Blooming

I recently found this in an old notebook of mine. I can tell I wrote it in the early spring, but I have no idea of what year. 

_________________________________________________________

 I've never had much to give by way of sweat equity.  I haven't really ever been a "healthy adult."  So, I sit in little boxes, with screens and phones. I move numbers and words around. 

Sometimes, this makes people happy.  Other times, not so much.  Am I good at it?  Really, I've never been sure. 

All the while, I am thinking of being outside.  I imagine running, playing, digging and helping things grow. I watch the people I know who do grow things and I just think they're - Oh!  I don't even have the  words.  I'm in awe, their lives are close to the land. 

Mine would be too, if I were strong.

Today I started some plants in pots that I  hope will grow strong and be planted in the yard.  Deep dark soil. Seeds. Sun and rain.  

And hope.

I found some little seedlings trying to peek above the leaf litter and odd bits of grass.  I put a bunch of stuff over there last year, but nothing grew.  Maybe these little guys are a year late?  So I made space for them, the way Mary Lennox does in The Secret Garden when she first sees the flowers coming up.  Whatever they are, they can breathe now, I'll be watching them. 

Can you get things done with your determination only, but not physical strength?  Sometimes.  People are helpful, but sometimes it just gets strange when no one shares your passion or your vision.  There's love and there's willingness, but they still have no idea what you're talking about, you know? 

Every spring, I try and bloom, too. My result and my vision are so far apart. But like the little green things I found poking out of the soil, I AM something, after all.  

And, so are you. 

Maybe we aren't Tower Hill Botanical Garden type of blooms.  

But we ARE beautiful, nonetheless. Like these little guys in the picture. 

Remember that.