Although I saw it in your eyes
In unguarded moments
You'd let it slip when we were alone
And you could let a little of the pretense go
Because you knew....that I knew
You gave your faith to my little one
And then when you quit
His faith went with you
Not for one moment since
Has he been the same
Understand this
I've walked some of the same roads you did
I have compassion and I have forgiven
But your life has informed mine in some ways
Ways that I don't want to be
I will never let my voice be silenced
I will never quit
They are not so little now, the two of them
By walking my path
With truth and integrity
I hope I can shed a little light for them both
If they can know
That their voice must be heard
To be true to themselves
And that love CAN be counted on
Then I'll have done everything that I can
We don't have to stay
Incomplete

What If?

Fear whispers in our ears, sits on our shoulders
Insists that we aren't safe
So often, life has shown us that we're not!
And so fear grips us, in cold icy claws
At times expected, other times a surprise
Making us relive the past and running the show

Expectations dashed
We see only one way, the one that the perfect picture in our head showed us
And when it doesn't happen, we grow angry and resentful
That helps us to justify judging each other

Natural impulses, beautiful life force, thwarted by high walls
We get comfortable, letting the control that slowly kills
Tie us to the bed and mind fuck us
Instead of making love to life

What would happen, do you think?
If instead of being threatened by everything
What if we faced it?

When someone points out the apparent stupidity of a choice we've made
And the evidence of the ensuing mess and emotional fallout
What if we just faced it head on
And said, "Yes. That was me. I did the best I could at the time, but I fell."
What if we took the lesson and let the tears fall?

On the days that you wake up
And you're like Jane Jetson, the mask just keeps falling off
You're raw and you can't hide, what if maybe we just allowed the raw
Hey, we could even accept that emotional road rash
And stop beating ourselves up for feeling it
Because it transforms your heart in ways you could never know

The days when your soul is bubbling over with joy and love
And you think you're going to burst if you don't DO SOMETHING with it
But all the conventions, shoulds and past experience
They're all up in your head, killjoys, saying calm down
What if we actually ignored them
Let's act on impulse and create something
Whether it's a song, a painting, a poem, a meal, a kiss.....
Let's DO. Can we?

Life is messy
There will always be mistakes made and lots of opportunities to face them
Those who disagree with you will be a part of life anywhere you go

So what if we just decide to fucking live?
What if we create, kiss, take risks?
What if we roll with the unexpected and the beauty in what we don't plan?
What if we reach out to those gripped in fear, and help them be warm and loved?
What if we try to understand what makes us angry and afraid?
What if we sit with those in deep pain, not asking them to "feel better soon" but just being there?
What if attack and defense wasn't our first impulse?
What if we forgive?
What if we realized comfortable isn't always our friend?
What if we stop running from what hurts and let it wash over us and be set free in acceptance?
What if we paint, write songs and plaster horrible poetry all over the internet?
What if it didn't matter what people said or thought?
What if your very best life path means lots of people won't understand at all but it's what makes you really alive?

What if indeed.

We've let fear run the show for so long.

Let's find out what if.  Wanna come along?

Gratitude

I really found myself in a place of gratitude today.  How often do we have the chance to let people know what they have meant to us?  Do we need to have a special occasion?  I'm going to say NO.  I think we can let people know all the time how we feel.   Everyday people, and the small and big things they do, really make a difference.

This is inevitably "too mushy" for some people.  That's OK, you don't have to read it.  No agenda  here, just want to share my thanks.  This is me. People matter and I like telling them. There are so many more people that I haven't named, and I appreciate all of you.  

Here goes!  No particular order here.

For my Dad.  I miss you!  You fought crippling arthritis, you fought to keep us clothed and fed, and you fought your demons.  Your warped sense of humor, your love for mom, and the heroic way you never gave up are always with me.

For my Mom.  Little Vivvie!  Your endless energy, the way you fight for what you believe in, that endless reservoir of strength no matter what is going on, and the way we can be silly together inspire me so much.  If I'm half the person you have been, I'll have done well.

My brother Brad - thank you for teaching me about never believing in "Can't" no matter what the odds are and for showing me the true meaning of grace.

Nicole - I'm almost 50 years old and you have been in my life for over 40 of those years. Our friendship has survived geographic separation, peer pressure and every possible life event we could each have faced.  You are a member of my family.  I hope we are friends for 50 more years!  I am so grateful for you in my life. (And thank you to Bob and Cheryl for being the most awesome set of second parents ever - I probably ate at your house as often as I ate at mine!)

Becky - my partner in crime, my sounding board and the one who has walked with me during the last 3 years of insanity since "Joe Perry Weekend".  Thank you for your friendship and for showing me the lesson of "not doing anything half-assed."  

For Cindy and Anil:  Cindy, I love you dearly and I thank you for the friendship, the understanding and the forgiveness when we somehow grew apart.  Thank you both for reaching out to Robert and I last summer, that meant a lot. You and your sweet hubby are dear to me and I am glad to have you in my life despite not seeing you as often as I used to.

For Robert:  29 years!  You've stood strong and survived everything that has hit you over the years, including Hurricane Beth. Your grace under pressure, the way you fought Cancer, and the way you handled recovery were no surprise to me.  We've been up, down, sideways, inside out and upside-down. People are crazy about you because of  the fun, loyal person you are. I get that. Thank you for being my best friend.

Josh - Thank you for questioning everything, including me.  Thank you for your thirst for the truth, even when it is difficult to face. Thank you for not giving me a break when I need to hear that I handled something poorly.  Thank you for endless philosophical discussions.  Thank you for being a music fanatic and sharing that with me. Thank you for hug therapy.  Thank you for accepting my crazy.

Patrick - Thank you for your beautiful heart and for using it to remind me when I'm not seeing people with the love and compassion that I should.  Thank you for your view of the world.  Thank you for your incredible love for animals that inspires me and reminds me of how I need to treat the other creatures we share this world with.  Thank you for the "band" years.  I think I had as much fun as you did, I absolutely loved every minute of watching you and your friends and helping out. Thank you for that killer, dry sense of humor that knocks us all over.  

To every single one of our sons friends, especially Dave, Nate, Chris and Ted - each of you are members of our family and you are welcome in our house anytime!  Josh and Pat have good people in their lives, gotta say.

For Glenn Stewart - thank you my beautiful friend for the glimpse into putting everything, heart and soul into a dream, overcoming obstacles, the necessity of taking risks and most of all never denying who you are.  I'm so glad to know you!

Thank you to all of my kick-ass co-workers who all work so hard, I enjoy working with all of you.  Thank you to Brian, David, Sarah, Pete and Didia for excellence and grace under pressure while still being you.  Very cool working with you guys!

For Oceana - I think we've known each other less than a year.  You certainly make an impression! We Goddesses gotta stick together, thank you my awesome friend!

