Nature's Music

No need for headphones here
I close my eyes
Just listen
Bird calls
Crickets
Frogs
A turtle kerplunks into the water
Leaves falling from the trees
Hitting other plants as they land
Dozens of sounds
Someone's breath, in and out
Oh, that's me
A part of this place
For just a moment

Another Little Golden Key

Two beautiful souls
Survived two very different hells
Failed by their parents
Uncaring communities
Judged, rejected
Found each other
It will be us against the world
Nobody will hurt our babies
The way we were hurt
And Oh!
We were loved, so loved!
And protected
Within our little cocoon
It was the sweetest, safest, happiest place
We were three
Fighting to survive
And then we were four
Oh, beautiful boy
You can still make me smile
Just by walking into the room
And so we four kept fighting
Belonging absolutely nowhere
Except to each other
Socially inept, separate
The world didn't like us
People are scary, they don't care
That was the feeling inside
Just keep your distance
And never show anyone what's inside
Except those rarest few
That's how it is
The four had new challenges to face
And so the little girl decided
" I am fine "
And everyone believed it
But inside
Fraud, faker!
"I don't belong"
Puzzle piece that doesn't fit
Anywhere
Seeking, needing.....
Choir and Chorus
Church
Friends
Work
Food
Fads
Online
Never whole
No answers
Floating
Endless stops and starts
Always too afraid to finish
Failure
Driving people away
"Tell me I'm OK!"
Until finally
Realization
Seeing it for the first time
No more excuses
It's just how life unfolds
And how we react
People do the best they can
In each moment
Muscle memory
Now you've told YOUR story
And in the telling
Another tiny golden key
A key to freedom
Letting go
A key to moving forward
Under your own power
No blaming
Owning it
And carrying yourself
No longer a burden
You can look UP
Look OUT
Look at OTHERS
How beautiful the world is
Self acceptance
Without self obsession
Finally
The confusion and chaos
Done
Cosmic charm bracelet
With little golden keys
Jangles as you walk
And you smile
Because freedom feels so good

HELLO WORLD
Let's enjoy this day
Together

The Same Beautiful Day

Places that are a part
Of our fabric
Suspension of time
Am I 8
Or 48
Little girl
Candy apple
Daddy's hand
Sunny day, fall breeze
People laughing
Woman
Bag of crisp, red apples
Husband by my side
People laughing
Sunny day, fall breeze
I am 8
Or maybe 48
It's all the same beautiful day

Ordinary

People
As they are
Ordinary
Breathing
Alive

A Comfortable Place

A place of warmth
Innocence
Acceptance
Sweet camaraderie
Devoid of expectation
Happy to simply be
No baggage
Companionship
Relax
Do nothing
Simple conversation
Or comfortable silence
This is where life is lived

Unforgivable

A shift
Risk taken
Everything on the line
Never before

And then

You weren't there
You didn't see
You didn't catch them

And so they fell
Far
And landed
So hard

There was no intent to harm
You didn't know

That doesn't change anything

Simply
Unforgivable

Long Way Back To Hope

Some things
Seemingly
Cannot be fixed
No matter how much
We hope
Regardless of the penance
And so
We keep the pain and regret
The lessons learned
And yes
The good and the beautiful
Altered
Seeking needed rest
Each morning
Awakening
New day,  ours
Days that test our patience
Days of happiness
Events that energize
And some that wound
The unexplainable random ones, too
But we can choose how we walk
Our actions and reactions
They belong to us
Seeking joy and solace
Sweet comfort
In the simple
And hope
In the small things
Hot steaming coffee
Reading a great book
Time in nature
Unexpectedly finding sweet music at a discount
Your friend's greeting
The stranger holding the door for you
And in these tiny everyday moments
While you breathe in and out
You discover
Ever so slowly
That maybe you are alive
After all

Closed

I'm leaving this up for now.
But I am taking some time off.

