Awed

Tea
A quiet hour
Out the window
Dried leaves
Cold November wind
Imagine
It isn't at all what we thought
But, Oh!
So much more
Connection
Threads
People
Simply, people
People
And your beautiful
Broken
Hopeful hearts
Trying to muddle through
Wanting to make it better
Encountered
One by one
I see you
Inside
Truly
I am in awe of you

So, it's like this.....

To quote Inigo Montoya "Let me explain.....No, there is too much.  Let me sum up."

Me:  Doing my thing

World:  You're crazy

Me:  *tries to act more normal*

World:  You're way too enthusiastic, back off

Me: *tones it way down, tries to be little and quiet*

World: You're too negative

Me: *tries to be more positive*

World: You're not appreciative and thankful enough

Me: *blinks, amazed*

World: Well?

Me: *laughs*  Of course I'm thankful, how could I not be? Look, I love you guys but I've gotta do this my way.  We all do.  Have a great day!

Me:  *walks off, singing*

Steps

Apart
Waiting
Empty
Noticed
Touched
Created!
Beauty
Energy
Life
Love
Betrayal
Loss
Rejection
Uncreated
Invisible
Lifeless
Waiting
Again
Why
Question
Awaken!
Examine
Learn
Sift
Embrace
Energy
Life
Love
Within
Finally
Self
Joy
Dance
Revel
Play
Share
Help
I
Create

On Being Blue, A Faerie Story

Once, there was a faerie.
She had eyes of hazel
And her garment was cobalt blue
The light around her
Because all faeries have such
Was also blue
And so, Blue is what she was called
And she lived with the other faeries
In a strongly bonded troop
That sought to help each other
And all things

One day Blue was looking around
For she was endlessly curious
Filled with wonder
At all there was to see and do

But Blue also became distracted easily
And was confused by many things
Quite often Blue thought....
What if I am supposed to be Green
or perhaps Orange or Red
Are these things more true
Than being blue?

And so, it came to be
That Blue spent all of her time
Searching for the answer
To whether being blue
Was all that there was

Blue saw many things in her search
Some were beautiful and amazing
Other things were cold and dark
And Blue, she would always reach out
And want to know all there was to know
About each thing she found
And this was both good
And not so very good
All at once

Blue came to feel contempt
For her cobalt blue garment
And she tore it
In several places
And the shining blue light around her
And she thought to herself
Being blue must be
The worst thing ever to be
I must find a way to change
The very color of me!

Blue met many souls
As she searched
Places light and dark
Some helped her on her way
Others treated her with contempt
Some seemed so filled with beauty and light
And she wanted to stay so very close
To those beings
So breathtaking they were!

But Blue discovered that
Even the beautiful and friendly ones
Eventually grew tired of her
Or confused by her
Always with the questions, needing more
Seeking ways for their light
To rub off on her
So she could be right, be whole
In her endless seeking
Blue had become tiresome
To others
And to herself

And so, Blue found herself
Alone

Blue was so bereft
So empty and lonely!
She cried faerie tears
That seemed endless
She felt as if
The beautiful sunshine
Had been taken from her
Forever
I am nothing
I belong nowhere
I have no value
I cannot make it right
Blue pulled off her faerie wings
And her blue light dimmed
Until it was barely visible
And the dark thoughts
Took her wings
And burned them until they were gone

And so Blue sat
By herself
Blind to all that was around her
And she thought
I know what I shall do
I will go to The Away
The place of nothing
It will be so much better
There than here

And with her decision made
She fell into an exhausted sleep

While Blue was asleep
She dreamed of the troop
In this dream
The troop performed
The tasks of every day

And as she dreamed
One by one
The other faeries
Looked upon Blue
And said to her
What are you doing there
All by yourself
Come and be with us
Move among the growing things by day
Hear the wisdom on the wind
Dance under a blanket of stars by night
You do not feel like yourself today
But you will in time

When Blue woke up
She knew
It was wrong
Perhaps even selfish
To go to the Away
The other faeries loved her
And she loved them
Blue knew she was not whole
Not right now
Oh so far from it
But she knew
The Away was not the answer
And so, she turned
And set her path in the direction
Of the troop
Hoping to find solace
And healing
In the place
That had once been home

When Blue returned to the troop
The other faeries greeted her warmly
And it felt so very good
One suggested to her a task
To go and commune with the Mother
And spend time with the growing things

And so day by day
Blue spent time with the growing things
And in plants, the wind
And the creatures of the forest
The Mother whispered things to Blue
And these things
Felt like salve to Blue's raw wounds

And Blue began again
To help with the daily tasks
Side by side with the other faeries
And for the first time in so very long
She found enjoyment in doing so
Blue could see the joy, the divine
In the sweet, simple rhythms
Being only in the moment you are in
Being present to the task
And she found the tasks
Much to her surprise
Gave her much peace
So long had it been since Blue had felt so!

