Blue Finds Her Safe Place, A Faerie Story, Ch 2

Once there was a faerie. She had eyes of hazel, and her garment was cobalt blue. The light around her, because all faeries have such, was also blue, and so Blue is what she was called. She lived with the other faeries in a strongly bonded troop that sought to help each other, and all things.

It came to be that one beautiful day, when the sun was shining, Blue was working with the rest of the troop doing the daily tasks. It was Blue's turn to go and bring items to trade with a nearby troop. Blue had never been on this errand before, and she was very nervous about doing everything exactly right, so that the troop would be pleased.


Her friends helped her gather the items together. Blue lifted them into the air next to her with a simple thought, and she was on her way. As Blue traveled, she had to change her route a few times. The first time was because of a human with his gun, and the second was when sister hawk was hunting and flew right in front of her, startling her!

Blue was growing more and more nervous, she did not want to be late. She imagined what the other troop would be thinking, worrying that they would be angry with her. They might send someone back to her own troop to report how inept Blue was! Picturing this in her mind made Blue so frightened. It was almost physically painful for Blue to contemplate making someone unhappy or displeased.

As Blue continued on her way, she could not stop worrying, and she found that it was getting much harder to keep the items aloft that she was bringing along. She was getting so very tired. In looking around she realized that she had taken a wrong turn. It took Blue quite some time to find her way once again and by the time she did she was in tears, and she dropped all of the items to the ground!

Suddenly, 5 faeries from the other troop surrounded her! Blue was practically cowering, waiting for the worst. One of them said, "Hello! My name is Cherise. We came to meet you and show you to our home. We'll each take one of these items, come with us." Blue followed the others and upon arriving at their beautiful glade, was given honey and water. Cherise and the others listened to the tale of Blue's day. Cherise hugged her, saying, "We have all had days like that, Blue. Don't worry at all. You did wonderfully. Everything has turned out just fine!" After a short rest, Blue returned to her troop, relieved that she had not angered anyone.

The next day, Blue was with the others, gathering honey. The bees gladly shared this in exchange for the troop sharing their love in the form of a very special blessing upon the Queen of the hive every spring. It was a tradition that had been around for a very long time. Her friends and family had a very particular way of gathering the honey. Blue thought the system, which involved twigs and leaves, was much more complicated than it needed to be. Blue suggested a different method using cupped flower petals held aloft by a delicious thought. Her intuition told her this would work very easily because she knew pleasurable thoughts were very strong indeed, and besides, the flowers were always willing to help.

Several members of the troop were very skeptical of Blue's idea and told her so. Heather, who was considered to be very wise, counseled against changing things that had been working just fine for so long. Blue felt her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment. She said "I am going over to the second hive to try my idea." Blue hated hearing her own defensive tone of voice. As she made her way over to the second hive a short distance away, she felt hot tears on her cheeks. Blue was very frustrated and sad, and she thought to herself, "Sometimes my different ways do not fit in."

Blue tried her idea, and found that it worked very well, indeed! In fact, it was so simple and easy that tiny Periwinkle, the very smallest of the troop was able to manage it on her own with no help at all! Blue and Periwinkle worked together for quite some time and after gathering what they needed, they thanked their beautiful bee friends and made their way back. Upon their return, the troop was amazed, because Blue and Periwinkle were able to gather and bring back three times as much honey in a shorter time than the entire rest of the troop had done using the old system.

Heather was full of praise, saying, "Thank you, Blue for sticking with your intuition and doing what you knew made sense for you. Your courage and creativity are a blessing to yourself and the entire troop!" Blue felt tears coursing down her cheeks. Some of her friends and family still seemed a bit disgruntled, and firmly stated that they would stay with the old way. Others were eager to try Blue's idea the next time around.

Blue and Periwinkle held each other's gaze for a long moment, and then everyone moved off to take care of their own affairs. Blue sat on the soft moss under a small tree for a very long time after this, letting the sounds of the forest sooth her. Eventually, she fell asleep.

A few days later, Blue was sitting under brother Oak. He was a very old and wise tree, and had been in the forest longer than anyone could recall. Blue loved being with Oak. Ladybug, butterfly, dragonfly, and several other friends were there. Blue and her friends had worked for a very long time to create a stunning, colorful mandala under the Oak, as a gift to all creatures, using many items found in the forest. As they finished, Blue breathed a blessing into the mandala. The mandala represented the connection between all of the creatures that lived in the forest, and was made with much love. By speaking with the other trees, Oak was passing the word around so that other residents of the forest could come and see the mandala and feel the loving energy.

Just then, Farrow, another member of the troop came along. He looked at Blue, and then at the mandala. He said, "There's no time for play, Blue. There are many tasks that need doing back at the glade. Your time should be spent there, and not wasting time here on things that are not helpful." Blue had been friends with Farrow for so very long, and they had often worked together companionably. She was deeply disappointed and hurt at Farrow's words. Despite their friendship, he could see no value or blessing in the work of Blue and her friends. Blue felt her heart sink. Trying not to cry, she looked up at Farrow and quietly said, "My friend, I hear your words and I appreciate what you are trying to say. But this work is the very best place for me. I will not be going with you right now." Farrow stared into her eyes for the longest time, thrown off by her refusal, which he had not expected. "Fine" he said, and left.

After Oak spread the word, more creatures came to see the mandala Blue and her friends had made. Many exclaimed what a marvel it was, and everyone could feel the love and the blessing coming from the beautiful work, made in spontaneous creativity, fueled by love. Blue and her friends felt such gratitude that their work brought joy to others. Blue found herself in the most peculiar combined state of joy and sadness all the rest of that day. She was overjoyed at the way the mandala was received and how it had helped so many, but the interaction with her dear friend Farrow hurt so very much. Just before sundown, everyone went back to their own homes. Blue and her friends said goodbye to each other. Owl and Oak promised to guard the mandala.

Blue went to sit on the great rock near the still quiet lake, it was her very favorite place to be. As the sun made its way down, the sky lit up with every imaginable color, and they were all reflected in the water. Suddenly, Blue was overwhelmed by the beauty of life, beauty that created such a tender feeling in her heart as to be an actual pain, and she finally cried freely. She cried for the beauty, and for the love of all things. And she cried for the pain inside of her that wondered where was the safe place, the place where she fit?

"Daughter." Blue heard the voice say. It was the Mother, and Blue felt warmth and love encompass her entire being. "Oh Mother!" Blue said, and just cried and cried all the more. The voice said, "My sweet daughter. Why do you seek in others that which only you can give to yourself? The safe place you seek is within you, my beautiful one. You are wondrously made, and unique. Only you can be Blue, and you are doing so in a singularly beautiful way."

Blue stopped her sobbing, and looked up. The sun had set, and the moon was rising. The lake and all of the forest was alive in a magical silver light, which was reflecting everywhere. She did not hear anything else from the Mother, but knew Her presence in the warmth that still enveloped her entire being. She sat on the rock, watching the fireflies and breathing in the sweet, damp night air.


"I think...I think I'm alright", she said aloud, hiccupping a little. "In fact, I think I like me. I might even love me. And maybe I make mistakes sometimes, and I probably cry too much, but I'm doing my absolute best every day. I'm the only one who knows how to be Blue after all, so I'm going to do that my own way. I can do that and still love everyone, I understand that now. I am never separated from Love. My safe place is always here, within me!" The tears were still flowing but they were good tears, the kind that clean everything out, and leave you so very much lighter. Blue's tears dropped into the lake, creating ripples in the water.

After a little while, a very sleepy Blue moved over to the ferns growing near the lake. They curled around her body, creating a soft bed for her, and she fell asleep, smiling, with the night time forest sounds as her lullaby.

Written by Elizabeth A. Carrignant
This writing is the property of the above writer
October 15, 2015

Grace Tapestry

I have had many opportunities recently to reflect on the question of what our response should be to others suffering. This question has appeared in the past two weeks in many places. When a friend brought it up this morning, I was moved to write about it.

We are certainly weavers of our own destiny. I know this because I call things to myself and they come. I have been broken and hit rock bottom, and then later realized the incredible learnings that occurred as a result. I've been able to look back and see how my choices often caused what happened, even the ones I made blindly. I've been involved in soul altering Karmic clearings that played out in my life that involved energies that went back lifetimes. I've allowed love to change shape and be redefined in me. I have known the sweet blessing of grace. I do see a pattern of gossamer threads here, and I am learning to trust that, although it is not always easy. 

Still, some things that happen to others are so horrific that it's hard to get my head around why they might be happening. My heart hurts so much for them.

