St. Albion has a pretty town common. This is really your quintessential quaint little New England town. The buildings are red brick, or painted white. There are people walking around, talking and laughing. In front of me, a beautiful array of flowers, in every imaginable color, blows in the crisp breeze. A few feet away, some kids are skateboarding.
It's getting a bit chilly, but I'm not ready to leave just yet. I pull Patrick's old coat closer around me. He has officially given it to me now. He used to wear it during his days in high school band. I was in the "Music Parents". We both had a lot of fun in those days. I remember he wore it when the Winter Percussion did "Led Zeppelin". So amazing! Wearing this coat always feels like a hug. Good stuff.
Just now, I'm remembering a moment when I was in the 5th grade, at Maple St. School. I spent every day at recess with two other friends. We had so much fun! We would talk, laugh, and play games together. Until the day it was over. I started to notice a lot of "inside jokes" and they began to avoid me. Finally they just told me to get lost. I sat on the monkey bars, swinging my feet back and forth. What had I done? I never did find out. I simply didn't belong. We all have those stories, it's a part of growing up.
The question is, why am I suddenly remembering that now, sitting here on St. Albion town common? I haven't thought about or cared about that memory in so many years! Like most people, I moved on and made other friends, just part of being a kid.
Upon reflection though, I have a tendency to fall HARD....for people in general. I always have. Whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship, I'm not halfway. I get really invested. When I love you, I LOVE you, in whatever capacity the relationship is. I guess lately I've actually had a few times when I've hit a place where I just wasn't sure of the person on the other end, you know? I wasn't consciously aware of this weak spot until I really thought about it while driving up here today.
I don't like it. I'm in my 40's and here I am revisiting a stupid moment from the 5th grade that I haven't thought about in years! Decades! WTF? It's embarrassing and idiotic. Really, though, I guess I should give myself a break. There are worse things than realizing that I love people deeply and that this sometimes gets me in trouble. Still, right at this moment, sitting on St. Albion town common, it feels just the tiniest bit like a cut, or a wound and it stings.
It really is getting cold. I love this coat.
No comments:
Post a Comment