What is "the swoop" you may ask?
Simply put, the swoop is when you see a situation, and without any further evaluation, you "swoop in' and fix it.
Today, we're going to have a little chat about why "the swoop" isn't always a good idea. I mean, in general helping people is good, right? RIGHT?
Not always! Yes, I said that. I'll wait, think about it for a minute. It's OK. Go ahead, put your hands on your face and make like Macauley Culkin in Home Alone and do the shocked face. I assure you, I am neither crazy nor am I a selfish ass.
See, that's the thing about the swoop. We tend not to evaluate. We just act. We assume "the issue must be addressed" and worse yet we think we are the only one who can do it. That isn't always the case, though. Taking a few minutes to stop and think can be very valuable here.
Does the issue actually NEED to be addressed? Not everything does, you know. If indeed it should be addressed, are YOU the right person for that? If you insert yourself into the situation, will you truly be adding value, can you truly help, or are you feeding your ego? Lastly, if constructive action is to be taken, what does that look like, let's define it. Who is best to carry out these actions? What is the expected end result, and when is this complete? Adding specifics keeps things from dragging on without resolution.
Another important factor is what I fondly refer to as "The Level 2 Swoop." The Level 2 Swoop isn't just trying to fix something for someone. Level 2 is when you don' t just DO things for others, you actually try and protect them from FEELINGS as well.
Despite the fact that this is a lot like trying to block a tsunami with an umbrella, many of us fall into this trap. "Oh NO! Someone I love is having a FEELING! I must protect!"
OK, I get it. I've done this before, and still do it at times. It's only natural to want to stop the people we care about from being upset.
Whether it's picking up something while grocery shopping that will make your spouse smile, letting someone know that you appreciate what they do, or reassuring someone and commiserating with them when they've had a tough day - that's just what we do and that's normal.
It turns into Level 2 Swoop when you sort of try and turn your loved one(s) into the person in the plastic bubble. You internalize everything they say, assume it's about you or at the very least YOU must fix it, and basically try and fly around like "the feelings fairy" trying to waive your sparkly wand and stop anything difficult from happening.
That sounds ridiculous, you say? Yes, it does. But many of us do this, and spend YEARS in this pattern.
The thing is, sometimes we can't really do anything constructive. Sometimes, the other person needs to navigate this on their own, and you can't make it go away for them. In fact, it's not always a good idea to put on your cape and fly in every time. It sounds awful, but it's true. Sometimes they need to feel shitty, decide what comes next and take action. We can be supportive, but we aren't always helping if we do it for them.
And frankly, when we OVERDO this, and play fix it fairy too much, we find ourselves in burnout mode with no energy, no clarity and no passion to get anything moving. We simply get too exhausted from the lack of balance in our day to day lives.
Most of the time feeling awful is something we ARE going to get through. There are times when we have to sit in, or slog through the steaming pile of poop, and it will just suck until it doesn't. Sometimes, all we can do is hand our loved ones a shovel and let them get on with it.
The trick then, is in stopping to evaluate whether a situation you're observing is one that you should jump into and help, or one where you need to be hands off. It takes time and I'm still learning, too. Balance is like that, it's an ongoing process with adjustments all the time.