Now, I need to show some gratitude to my on line friends, who may not be face to face but mean a lot!

Thank you to my dearest friend Chew for the gift of seeing myself and my life differently.  You may not realize the scope and gravity of the gift you gave, but I do and it needed to be said.  Thank you.

Thank you Monika for putting up with me last year and for the friendship and reading my endless emails! 

For friends lost but forever in my heart:   Thank you Tron for giving me back the gift of wonder, even in the face of pain and sadness.  I'll never see this pale blue dot the same way, and I'll always love you for giving that back to me when it was lost.   Thank you to pK for showing me what not giving up and working your ass off for a dream look like and for being an example of heart and integrity.  I'll always believe in you and your music.   

For my friend Kev (Atomic Honey).  First of all, thank you over and over for the love and energy you share with everyone on a day to day basis.  It makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE.  Thank you for helping me to believe that it's OK to be me, without hiding it and that maybe, just MAYBE that's how I can make a difference every day.  

For Suzanne: Thank you for the friendship and sharing my love for music, especially all things Myles Kennedy!

For "Verble" Thank you for sharing the beautiful person that you are. I had fun writing "Fanger" with you and Monika. We need to DO something with that!  Thanks for sharing the daily music tweets, I love them!  

For Leo:  YOU ARE AWESOME!  Thank you for your positive attitude, the way you encourage others and for the way you try to wake people up to what they may not be aware of.  Many tough days have been made brighter with your encouragement.  Thank you!

For my sweet friend Fabi - one of my first Twitter friends - You have been so sweet and encouraging and always wishing the very best for me and all that I love. Thank you for being one of my very first Twitter friends and for sticking around! 

For Philip:  There is much I could say my clever, funny friend but I will simply say thank you for a friendship that revels in enjoying life and seeing others happy.  You can't ever leave Twitter!  

For Charles Bivona - Thank you for being a working poet. Thank you for giving a shit.  When I read you I realize there is much I don't know, but this is good. It keeps me digging, keeps me questioning, keeps me thirsty to learn, helps keep me immersed in and caring about life. Don't ever quit, Charles.

For my friend Bradley Howington - thank you for sharing your soul, in your poetry and photography and as a friend.

For my twitter coven - you know who you are.  I miss you guys like crazy.  Thanks for helping me feel accepted when I started this path. 

There are dozens of people I interact with regularly on line who I am grateful for.  JDubqca, Pappy, IDroneHD, Alan J....Foggy, Karen, Cliff, Carla, and many more. I appreciate every one of you whether I have called you out by name or not.  It's kinda nice to have this many people to have coffee with every morning.

Thanks for listening.

Love,
Beth

On Being Unquivocally Myself or "Shit I Used To Worry About"

There used to be a very long list of things I was worried about.  It was truly a long, long list, much of which was based around my fears of what others thought of me.  As time goes on, I've come to understand that to truly live, I have to love myself.  When I love myself and structure my life around what I'm drawn to, what I am excited about and feel joy doing, then I'm happier and have so much more to give to those around me.

And so, today, I will emancipate myself from all of the stupid things I formerly worried about.  Below, you will find a list of things I will no longer give any of my energy to.  I know who I am and I'm fully aware of my successes and failures.  I accept and love all of it.  I live from my integrity every day and it's time for me to stop acting like I need to apologize for who I am.  And so, this list below of completely idiotic worries/thoughts is now being thrown out with the trash.  I wonder - WHAT IS YOUR LIST?  I'd love it if everyone made a list of limiting thoughts and we all threw them out together!    Anyway, here's mine:

If you wear something slightly form fitting or revealing, you're trying too hard.

If you keep your long hair as you approach 50, it's not a style befitting your age.

Aren't you approaching the stage of the game where gals revert to "mom jeans"?

If you star, retweet or share a beautiful poem, tweet or FB post that mentions seduction or sex, you must be slutting it up on the side, or you have a "twitter crush" or you are "subtweeting."

You should stay "in the broom closet" about being a witch, some people won't understand.

Some people just aren't ready for the person you've become, so you should water yourself down a bit for these people, to avoid conflict.

If you're nice to a someone, you're automatically flirting.

You can't write in your blog about certain subject matter, it makes people uncomfortable, tame it down.

Never be seen in your bathing suit, because your body isn't perfect.

Only bad can come of challenging the way things are.

Women who think, write or speak openly and honestly about sex are sluts.

Once you've made a mistake, just be quiet and stop trying, clearly you're a mess.

You should stop coming up with so many outlandish ideas.  It makes you seem odd, and gives people the impression you don't finish anything, since there are always so many of them.

Keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself. It's easier to just go with the flow.

Only the young and trim are beautiful and sexy.

You'll never accomplish anything substantial.

You should be more like......

Nothing in this world can ever change, what can one person do?

Well, that's MY list.  Now, what's yours?  Let's burn 'em all!!

Pincushion Ramblings

So, what's this all about?  Just a string of random thoughts.

When I get acupuncture, after the needles are placed, there's a time where I just simply relax, until it's time for them to be removed.  I absolutely love this time.  You can't really go very far with a bunch needles coming out of you at various angles, so you almost HAVE TO relax.  So, I figure, why fight it?  This is my time.

Sometimes I meditate, sometimes I drift off to sleep, think, or look at the patterns in the wooden beams on the ceiling. That last choice can be kind of trippy, but I digress.  Today, I just let whatever came to mind just flow out.  This is a little of it, or at least the part before it became incoherent and I fell asleep.   Hell, maybe you'll think the entire thing is incoherent.

I found myself looking back at events in my own life, and reflecting on things that have happened to family, friends and loved ones.  I couldn't help but notice a pattern - how very often we put ourselves in a position of being sad or upset because we want things to be one way and they are not. The fear, the despair, the anger, blaming, bitterness, sadness and the giving up times are all examples of the hell we put ourselves through.

We expect people to know what we have never said and maybe never even shown, we think "they should know!"  Actually, no, they shouldn't "just know".  Yes, they more than likely do want to speak or act, but they're scared. We rarely see that.  We only know our own expectations, and so fed by pride and fear, we can't let ourselves reach out, either.  So, people just sit there, with all this crap between them, preventing a true human connection when all they really want is to step into the warmth of loving acceptance.

Yeah, expectations.  They really can suck the life out of you.  I'm not advocating a fake happiness where we all pretend we're thrilled with life when we aren't.  There are times to "go" when taking action is key, and there are times to "flow", times when surrendering to the current brings us to new places, people, situations, and realizations.  I find "go" vs "flow" to be an ongoing lesson, it's not easy for me.   I'd much rather control things, and I suspect I'm not alone in that.