Can those people truly change that situation? What if they have absolutely no awareness that it is possible? What if in some cases it's not possible for some reason we can't see?

I believe that we all come here with some specific things that we are going to work on. There are many ways to work through that. We can't always recognize the pattern from where we stand, but it is there. It's like an intricately woven tapestry that we are all a thread of.

Having said that, I don't believe standing by and watching the suffering of others because I somehow feel they are a vibrational match to it is where I am called to be with this. As Sara Sophia Eisenman recently reflected on her Facebook page, this often seems to be a theme in the new age movement. I find it disturbing.

Sara's post was the first of many these past two weeks that caused me to pause and look at this question. In looking at the dynamic that allows something to happen, and examining where the person is at who is harming another we can look within and see what our response is to be. 

I look back on my own situation. While Archangel Michael is the one who saved my life in 2013, it has been through other people that the gift of grace has come to me, over and over and over again. 

Some examples: 

1)  Markers on my path that I clearly saw because others helped shed light on them. 

2) Learnings that showed me how to climb up and out and to follow my own path and forge my way - because others shared wisdom and knowledge and showed that there are multiple ways by their example. 

3) Connections and openings made within me because another spoke and walked their truth and it rekindled the fire within me, 

4) Simple hope given - love and help with basic survival so that I could feel safe enough to explore past that point. 

5) Clear sight. The ability to see myself through new eyes because of those who treated me as beautiful, worthy, amazing and valued.

6) Sacred space. I am learning the profound healing of holding sacred space for myself, my experiences and my journey because of the grace of those who hold that space for me and help me to see I can do this for myself, too. 

7) When situations don't seem to be able to be changed and they just are. When this has happened, I have known the gift of those who simply come and be with me. They aren't trying to fix the situation or me. They aren't analyzing or advising. They just sit with me. This is a profound gift, simply not being alone in the midst of pain, grief or chaos.

Without these things I would not be where I am, and I am grateful every single day.

So, I don't always know why. I can't always see that greater design. But I know that we are all part of that greater plan.

 I believe that often the way another person learns that they can change things, or survive things is because we are the ones to show them that. Sometimes we are the vessel that allows learning, hope to continue on, and grace to reach another heart. 

By speaking and walking our own path courageously, opportunities to interact with others are with us every day. Looking at the way the world is, it sometimes feels as if we couldn't possibly make a dent in all the greed, violence, fear and blind hatred.

But I know that we do. One heart at a time, starting with our own, then radiating out from there. And that's magic, my loves. 

Every Day

Today I will give myself the gift of presence

And I will give it to others

For our points of connection with all are sacred

Today I will be with my senses 

All of them, the five and beyond

Guided by love 

I will experience being 

Today I will make eye contact

I will touch the warmth of your arm 

And hug you "too long"

I will hear you without pouncing with my reply 

And I will revel in your unique energy while we sip tea

Today I will honor my body 

It inhabits my soul 

I will be pleasure, delight and joy

For it is no accident that I Am 

Today I will breathe in Divine love 

And exhale fear, and all of her siblings 

I will thank them for stopping by 

And send them on their way

Today I will move, speak and act naturally 

I will flow without struggle, as water does

Intent, integrity and intuition my compass

Movement fueled by Love

Today I will say I love you 

Because this is what my heart and soul 

Long to say 

To everyone I am gifted to encounter 

On this walk 

Today I will fearlessly say and do

The things I know I came here for 

There is no sense in learning mystery's secrets

If I then hide from her truth 

Behind what is comfortable 

Today I will let them know 

I SEE YOU 

Because I do, always

Why now hide from it?

Love without condition blesses all 

Today I will know the wellspring within 

I am refreshed, energized and verdant 

I will be in gratitude with every word and step 

For the gift of this life 

Today I will know the grace that comes from lifting others

For in this moment of precious connection and open vulnerability

Both hearts are blessed 

Today I will know the electricity, warmth and intimacy 

Of my winged family 

As our energy mingles and swirls together 

In this dance of being 

Today 

Every day 

That Thing You Do

It's only when you truly see them 

That you get why they do it 

The thing they do 

You know what I mean 

That thing that happens

To the ones who know why they're here 

Everybody thinks they're crazy

But they can't stop 

Because they came hard wired for this 

And the heart knows

But I think maybe 

You only see it, you only get it 

After you've been completely naked yourself 

And that doesn't happen 

Until you peel off the cataracts 

And wipe the fog away

From your true sight 

Once you've made enough space 

To see yourself 

There's enough space, finally 

To see the other 

When it finally happens 

You'd lose your own arm 

Before you'd change them to fit 

That's freedom 

When you're not trying to clothe them in your fears anymore 

That's love's real walk 

 

Keep Breathing

You can drown in it 

And let it take you out of the game

You can shut it down 

And say it's all good 

So you don't have to feel 

But both of those well traveled roads

They're not yours 

Yesterday's news 

Stand

Stand, damn you 

You've got this 

Be with it 

Greet it, love it 

Then lift it 

Just keep breathing 

There isn't any soaring 

If you're not breathing 

Desert

Can you tell me why 

If you know 

Why am I dry today? 

Some days are an endless verdant Spring

Color and scent 

Rain and sun 

And I am a tree 

Green and so alive 

Deep roots

Branches reaching skyward 

But today 

I am desert 

I search for the message 

That body, mind and spirit have for me 

And I can find none 

In the end 

I have come to know 

Some days are like that 

And so I sit 

This dryness is mine 

And like all things 

It will pass in its time 

Tonight the moon is still mine 

And in the morning the sun 

Maybe then I'll have the answer 

Maybe not 

It's all good 

Being is enough 

Hodgepodge

Exquisite awareness

Peace as the battle is waged

Comfortable discomfort 

Perpetually adrift, always home 

Strength for all things 

Awash in vulnerability 

Hearts fire

Ceaseless crucible 

Source as one 

The beautiful pain of longing 

Fulfillment merges with denial 

Temptation 

To be small

Seek safe harbor, sanctuary 

Warmth

No

No going back 

Sweet melody

Smoky beat

Feet on soft moss

Body rocking 

Wrapped in ecstasy 

Freedom, balance 

The doing and the being 

Allowing all

Swim the depth 

Earth, air, fire, water and spirit 

We are one 

Triggers, Walls and Presence

I've been doing a great deal of thinking lately, about where the line is to be drawn. I've been contemplating that there are two extremes here.

The first is where you live only for other's expectations and/or an external set of rules. That becomes your validation of "self." I'm familiar with this one. There was a time when Catholicism, being a wife, being a mother, my ideas of how to be a "good person", fitting in, not rocking the boat, being a good 9-5er, and generally keeping people around me happy so I would know I was "OK" were my benchmarks for life and who I was. The danger here is that you become invisible, there is no "you" in your life and although you put a pretty picture out there of "I'm fine" the vast majority of the time you are far from fine.

The other extreme comes after you've faced a few things. You've dealt with some hairy shit, and you've come out the other side. You're feeling pretty good about yourself, and there's a sensation of having paid your dues in some way, whether you admit it or not. You've faced up to and owned all of your own crap. You've fallen on your face spectacularly and you survived. You begin to recognize and embrace your own good qualities, talents and creativity. Regardless of how you get to this point, and what tools and methods you use to help you, many of us then come to the "what to leave in/what to leave out" moments. In other words, you've changed in huge ways, and it becomes painfully obvious that there are some situations and relationships in your life that no longer fit, and they feel the same as wearing the wrong size clothes. It can be your job, your marriage, a friendship, your workout routine, your hair style, your car, old habits....anything. A lot of the time, it will be several things at once.

So, you learn to navigate those decisions and the strange happy/sad that releasing what is stale or a drain on you brings. You are simultaneously happy at the weight being lifted off of you, and sad at the ending of something that has been a part of you. This is difficult but it is truly a good thing. After this you become more conscious about your time and energy. You naturally gravitate toward people and situations that are on the same wavelength as you, and you're amazed because they seem to gravitate toward you, too! Beautiful synchronicity seems to follow you. I don't know about anyone else, but when this first happened to me it was such a rush! It still happens all the time and I never get tired of it. You also keep your distance from what doesn't work for you, and you get adept at having healthy boundaries in your life. You say yes and no with equal comfort and you get more practice at living from authenticity and not from misplaced guilt.

So far, so good!

