Hmmm.
I'm happy that I went back to finish my degree. But.....spending time and money on a business degree implies that this is really what I want to be when I grow up. (Yeah I know, I'm 46) It was OK to be in the business world for the last 25 years when frankly my entire career has been a combination of getting noticed for my work ethic coupled with a few happy accidents. For some reason now that I have to consciously CHOOSE this and spend money and effort, I'm balking........getting all existential - what I am I supposed to be doing.....etc? Why am I here? Is there something more I should be doing? Is this cubicle surfing all there is of me?
What is my problem? I didn't think anything of it all those years when the boys were little and I realized I was getting noticed and bid for various higher level jobs so we could try and balance our budget. I have a great job that I do like, with really cool people, people I enjoy working with. I keep asking myself why I can't just accept it with grace and be happy, and thankful for it. Get up every day and do it and be happy because it allows you to provide for your family.
Instead, for some reason since I've gone back to school, I keep questioning everything. I think that it goes back to one thing. I ended up in the business world accidentally. There was no family business, no inspiring example or specific job I was passionate about. High School was over and there was no money for college, so I needed to work. A family friend helped me get a job in the filing room of an insurance company and that was it.
I met my husband a couple of years later. We needed to provide for our children, and our budget wasn't working. So, I worked hard. This allowed me to bid for higher jobs. The pattern has continued. I've done really well for just a high school diploma. I've worked for some great companies and worked with some amazing people. Right now, I have a very nice job that I enjoy. I like my co-workers.
But ............ I question. Now that I am going back to finish my degree I keep feeling like something is wrong. It's like I'm finally stopping - finally coming up for air after 25 years of being on autopilot. Doing my duty. Do well - work hard, it'll pay off. And now that I'm sucking in that big gulp of air and re-evaluating I realize that I don't know if the business world is where I belong.
Yes I can survive here. I can do well. I can provide for my family. My company is good and my co-workers are awesome, they rock and they inspire me every day. But I've been cubicle surfing for a quarter of a century here, people!
WHAT THE HELL DO I REALLY WANT TO BE DOING? And if the Lord blesses me and my arthritis allows me to work until retirement, is this what I want to be doing? What about my writing? What about my lifelong wish to work for and really make a difference at a non-profit? What about the book I want to write, collecting stories of real Americans all over the country and getting published? What about all that? What about being amazing? What about that?
If I'm going to work another 20-25 years, if I am going to finance my own education, if I'm going to not drive myself crazy with all these questions, I think I need to figure out what direction I really DO want to go in.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I stay on autopilot I'll wake up old one day and look back and have regrets, about never fulfilling my potential.
No, I'm not going to go give my notice at work. I have too much responsibility for that! But I am going to spend some time this summer reflecting on what direction I want to go in for the next part of my life and create a plan for that. The job I am in now is a very good place to be while I reflect on that. So I'm not going anywhere right this minute - that's how I got into this situation, right? By moving forward on autopilot without thinking, without a plan. NO. This time I will think, pray, meditate, and research and figure out how to move forward and where I'm going anyway. In the meantime, I will give my boss and my coworkers and customers 110% because they are great people who give that much every day and they deserve nothing less.
I envy people who know/always knew what they wanted. I'm currently reading "North by Northwestern" by Sig Hansen. He amazes me. He knew he wanted to be a fisherman from the time he was a boy. He set out to do it, and he did it. And it's amazingly difficult, but he is exactly where he wanted to be, right where he belongs and because of that he is AMAZING at what he does. I want some of that. I sure as hell didn't know what I wanted when I was 12, and apparently I still haven't got a clue. But even if I take 40 years or so longer than Sig to figure out what I do want to do, I am going to figure it out, pay my dues, and be AMAZING at my destiny, too.
You're at the home of Blue Stone Poet. Grab a cup of Earl Grey and pull up a chair. Welcome!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Meatball Surgery
The other day I was sitting in a meeting at work. It was a really good meeting, and covered some very interesting material. During this meeting I was very distracted. I had a large list of client requests, and was concerned about getting them done. As a result, I was of two minds during the meeting. As always, my focus was on getting things done NOW, in the moment. The meeting provided information that was training focused, things I would use at some future time. At the end of the presentation, which was very good, we were asked if we had any questions. I couldn't possibly imagine anything else we needed to cover, and continued to mentally chafe at not being out at my desk cranking out the deadline oriented items on my desk.