We feel more comfortable when we can control things.  So we set rigid parameters, and build our expectations around them.  This takes all of the responsibility off of us and puts it on the people and situations we encounter.  This is convenient so that we can blame them later when things don't work out. And so we put our rules out there:

I can only be happy in my work if it's this type of job or situation.
If this person truly loves me, they will know to do this and this and that.
Mr. or Ms. Right has to be exactly like this.
This vacation is only fun if it goes exactly according to plan.
I work hard and I'm a good person.  This kind of bad shit shouldn't happen to me.
Success can only look exactly as I have pictured it.
I can only be friends with certain types of people.
I can't try that kind of activity, that's not for me.

The list goes on and on and on, and we all have one.  I know I do. My own situation as an intuitive, creative, non-linear right brained gal trying to make it in cubicle world is a perfect example.  For so long I looked at it as just a paycheck, a trap and had nothing to offer beyond keeping the roof over my head.  I've come to learn that the skills I use there are definitely valuable outside of work, the people I work for and with are wonderful and I am the one, with my thoughts and actions, that chooses how every day will go.  Hey, I don't know much but this is working right now, I'll say that. I try and jettison the negative stuff, I decide to have a good day, and then move my ass.  The things I want to change, I have to create a plan and then do it.

The Serenity Prayer really does say it well: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

As I just layed there, letting the needles do their work, it just hit me, all the walls we all put up.  I do, I can say that.  Every time I pull one down, I find another one to go knock out. I guess we think we can avoid pain, discomfort and heartbreak that way. We put walls up if people don't do what we wanted them to do.  We're sad or enraged if a situation doesn't go as we'd hoped. We hide from ourselves and refuse to voice our needs to anyone, then get upset if they're not met. We're scared to death if people are different than we are.  We're often so risk averse that we can't move.  When we make a mistake, we want to be forgiven.  But when others make a mistake,  it seems incredibly hard to give that gift of forgiveness.

It's sort of like being 5 years old, playing in the Maytag box after mom's new washer arrives.  You climb in there, it's hidden and safe, and nobody can see you.  But then you get upset because you're alone in there!  Um...then climb back out!

The last thing I recall thinking before I drifted off was  how much more enjoyable life is when we can simply give each other a break. I'm not saying let's all be human carpets.  But think about it.  Do you ever wake up and say to yourself in the mirror "HEY! I think I will just absolutely SUCK at my life today!"   Do you ever stand in the shower in the morning and maliciously plan to make an idiot mistake that ends up spilling onto others?  Of course you don't.  None of us do.  We do the best we can, in each moment.  Most of us aren't stupid or heartless.  We're just scared, so we do stupid things.

It reminds me of something a very dear friend said to me not long ago.  My friend has one of the biggest hearts I've ever known, although some might not suspect it.

"We are all human and flawed. Life is too serious to be taken seriously, enjoy life."  

Furry Zen

Over coffee this morning, I was listening to some recordings of recent talks at a local Zen center.  I was  apparently listening very intently, because I was suddenly brought back to the present moment by the soft touch of a paw on my bare arm.

Our feline family member, Stevie, had decided I'd been lost in my concentration quite long enough, because he stood up on his hind legs, and reached up to touch me...."Um, hey!  I'm here!"

When I felt the soft paw touch, I looked down at Stevie, standing there reaching up for me.  He's got a strikingly beautiful face.  Looking into his eyes, I couldn't help but smile.  I could still hear the recording in the background, but I was just in the moment.  I stopped and spent a few minutes just enjoying the cat, and he certainly reveled in having my attention back on him.

The recording, my tentative plans for the day, my concerns and thoughts about the future, everything else fell away and Stevie and I just spent a few simple, fun moments together.

I'm sure the people on the recordings had many wonderful things to say.  But to be honest, the one who gave me a nugget of wisdom this morning, was Stevie.

Existence Kiss

She abides
In the expanse of space
Between the night
And dawn's bright face
Where time does not exist
Clothed in silken purple
Adorned with freedom
Sweetest rhythm
Body swaying
Dance of sheer delight
Each movement
Existence kiss
Heart, spirit
Calling forth
That which must be
And the River, lovingly
Washes away
All that belongs
On another path
There is no seeking
Love Is

States

At times, a question mark.
The calm mirror of water.
Swirling, dancing like breath on a January morning.
Occasionally, darkness.
Often, fire!
Always, love.

Morning's Decision

Morning tea
Greet the day
Decision time
Staying open
Remaining raw
Centered
Determined
Loving

Past mistakes
Destructive self judgement
Even random occurrence
The "odds"
At the periphery of the mind
Beckoning loudly
Tempting you
Come back in here
Behind the wall
It's safe here

Smiling
Sending doubt and fear on their way
Conscious choice
Stay the path
Be love
Work
Believe
Spread light
Messy, beautiful, unpredictable life

Somewhere between glory and horror
The place where your feet
Will touch the earth today
And every day

Walk. Live. Love. Be.

Reborn

It's not a cliche after all

In your very weakest moments

Doubts and fears that threaten to end you

The times when the very substance

Of who you thought you were

Shaken and stripped away

Even love seems to have flown

Sitting on the floor

Curled in a ball 

Fear, sorrow and emptiness 

Vying for control  

Stop fighting with it

Allow the fear, and face the void

Witness yourself

Broken as you are

Embracing it, the wave of it 

It breaks over you

Fleetingly, you wonder

Will it completely 

Wash you away

And then

Something unexpected

Rocking, sobbing

An aching tenderness begins 

Tendrils, like new spring growth

Nourishing the life within

Love, here

Exactly as things are, exactly as YOU are 

All the words, the striving fall away

Precious, sacred vulnerability

Like a newborn baby

Just you, breathing 

Gossamer threads of connection

With every thing

Standing, more naked than ever in your life

Raw with emotion

Drawing in sacred breath 

Closing your eyes, feeling your own heart

Oh, sweet delicious BEING

A new power within 

You are reborn 

Strength found in weakness 

No rules, no more confused thoughts

Gone the tangled striving 

Focusing on the love 

The light that shines within 

Standing now, looking at the sky

Feeling the wind on your face

Colors, so vivid 

Life, seen through the heart 

Such power 

In simply being 

Heart rhythm 

Shining, breathing and flowing

The Universe smiles 

The Human Being Challenge

I've been called

Liberal 

Witch

Cunt 

Fucking Democrat

Delusional 

White Woman

Flirt

Whore

I guess in the end, I'd prefer "Beth".  

I've heard others called:

Liberal

Conservative 

Idiot

Moron

Nigger

Nazi
Junkie

Facist 

Atheist 

Whore 

Cunt 

Fat ass

Zionist

Terrorist

Gang member

Brainless

Animal 

Dirty

Sub Human

Worthless

I myself have recently used the following labels to for people:

Stupid assholes

Baby killers

"Freakin Pubs"

Black Hearted Greed Hounds

Druggie 

I commonly refer to Dick Cheney as "The Anti-Christ"

Honestly.  We can't do this anymore.