The challenge comes when your healthy boundaries become walls. You see, it starts to feel really good to only go out and play and truly engage with people and situations that feel comfortable, that are a great match for you. The rest you filter out, and limit your interactions. Why do you need that shit, you reason to yourself? This is healthy for me. The less contact the better because if you let that stuff back in, you'll be triggered. If you're triggered, you'll feel uncomfortable. You don't like uncomfortable, this is to be avoided at all costs. If that happens, you'd have to ask yourself why that's bothering you and maybe have to face the fact that you do indeed have some emotions and habits that are speaking to you. You'd have to figure out what the message was. None of that sounds like much fun, so you slam the door. When things outside of your personal truth try to come close, you do whatever you have to do get rid of them. Dismissed! I'm beyond this!

For a few weeks now, this scenario has played out for me a few times. I've been in the position of being "dismissed" by other folks, usually in minor everyday conversations. In each situation, they clearly didn't mean anything personal, they just didn't have the bandwidth for where I was at in that moment, so they fluffed me off. I was finding myself extremely triggered by these situations, and have been extremely angry and defensive each time.

It is an annoying fact that when something is really pushing my buttons, there is a strong message for me there. Today,I finally sat down and asked myself why this was happening lately and why it was triggering me. I wasn't exactly overjoyed with what I realized when it first became clear.

The truth is, I've been doing exactly the same thing to other people. With people I consider "kindred souls" I am very comfortable, and walking in my integrity as the person I choose to be seems easy. With other people, with whom I'm not on the same wavelength, old defensive programming gets triggered. My need for validation kicks in, my desire to stay comfortable, and my need for safety. I'm so busy running old programs I can't really see the other person and I lose my self awareness. I can see that I was definitely slamming that door on people, too. I've been just as dismissive with some people who challenged my truth just by their daily modus operandi as the people who pissed me off were with me.

I'll sum this up with.......ugh.

I am blessed to know several people who have gift of simply holding space and being present for another person. They do this without any personal expectation for themselves, and there is no need for me to change or qualify for their presence. I can be exactly who and where I am right now, and I am accepted and even celebrated for it! It is a beautiful example of unconditional love. It's a game changer.

Holding these two very different ways of being next to each other really got me thinking. So, what's so bad about being uncomfortable? This time around, uncomfortable was a dear friend who had a really great lesson to impart to me, and I'm glad I sat and listened. Is it really realistic to think we should never be unhappy or uncomfortable? Does our belief system, our balance, our personal integrity really have to go unchallenged for us to not lose our shit? So, alright, a few conversations lately got me unhinged. I felt judged. Then I realized I was judging. Ah! Light dawns.....

So I'm back to precious balance, stasis, equilibrium. It will be challenged again, for sure. There's always something. It might feel like a sliver or a mosquito bite, or it may feel like losing a limb, but I know the lessons and changes don't stop rolling in. I'd like to think I'll be less resistant to the lesson the next time, but as I'm writing this I'm aware that which of my buttons is being pushed at the time has a lot to do with that!

I'm walking away from this with the knowledge that I do have some solid skills for keeping healthy boundaries, and honestly saying yes and no with firm compassion. I know that I won't be going back to the days when I operated only on what others filled me with in any given moment. Having said that, I know I'm not here to stay behind my comfortable walls, only hanging with people and in situations that "feel good." That's not life and it's not love, not for me. I think this is about having love and compassion for myself, and acceptance for exactly where I am at right now. Because if I can give that to myself, then I open up space within me. And that space that I'm lovingly holding for myself and my goals and dreams? There is more than enough of it, so I can hold that space for others, too. I can be present for them, and give that gift that has been given to me. The energy just keeps going around in this delicious circle.

There it is, that's it. That's what I came to do.

Goddess bless, what a beautiful day it is.

Thanks for reading me babies, love to you all.

When Night Comes

Scents slip through the night 

Seducing the senses 

Silken darkness comes 

Body rising at the touch

Love

No completion sought

Validation not required 

Beyond the shackles of expectation

Instead, Being

Body, mind, and spirit 

Integrated

Nothing denied

Power and vulnerability as one 

In body, bliss embraced 

Energy center pouring light

Dream speak, day and night 

Roots deep, winged heart 

Goddess' daughter 

Dark and light reconciled

The space between 

Where all things are born 

That's home field 

Existing in heart space 

Lovers entwined

Stars collide 

 

Presence

There is beauty to be found 

In the unexpected 

Joy lives in the surrender 

Of the way we thought it would be 

When unconditional love 

Guides the heart 

Space opens, and we hold that

One for the other 

We have clear sight, soul to soul 

Filled to overflowing in our giving 

We are made lighter 

This. Yes, this is the work of a lifetime 

To exist in moments such as this

And the beautiful circle continues 

My Sister Change

I am clothed in impatience 

Lusting for destruction 

Catching the rotting stench of sameness 

Slapping safety across the face when she approaches to help

I am sick of myself 

Critical of those around me 

Disgusted with all of the daily compromise 

Nauseous with the attempts we make at numbness 

Times of transition can be hard

In the past when my sister change came to visit 

I was not a gracious hostess

I fought with her 

I kept my parameters of acceptance so very narrow 

I called surrender impossible 

I tried to claim she was evil 

She is neither evil nor good 

She simply is 

And in truth my own thoughts and actions invited her to come

Whether I own that or not 

Now, I Am Fire

And I dream of burning it all down 

The purity of my heart's desires

And my soul's path

The only thing I can see

And all else has become like too much baggage

Dragged through the airport 

My sister change is visiting again 

This time I admit I eagerly invited her

She smiles at me 

She speaks of balance and deliberate, thoughtful steps 

She reminds me of all the sweet gifts 

In the garden of my everyday life

We spend time in quiet 

Contemplating the Love in all things

We talk about the keys to be found 

In walking daily with our siblings 

Especially Authenticity and Integrity 

I am a spirit of extremes 

Where my heart and soul are concerned 

My sister knows this

And with a smart-ass grin

Introduces me to our cousin, Patience

Patience has accomplished a great many things, Change explains to me

I guess I ignored her at the family reunions 

Because I honestly don't remember her at all

Change calls to the rest of the family 

To join the circle

Where she stands with Patience and I

Intent, Intuition, Action, Authenticity, Integrity and Will join us 

We hold hands around the fire 

Change looks at me across the circle 

And as our eyes meet 

I realize how much lighter I am 

Impatience, twin to Patience 

Had come for a short visit 

To remind me of the price of inaction 

A boot in the cosmic arse for motivation 

And then moved along on her way 

I silently thanked her for the help 

Realization dawned that with these allies

Every day would be an adventure 

Clear direction but surrendering the specifics 

In perfect love and perfect trust 

We sat down around the fire 

To rejoice in the day

And decide on next steps

 

 

Reason to Breathe

You are not a pack mule

To carry their expectations 

Your shoulder blades have wings between them 

Not to be crushed 

By the weight of so many shoulds 

So, while we all have 

Everyday life responsibility 

You get to choose how you do that 

You are a human being 

A gorgeous creation indeed 

Not created as a vessel 

To fill with making it right 

For sheep and rote formulas 

No. Oh no.

You, you get to do this your way

If you didn't 

What would be the point 

To continued breath 

On this pretty blue marble 

Shining in the cosmos 

So when you want to give in 

And all the world's shoulds are so heavy

When following the crowd seems best 

Stop 

Drop all that excess baggage 

Live 

Be different 

Allow the discomfort 

It's okay to rock the boat

We'll all learn to deal 

Embrace the risk

Do it your way 

Free your soul 

Never give up 

Tea and Wandering

Spearmint tea

Soft bed

Crickets and traffic competing outside

Warm skin, patiently alive

Bra tired breasts finally free

Eyes that want to close 

Fingers absently twirling hair

Words doing their dance all day 

Can never catch them all 

Some spill out onto the page 

While the others scamper off giggling

Like children, hand in hand 

You don't want to want but you do

And you breathe Love

Like an ecstatic ache 

The cat purrs and the clock chimes the hour 

The fortune teller who knows everything 

But sees nothing 

And in your definitive answerlessness 

You vibrate and pulse 

Like a fuzzy bee on a flower

Woman

So long asleep

No inkling 

Of your true nature 

Power 

Ecstasy  

Creator 

Destroyer 

Love

Integrated

Embodied

Beautiful 

Goddess

And there's where it's so bizarre 

Endlessly perfect geometric variation 

All of creation alive

Breathing, vibrating as One

And you're part of it! 