Sometimes, one of the other beings
She had met during her journeys
Would visit her
Or she would encounter them
During her day
And much to her surprise and delight
They did NOT hate Blue
Indeed, they were happy to see her
And spoke sweet words to her
Of how good it was
To see Blue at peace
And Blue realized
That she had simply confused her friends
With her behavior
She was embarrassed
But very happy, nonetheless
To have their companionship
Once again

One bright early morning
Blue stood on a rock
Overlooking a calm lake
The trees, the sky and the clouds
Were reflected in the blue water
And it was breathtaking to see
She could smell
The sweet scents of the growing things
The dragonfly and the butterfly
Both stopped by with greetings
As was common

In her mind, Blue heard
"Look at your reflection in the water"
It was The Mother, Blue knew
And so she looked down
Upon the surface of the water
And gasped in surprise
At what she saw
Blue's cobalt blue garment
Was whole, no longer torn
The blue light around her
Was brighter than ever
And
OH!
Her wings!
Her wings were back
Blue laughed and shouted out
Such was her joy
And she said aloud
"Oh thank you Mother"
"Thank you to all that is"
And in her head
The voice said
You have manifested
Your own wings, little one
Now you know. You are Blue.
Being Blue is what and who you are
This is right and good
You have returned to yourself

In the time after this
Blue was quite happy
She and the troop had fun
They enjoyed the daily tasks
Performed together
With joy
Sometimes they changed the tasks
If it was their desire
Once or twice
The troop even moved to a new place
Faeries came and went
As is their way
Although the connection
Was never broken
And sometimes the ones
Who had travelled afar
Would return to visit

And Blue and the troop
Had adventures
Trying new things
And venturing to visit
Places they had not been
Blue always spent time
With the growing things
Listening to The Mother

In time, Blue realized
The only thing
That had ever held her back
The only thing that stopped her
The entire reason behind her sorrow
Had been her hatred
Of being Blue

And in coming to accept
And even LOVE
Being Blue
She found peace and happiness
She found strength
To make it through
The hard times
That sometimes came to her
And the troop
And she had
So much love
For the troop
And all the other beings

And it was good
After all
Being Blue

Written by Elizabeth A. Carrignant
This writing is the property of the above writer
November 6, 2013

What Frequency Are You On?

I was listening to Tom Petty the other day, nothing unusual there, certainly. It's also not at all unusual for me to listen to a song and entirely leave the plane of reality and go on a little trip for a few moments, just letting the music carry me along.

The song "Supernatural Radio" was in the mix of songs on my iPod.

"I can hear you singing
On my supernatural radio.
I hear you singing
On my supernatural radio".

I started to think about radio frequencies, and the parallel Petty and the boys are drawing here, radio frequencies being compared to human frequencies. We all connect on so many different levels don't we?


We all meet thousands of people over the course of a lifetime, and we connect with them on many different levels. I've always found it interesting the way we can meet someone and have an instant connection with them, but not with others.

I love thinking about this kind of thing. Sometimes my highly empathic nature means I get overwhelmed during interactions with other people, but I've stopped running from it. I understand now that it's part of who I am, and I'm getting better at understanding what is "my stuff" and maybe what I am picking up on from other people. It's a work in progress.

It's a beautiful thing to think about, just basic human connections. Whether it's our connections with family, friends, co-workers, people we know from town, Twitter friends, or the person who sold us our coffee this morning...we each woke up this morning and this day - it's ours - we can do anything we want with it.

And it seems to me that more often than not lately, I'm finding lots of reasons and many times that I am on the same frequency as another person.

We all have bad days but honestly, I'd rather at least attempt to have positive interactions with people. I don't always succeed but I make the effort. Maybe our friendly or happy interaction with someone could make their day, who knows? Could be the person you meet tomorrow will end up being someone amazingly important in your life.

Someone you chat with could mention a book or song that starts off an entire new chapter of your life because it gives you an idea. You don't know what a difference you make just by walking through your day and connecting with others.

I just know.....all of sudden I'm just very aware of it....and it's fun.

"One-hundred million watts 
Yeah I'm picking up a signal 
Yeah it's a hundred million watts--raw power" 

Alternate Reality

I wonder if it happens
To other people
Driving down the highway
Grey clouds
Windy morning
Leaves, riding the current
Music
Hope On Board
I look up
See the tree branches
Silhouetted against the stormy sky
And for a moment
Realization dawns
Who am I? 
Disconnected
Floating
Just like those leaves
It feels as if the entire universe
Is just the car
The sky, trees and wind
And me
I don't belong anywhere
I'm not going anywhere
Utterly separate
I don't grasp for it
To find my life again
The car keeps moving
Strange cocoon
Tiny little universe 
Sensation in the middle of my chest
Where my spirit sits
Sweet, wounded joyful, powerful light 
An urge to rise and float away
What am I?
And then
Someone passes me in the other lane
The song on the CD changes
And the moment is over
Returned to the world
Driving to work
Asking myself
Which universe is the real one?

