Squeezed

Squeezed into a little space
That’s how it sometimes feels
My thoughts, my life could be so BIG
They’re nipping at my heels
Check that box there’s not much time
Let’s get it done right now
I feel I could be so much more
If I only knew just how
I need some time, I need more space
To sit, unfold and BE
Would be a gift, unheard of bliss
To take this just for ME
I need to take the risk you see
Be willing to rock the boat
For if I don’t, if I’m too afraid
The scream dies, silent in my throat

Frayed

I’m frayed around the edges
I wish it weren’t so
Would prefer if I were “harder”
Not let things pull me to and ‘fro
I’m thinking about everything
What’s working and what’s not
And how to handle challenges
When issues get too hot
My heart is feeling raw today
I’m worried about much
Bills and health and goals we have
Logistics, plans and such
The things that bring me peace
When life can get too big
It seems I cannot get to them
It makes me want to wig
My friends, my man, my family
Some refreshing time away
They seem to be the very things
That get taken, day-to-day
I’ll keep on trucking on today
And tomorrow do the same
This ebb and flow will change, I know
That’s how we play the game

Thought for Today

I was a good little girl. I did what I was supposed to do. I grew up and I was still a good little girl.
I've spent my entire life doing what I am supposed to do, saying what I am supposed to say, wearing what I'm supposed to wear and showing up where I'm supposed to show up. I'm dependable. Yup, dependable. Put that on my freaking gravestone, that's just what people want to be remembered for - she was dutiful and dependable. Yipee. Really.

At this point, really - - I have to be honest. Being a good, dutiful person has gotten me what?
I'm tired, fat, old and bored. Big deal.

I love my husband, family, sons and friends. But my biggest fear in life isn't death - it's being ORDINARY. Everyone has the capability to be amazing. And right now I don't feel amazing.

It's like, there's more to me than this, if I could just stop checking off the required boxes long enough to figure out what I would really like to be doing !