We all are

You lie naked across the bed 

Twirling your hair 

Car tires, neighbors voices

And random thoughts of the day 

Popping in and out of your awareness 

Like a mental game of whack-a-mole

You aren't really certain 

If you will alter the cosmos now

Or perhaps have more tea 

Both seem quite viable 

Good Things Are Going To Happen

There isn't any danger 

And there isn't any fear 

The specter of uncertainty 

No longer brings a tear 

Evidence of cares and woes 

Can pile up around 

And I don't need to see them 

To know that blessings abound 

In perfect love and perfect trust

I pull it all to me 

With gratitude and certainty 

From troubles I am free 

Good things are going to happen 

They happen every day

You see my friends, dear Wayne was right 

So, I say it night and day 

And so I walk with joy each day

I sleep with peace each night 

In the eyes of the Divine I'm precious 

And so there is no fright 

All we need will come to us 

I've never been so sure 

The Divine and I, we've got this 

We open every door 

Awakening in power 

This connection I do trust 

Love provides solutions 

And come to me they must 

So let us move the very stars 

For brothers and sisters they be 

All things created wish us well 

There's so much we don't see 

So now I rest, completely safe 

In this I am assured 

The wings of love surround us 

Sweet certainty endures

Sunday Rain

Sunday morning 

Rain falls

Rejuvenating

None are exempt from it's ministrations 

Sometimes we would rather 

Not have the rain touch us 

But she comes anyway 

Kissing our skin 

And bringing cleansing release

And so, I will choose no umbrella 

Thank you anyway 

I think instead 

I shall stand in the Rain

For I have known Love 

Both in Rain

And in Sun 

Inhabiting

Sometimes you're restless, because you'd love to have those answers all buttoned up. But, at times you're supposed to be uncomfortable, until you completely let go. 

There are days you're so open, you're convinced love could actually be fatal, the tenderness is overwhelming. 

There are discoveries that will blow the doors off of your safe places, leaving you in awe of the beauty and power that you are.

After a while, you realize you had it all wrong, just backwards, and you throw off the world's rules. Vulnerability is strength.

A broken heart is one of the most loving, fierce, unstoppable, powerful forces in the Universe. Magic is everywhere. There are way more than five senses. The desires of your heart are Divine, run with those! Your body is unique and exquisite, perfectly beautiful. If you can let yourself truly inhabit it and love it, it will tell you the secrets of where all the juicy, yummy things in life are. Pleasure is sacred. Do the things that bring a smile to your face and make your heart sing. If you don't say yes to yourself first, you'll never have anything to share with others. 

Life. It's the oddest dance, this deliciously fucked up, breathtakingly beautiful experience.  You stumble along, picking up clues, remembering who you are and why you came. Ever so slowly, that comes to rest in each cell, a bit more each day, as you finally learn to let go and enjoy the ride. Blessed fucking free fall!

Connection. 

With everything. 

Tuned into people's frequencies as the days make their way by. 

Just stunned by the souls you see. 

Dropping things by the side of the road as you go. No need to carry all that.

There's such freedom in this wide open place! Naked and trembling, you're just rocked to the core. Do you weep, laugh and exult, or take off and soar? There's nothing and nowhere left to hide, and you wouldn't go back even if you could. At first you think it's like the edge of a cliff, a dangerous rocky precipice, but it's the most truthful moment you've ever inhabited. 

Yes, open. 

Fully aware, awake, and participating.

The Goddess creates her Universe.

Holding the stars in your hands.

There's no up, no down.

No within or without.

Only being. 

One.

The Shift

You know it in your skin 

And at the very depth of you 

You thought it only existed among the winged ones

And in your brief visits 

To what lies beyond 

But then comes the day 

That love comes along 

Surrounds and infuses you

And asks if you'd like a guided tour 

Of all that you are 

You instinctively know that it's safe

So for once 

Instead of holding tight to your fear

You say yes 

Releasing all that isn't for you 

Letting go of what is toxic 

PARTICIPATING IN IT

The truth of what you are 

Draws everything out of you 

And it is just sheer ecstasy 

You are exquisitely aware

Embracing, knowing, experiencing 

Fully and completely 

Everything that you are 

Awestruck, amazed

Most profoundly alive

And suddenly 

It's not in a book 

It's not cerebral 

It's not a place to go in meditation 

It's YOU, you yourself 

Not just within you 

It IS you 

You are One

Your body is no longer something to overcome 

Or a suitcase to store the things you don't want to deal with right now 

Body, mind and spirit 

One soul, finally united

The gift you've received 

Priceless

The shift 

Unmistakable 

Life Is Sexy

What do you desire?

Why, for so many of us, is that question so scary?

The things that make our hearts sing

Activities that bring sheer joy 

The clues are all there 

When we're lost in the moment 

Following our natural inclinations 

Doing what we are naturally drawn to 

Is desire always about sex?

No, but it's the same energy, I think 

Whether we're pampering ourselves in a delicious bubble bath 

Writing 

Painting 

Singing 

Gardening 

Bee keeping 

Developing a new podcast 

Walking through the woods

Going for a drive alone with your favorite music blasting, enjoying the feel of driving 

Helping to create a new program that will help people 

Cooking up amazing things in our kitchen 

Helping in our community 

Or making love to our partner 

I'm finally beginning to see 

That the same luscious energy

Drives all of it

If it makes your heart beat faster 

If it lifts you and gives you joy 

And does the same for others too!

Then that's the Divine within you 

It's okay to listen to that voice, that pull

This is how we're meant to live

Life is sexy 

Let's make love to it 

The Forest Within

Daughter of the Goddess

She walks, barefoot through the forest

The moss is soft underfoot 

The rain has stopped 

And sits in tiny, perfect spheres 

On the leaves

The sweet smell of all of the growing things surrounds her 

She stops to bring this life into her 

Breathing deeply 

Green 

Underfoot and overhead 

The stars twinkle between the branches 

And with the moon they kiss the forest

Like so many lanterns

Glowing 

The night wind caresses the forest 

Like a lover 

Who knows all of your secret places

She closes her eyes 

In these moments 

The love, the connection 

Is so exquisite 

Indeed the sweetest, most paradoxically heartbreaking, soul searing joy one can ever know 

It breaks you open

And in the breaking, you are made whole

She spins, dances

Hands reaching toward the stars 

Feet moving on the sweet earth 

Body swaying 

In this moment, she would take the Universe as her lover 

The heart's need 

To encompass all in this love 

The Winged Ones stand close by 

As she dances 

For she is also their own 

Falling down upon soft moss

She hugs her legs to herself 

And looks around 

She and the forest 

Breathe together 

Her senses are as one 

With all of the wild things 

A gift from the Horned One

There is no need in this moment 

Deep in the soft sacred places of the night 

You will find her lost in bliss like this 

In love 

At home 

You Are Yes

When you're standing on the hill

Seeing the entire view 

While you're driving to work 

And the cornflower 

Speaks revelations 

Breathing as one 

With the green things 

Never alone 

One with Good Company 

Time is relative 

Anything can happen 

And you're patient 

Because you called it 

Heritage and memory 

Knowing 

Smiling, you straighten your glasses 

One foot here 

And the other...

Let's Not

Let's not

Ignore our annoyance and impatience 

They're here for a reason 

Let's not reject our anger 

And cover it in daisies

It needs us to listen 

Let's not 

Whitewash things

When it's time for something 

That isn't working to end

Let's not 

Blow sunshine up everyone's collective asses

When our hearts are broken 

Let's not 

Put supposed to 

Before authenticity 

Let's not 

Clothe wildness and passion

In safety and "maybe next time"

No 

Let's not 

The blood knows what is true

The body

Is the temple of your soul 

When we choose to ignore 

The messages we receive 

From The Goddess

From Ourselves

They find another way out 

And when they do 

We're usually not happy 

With the doorway they've created 

But you see 

There had to be an opening 

A place to reside 

To be heard In some way 

It's the strangest truth 

That so often these strong emotions 

The ones we reject 

Have the most to teach us 

If we just sit with them 

Lean in 

Listen, hear them 

Allow it 

In all it's messy glory 

In hearing what the message is

That was being conveyed 

And granting ourselves 

The gift of a healthy outlet 

We can find a way forward

And know the gift of release 

So really

Let's not 

Witch Walk

Intimacy 

With winged family 

And the Goddess

Walking 

In the nourishing light 

Of Father

Falcon sight

Gift of one eye 

Senses

As one with the horned one

And all that live

In the green places 

Crows call

Wild upon each morning 

All and everywhere 

The Beloved is found 

A most passionate love

Leaning in to fear

Standing naked, clad in vulnerability 

Endless well of strength 

Borne of what the world terms weak

Brokenness becomes wholeness

Growth and light from the cracks 

Sifted, made new

Rhythm of our mother

Clothed in stars 

One with all 

We do the work 

We the energy 

The energy as one in us 

All at once

We are the alchemist 

And the gold

This Is Love

The heart 

Holds space for others 

Without expectation 

Like a candle in the window 

A soul friend, always there

Knowingly allows the indwelling 

Gladly carrying the love 

Needing nothing 

Asking nothing 

Without condition 

Simply holding space 

Surrounding in love 

All those it holds 

This is freedom 

This is being 

This is love 

Getting Real

In the quiet it's different 

Being is different 

When the noise stops 

There's no time 

You could be 5 years old 

Or 17, or 92 

Minutes gather around 

Asking for attention 

Like shiny little pieces of stained glass 

Choosing not to dive in

Immersed in the space between 

Watching the shadows play

The more you open 

The stranger it gets 

One foot in each plane 

Do you occupy both

Or neither?