The Eyes Have It

Sitting cross legged
Cool earth beneath you
Nursing your wounds
They've begun to heal
Even the very deepest, known to so few
They've watched you bleed
Fragments of your story
Float in their minds
Pieces of a life
Blown by the wind
You knew no other way
Simply to be
Without cover
Now eyes, seeking yours
Wordless questions
Spoken soul to soul
Reasons fall away
Justifications meaningless
Past, this moment, tomorrow
One
Not one thought, no pillar
Empty of even a single structure, or thread
Carried from the beginning
Many would say
Everything is the same
But no
Oh, no
Light and dark
Dwelling together
Paths forged
Keys
Revelation
Connection
In this infinite lack of separateness
Altered within and without
And so
The entire world
And all within it
Are also changed
You meet their eyes
They're still wondering
What will you do now
Loving them
You stand up
Smiling
And step into the brightly colored street

Tree Of Life (One Dance)

Sacred night
Trust the Mother
Stars, twinkle
Scents on the breeze
The wind, whispers to you
And you follow her
Leaving your shoes behind
Laughing, running wild
The tree
It is so beautiful
Branches reaching high
Into the night sky
Leaves, glowing
Shimmering like the stars
You join the others
Around the tree
Each aglow
Alight, energized
Circle around the tree
Bodies swaying
Chanting
Arms raised
Knowing
There is freedom here
Power
Faith
Healing
A current
Highly charged
It flows
All are joined
Dancing with the others
Never have you felt so light
Your bare feet meeting the grass
Cool, sweet delight
As you land after leaving the ground
Breathe deeply
Sweet honeyed nectar
Life's true rhythm
Hearts, like drumbeats
Matched to the Mother
You are young
You are old
You are birthed upon this place
And you die
Yet
Always
Have you existed
Soul's flight
Spirit's soaring, diving
Swimming through the current
As the movement slows
All are one
And in the silence
There are no sounds
Save those of the wild things
You all stand
Encircling the tree
Breathing
Existing
Knowing
Swaying
This Oneness
Is

Light

October 23, 2013. I wrote the following poem after reflecting on all the ups and downs we all deal with everyday, and how inspiring some people are, just by being who they are. I hope you enjoy it.


There are things we do
To keep body and soul together
Seemingly unavoidable necessities
Robbing us of time and energy

Our world
Some things seem so senseless
The eyes see, the heart hurts
Frustration and anger
At injustice, abuse and willful blindness

Then, there are the things we do
That make our hearts beat faster
Bring the smile to our eyes and not just our lips
And keep that light on inside of us

In the end
We are so much more
Than the sum of those necessaries
Each soul uniquely beautiful
With a specific gift
Only that one can share

In our day to day actions
The way we walk through our days
We can bring light, or stay closed off
We can help, or we can turn our eyes away
We can keep trying, or we can give up

The journey is so much better
When we surround ourselves
With those who inspire
Our days, our moments
Spent both on our passion
And on our survival
Sifted through the truth of each life
We must never forget
That what we do
How we walk
What we share
It DOES matter

The Day The Leaves Wouldn't Change

Beautiful autumn leaves
Crisp air
Birds, the hardy ones that winter here
Singing and flying from tree to tree
Natures cathedral
The scent of all things living
Breathe it in
Connection
Leaves, some on the trees
Some crunchy, underfoot

What if the leaves
Had refused to turn color
Insisting on staying green

The green time was good!
Energetic, warm and beautiful!
Why would we change?

But in this shift of energy
The most beautiful colors are revealed
Unparalleled anywhere else
A new way to be
A time to harvest
Enjoy the abundance
That was planted and has grown
Becoming something inspiring
New joy and new creation
Each day unfolding
In the sun

Yes
In time, the leaves will fall
They will become part of the fertile soil
And be reborn again
In all things
The energy, the mark
Of what they have been
What they ARE
Still a vital warm part
Of all that is

Creation
Connection
Continuation

Being

The Kiss (for dh)

If there were eye contact
There would be a kiss
It would carry everything
Past, present and future
A most intimate exchange
Pain shared, burning intensity
Tears, hands and arms
To hold fast
A lifetime lived
In just a kiss, an embrace
Joined for all time
To know and love thus
The greatest gift of all
Metered out, day by day
Honored in the heart
Carried through all actions
The reason to continue
A star lights above
Smiling down
Hold the thread
Beautiful lovers
Never despair
For so few
Are blessed as you

