Choosing

Called to find peace
In the midst of chaos
Called to find joy
When the evidence tells you to panic
Called to trust your path
When transition brings only questions
Stopping to go within, finding quiet
Despite the clock saying no
Knowing you are never alone
No matter what is happening
Deciding not to be shaken
In any circumstances
Standing firm in your personal power
Knowing who and what you are
All moments fulfilled in the now
As we live, love and move
We are
Each and all
Loved
Cherished
Connected
Who we are
What we do
It matters
And it creates
We create, we are
Choosing peace
When everything tells you it's impossible
You are the architect
With the greatest team standing by you
Choose your day
Choose your reactions
Choose your thoughts
Or they'll choose for you

Incomplete

Your life was incomplete
So you took pieces of mine
Tearing off chunks, oblivious to the pain you caused
Because you didn't think you had a voice
To speak your truth
Although I saw it in your eyes
In unguarded moments
You'd let it slip when we were alone
And you could let a little of the pretense go
Because you knew....that I knew
You gave your faith to my little one
And then when you quit
His faith went with you
Not for one moment since
Has he been the same
Understand this
I've walked some of the same roads you did
I have compassion and I have forgiven
But your life has informed mine in some ways
Ways that I don't want to be
I will never let my voice be silenced
I will never quit
They are not so little now, the two of them
By walking my path
With truth and integrity
I hope I can shed a little light for them both
If they can know
That their voice must be heard
To be true to themselves
And that love CAN be counted on
Then I'll have done everything that I can
We don't have to stay
Incomplete

What If?

Fear whispers in our ears, sits on our shoulders
Insists that we aren't safe
So often, life has shown us that we're not!
And so fear grips us, in cold icy claws
At times expected, other times a surprise
Making us relive the past and running the show

Expectations dashed
We see only one way, the one that the perfect picture in our head showed us
And when it doesn't happen, we grow angry and resentful
That helps us to justify judging each other

Natural impulses, beautiful life force, thwarted by high walls
We get comfortable, letting the control that slowly kills
Tie us to the bed and mind fuck us
Instead of making love to life

What would happen, do you think?
If instead of being threatened by everything
What if we faced it?

When someone points out the apparent stupidity of a choice we've made
And the evidence of the ensuing mess and emotional fallout
What if we just faced it head on
And said, "Yes. That was me. I did the best I could at the time, but I fell."
What if we took the lesson and let the tears fall?

On the days that you wake up
And you're like Jane Jetson, the mask just keeps falling off
You're raw and you can't hide, what if maybe we just allowed the raw
Hey, we could even accept that emotional road rash
And stop beating ourselves up for feeling it
Because it transforms your heart in ways you could never know

The days when your soul is bubbling over with joy and love
And you think you're going to burst if you don't DO SOMETHING with it
But all the conventions, shoulds and past experience
They're all up in your head, killjoys, saying calm down
What if we actually ignored them
Let's act on impulse and create something
Whether it's a song, a painting, a poem, a meal, a kiss.....
Let's DO. Can we?

Life is messy
There will always be mistakes made and lots of opportunities to face them
Those who disagree with you will be a part of life anywhere you go

So what if we just decide to fucking live?
What if we create, kiss, take risks?
What if we roll with the unexpected and the beauty in what we don't plan?
What if we reach out to those gripped in fear, and help them be warm and loved?
What if we try to understand what makes us angry and afraid?
What if we sit with those in deep pain, not asking them to "feel better soon" but just being there?
What if attack and defense wasn't our first impulse?
What if we forgive?
What if we realized comfortable isn't always our friend?
What if we stop running from what hurts and let it wash over us and be set free in acceptance?
What if we paint, write songs and plaster horrible poetry all over the internet?
What if it didn't matter what people said or thought?
What if your very best life path means lots of people won't understand at all but it's what makes you really alive?

What if indeed.

We've let fear run the show for so long.

Let's find out what if.  Wanna come along?

Gratitude

I really found myself in a place of gratitude today.  How often do we have the chance to let people know what they have meant to us?  Do we need to have a special occasion?  I'm going to say NO.  I think we can let people know all the time how we feel.   Everyday people, and the small and big things they do, really make a difference.

This is inevitably "too mushy" for some people.  That's OK, you don't have to read it.  No agenda  here, just want to share my thanks.  This is me. People matter and I like telling them. There are so many more people that I haven't named, and I appreciate all of you.  

Here goes!  No particular order here.

For my Dad.  I miss you!  You fought crippling arthritis, you fought to keep us clothed and fed, and you fought your demons.  Your warped sense of humor, your love for mom, and the heroic way you never gave up are always with me.

For my Mom.  Little Vivvie!  Your endless energy, the way you fight for what you believe in, that endless reservoir of strength no matter what is going on, and the way we can be silly together inspire me so much.  If I'm half the person you have been, I'll have done well.

My brother Brad - thank you for teaching me about never believing in "Can't" no matter what the odds are and for showing me the true meaning of grace.

Nicole - I'm almost 50 years old and you have been in my life for over 40 of those years. Our friendship has survived geographic separation, peer pressure and every possible life event we could each have faced.  You are a member of my family.  I hope we are friends for 50 more years!  I am so grateful for you in my life. (And thank you to Bob and Cheryl for being the most awesome set of second parents ever - I probably ate at your house as often as I ate at mine!)