I can't do this anymore.

Every time we decide someone needs a label, we dehumanize them, and ourselves.  We decide that they are lesser than us, that they do not have the same rights as we do, that there is something intrinsically wrong or bad about them.  Why?  

Because they do not think or believe the way we do.  And that makes us angry, or it scares us.  Anger is just another form of fear, anyway.

We're not all going to agree all the time.  We already know that. Yes, there are huge issues and challenges going on right now.  And people are dying, every day - because of one simple thing.  Our collective inability to put "THAT IS A HUMAN BEING" above ANY OTHER THOUGHT, NEED OR BELIEF. 

I am going to challenge myself.

Every time I want to spit out some nasty description, every time my fear or anger tells me that I have a RIGHT, that I have JUSTIFIED REASONS to count that person as less, every time I want to use a label - I want to STOP.  I want to catch myself.  I want to take deep breaths and ask myself  "Is this really going to help anything, if I do/say this?"  

I can't walk around believing that only people that are easy for me to get along with are worthy, beautiful, and amazing.  We all are.  Even people whose fear has made them act in ugly ways. I don't have any answers to anything.  I just know I can't pick and choose anymore.  I have to draw a line.  I have to stop.

Just For Tonight

Tonight
I'm giving it all a fucking rest
Goals on pause
Analyzing stops
No more picking me apart
Not striving for anything
No working, moving, purging
I don't want to rescue anybody
I sure as hell don't need rescuing
No
Tonight is mine
And you can't have it
None of you
Tonight I'm just me
And that's God Damned Well
Good Enough
In fact
It's beautiful
None of the labels matter now
And the past
With it's shining joys
And spectacular falls
Are just lessons learned late
As the man from Canada says*
And in this moment
I have no regrets
No apologies for you
I know who I was
Where I've been
What I've done
I'm standing here now
This is who I am
Who will I be?
That's for tomorrow
For today
I am here
And I am me
Exactly as I am
I don't fear my past, my present, or my future
Nor anyone else's
I'm doing this my way
One step, one day at a time
I'm not coloring inside the lines anymore
Every time I do that
It almost kills me
Right now is where I am
Because that's the only moment that matters
Don't you ever question my heart, my love
Or my authenticity
I've never hidden my successes
Or my failures
Maybe I didn't do it the way everyone wanted
That's life
That's me
You do the best you can in the moment you're standing in
That's all I've ever done, and it's all you've ever done
I'm choosing to be happy
With exactly who I am and where I am
Loving being alive
Having fun
If you don't, what exactly is the point?
I'll laugh, love and enjoy being.
Yeah.
So tonight is just for me.

*A reference to "It's Always Been You"  by Todd Kerns off the album Borrowing Trouble

Finding My Own Way

It's strange to think about it, now.

We chase so many things, because we think they're going to fill us up, create a feeling of wholeness or happiness or perhaps chase away the pain.  Sometimes, we know we're doing it, other times, it's just a human reaction and we aren't even aware of ourselves.

We aren't aware of ourselves.  That's just it, I think.  Any time something feels bad, uncomfortable, or painful we run away from it, we have to cover it, avoid it or cure it as fast as possible.  There are times, though, when we do ourselves a disservice.  Sometimes, you're SUPPOSED to feel that pain, or grief or anger and there's nothing wrong with it.

We can't face it for a lot of different reasons.  Maybe the grief is too big, or the pain is so all encompassing that letting it out seems like it would be the end of us. Maybe the sense of failure, of worthlessness is too much to bring out into the sun.

I've come to realize, each of us is exactly where we need to be.  I can't expect you to be anywhere but exactly where you are right now, in this moment.  There is nothing wrong with you or where you are right now.

It's harder to give that gift to myself.  Acknowledging that I am OK, that I'm acceptable, lovable, worthy....oh damn!  It's taken a lifetime to even begin to think that's possible.  But, I'm getting there, just recently.

I can't and I won't chase anything else to try and make it OK.  For a long time, I didn't even know I was doing it.  Then, once I did, it took a long time to STOP.  Lifelong survival habits are hard to change, but it isn't impossible.

Chasing distractions is empty.

There isn't any comfort to be had in food, television, twitter, liquor or the myriad of other things we try. Trust me on this point. And people?  I have been blessed with so many beautiful souls in my life,  but in the end, even that can change, for many different reasons.  I will always cherish the gift of the people I've been blessed to know in my life - those still here and those not in my life any more. The truth of the matter is, none of us can truly get our sense of self from the people around us, or the roles we play.  We won't find a way to make that heavy fear-ache in our chest go away by attaching ourselves to any other human being.  It doesn't work and it's a hell of a heavy load to hang on another person.

No.

We have to face ourselves. We have to accept ourselves. We have to love ourselves.  We have to find our own inspiration and connection.  We have to walk our own walk and make our own dreams happen. Only we can heal ourselves.  Of course we can help each other, and I am so grateful for the help I have received.  But we do have to make the decision to open the door and face it, to do that tough work. We have to be the one to open the door inside of us.  No one can make that decision for you.

For me, a connection with the Divine is what has helped me to find myself again and to decide that yes, I do indeed still want to be here. I'm glad I opened that particular door, and I've made no secret of the fact that Archangel Michael quite literally saved me by lending me his light and courage to face things until I was strong enough to realize my personal power. If I hadn't made the decision myself to open  that door and work, and acknowledge my need for help,  where would I be now?  More to the point - would I be now?  It's hard for anyone to help us if we won't accept it and admit we need it, and I'm glad I decided to seek help and hope.

Everyone's path is different, and we all find our own way.  Our own way.  That's how it works, that's how it has to be.

Disarming Yourself

Truth is
They're not rejecting you
No one is misunderstanding
No matter who, how many
Regardless of the situation
The judgement doesn't come
From the outside
Verdict rendered
By the judge and jury
Within
Those you interact with
Day to day
Are simply the mirror
You conjured them
To reflect what's inside 
Dutifully, they show up
Ready to deliver
A hot plate
Preordered
By YOU
Crazy, unbalanced
Over-sharer
Flirt, whore
Ugly, flighty
Talentless, worthless
Unlovable 
Overly sensitive
Lacking in compassion
Self-absorbed
Damaged
Accusations based on insecurity
Not on fact
That's coming from the place inside
The one you don't look at or go into
When you face your darkness
Accept, forgive, let go
Love yourself
All those damned arrows
From every direction
Bows drawn back
By your own self repulsion
Will all fall away
Freedom will be yours
It's your call

Tender Heart

Sometimes, you just drop it
All the baggage
And you've got no goddamned clue
What, where,  or how
And there's just life

Unable, unwilling
To go behind walls again
Tender heart, wide open
Eyes, refusing to close
See it all
Feel everything

Yeah
You'll bleed sometimes
But once you SEE
You can't go back
To willful blindness

It's just so
BIG

Some days

You know?