You think about concepts like identity 

You're not the face 

On the license 

Draped with narratives that no longer define 

So rare to be seen 

Really seen, even glimpsed 

For what you truly are 

And you crave it 

That sweet, tender bliss

Of being known 

But that's like making yourself into

The Velveteen Rabbit 

There's no need to wait 

You're already real 

On Abundance and Sacrifice

This morning I find myself contemplating sacrifice and abundance. My views and ideas have changed so very much over the past several years, I now define these words so differently than I once did. Or, do I? It's safe to say that I don't define them the way I have in the past.

But, what do they mean to me now?

Sacrifice used to be, in my head, a complete denial of the self for the good of others, or for a worthy goal that a person or a group is working toward. Abundance to me was defined as having financial freedom.

But now? I've changed. I'm not stagnant, numb or in a fog and my definitions of just about everything change daily. Life is a moving target now, and there's very little that doesn't shift like the changeable New England weather outside my window. I'm learning a different kind of comfort. This isn't a comfort that thrives on sameness, predictability and routine but instead one that trusts in my partnership with the Universe and has come to understand this never ceasing movement as good. Sometimes it's like being in a small boat going down a river. Other days, it's like being the river. All I know is the flow, the movement, is a natural thing and so I am in it.

Abundance has a much wider meaning now. One can have an abundance of health, friends, opportunities, blessings, surprises, and pleasurable experiences as well as an abundance of financial freedom. As I learn to gratefully recognize the blessings of abundance and the joy of sharing these blessings, I notice that more and more blessings arrive.

Sacrifice. I have come to reject the notion of sacrifice that shows itself as a denial of who you are. I once embraced a version of this word that made human beings into fearful, people pleasing toadies. I know that's what I was doing. I defined myself based on what others thought of me, and so I worked very hard at "making it okay" for everyone, without ever checking in with myself. I don't recommend this as a life choice, by the way. Now I see sacrifice in a vastly different light. Sacrifice, to me, is a choice to not have or participate in one thing because you are making an informed, conscious choice for another thing. If I'm going to make a sacrifice, that means I am deciding to put my energies in the direction of one thing instead of another thing because I feel it is a part of where I'm trying to go, or what I'm trying to do. It plays into personal integrity, both to myself and the way I interact with the world around me.

I guess I needed to work through this just now, because that river I mentioned is moving in different directions and I am frequently, daily finding myself in the position of choosing THIS or THAT. Some of these choices are small things, and others are not.

There was a time that I didn't believe abundance and sacrifice could exist together; sacrifice was something I defaulted into, convinced that somehow I'd find "happiness" in doing whatever it was that I didn't want to do but which I others thought was a great idea. Abundance was a far off ideal and although I occasionally dipped my toes in it, I shrank back from it, as if enjoying it too much would mean it would be taken away.

Now, I know that I am the one navigating my ship. I decide, whether it is what to wear today, what to eat for lunch or something bigger like where to work or who to have in my life and who not to. I'm coming to understand, more each day, who and what I am and why I'm here. I know that, as with all of us, The Universe is madly, passionately in love with me. I partner with the Divine and we create beautiful things. That means that abundance is mine, and takes many forms. It also means that it's my decision what I do with my time, my energy and the resources before me on any given day.

First I need to know at least what general direction I'm heading in. What are my goals? What does my personal integrity tell me as far as how I'm going to relate to the world? What do I believe in? What's important to me? That gives me a compass. And I think maybe that compass is how I decide, as the song says, what to leave in and what to leave out. I might have a dozen opportunities for various things that present themselves to me today. I have to decide which ones are for me. Which ones are moving me toward my goals? Which ones are a part of the direction I'm going in or fit in with what's true and right for me?

I think that helps. Abundance isn't a far off thing, for others only. It's here NOW and the Universe and I can shape it into anything, and it can be enjoyed and shared with everyone around me right NOW. Sacrifice is a conscious choice I will make, or not make in any given moment when I decide on one experience over another, choose one activity over another or create movement toward a goal or not, based on that compass.

Human being. Woman. Angel. Witch. Mother. Wife. Friend. Goddess. Poet. Lover. Lost. Found. Weak. Powerful. Full. Empty. Healthy. Sick. Free. Shackled. Sometimes all of that, sometimes none of the above. So are you. But either way, by choice or by avoidance of choice, with our own thoughts and actions, we are steering our own ship.

I for one, am going to grab that wheel and enjoy being captain.

Living

A balance 

Between doing and being 

Time to breathe 

A task undertaken 

With intent and love

Finds creative flow 

But fueled by guilt or obligation 

Finds failure and conflict 

Do 

Or not do 

Which is your intent?

A choice 

The heart 

A universal language 

Known by all 

Giving birth 

Takes many forms 

That which lives within you 

Waiting for breath, and life 

Is an entirely unique force 

Vital to our world 

Only you can bring it forth 

Love 

Isn't a commodity

Knows no percentages

Fouled by expectations

When allowed it's truth

It changes the face of your pain

Heals the places that were hidden 

Shows you your personal power 

Reminds you you're precious 

Defines freedom 

Will change the world 

By changing you

From The Inside Out

In America, we kill each other in far greater numbers than any terrorist could. Yet, we continue along with our days, oddly accustomed to this insane ugliness that has seeped into what we once were, into our very lives. 

As long as someone is there to put it neatly into a category for us, we don't have to look inside of ourselves. We don't have to see what needs to be changed in ourselves. 

We can also keep pretending our political system hasn't been hijacked by Wall Street, and that our power and greed based policies and actions nationally don't exist and aren't impacting millions of people.

If Scott Pelley or David Muir says its someone else's fault, we don't have to look at the part we play nor the part our country plays in things that have to change....locally, nationally and globally.

What do we do about it? It's overwhelming, honestly. I feel inept, unprepared and clueless in the face of all of this. But I have to do something.

I'm going to start with myself. I'm going to learn, because the world is full of situations and people who can teach us. How else to grow and change?  I'm going to keep asking questions. I'm going to understand that it's important to poke around and discover the reasons and motivations behind things. I'll remember that the comfortable answer isn't always true. I'm going to excavate and fight the prejudices hidden in my subconscious - we all have them no matter how much we wish we didn't. When I find something within me that it's time to change, I'm going to compassionately accept that and walk forward and embrace that change. I'm going to be a pain in the ass and keep questioning and speaking. I'm going to vote even when it feels pointless. I'm going to speak and act from the quiet authority of truth that is only found within.

I'm not going to give up. We can't give up. We can make this better. From the inside out.

Definitions: On Womanhood and Bravery

I've recently read quite a few opinions on line regarding Caitlyn Jenner. Who hasn't, the story is unavoidable. Of course, everyone has their thoughts on the subject.

One recent posting got me thinking. The writer came from the point of view of what truly defines bravery for a woman. I found myself sitting there, working through it in my head.

First, I wondered - what do I think defines me as a woman? Do I qualify simply because I have breasts, a vagina and a uterus? I gave birth to two sons, maybe that's what cements my womanhood? I'm married to a man, does that matter? Is it what I wear? My name? How I carry myself? Do I have to be the nurturing type to be a real woman? What about "acting feminine", is that important?

My anatomy defines what sex I am. I'm female. My gender comes from inside of me, the essence of who I am, not from my anatomy. For me, this is female also. My sexual orientation comes from my heart. I'm straight.

None of this defines me as a woman. What does?

I DO.

 

I don't need anyone to validate that. No one else who identifies as a woman needs anyone to validate it either.

