Watershed Moments

 By definition, a watershed moment is a moment that changes everything.  After this, nothing can ever be the same.  Based on this, the expectation would be that a watershed moment would be a dramatic, visible thing that happens to you - something everyone would notice.

I've come to believe that it is possible to have these moments inside of oneself.  Music, meditation and poetry do this for me.  Sometimes someone else's writing can do this for me, also. Or, I can be listening to music, driving along - and all of a sudden WHAM!  The truth in the lyrics will hit me like a 18 wheeler coming at me from the other direction.  Then I start thinking of a poem - the words just start flying like crazy and I'm just trying to hang on to them until I get the car parked so they don't fly away!

I've been unalterably changed by these moments when I'm alone, either in meditation or listening to music.  And my outlook changes - the way I think about a key part of my life, who I am, how I relate to the world around me will change.  That is what this "being open" has felt like over the past few months. Another piece of this endless puzzle unlocks.

When I feel like this, I think it must be the most exquisitely beautiful pain ever, because there I am having a soul altering moment - I want to laugh - I want to cry - I feel like I could fly - OH BUT WAIT, I need to be at work in 10 minutes.  And I'm torn in half - wanting to escape to a wild place where I can just be, and let my soul fly free - and find I AM in the wilderness and inside myself.  But instead I go to work and I feel like I do not belong.  But people depend on me so I do what I must.  And I'm honored to do it.

The juxtaposition of these two feelings is what it feels like inside of my head, inside of my soul every living, waking moment.  And THAT is why I write - because I must.  I am compelled to.  If I don't the words - the feelings will rip me to pieces!  And I'll say it again - God  help me - "open" is amazingly painful sometimes but it's also such a fucking beautiful place to be I will never go back to being closed.  I love living in this horrifyingly wondrous space where I "see" everything.

So let the watershed moments come.   I am so grateful, so thankful for every moment I have to live in this beautiful place we inhabit.  Do we really know how breathtaking life is?  Sometimes I think we lose sight of it. Having the soul of a poet, and embracing that,  means I can never stop seeing and feeling it.  So, if that makes me a little unusual, here's to being an oddball! 

We are all beautiful and broken and amazing and we live in this crazy, mystical place.  Hallelujah.  Blessed Be.