Thanks,

Beth

Done

Eighteen months
Before that
A lifetime
Tiny, closed, flawed
Invisible, inadequate
Wierd
Never good enough
Living to please
No self
Changed the channel
Open
Wanting to soar
Dream!
Hope
So Beautiful
This new feeling
But in the end
Messes made
Friends lost
Every encounter
Turned bad
Made ugly
By weakness
Insecurity
Time to own up
I did that
I made a mess
Upset people
Messed with their peace
Broke hearts
Hurt, angered and lost friends
Nothing good from it
Knowing now
That open field isn't for me
Not while I'm still broken
When you're not whole
You fuck everything up
No, not for me
Until I own it
Fix myself
No
Still flawed
Psycho
Fucked up
Nut job
Not to be allowed out
Flawed
Right now
Is for being small again
Crawling back inside
Find the warm darkness
Hide
Be small
Staying safe
And yes
Not making waves

Maybe someday
But not now
No
Not anytime soon

Dark

A stretch of highway
Driven daily 
Now a place of discarded tokens
Representative of hope lost
No journey to be made, no access given
Next to the coffee, a bracelet
Loud music playing
A morning just like all the others
The car window opens
The little object flies out
The car continues on without slowing
Rain falls
And "Believe" sits in the mud
By the side of the road
Forsaken
And this time
Faerie goes dark for good
No climbing back for it
Like all the other times
Unpleasant smile tugging at her lips
Eyes dark, relief in the letting go of that which is futile
Gossamer wings turn to ash
If there were actually a hell
It's honesty would be preferable
To the illusion of a greater good
Perhaps in the end
It is all random
It matters not
The light has gone out

Connection

To feel anything
One from the other
Pain, even anguish
Preferred over invisibility
Picking each other's wounds
Washing in the other's pain
Seemingly ignorant of the truth
Shared joys
Open, unconditional
Heart's balm, soul's hope
Love, support
Gratitude for the day
And what it brings
Picking up the thread
Connection

What It's Like In There

Our very nature
Causes us to call out
Question, examine
Throw off comfort
Seeking truth and knowledge
Restless
A double edged sword
To be sure
A thin line
Sanity or his untamed twin
Moments of pause
Nature's lessons
Simple rhythms
In the everyday
Are the peace
To our restless souls
A balance and a balm
For the wild places
Of our spirits

Sun Kissed

Warm sun
Kissing skin
Turns hair to gold
Heals the body
Simple gift
Free

Breathing

Always, compelled to look
Delighted
All of the beautiful growing things
Letting the colors, the green seep in
Connecting, alive
Here for but a single moment
Permanent impermanence
Erase all
Single moment's inhalation
Release of breath
Excess expelled

Pause

Simplest of days
Sunshine
Blue sky
Green and alive
Breathe life into me
As we share this place
A book, a blanket
Pause

Failure, The Great Teacher

Real love, in it's purest form, seeks the good of the other over our own selfish impulses. It does not make excuses, or justify itself. It respects the integrity, the boundaries of the other. Real love understands the difference between standing with someone, offering unswerving love and support and doing so with an aim to self completion.

In romance, friendship, parenthood, and every other interaction in our lives, we believe we have experienced real love. And perhaps we occasionally catch a glimpse.

But the truth dawns in that moment when you know without a doubt, that you have repeatedly failed to love in this way. That moment of clarity when from within you experience the difference between what you have labeled as love until now, and the pure, real undistilled version.

The truth reveals itself in growth, and in pain, in facing things without shrinking back, and in letting go of all but the barest essence of the self ~ without all of the trappings we hide behind.

Real love. In our interactions with each other, it is possible. Our life's work is to get ever more proficient at sharing it with others.

18 Months, 7 Weeks, One Journey

Closed
Constricted
Cold
Blind
Needing More

Open
Beautiful
Joyful
Chaotic
So many voices and sights!

Empathic
Deep emotional connections
Their essence, floods within
Each so beautiful, so broken and so unique
Drowning in a sea of others

Realization
One who does not know how to love
Without a complete loss of the self
Completely without anchor
Tossed by each new wave
Pulled under by the current

In the end, in one way or another
They all go
Leaving her tiny, cold and bereft
White knuckled grip, seeking a firm hold
Thrashing and fighting the current
Going under, choking

Realization dawns
STOP!
Swim WITH the current
Long way back to shore
But easier now
One with the flow of the sea

Standing on the shore
Dripping wet, shaking
Looking back at it all
Not all good, and not all bad
Now seeking balance

So many to love
Cherish them for whatever time is given
And love each for the gift they are
Seek not to reinvent them
Nor sculpt them as you crave them to be
Simply accept and be grateful
The joy each one is
Life to life

Time in the quiet
Time within
Walking in nature
Hear the music she shares
Know first the self
Naked
Clothed not by should, by want, nor by wish
No longer held back by fear
Simply taking each day
For the joy that it is
Saying YES each morning
Grateful even for the hard lessons
Despite their discomfort
There is freedom in the truth

YES