Rain

Rain does things to me.  Even as a little girl, rain has always been a portal, to imagination or to places inside of myself.

When I'm lying in bed on a rainy summer night, I can hear that "tires on rainy road" sound that cars make when the road is wet.  I get little pictures in my head, snippets of conversation and even moments of emotion as if their happiness, anger, fear or melancholy is seeping out the car window and coming to settle on me for the briefest of moments.  Then, as the headlights make moving designs across the dark bedroom ceiling, they are gone from me and I am again alone with the sound of the rain on the trees outside.

The SMELL of rain is very stirring to me.  One of my favorite things is that sweet scent that happens in late spring or early summer, when everything is in bloom and the rain falling down upon all of that thriving, growing greenness creates the most delicious mixture in the air.  It's an olfactory feast and I always have to stop, close my eyes and draw it in.  Life smells good, you know?

There are so many different, subtle scents where rain is concerned.  It depends on what is around that the rain is falling ON, what the temperature is, and many other different factors.  I think it's amazing how a scent can bring back an entire memory, and have me reliving an entire scene in my head.  I'm like that with rain, too.  Certain PLACES in the rain bring memories.  But it's not only that. When it rains, it's almost as if my senses, and I don't just mean the standard 5, are heightened.

On a rainy day, I'll often just pick up an entire scene, not one that's my memory, but one that is connected somehow with wherever I am at that moment.  Imagination? I wonder sometimes if it's a "place memory", I've heard some locations just have that kind of energy.  I'm not sure.  It happens more on rainy days than any other type of weather or situation.

I even have some songs that evoke rain thoughts.  There are a couple of Aerosmith songs that have no connection with rain whatsoever but each time I hear them I get a really strong rain smell, no matter where I am, and a quick little "vision" of pouring rain on green leaves.  If I ever meet Steven Tyler, mark my words, I'm going to ask him if it was raining when he wrote those two songs.

This morning, the air is sticky and sits on my skin like an itchy sweater.  I much prefer that the water fall from the sky, rather than to float in the air and make us all feel sluggish and nasty. High relative humidity, I believe the meteorologist called it.  This is one of the only forms water takes that I am NOT fond of!

Last night though, it rained.  When I stepped outside this morning to breathe, to greet the day as I always do, the rain was still making it's presence known, sliding off leaves like tiny ski slopes, and sitting in perfect spheres on flower petals.

That's an entire little world, or it is to me.  When I look up close at a flower, with perfect crystalline raindrops sitting on them, it speaks to me of life.  I can see, in that one moment all of the energy in the Universe, contained in this one clear view.  The color of the flower petals, the pistil and stamen, and the beautiful vivid green of the leaves are all quite captivating and I can lose myself in that world.  This morning, I found myself lost in wonder looking at the rain on my roses.

Rain.  I love rain.  I like walking in it.  I love to play in puddles like a 5 year old.  I love the sound of it and the smell of it.

Sometimes it even rains inside, and if you don't hide from it you'll find you're quite refreshed after it has passed.

New Day

The morning is sacred
Holy
Each person
Also sacred
Yes, even holy
What you bring to this day
Can be carried forward
By no other
Your light
Your gifts
Unique in this vast Universe
You are right where you need to be
Precious just as you are
A new day
You're beautiful
Let's do this
Shall we?

REGULAR PEOPLE DOING WHAT THEY DO

I realize that my overly enthusiastic expressions of support for people I care about and believe in can sound over the top to many people.  I'm certain there are those who think I'm being fake.  I can understand people having that reaction.

I assure you, quite the opposite is the case.  It's really about my world view.

I believe that the world is what we make of it.  Despite all of the horrible, negative things we all see and hear about every day, I still believe that what each of us does and says is important.  Every single one of us is unique and brings something different to the table. Something vital is missing if we don't share what we are.

And so, when I meet people, whether in real life or perhaps encounter them on line, once I interact with them, I SEE them.  I don't just see them, I REALLY see them.  It's who I am.  I end up just being completely in awe, everyday, when I see regular people doing what they do.

One person that comes to mind is #njpoet.  I discovered Charles Bivona's website and writing through another mutual friend on Twitter.  Charles is a working poet.  I actually like saying that out loud, that someone is a WORKING POET.  It feels good saying that, and to be honest I need to believe that the world has a place for a working poet, that we understand the value of this.  It gives me hope that the human race hasn't lost it's soul.  Following Charles on Twitter and reading his writing on his website has been an experience that is in turns delightful, sad, maddening and always thought provoking.  I read Charles daily, as if he were the morning newspaper, and I'd never miss a day.  That's regular people, doing what they do.

Speaking of regular people, I work with a huge bunch of them.  My coworkers are a varied group, different ages and backgrounds, likes and dislikes, just like any workplace.  As many who are close to me know, I've been on a bit of a personal journey (giant understatement) over the past 3 years.  I've worked in the same position during that entire time.  The past few months, as I've come out the other side of a rough part of that personal journey, and am enjoying the beauty of every day, I've noticed something.  I'm not certain how I missed this, honestly.  I clearly had blinders on, and I didn't SEE at all what was right in front of me.  My usual IN-sight failed me. I'm not just saying this but MY COWORKERS ARE ROCK STARS.  This has to be one of the hardest working group of people I've ever had the pleasure of being employed with.  And the positive attitude and sincere pleasure they get from helping each other makes going in to work every day so much better.  They help me to believe excellence is possible, and not just at work. There are those who would say that 9 to 5 isn't everybody's dream.  Maybe.  But a group of people like this makes your day about much more than getting a paycheck, you know?  And I was completely asleep to it, until recently.  That's regular people, doing what they do.

Musicians.  Babies, you know I love you!!  My dear friend Glenn Stewart is actually a true rock star as far as I'm concerned.  Glenn's gifts go beyond great songwriting, unexpected lyrics and truly stellar vocals. Watching Glenn on stage, seeing what happens as he interacts with the crowd....watching the way he communicates what's really behind a song - the emotion, the energy - that's beautiful!  Like so many musicians that I am gifted to know, Glenn works at a regular job during the day and works his ass off on his dreams on his own time.  To me, the music he shares makes a difference.  It gets inside, and it makes my heart sing.  It helps me to realize how connected we all are.  The music lifts people.  It feels good, really good.  I'm glad Glenn works so hard to share his gifts with us and I'm  SO glad he hasn't given up!  I've always felt the same way about Pete Klein from Blisstique, from the very first note of his music I heard and the very first interaction I had with him on Twitter.  Music that lifts people.  That's regular people, doing what they do.  (Please check these two guys out by the way, more people need to hear!)