Becky - my partner in crime, my sounding board and the one who has walked with me during the last 3 years of insanity since "Joe Perry Weekend".  Thank you for your friendship and for showing me the lesson of "not doing anything half-assed."  

For Cindy and Anil:  Cindy, I love you dearly and I thank you for the friendship, the understanding and the forgiveness when we somehow grew apart.  Thank you both for reaching out to Robert and I last summer, that meant a lot. You and your sweet hubby are dear to me and I am glad to have you in my life despite not seeing you as often as I used to.

For Robert:  29 years!  You've stood strong and survived everything that has hit you over the years, including Hurricane Beth. Your grace under pressure, the way you fought Cancer, and the way you handled recovery were no surprise to me.  We've been up, down, sideways, inside out and upside-down. People are crazy about you because of  the fun, loyal person you are. I get that. Thank you for being my best friend.

Josh - Thank you for questioning everything, including me.  Thank you for your thirst for the truth, even when it is difficult to face. Thank you for not giving me a break when I need to hear that I handled something poorly.  Thank you for endless philosophical discussions.  Thank you for being a music fanatic and sharing that with me. Thank you for hug therapy.  Thank you for accepting my crazy.

Patrick - Thank you for your beautiful heart and for using it to remind me when I'm not seeing people with the love and compassion that I should.  Thank you for your view of the world.  Thank you for your incredible love for animals that inspires me and reminds me of how I need to treat the other creatures we share this world with.  Thank you for the "band" years.  I think I had as much fun as you did, I absolutely loved every minute of watching you and your friends and helping out. Thank you for that killer, dry sense of humor that knocks us all over.  

To every single one of our sons friends, especially Dave, Nate, Chris and Ted - each of you are members of our family and you are welcome in our house anytime!  Josh and Pat have good people in their lives, gotta say.

For Glenn Stewart - thank you my beautiful friend for the glimpse into putting everything, heart and soul into a dream, overcoming obstacles, the necessity of taking risks and most of all never denying who you are.  I'm so glad to know you!

Thank you to all of my kick-ass co-workers who all work so hard, I enjoy working with all of you.  Thank you to Brian, David, Sarah, Pete and Didia for excellence and grace under pressure while still being you.  Very cool working with you guys!

For Oceana - I think we've known each other less than a year.  You certainly make an impression! We Goddesses gotta stick together, thank you my awesome friend!

Now, I need to show some gratitude to my on line friends, who may not be face to face but mean a lot!

Thank you to my dearest friend Chew for the gift of seeing myself and my life differently.  You may not realize the scope and gravity of the gift you gave, but I do and it needed to be said.  Thank you.

Thank you Monika for putting up with me last year and for the friendship and reading my endless emails! 

For friends lost but forever in my heart:   Thank you Tron for giving me back the gift of wonder, even in the face of pain and sadness.  I'll never see this pale blue dot the same way, and I'll always love you for giving that back to me when it was lost.   Thank you to pK for showing me what not giving up and working your ass off for a dream look like and for being an example of heart and integrity.  I'll always believe in you and your music.   

For my friend Kev (Atomic Honey).  First of all, thank you over and over for the love and energy you share with everyone on a day to day basis.  It makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE.  Thank you for helping me to believe that it's OK to be me, without hiding it and that maybe, just MAYBE that's how I can make a difference every day.  

For Suzanne: Thank you for the friendship and sharing my love for music, especially all things Myles Kennedy!

For "Verble" Thank you for sharing the beautiful person that you are. I had fun writing "Fanger" with you and Monika. We need to DO something with that!  Thanks for sharing the daily music tweets, I love them!  

For Leo:  YOU ARE AWESOME!  Thank you for your positive attitude, the way you encourage others and for the way you try to wake people up to what they may not be aware of.  Many tough days have been made brighter with your encouragement.  Thank you!

For my sweet friend Fabi - one of my first Twitter friends - You have been so sweet and encouraging and always wishing the very best for me and all that I love. Thank you for being one of my very first Twitter friends and for sticking around! 

For Philip:  There is much I could say my clever, funny friend but I will simply say thank you for a friendship that revels in enjoying life and seeing others happy.  You can't ever leave Twitter!  

For Charles Bivona - Thank you for being a working poet. Thank you for giving a shit.  When I read you I realize there is much I don't know, but this is good. It keeps me digging, keeps me questioning, keeps me thirsty to learn, helps keep me immersed in and caring about life. Don't ever quit, Charles.

For my friend Bradley Howington - thank you for sharing your soul, in your poetry and photography and as a friend.

For my twitter coven - you know who you are.  I miss you guys like crazy.  Thanks for helping me feel accepted when I started this path. 

There are dozens of people I interact with regularly on line who I am grateful for.  JDubqca, Pappy, IDroneHD, Alan J....Foggy, Karen, Cliff, Carla, and many more. I appreciate every one of you whether I have called you out by name or not.  It's kinda nice to have this many people to have coffee with every morning.

Thanks for listening.

Love,
Beth