Nature's Music

No need for headphones here
I close my eyes
Just listen
Bird calls
Crickets
Frogs
A turtle kerplunks into the water
Leaves falling from the trees
Hitting other plants as they land
Dozens of sounds
Someone's breath, in and out
Oh, that's me
A part of this place
For just a moment

Another Little Golden Key

Two beautiful souls
Survived two very different hells
Failed by their parents
Uncaring communities
Judged, rejected
Found each other
It will be us against the world
Nobody will hurt our babies
The way we were hurt
And Oh!
We were loved, so loved!
And protected
Within our little cocoon
It was the sweetest, safest, happiest place
We were three
Fighting to survive
And then we were four
Oh, beautiful boy
You can still make me smile
Just by walking into the room
And so we four kept fighting
Belonging absolutely nowhere
Except to each other
Socially inept, separate
The world didn't like us
People are scary, they don't care
That was the feeling inside
Just keep your distance
And never show anyone what's inside
Except those rarest few
That's how it is
The four had new challenges to face
And so the little girl decided
" I am fine "
And everyone believed it
But inside
Fraud, faker!
"I don't belong"
Puzzle piece that doesn't fit
Anywhere
Seeking, needing.....
Choir and Chorus
Church
Friends
Work
Food
Fads
Online
Never whole
No answers
Floating
Endless stops and starts
Always too afraid to finish
Failure
Driving people away
"Tell me I'm OK!"
Until finally
Realization
Seeing it for the first time
No more excuses
It's just how life unfolds
And how we react
People do the best they can
In each moment
Muscle memory
Now you've told YOUR story
And in the telling
Another tiny golden key
A key to freedom
Letting go
A key to moving forward
Under your own power
No blaming
Owning it
And carrying yourself
No longer a burden
You can look UP
Look OUT
Look at OTHERS
How beautiful the world is
Self acceptance
Without self obsession
Finally
The confusion and chaos
Done
Cosmic charm bracelet
With little golden keys
Jangles as you walk
And you smile
Because freedom feels so good

HELLO WORLD
Let's enjoy this day
Together

The Same Beautiful Day

Places that are a part
Of our fabric
Suspension of time
Am I 8
Or 48
Little girl
Candy apple
Daddy's hand
Sunny day, fall breeze
People laughing
Woman
Bag of crisp, red apples
Husband by my side
People laughing
Sunny day, fall breeze
I am 8
Or maybe 48
It's all the same beautiful day

Ordinary

People
As they are
Ordinary
Breathing
Alive

A Comfortable Place

A place of warmth
Innocence
Acceptance
Sweet camaraderie
Devoid of expectation
Happy to simply be
No baggage
Companionship
Relax
Do nothing
Simple conversation
Or comfortable silence
This is where life is lived

Unforgivable

A shift
Risk taken
Everything on the line
Never before

And then

You weren't there
You didn't see
You didn't catch them

And so they fell
Far
And landed
So hard

There was no intent to harm
You didn't know

That doesn't change anything

Simply
Unforgivable

Long Way Back To Hope

Some things
Seemingly
Cannot be fixed
No matter how much
We hope
Regardless of the penance
And so
We keep the pain and regret
The lessons learned
And yes
The good and the beautiful
Altered
Seeking needed rest
Each morning
Awakening
New day,  ours
Days that test our patience
Days of happiness
Events that energize
And some that wound
The unexplainable random ones, too
But we can choose how we walk
Our actions and reactions
They belong to us
Seeking joy and solace
Sweet comfort
In the simple
And hope
In the small things
Hot steaming coffee
Reading a great book
Time in nature
Unexpectedly finding sweet music at a discount
Your friend's greeting
The stranger holding the door for you
And in these tiny everyday moments
While you breathe in and out
You discover
Ever so slowly
That maybe you are alive
After all

Closed

I'm leaving this up for now.
But I am taking some time off.

Thanks,

Beth

Done

Eighteen months
Before that
A lifetime
Tiny, closed, flawed
Invisible, inadequate
Wierd
Never good enough
Living to please
No self
Changed the channel
Open
Wanting to soar
Dream!
Hope
So Beautiful
This new feeling
But in the end
Messes made
Friends lost
Every encounter
Turned bad
Made ugly
By weakness
Insecurity
Time to own up
I did that
I made a mess
Upset people
Messed with their peace
Broke hearts
Hurt, angered and lost friends
Nothing good from it
Knowing now
That open field isn't for me
Not while I'm still broken
When you're not whole
You fuck everything up
No, not for me
Until I own it
Fix myself
No
Still flawed
Psycho
Fucked up
Nut job
Not to be allowed out
Flawed
Right now
Is for being small again
Crawling back inside
Find the warm darkness
Hide
Be small
Staying safe
And yes
Not making waves

Maybe someday
But not now
No
Not anytime soon