Done

Eighteen months
Before that
A lifetime
Tiny, closed, flawed
Invisible, inadequate
Wierd
Never good enough
Living to please
No self
Changed the channel
Open
Wanting to soar
Dream!
Hope
So Beautiful
This new feeling
But in the end
Messes made
Friends lost
Every encounter
Turned bad
Made ugly
By weakness
Insecurity
Time to own up
I did that
I made a mess
Upset people
Messed with their peace
Broke hearts
Hurt, angered and lost friends
Nothing good from it
Knowing now
That open field isn't for me
Not while I'm still broken
When you're not whole
You fuck everything up
No, not for me
Until I own it
Fix myself
No
Still flawed
Psycho
Fucked up
Nut job
Not to be allowed out
Flawed
Right now
Is for being small again
Crawling back inside
Find the warm darkness
Hide
Be small
Staying safe
And yes
Not making waves

Maybe someday
But not now
No
Not anytime soon