So the next question is what defines bravery as a woman? One writer mentioned women who have had cancer, women who have survived abuse, raised kids alone, fought for a woman's right to vote and furthered the cause of feminism. I had to agree wholeheartedly. Those are all examples of incredibly brave women, women who have shown us and continue to show us every single day what bravery means - women who are still fighting that fight right now, today.

So, as a friend said, publicity and fame aside, does that mean that Caitlyn Jenner is not brave? Is bravery a contest? Is there only one definition of bravery? Are only soldiers and police officers brave? Are only people who are facing a devastating illness brave? Are only the women defined above brave? They are all examples of bravery, aren't they? Are there degrees, does one cancel the other out?

Isn't someone who is transgender brave when they reveal who they are within to all of us, after a lifetime of questioning and painful hiding? I think they are.

Maybe the real question is, are the rest of us so unsure of who WE are that we feel threatened by someone we can't understand? When we're faced with something that we can't relate to, we have such a tendency to just unravel. That makes us feel unsafe, or for some even resentful. And fear makes us go on the attack, because doing the work of examining why we feel so freaked out is much harder.

So, food for thought. Womanhood. Bravery. Getting a grip on our reactive tendencies. My mind is still racing with all sorts of thoughts, I'm sure it will be for some time. I like that, it's how we learn.

Herb School

This was the first year I have ever tried growing herbs. I started with lavender, rosemary, thyme, peppermint and lemon balm. 

It's been interesting. The lavender was the strongest at first, and beautiful! Now it's almost gone, I can't seem to figure out what it needs. 

The rosemary is beautiful, fragrant and strong.  It has been doing quite well all along. 

The thyme, peppermint and lemon balm looked like they were dying until I moved them from containers into the ground. Now they look wonderful!

I've been warned that the peppermint will spread and take over more space, which is fine with me.

I wanted this process to go a certain way. At first I wanted them all in our old garden area where we used to grow tomatoes. When that wasn't possible I did containers. Then, some of the plants hated the containers so I moved them up front in the yard, directly in the soil.

I'm learning to adapt my expectations and move WITH the natural growth patterns of these herbs, instead of trying to mold them to what I wanted.

The results are wonderful. The lavender may not make it, but was so beautiful while it was here. The rosemary is fresh, fragrant, bold and strong and loving her huge container.

The others are doing well right in the soil. Peppermint already looks ready to rule the yard!

I think our lives are like this, too. These herbs have taught me about waiting on and learning natures rhythms, when to water, how much sun, the way some things last and others don't, and allowing and celebrating what a living thing is, without forcing things. 

All of those lessons apply very much to our everyday lives. I'm finding things in my life "grow" very nicely when I'm in tune with the natural rhythm of things. Some situations call for a change of tactic midstream. Some things don't last, but are a blessing while they are here. Not everything goes as I may plan, but if I let go of that white knuckled grip and watch the signs it usually turns out wonderfully.

I knew going in that this was going to be about more than putting in a few plants and forgetting about it. The entire world really is our school. I'm truly enjoying this experience. I've got so much more to learn, I'm looking forward to it.

On Monday

On Monday 

There's that mental transition 

From relaxation 

To work mode 

On Monday

There's coffee 

Lunch making 

And office clothes

On Monday 

The cat gives you that look 

The "You're leaving again" face 

And meows his displeasure 

On Monday

Your cellphone goes on silent 

You apply make up 

And plan tacos for tonight 

On Monday 

You pray in the shower 

And you're a little bit frustrated 

And a little bit resigned

On Monday 

You cry in the car

Angels talk to you while you drive 

And the pink flowers on the roadside make you smile 

On Monday

You realize 

This is being human 

And this is being a woman

And this is being you 

On Monday

You embrace the day

You just breathe

And you flow with all of it 

And the mojo isn't dead 

On Monday 

And That's Okay

Some days

You just need a hiding place 

You wonder 

Where might that be 

A place safe

Securely wrapped in love

Some days 

You can't seem to redirect it 

Lift it 

Or affirmation it away 

No

Some days 

Your spirit runs sad 

And you just sit 

Allowing that to be 

No apologies 

No need to excuse it 

No guilt 

Some days 

You just need

That safe place 

And you're not certain 

Where that is 

So you're sad 

And that's okay

Lines, Corners and Soft Places

It seems sometimes

That we have built for ourselves

A society that is all about straight lines 

Hard surfaces, edges and corners 

All is linear 

And everything has an expiration date 

Even people 

We act without weighing the consequences

Then we panic, and run crying 

When our Mother 

Does simply what is natural 

She cannot do otherwise 

She will continue 

Some haven't forgotten, though

The joy found in softness 

When falling rain renews your spirit 

The graceful soft bend of blades of grass

And how they feel between your toes 

The flutter of eyelashes

A loved one's hand 

The grace found in being deliberate

Even....slow!!!

The wisdom of experience

Leaving space, and not filling it 

Loving your body 

Accepting and treasuring it 

The transformation that comes

When your heart breaks 

And you allow that 

When you allow love to simply be 

To change shape 

From what you wanted it to be 

To what is 

And you are forever altered

Really seeing people

Falling for what they are 

Knowing the sacred everywhere

Going deep within 

Even to the dark places 

Finding no demons there 

Simply yourself...and The Beloved

Wrapped in endless love 

Never alone 

Yes

There is softness

There are curves 

And sweet scented valleys

Places where thoughts 

Are instant creation

And you are never homesick 

Because you are seen and loved 

For everything that you are 

That place 

The soft place 

It's here now

Spinning Down

Spinning down

Jammed frequencies

Overheated, noisy pain

Silently the spirit calls 

Oh dearest one 

The touch of your lips

On my brow 

Such cooling balm 

Where art thou my beloved 

Spinning, spinning 

Past where most are willing 

Deeper still 

The grasp of the world 

So far behind 

Sweet sacred temple 

Profound intimacy 

Nothing hidden

Healing 

The known, alive

This is the home I remember

Dance the rhythm 

Of Spirit's flame 

Oh yes

Now I am home 

Immersed in love 

Freedom

There's a certain freedom in having fallen on your face spectacularly. I'm serious. Once you've done that a few times, you realize nothing is really that bad, "failure" included.

There are no right or wrong decisions. There are just decisions. You make them and you move. You do the best you can with what you know at the time. Sometimes it's the sweetest victory. Other times, "epic fail", haha! 

Many of those times, scraping your face off the pavement, looking back -  they're a huge part of the strength and wisdom you have today. 

Yep. It's true. Having a few really amazing  "failures" adds some pretty cool stuff to your tool belt. You get things like strength, perspective, self knowledge, and a great sense of humor. You don't sweat the small stuff, and you realize how much of it truly is small stuff.  You become less risk averse because you know that no matter what you'll survive, learn and thrive. So you're more willing to put yourself out there.

You come to understand that what the world calls failure is just part of life, a way for you to see what happens when you dig deep. It's not failure, it's triumph. 

This is really a fantastic stage of life to be in. 

Freedom. It feels good. 

Showing Your Hand

Some things 

You keep to yourself 

For potency's sake

While you do 

That thing you do 

Conceived within

Fed by all of the elements 

Quietly, beautifully, relentlessly

Taking form 

Knowing all will be revealed

In the perfect time 

Other times

It's all on the table 

Soaking up the sunshine 

And the clear air  

Of complete transparency 

Visible movement, growth and change 

That needs to breathe free

In order to thrive

Here we have two viable paths to create. 

The tough part is figuring out which one to use and when.

The Revolution

Run? Hide? Embrace fear?

Not likely.

Regrets?

None. 

I put myself out there.

I did the very best I could in each moment, with the knowledge and resources available at the time.

Where I've caused others pain, if allowed, I've apologized and made it right. That's important.

Every victory, and every searingly painful moment is a part of me, a lesson. 

I'm stronger for them all.

I've reached for what is beautiful and precious. Sometimes it's there for you, and other times it isn't, and you fall on your face. Hard.

I wouldn't go back and change even one moment, because it's all a part of who I am now.

I've learned that many of the roadblocks we encounter are self created. I'll go so far as to say especially the ones we think are placed there by others.

When you allow love to change shape, it changes the shape of YOU.

You'll always be missing a part of you if you never face, learn and embrace your darkness. Your light is weak without that balance.

There is unexpected, profound power in complete surrender, and it doesn't mean at all what you think. There is no weakness here, none whatsoever.

There's so much more than what our five senses tell us, and even then we often miss things that are right in front of us. Information, wisdom, knowledge, healing, and more arrive daily in so many ways. The Universe is always blessing us, in each moment.