 I'm also a loyal Chewstroker to the end.  If you're confused, check out Chewstroke.com.  There are those who would say that the tweets are too abrasive.  I've grown to love the attitude.  When I'm taking life much too seriously, I know exactly what timeline on Twitter to read - and I instantly get over myself.  I love people who tell the unvarnished truth, and so Chewy and Mark will always have a place in my heart.  Lots of people really don' t get it, and that frankly doesn't matter.  Regular people, doing what they do.

Many other everyday people regularly have me in awe, these are just a few gems.  I have written before about my family and friends, who are gifts to me every single day.  There are dozens of other people I interact with all the time, who always stop me in my tracks, just by the way they walk it, you know?   I will always be knocked over by beautiful, everyday people, doing what they do.  And lots of people will think I'm weird because of it.  And that's OK.  

Don't water yourself down.  Just like the people mentioned here, you are a unique gift to the world. You have no idea what effect you have on others.

Love Transformed

There is a silence

Beyond anything you have ever known

There is a longing

Delicious bliss

It lives in every cell

In the ripe, dripping breath

Drawn within, animating you

Making itself known

In every stretch, each step

Sweet, undaunted juicy ache

Skin washed in it 

Transforms the body

The knowing 

Within

Flowing throughout

Body, heart, soul

And eventually

Mind, as one 

Ego's violent death throes 

Giving way to soul's life

Never has there been 

Such intimacy

With one's own soul

And every single soul encountered

All of creation  

Heartbeats joined

Infused, connected

It is all 

So

Very

MUCH

In the best way possible 

5:30

Standing in the bedroom, alone
Skin still too warm
From the work clothes
Now in a pile on the floor
Moving neck and shoulders
Easy circles
Tension release
Throws the hair clip
On the bureau
Ditches the jewelry
Takes a second
Eyes closed
Letting it all fall away
Except for breathing
In, out, in, out
Long hair tickling bare back
Body beginning to cool
Stretching across the bed
Just being

All of it
Floats just slightly out of reach
Lets it stay out there
Like so much flotsam
Finding center
Listening
Heartbeat
Sweet emptiness
Blessed fucking zero
Sacred silence
Nothing, Everything

After a time
Returning
Slowly
Allows the thoughts of the day
To seep back in
To the periphery
Of awareness
A slight discomfort
Like the butterfly
Pushing out into open air

Allowing, releasing, receiving, flowing
Now, yes
Sight finally clear
Heart sight
Standing now
Knowing

The Lily (for pK)

To be a lily
In your garden
Perfectly adorned
In the simple beauty
Of God's light
A smile to greet the day
And in this simple, daily exchange
All the mystery, love and joy
In the Universe

No Quarter

There used to be places to hide
Now
No cover
No quarter
Just stark fear
And even in this
I must consent
Running, quitting
Considered
But always
The truth catches up
There is only
Through
Strange
How the heart grows
Upon standing your ground
A brush of wings
The only refuge
In a time
That uproots
All

The Mirror

Look in the mirror
What do you see?
What happens when you make eye contact
With yourself?
The others you encounter
Day to day
They're also your mirror
A perfect reflection
Of what is within YOU!

The one who is afraid
Of having their dreams come true
Because they fear failure
The person who finds fault
With everyone and everything
So they don't have to get close
Perfect way to avoid being hurt
And have precious control
Sometimes the seeker
Looking for MORE
Who is my Savior?
Where is my Angel?
Who will validate me?
Where can I find the mystical connection?
Oh I'm so empty
Show me, oh please
I KNOW it's you...be that for me!

And we put them on a pedestal
Far above all others
But they're human
Just beautiful, broken people
Trying to make their way

But OH! They've disappointed us
And for this we will hate them forever
Making of ourselves
The perfect victim
Wronged again! I told you it would happen!
And we hold tight to our righteous pain
While the one we elevated so high
Reels in pain, broken after falling
From the high place we put them in
And wounded by our hatred
At their simple, bruised humanity
Bleeding from our rejection
Of the gift they tried to give us

Don't you know?
No one can save you
No one is your angel or your savior
There aren't any gurus or mystics that will help
And those things that make you so angry
The behavior beyond contempt
Everything you say you would never do
Because you're better
You're ABOVE all that, right?!
All of that
Is within YOU
Indeed, it is in your life
Right now
For precisely that reason
Because what you fear
What you despise, what you hate most
Is inside of your OWN heart, soul and psyche
Right now

And until the day
That you can stop
Look yourself in that mirror
Face absolutely all of it
Stop denying it
And then.....
Release it
All of it, no control
Until you are completely, blessedly empty
And just see YOU
Your naked, blessed beautiful Self
Until you face it and release it
None of the chaos will ever stop
And all of the sweet souls you encounter
Dozens of sages and mystics
And hundreds of Angels
Will only be able to stand by
Unable to help you
Powerless to stop the pain and the chaos
Until the day you realize
That you must save yourself

(This poem is written from the perspective of someone looking at themselves in the mirror. In this case, me)

Pandora's Peace

The soul
Intact in the safe place
A beautiful truth
But there is more

Peering out at the world
Surrounded by clouds
Wrapped in cotton
So easily disgruntled

Pandora's on trial
For opening it
Who shall look within?
One to brave the terror?

Arrows sent forth
Always find a mark
Somewhere, a reaction
Quantum physics

Comfortably robed
In righteous anger
Whitewashed with the known
Verdict rendered

Pandora and her ilk
Sit on the ground in rags
Ostracized
Oddly undaunted

Assembling the pretty soul shards
Beautiful, broken, shiny colors
A mandala
We are One

There was no evil
Simply that which was new to our experience
Light and shadow both reveal much
And the little band KNOWS

Nightspell

Will you walk with me at night
Intoxicated by the spring scented air?
I am amazed at the stars
And how we are all made of the same
Might you laugh at me?
The sheer perfection of it
The trees, the breeze
The crickets song
Each breath a miracle
As the sacred night
Kisses warm skin
And hearts beat in unison
Life's music

You Are Enough

Weigh yourself against others
And you will be lost
So many to please
All with a different view
Of who you should be
And the only "right" action to take
As each seeks to make of you
Their mirror
Every choice brings condemnation
Who shall you be?

Count only your ego
As you make your way
Consider no one
And you will cut many
With your thoughtless push
No freedom will you find
From yourself
When you can only hate
What you have become

There will come a day
When you must let go
Of everything
Your striving to please
The need for approval
That cold terror
Of disappearing into complacency
You will forgive them all
And drop all guilt and shame
Forgiving yourself, too
You are empty in that moment
Blessedly void, oh sweet zero!

