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Thursday, December 17, 2015

These Days

Waffling between roaring confidence
And the need to get tiny, be invisible, and hide

Reveling in the rush of free fall
Then grasping in white knuckled terror

The days you are patient and sure 
Followed by hurricane's rage and fury

At times, all are your kindred 
But there are times you feel utterly alone 

Moving naturally, instinct and intuition your compass 
Then a moment later back up in your head, searching for control and assurance 

You learn every day 
You realize you know nothing 

Conquering fear by charging ahead, right in it's face 
Other times wanting nothing more than to be held, warm and close, while someone strokes your hair and says "It's okay"

To live, open and awake, every day the heart expanding,  the pain, love and joy woven together 
While the days of comfortably closed are a dim memory 

Desiring nothing more than to be truly seen, unfiltered, and loved wholly for it 
And later, finally giving that gift to yourself 

You're a work in progress
And those old habits die hard 

But, over time you realize there are no dreams that come without risk, and that if you can't be who you are, then you can't breathe 

You see that free fall has it's own unique way of creating space, and that life will fill that space with good things, if you let it 
So you begin to learn of letting go.

You start to understand the unexpected power in those times of vulnerability you used to hide and run from 

You learn the power and sacredness of pleasure and honoring the desires that the Divine has placed within you 
You learn day by day while walking and speaking your truth with integrity 
You are witness to the danger of smallness and the destruction that comes with numbness 

You see evidence, every day, that what is meant for you cannot pass you by 

Light, dark, good, bad, real and time become fluid, elastic concepts that change shape like play-doh 
And it's weird because your sight is so altered 

And a thousand poems could probably never capture what it's like 
But you keep writing them anyway 
Because it's what you do 




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