This morning I find myself contemplating sacrifice and abundance. My views and ideas have changed so very much over the past several years, I now define these words so differently than I once did. Or, do I? It's safe to say that I don't define them the way I have in the past.
But, what do they mean to me now?
Sacrifice used to be, in my head, a complete denial of the self for the good of others, or for a worthy goal that a person or a group is working toward. Abundance to me was defined as having financial freedom.
But now? I've changed. I'm not stagnant, numb or in a fog and my definitions of just about everything change daily. Life is a moving target now, and there's very little that doesn't shift like the changeable New England weather outside my window. I'm learning a different kind of comfort. This isn't a comfort that thrives on sameness, predictability and routine but instead one that trusts in my partnership with the Universe and has come to understand this never ceasing movement as good. Sometimes it's like being in a small boat going down a river. Other days, it's like being the river. All I know is the flow, the movement, is a natural thing and so I am in it.
Abundance has a much wider meaning now. One can have an abundance of health, friends, opportunities, blessings, surprises, and pleasurable experiences as well as an abundance of financial freedom. As I learn to gratefully recognize the blessings of abundance and the joy of sharing these blessings, I notice that more and more blessings arrive.
Sacrifice. I have come to reject the notion of sacrifice that shows itself as a denial of who you are. I once embraced a version of this word that made human beings into fearful, people pleasing toadies. I know that's what I was doing. I defined myself based on what others thought of me, and so I worked very hard at "making it okay" for everyone, without ever checking in with myself. I don't recommend this as a life choice, by the way. Now I see sacrifice in a vastly different light. Sacrifice, to me, is a choice to not have or participate in one thing because you are making an informed, conscious choice for another thing. If I'm going to make a sacrifice, that means I am deciding to put my energies in the direction of one thing instead of another thing because I feel it is a part of where I'm trying to go, or what I'm trying to do. It plays into personal integrity, both to myself and the way I interact with the world around me.
I guess I needed to work through this just now, because that river I mentioned is moving in different directions and I am frequently, daily finding myself in the position of choosing THIS or THAT. Some of these choices are small things, and others are not.
There was a time that I didn't believe abundance and sacrifice could exist together; sacrifice was something I defaulted into, convinced that somehow I'd find "happiness" in doing whatever it was that I didn't want to do but which I others thought was a great idea. Abundance was a far off ideal and although I occasionally dipped my toes in it, I shrank back from it, as if enjoying it too much would mean it would be taken away.
Now, I know that I am the one navigating my ship. I decide, whether it is what to wear today, what to eat for lunch or something bigger like where to work or who to have in my life and who not to. I'm coming to understand, more each day, who and what I am and why I'm here. I know that, as with all of us, The Universe is madly, passionately in love with me. I partner with the Divine and we create beautiful things. That means that abundance is mine, and takes many forms. It also means that it's my decision what I do with my time, my energy and the resources before me on any given day.
First I need to know at least what general direction I'm heading in. What are my goals? What does my personal integrity tell me as far as how I'm going to relate to the world? What do I believe in? What's important to me? That gives me a compass. And I think maybe that compass is how I decide, as the song says, what to leave in and what to leave out. I might have a dozen opportunities for various things that present themselves to me today. I have to decide which ones are for me. Which ones are moving me toward my goals? Which ones are a part of the direction I'm going in or fit in with what's true and right for me?
I think that helps. Abundance isn't a far off thing, for others only. It's here NOW and the Universe and I can shape it into anything, and it can be enjoyed and shared with everyone around me right NOW. Sacrifice is a conscious choice I will make, or not make in any given moment when I decide on one experience over another, choose one activity over another or create movement toward a goal or not, based on that compass.
Human being. Woman. Angel. Witch. Mother. Wife. Friend. Goddess. Poet. Lover. Lost. Found. Weak. Powerful. Full. Empty. Healthy. Sick. Free. Shackled. Sometimes all of that, sometimes none of the above. So are you. But either way, by choice or by avoidance of choice, with our own thoughts and actions, we are steering our own ship.
I for one, am going to grab that wheel and enjoy being captain.
No comments:
Post a Comment