As you lean in, just slightly
You can hear the whisper of truth
Let it flow
Intuition fueling movement
Compassion and understanding
Blessing all interactions
Integrity and honesty
Keeping the way clear

You are light
You are spirit
The path you walk is yours alone
You live, breathe, connect
Laugh, cry and soar

All you can be
Is you
And, it is enough

Untethered (For dh, mm and bs)

The bravest among us
Walk untethered
While the rest of us
Sit happily in our cozy chains
The ones we chose
Until the day
When we are ready
We decide to break free
Taking those first steps
Heart-stopping wonder
That the world is ours
Standing strong against
The vicious anger
The chained ones level at us
Because we were them
And then
Yes, only then
In that moment
As we take those first steps
Do we realize the gift
That the untethered ones are
In our lives
A gift we could never understand
Until we finally
Took those first steps
On our own

For dh, mm and bs, with love.

Fingernail Moon

I've taken over the bathroom in the basement, and made it my own. This makes it much easier when I return from my morning walks. I couldn't do my walk today, though, because my ankle is still swollen and sore from the concert Tuesday night.  It's getting better and better though, I'll be back out there soon enough.

So, this morning, I put the PJ's back on and opened the door to the outside while I was brushing my hair so it could air dry.  It was still mostly dark, in those few sacred moments just before the dawn.  It rained yesterday and everything had that moist, growing smell to it.  I could hear the birds singing.

The sky was a beautiful shade of night blue, because it was about to lighten with the sun's first rays but the world was still waiting for what was to come.  I understood that feeling.

I looked up at the sky and saw one single star, shining brightly and something else that made me smile.  It was the moon.  When I was very little, I used to call it "the fingernail moon" because of the way it was shaped.

Looking up at that star, and the moon, I drew in several deep breaths, and brought the beautiful morning air into my lungs.

In that moment, I felt completely loved, completely comforted and utterly connected.  Without knowing what specifically comes next, for the first time in so very long, I wasn't afraid.

NEVER BE LESS

Let there never be a day
When you believe your own delusion
No taking the easy way out
Regardless of what people say
Don't give in
When it hurts the most
Fight
We can't become less
Giving up can never be an option
There is no sacrifice too much
When each day, you are MORE
Closer and closer
To your highest self
This
Is truth, is light, is real
Details, situations, obligations exist
Do what you must
Use compassion and love
As you forge ahead
But never be less
NEVER BE LESS
NEVER BE LESS
For an authentic path
Is not an easy road
But the only possible choice
Do you think you were put here
To fit into the worlds limited molds
No
NO
YOU ARE MORE
We are, each of us PURE LIGHT
Belief when worldly details deny you
Choosing the higher road
When pain tells you to HIT
Sure knowledge within
Despite all evidence
Patience because you KNOW
It is yours
Fight
When giving up would be so easy
Integrity
Tells you how to walk
And inspires others
Teachers and help
Are everywhere
If you stay open
No, there is no giving up
Joy in each day
Gratitude for many blessings
Staying in the flow
Trusting the process
Each of us singular, unique
With gifts we must use
And a mission we must BE
No
I will not take my eye
Off that beautiful light
That warms, fuels and inspires

Conduct Unbecoming

The painfully shy child
Kept it all inside
Except to agree
Survival

The woman who
Without realizing
Took the little girl's rules
Into adulthood

The day
When the rules didn't work
Dam broken
Everything rushing out

The spirit, now
Telling the mind, "Peace!"
There is a time to speak
And a time to keep your own counsel

Seek the wisdom
Of your Higher Self
And many, both physical and ethereal
Are here to help

You walk
As she did
Now spouting, chafing, impatient
But still so terrified of offending

You must flow
As the river
Delighted and grateful in the journey
And knowing the destination
Though unseen, is certain

Peace!

Strange Happenings

It's an odd feeling, really
You're just
Doing your thing
Having
A day
And
CLICK
Everything is different
You take a second
What just happened?
Realization
You're not afraid of your past
You're not afraid of the present
You aren't afraid of the future
And for once
You understand
Freefall

Spring's Commingling

Something left behind in the car

Step outside

Wet leaves 

Spring's own breath

Bring it within

Sacred darkness

Majyck

Spirit moves 

Rises

Dancing on the breeze

Cricket sounds

Rhythmic, musical

Sweet lullaby

Abundant life

In the stillness 

Eyes closed

Moist air 

Clings to long hair 

The knowing

Feel the thread 

Pick it up

Oh! Beautiful pain

The truth lives

And so, carried

Cherished treasure 

Light within

Sky above

And earth below

I greet thee 

Flow, as the river 

Movement, free fall

Her only grace now

All efforts at control

Relinquished

A changed soul 

Honors the lessons

Trusting truth

Following the light 

Stumbling, barefoot

Laughing, learning

Finally 

To live 

 

A Woman Rains

Descending from the Berkshires
Taking the long way on purpose
Winding road
Following the river
Rain hitting the car
Music's on
Singing along
I'm raining, too
Just like Gaia
Because sometimes
A woman's heart rains
Not to say it's too much
Not that she can't handle it
It's not even because she CAN handle it
She can, and she does
There are days when a woman rains
Because like Gaia
She's connected with it all

Creation 

Birth and death
Life, people 
All of it
Who we are, what we do
And while she walks and moves
Through life
And in spirit
She feels EVERYTHING
Her triumphs, her falls
And all of yours too
There are times
When there isn't a refuge
A place to pause
And be enveloped in warmth
And so, it's natural
For the rain to fall
Water flows, like the river
Moving, life's journey
Cleansing, freeing rain
A cool, sweet scented breeze follows
And the air is changed
She looks up, seeing the sun
And with a joyful heart
Returns to the beautiful task
Of living, dreaming
Being

Active Hope

Hope.

Hope is a real, tangible thing.  It is a knowledge, deep within you.  It doesn't need evidence, it exists without benefit of sight or touch, it lives inside of each and every one of your cells.  Hope is fed by that light inside, and it changes your world view.

Hope is love in action.  Hope is unlocked when you allow yourself to be secure in the knowledge that something beautiful is yours, right now - regardless of the day's situation, and despite any challenges.  Hope is what gets you up in the morning to work out, to write, or to learn something new.  Hope is the fuel you use to work on your dream while you balance the day to day.

Hope whispers in your ear to take that risk, the one your intuition is screaming at you to take.

Hope.  It's the thing that turns passion into action, and action creates movement, both in the physical practical sense, and in the energetic world.  Action changes the game. Each step taken strengthens that hope.  You rejoice in each day you have been given - even the very worst ones - because each is it's own gift, and those days combined to bring you to this one - the one you are standing in right now.

Hope reminds you, in every moment, that steps taken lead to dreams coming true and to blessings that are already yours right now, whether you can see them or not. Hope feeds all that hard work, especially on the days that you want to give up and make an excuse but you don't - you KNOW who you are. Hope lives in your heart and let's you know "Yes. That's yours. It's real. Don't give up or give in, no matter what."