Clear focused intent and will in partnership with The Universe....yes you really can do anything. 

There is the most perfect pattern and rhythm to everything, as it unfolds for us. 

The Universe is madly, passionately in love with each of us. 

So, I will walk, and work, and laugh and love. I'll put myself out there again and again, I'll take risks, I'll be honest and silly and vulnerable. I'll lend a hand, and I'll be with you when it hurts. Sometimes I'll be tired and will need to be wrapped in the arms of love. I'll work my will, stay strong, release and surrender, and rock this life. 

Sadness. Grief. Fear. Anger. Disappointment. They happen. I'll face them, and accept them. Then I'll lift them, allow them to be changed, and me along with them. 

Let's do this. Let's rock this life. Let's change the world by changing ourselves. The revolution will begin quietly my loves, within our hearts.

 

If, Then (Love Lessons)

If you don't believe you deserve it

Then you can neither give it

Nor receive it 

And all you experience 

Will be that mirror for you

Until you know 

Believe 

You are worthy 

That yes, indeed 

You are that precious 

And you could be that loved 

When the power

And the tenderness 

Of that truth 

Pierce your heart 

You know 

Regardless of anything else

That giving the ultimate love

Is the only way 

To receive it 

Give it to all 

Without exception 

Surrender to it 

And let it flow back to you 

It always does

This is love's way

Is

Connected to all
Forever in solitude
Even in good company
Yet never alone
Lover to all
And to none
Sight of the white raven
One with the forest
Flowing as the river
Burning as fire
Riding the night air
Rooted, growing, blooming, as the earth tree
Child of wing and flesh
Mystery makes love with transparency
Secrets revealed on the wind
The sacred is everywhere

The Old Stone Church

I'm sitting in West Boylston, Massachusetts at the Old Stone Church. It had to be abandoned as a worship site when the reservior was created. The building is constructed completely of stone, and so here it sits. This is a gorgeous spot, and I come here several times a year. The water, the trees, the sky, the breathtaking views, and all of the birds and other animals make it a favorite for many people.

We have a funny tendency to do this - to create beautiful public spaces in areas where we have taken something away for what is considered to be the good of all. Regardless of the inherent good in the vision and creation of such places as this reservoir, or for example it's larger sibling Quabbin Reservoir further to our west, the taste of that conflict is in the very air and energy here. It seeps into me in all such places, and to an extent they always have the feeling of a gift given in exchange for what the giver hopes is absolution of some kind. It has nothing at all to do with any opinion I may have about the construction of such places. It is my experience of the energy signature that exists here, one which I've observed in other places with a similar history.

People came here to worship in community, to raise their voices to heaven on Sunday mornings. If I quiet myself, I can hear them, I can pick up on the energy of their greetings to one another after services. Today, the place belongs to the pigeons and all of the other wild creatures, and those of us who pass through from time to time. The pigeons have a song of their own, their cooing blending into a hymn that I think is no less beautiful than the human voices. The small birds fly from tree to tree outside of the church, and add their notes to the symphony here. An occasional car passes by, and other vistitors walk through, enjoying a Saturday morning that expects nothing other than their presence. Saturday has always been the best lover, with a sweet undemanding caress that says, "I know what makes you smile. Stay here with me just a little while."

I've seen probably 8 people this morning in the 90 minutes or so that I've enjoyed sitting here quietly with my coffee and journal. Most simply smile, some have
said "Good Morning." I get a sense of them, each as they pass by. They stay safely in the range of politeness, and so the smile or simple greeting is enough. As they go on their way, I wonder what life stories go along with the snippets of emotion and flashes of knowledge that they've inadvertently shared with me. I send them
blessings as they continue on their way.

Their echoes are here after they've gone, just like the echoes of the Sunday People I can still sense here. They blend with me, the geese, the pigeons and the water, and those who will come later, when this place no longer stands. The voices of all the living creatures are one. Past, present, and future? This morning, they are all one to me. So, in a way, I'll always be sitting here with my journal and coffee. The pigeons are cooing. The injured goose I met and sent Reiki to honks to his counterparts, swimming without him in the reservoir. I consider asking Michael to protect him, and then within, it comes to me "Shall I protect him from being a goose?" and I see the truth of it. I find myself smiling at the patient and loving energy that accompanies this question.

Looking at my feathered friend as I pack my things to go, I have a very strong sense of continuity, of flow, and the phrase from the rede comes to me again, "in perfect love and perfect trust." Within, I hear the words "All is well."

Indeed.

ADHD, Brain Envy and Awakening Goddess Wisdom

Sometimes, I have brain envy. My best friend is amazing, driven, organized, and brilliant. She manages a complex government program. I watch what she can accomplish and I can’t help it. I have brain envy. Some days, I just want hers. Mine keeps dropping things and it’s frustrating. I end up feeling like I want to upgrade, the way you do at the end of the lease on your car, you know?

I work very hard, sometimes for mediocre results.  I watch what other people do, and I try to avoid it, but I get jealous. Then I get angry at myself for being jealous. Jealousy is ugly, and I don’t like giving in to it.

It isn’t about feeling sorry for myself. I keep giving 100% even if that looks exactly like everyone else’s 65% in some situations. I accept what I can’t change and I work to change what I can. I accept being wired differently. I take the workarounds and processes that have worked for me over the years and I improve them. I try new ones. I always believe that today I can do even better. I seek and take advice. I fight to stay organized. I come in early. I make lists. I use calendar pop ups. I work as much on an item as possible until I have to stop because I know that when I put it down to go do something else, I will completely forget it. When I do have to put it down, I add it to my trusty list. I fix all the things I mess up. I do that a lot. I politely push back when I need more time to finish something. I'm much more patient with myself. When too much is going on at once, and brain fog ensues, I know to take a quick break, use breathing exercises and get calm. I know great things happen when I honor the way I need to do things instead of following the way everyone else does it.

Inattentive ADHD exacerbated by the changes that happen to goddesses my age - conversations with my doc have led us to decide that this is what’s going on. I know now that ADHD has always been with me and this knowledge certainly explains a lot of things that have happened in my life. I’m trying to balance being educated about both the ADHD and everything else going on with my body while not letting it define me or become an excuse. I want to be healthy but just as with Arthritis, it doesn’t become a decision maker or become all I’m about. There’s a middle ground somewhere between denying what’s happening and wearing it like a badge. I hope I’m walking that in a way that helps me be healthy and maybe generates conversation with others who could use somebody to talk to about these things. We have to help each other. I know others sharings have helped me so much!  And everyone’s journey is different. It’s important that we respect that and each other. There’s no “you should” or “you shouldn’t. “ That language tears people down.

I keep searching for my little spot in the world where I will shine, where my wiring is a match!! It’s no secret that I tend toward the non structured, non linear, less scheduled, more self directed, creative way of moving through life. I am learning to integrate that more and more every day. I’ve been a free spirit in a box for a really long time, so it’s a daily journey, and an enjoyable one, as I remake my way and find my path. I know that I have a lot of skills and abilities, and I actually like who I am. I haven’t always been able to say that. I know it’s better every single day. I don’t give up. I keep redirecting the negative thoughts. I pray, keep the faith, believe, embrace magic, listen to my intuition, work with the Universe, and take steps every single day to make things happen.

I embrace who I am. I revel in it, in fact. And in truth, comparing ourselves to others is the worst form of self criticism. So I'll be happy for my brilliant friend while being glad about who I am!  I’m incredibly grateful for the endless gifts of people and blessings in my life. I’m enjoying this journey thoroughly. Even the days when I might have just a little bit of brain envy and need to stop, accept my frustration and redirect it. 

Why do I share? Because sharing helps us all. I hope others will feel free to do the same, so we can help each other. 

Losing Your Grip

We hang on tight 

To people 

Situations 

Expectations And shoulds 

Because all the fear 

Uncertainty and discomfort 

Seems to be pushed away 

When we do 

Admitting fear 

Facing it

Letting go 

No more white knuckles

Being and doing 

Simply by choice 

Losing your grip

As it turns out 

It's a game changer 

Please Do This Today

I remember it clearly. I was engaged but not yet married, still living with mom and dad. so I was 20. I was working at Paul Revere Insurance Company. I woke up that day exhausted, both mind and body just dragged out and completely spent. So I went with instinct, and did what I knew would replenish me. I called in sick, I rested all day, and then spent a few hours in the evening with my best friend Nicki, just talking.