Hope is an endless supply, within each of us, and it wells up and spills over.  And we give it to others around us, whether by sharing a smile, or lending a hand. By being a voice for change. By truly seeing people. By showing up. Maybe by just silently being there. Sometimes people can lose sight of hope.  When we reach out, we can help them to feel it and let that energy live inside of them again. It's like lighting a candle - your light remains undimmed and now the other is also glowing!   It costs us nothing and makes such a difference to anyone we come in contact with.  Hope is a free commodity, and it can change you, me and our world.

Today, I am grateful for hope.

Hope Lives

As the sun's fire

Touches the morning sky

Crows call in the nearby pines

Patience replaces restlessness

Integrity pushes out easy fixes

Work and truth 

Action 

Remain the beacons

For creating it right

Becoming in each moment

The change you seek

Energy and flow

Connection with All

Belief

Shaping it every day

Hope Lives 

  

Is There A Safe Middle Ground - Thoughts on Bad Corporate Citizens

This afternoon a Facebook post I shared, which was commented on by someone else, got me thinking.  I feel as if there are two schools of thought where corporations like BP, Monsanto or Walmart are concerned. The first says they must be stopped, or made to change their behaviors.  The second school of thought says we can't rock the boat because it's "bad for the economy."

In each case, there is significant evidence to show that these corporations are not....let's go with the corporate euphemism.....they are not "good corporate citizens."  This is all the more ironic since they are considered a "person" under certain statutes of the law.

Another oil spill a few days ago by a BP refinery into Lake Michigan is just the latest in a series of consistent problems from this corporation, despite their lovely commercials. Some people I know haven't even heard of this latest spill.  I guess if it's not coming up on the beaches where you live, it doesn't matter, right?  We certainly found our voices when it came to some windmills on Cape Cod....but since this is Michigan and most of us don't live there....

Monsanto's GMO crops are banned in over 60 countries and here in the United States, they are spending inordinate amounts of money to avoid simply LABELING FOOD AS GMO.   They are also the creators and distributors of herbicides on the market currently linked by scientists to recent problems with severely declining populations of both Monarch Butterflies and bees.  Maybe you aren't worried about Monarch Butterflies, although I am.  You OUGHT TO BE worried about bees.  They pollinate your food supply. Last I heard, Monsanto wanted to sue the entire state of Vermont over labeling.

Walmart seems to be the place to go if you want to save money on your grocery bill, right?  No matter that once again, they have a consistent, ongoing record of problems with how employees are treated and not providing what many of us would consider a decent living wage.

I believe that we have a responsibility to demand that corporations balance profit and being good corporate citizens. This should be a symbiotic relationship.  You are providing jobs and needed services to the community, and conducting business in a responsible, competitive manner that allows for a profit. This provides growth and security to your employees and if applicable, your shareholders.

We have every right as citizens to expect and demand that corporations operate in our communities in a manner that takes into account the decent treatment of each human being, basic health and safety, and environmental concerns.  If they are not, we must demand change.  If our elected officials cannot or will not help us to make this happen, then we do not re-elect them.  We ask questions. We find out who is financing what and for whom?  Who is donating to what campaigns?

What corporations have former government officials worked for, officials who are now making decisions that benefit their former place of employment?  This isn't paranoia, it's a matter of public record. Do what I've done. Look it up, check sources. Care.

I am tired of hearing that we can't do anything about this.  I'm sick of everyone saying the economy will come crashing down if we stop subsidizing big oil, put controls on big oil's day to day operations, raise the minimum wage, or put limitations on Monsanto simply because we want to know what we are eating.

Let me get this straight.  We can put people in space, manipulate the workings inside a single human cell and map DNA.  But it's COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE to expect that changes be made requiring corporations to be good corporate citizens and stop them from doing things that are detrimental to our health, our environment and in violation of basic human decency?

That's bullshit, pure and simple.

And I feel that we are being willing little sheep if we are not taking it upon ourselves to be informed, to not get stuck on party lines and demand change.  We can vote, we can peacefully protest, we can help inform people, we can write letters, we can make calls.  AND WE CAN STOP SUPPORTING THESE CORPORATIONS AND THEIR PRODUCTS if they refuse to change.  Without the people supporting them, they'd all be done.  Maybe a few of us can't do anything. But millions of ONES can.

If I got you angry with this, good.  I meant to. Call me unrealistic.  Tell me I don't have all the facts. But if you're thinking about it at least, it's a start.

I WILL

I am learning that life is an act of will, followed by getting off your ass and moving.  Thus, I will:

Sit on the beach with little kids and make a sandcastle

Walk slowly through a warm green morning, enjoying the beauty of the day, sipping coffee

Spend an entire Sunday lying around naked, listening to music

Wander through museums for hours, taking all the unscheduled hours I wish, to really be with all that I see

Write even more stupid, lousy poetry because it feels good

Listen to more live music because it's good for the body and the soul

Keep my hair ridiculously long no matter what people think about what's proper for my "age group"

See art everywhere

Be awed at the truth that artists reveal, and all the ways they do it

Help artists whenever I can because they remind us why we're here

Be moved to tears and laughter by everyday interactions

Embrace my passionate nature instead of  hiding it

Laugh, laugh and laugh some more

Kiss as if my life depended on it

Continue to embrace change with my actions and not just my words

Be the queen of flip flops and a tank top

Be 49 and sexy.

Accept my past, even the colossal failures

Go where the flowers are. See them, smell them, take a million pictures, plant them, love them, grow them because they make my heart sing

Be completely "out" at all times about being a crazy, witchy, pagan, earth spirit, angel freak

Create something every day

Stop looking for validation from outside or upside.  If it's right, it's right and it doesn't matter what others think, or what the little fearful voice inside thinks. I am connected and I WILL make the decision. Regardless of the outcome, I am still connected. So I choose to live, and love.

Remember that the odds don't matter.

Never again give up something beautiful because of fear.

Literally hug trees

Go where my heart and soul lead me, no matter what

Forgive others

Forgive myself

Wander around in the woods even more than I already do

Do Reiki daily

Always do my morning and evening rituals

Sing as often as possible

Perform random acts of kindness every day

Be thankful for all of the people I am blessed to know

Remember my wings

Stand in my personal power

Call Michael if I am scared

Paint, color, sculpt, or any other art form I want to try. Not because I am especially talented. Just because creating feels good and frees up energy.

Discard and donate what is not needed

Be compassionate and loving but firm when change must occur, so that I may help others to adjust.

Stop with the white knuckled control deal

Make full eye contact even more

Have fun 

Skinny Dip

Go Zip lining!

Walk the beach

Enjoy classic movies

Sit by streams, rivers and lakes 

Believe

What are you going to do!?