By the end of the day the nasty washed out feeling had finally gone, and I truly felt rejuvenated, I knew I had done the right thing. And I already knew, there would always be a desk, it would always have work waiting, and that would never change. That would always be there to plug into. This was about balance, and taking proper care of myself.

The next day I caught hell from both my mother and my fiance. You see, I had not gone to work the previous day and apparently spending a few hours with my best friend talking was considered to be something akin to "Going out to play when you didn't go to school that day." Both mom and Rob were livid with me and lectured me for some time. I was getting married now. It was time to be responsible, to be an "adult."

So, thinking that I'd upset both my mother and the man I love, I assumed I was a schmuck and took the lesson.....one must always "be responsible." Okay. So, my needs are always less important than my job and the general concept of being a "responsible adult." I remember being worried about what other ways I might potentially step in it again.

So, off to Paul Revere I went, every day. And somehow, over the next...let's just say a long time.....I kept learning and relearning the lesson that I was less and that what other people, both personally and professionally expected of me, was always more important.

Now, I want to say right now, this isn't a dig on either my fiance, who became my hubby, or my fantastic mother. I love them both dearly. But, you see, as it turns out, I was right that day. I knew who I was. I knew what I needed. What I didn't know? How to have a voice, how to express myself and simply tell the people around me what my needs and limits were.

Really, I've learned that people treat you the way you allow them to. So, when I decided back there that family, friends and people at work were all happier if I was a "Yes-Woman", I'm the one who set that expectation. No one else told me to do that. In looking back, I can see where I squashed down my natural instincts and replaced them with people pleasing activities that I thought would make everyone happy. I really thought doing that was the formula for a happy life.

I've always been the fairy child, the free spirit, the one who wanted to be outside, where I spent my entire childhood, the one who embraced magic and chased mystery, the one who wanted to read, write poetry, take pictures, help people, be around flowers, play in piles of leaves, and who hates structure. But I decided that these were the trappings of childhood and I put them all away.

But an interesting thing happened in 2011. I had known for a long time that the formula I was using, the endless people pleasing, chasing the "American Dream", following the formula - it was NOT working for me. So I took decisive action. Anyone ever heard of Pandora's Box? Yeah. Well, I opened mine, and like the story says, once you do - that lid ain't going back on!!! Good. I don't want it back on. Four years later, there's still all sorts of wild craziness flying out of that thing. It hasn't been easy but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm awake and I'm not going back to sleep. I embrace this. ROAR!!!

Here's something that has come out of that journey. Guess what? I'm 50 as I am writing this. I'm still the fairy child, the free spirit, the one who wants to be outside, the one who knows and embraces magic and rides the night chasing mystery, the one who reads endless books, writes poetry, takes pictures, helps people, plays in piles of leaves, and is obsessed with flowers. I feel what you feel, talk to Angels and spirits, I truly SEE YOU,....and yeah, I still really hate structure.

But now there's a difference. I have a voice. I was the only one silencing myself. I was the only one holding me back. I've played in the "structured" world long enough to know it has it's blessings and it's drawbacks, I'm always going to need to have that balance and I'm learning where that fits now. But I know now that I will, I must and I do live my life by my own instinct and by my own inner knowledge, my intuition, along with the evidence of my senses. There's so much more than bare facts. Knowing who you are and walking that, embracing what is for you and setting limits on what isn't for you - that isn't selfish. That, my loves, is actually my idea of living. You can do that and still be lovingly present for those you love.

I'm sharing this because too many of us do what I did. We decide we don't need to explore what makes our heart beat faster, we don't spend time on those simple things that are for no other reason than joy and delight. We don't set limits. And we keep shrinking, more and more. And it shows in our lives in so many ways.

Some love the changes in me since "Joe Perry Weekend" in 2011. Not everyone does. That's okay.

Just whatever you do, please, please, speak from your truth. Don't shrink. Do what makes your heart sing. It's so much more fun when you do. You'll feel better, you'll be healthier. Your energy picks up!

Please, be you. Please have fun. Please do things just because they feel good. Please play. Please. Today.

Love and peace to you all.

Bethie

Happy List

Sometimes I get overwhelmed when the world and all of us living on it seem bent on destruction and conflict. 

One thing I do when that happens is go to something on my happy list. These are guaranteed to bring a smile. Here are some of mine. What's on your list?

Hot tea

Talk with mom

Meditate 

Stevie kitty's purr

Walk in the woods 

Dinner with hubs and my two sons

Flowers

Laughing with my brother

Taking pictures 

A soft warm hoodie, always feels like a hug from a beloved friend

Talking with my sons about music, movies, anything at all for hours

Watching the birds at the feeder

Showering and slipping between freshly clean sheets. Preferably naked. Oh, bliss!

Driving Lil Red Subie with no particular destination 

Pete Klein's voice on Blisstique songs, it warms you from the inside like a shot of bourbon

Speaking of which, a shot of good whiskey

Pretty toenail polish

Holding some Rose Quartz 

Breakfast out with hubs

A massage 

Having reiki done on me 

Michael Crawford singing "All I Ask Of You" 

Hanging out with my gals 

My good morning crew on Twitter each morning 

Hot soup

Verble's music posts and blog on Twitter

Asking Angels for help 

Watch That Metal Show 

And the list goes on...so grateful for daily blessings.

 

Fresh

I love this

Freshly showered

Damp hair 

Clean and tingly 

From head to toe 

I come upstairs 

And instead of dressing right away

I shut off the light  

Sit quietly 

Enjoying the feeling 

Of smooth silky sheets

Against my skin 

The fan blows

Making me just slightly chilly 

Sunlight on the trees outside 

Beautiful green 

Just breathing 

A few minutes 

I love this 

These moments are mine 

Before the day begins 

It's Like That

Awake 

Sweet sexy tingle 

Like your skin gets 

When the night air touches you

After a swim 

Head space 

Room for the light 

The way the sky looks 

When the sun breaks through 

After a storm 

Eyes

Like windows 

Revealing much

With or without 

Shutters

Patience 

Like an easy stroll

Because time is relative 

And it's all yours anyway

Expectations 

Like dozens of tiny prisons

Locking you in 

Making you miss what's yours 

And love 

Like backwards fuel 

The more you give 

The more you're filled

Alchemy

The struggle is so familiar 

Almost comfortable now

Not believing it can work out

The daily waffling 

Between hopelessness 

And that head down keep going survival 

Hanging on to hope 

Even when you want to quit

Bob and weave 

Working and moving 

Never quite letting yourself believe 

And so we extend our limbo 

But, you know what?

We don't have to live there anymore 

If we surrender the where, when, how

Move through that fear and resignation 

That tells you to keep the armor up 

If we can give up control of the structure 

Then, finally 

There's breathing room 

For love to live 

For desire and will 

To meet, energized 

Touching and moving all things

Alchemy exists, and magick is 

We are the alchemist and the gold

If we throw off limitations 

Of the mind, the emotions 

And the rules of the five senses 

It all happens 

Hundreds of solutions 

Endless possibilities 

There is great power

Where will and desire

Meld with Energy and Truth

Surrender isn't for the weak 

For only the strongest know 

That releasing the white knuckles

And letting go 

Of "the way it's supposed to be"

Opens the entire Universe for you 

And moves you 

From fate 

To destiny 

Matricide

Maybe at first
We thought it would be wonderful
To tuck ourselves in
Amongst the green
And the richly scented
Life giving brown earth
We would be one with it all

But then we forgot ourselves
Lost our connection
Maybe we didn't ground ourselves everyday
Do you suppose we could do the things we do
If every single person connected with Gaia every morning?

At some point, we crossed a line
We decided instead of being a part of it
That we owned it
And all of it, just every single part
Will never be enough

And that changes everything

Tiny

Turning a corner on the path
Sunny clearing
Tiny, delicate beauty smiles up
Sweetest lavender and white
Warm yellow center
Breathtaking
Perfect

Some things need no explanation

Dusky Brown

Dusky brown wings
Color of tree bark
Rimmed with black dots
Slight pause
Sensing the flow of the air
Stillness
Then, movement
I could learn a lot from you

All Is Well

An angels morning greeting 

The first thought of my day 

Held fast in the arms of love 

Sitting in the quiet of the house

In my sweet little peace corner

Fresh out of the shower 

Birds singing outside 

Their beautiful song drifts in the window

Purring friend at my side 

The words of the rede come to me again

"In perfect love, and perfect trust"

And the words of my friend 

"Every step a blessing, every word a prayer"

A state of release, perhaps of waiting 

Grateful 

Open, intuition primed

Receptive 

But not impatient 

Love 

Is

All is well