It was at this point that one of my co-workers asked a question. It was a good question, and brought to light some information I wouldn't have thought of. It was very useful and helpful information. Clearly my co-worker thought more long term than I did. She's very busy too, but she could see the big picture where I missed it.
On my way home from work that night, I thought more about this. This has absolutely happened to me before. I asked myself what contributes to this tendency that I have to be my best self in the moment, when I need to scramble, but to have such difficulty with planning ahead and focusing on long term goals, and moving slowly?
Was my lack of college a contributing factor? I'd always told myself my experience more than made up for this. But was it really true? I continued to run into situations that showed me that perhaps I HAD missed something. My college educated peers did seem to have some knowledge and perspective that I didn't at times. I also wondered, was part of it due to my family's lack of social connectedness, which left me ill equipped to handle the working world? (Hell, the real world in general!!)
Truthfully, those things are contributing factors to be sure, but there comes a time when you need to overcome your past. I feel as if it's a cop-out if I rely on those explanations. They feel like excuses.
I know that when Rob and I got married I was far from ready for "adult life." We've spent our lives working hard, taking care of family and somehow along the way I developed a special skill for survival. I can do crisis management. I can scramble with the best of them. Throw me into a tough situation, and I'll find a way to get through it. I can talk an upset customer down off the ceiling, handle a termination of a staff member with grace, balance a budget with way less money than I need.....you get the idea. My solutions aren't always pretty. They are rarely polished. They get the job done, quickly, in that moment. They help me and the people around me get through. They're survival mode material. Hold it together with bubble gum and paperclips.
This summary of my mode of moving through life reminds me of an episode of M*A*S*H that I saw several times. It was the episode when the character of Charles Emerson Winchester III is introduced, and it is his first time in surgery at the M*A*S*H 4077th. He says "I do one thing at a time, I do it well, and then I move on." Charles soon falls behind as the wounded pour in and the other doctors have to tell him to speed it up. Hawkeye tells him that what they do is like "meatball surgery".....you just save their lives, patch them up. You glue them together the best you can, just enough so they make it. Someone else will worry about making it pretty when they get to Tokyo.
I always thought to myself that after the war, Charles was probably the type of surgeon that a major hospital would want. But in that crisis moment, the person you need is Hawkeye.
So, somehow, my approach to work, and to life in general has become more Hawkeye than Charles. At times, it's great. But at other times it's really not helpful. My skills in the area of long range planning, big picture thinking are sorely lacking. I get bored when I have to sit still and do the slow, careful work.
Lately, I have found that this is actually beginning to get in the way. I'm actually uncomfortable when I have to stop, slow down, focus.....I'm like Oh just give me the memo and get out of my way and let me do my thing!
It feels as if I'm one of those stones that skim across the surface of the water. It looks really good at first, but at the end they sink to the bottom right?
I need to focus. I need to think, work, live deliberately. I need to take time to be in the moment. What do I want to be doing right now? Do I know, have I thought about it?
This bears more thinking, meditation, or prayer. But I needed to get these thoughts down now, while they're on my heart.
It was at this point that one of my co-workers asked a question. It was a good question, and brought to light some information I wouldn't have thought of. It was very useful and helpful information. Clearly my co-worker thought more long term than I did. She's very busy too, but she could see the big picture where I missed it.
On my way home from work that night, I thought more about this. This has absolutely happened to me before. I asked myself what contributes to this tendency that I have to be my best self in the moment, when I need to scramble, but to have such difficulty with planning ahead and focusing on long term goals, and moving slowly?
Was my lack of college a contributing factor? I'd always told myself my experience more than made up for this. But was it really true? I continued to run into situations that showed me that perhaps I HAD missed something. My college educated peers did seem to have some knowledge and perspective that I didn't at times. I also wondered, was part of it due to my family's lack of social connectedness, which left me ill equipped to handle the working world? (Hell, the real world in general!!)
Truthfully, those things are contributing factors to be sure, but there comes a time when you need to overcome your past. I feel as if it's a cop-out if I rely on those explanations. They feel like excuses.
I know that when Rob and I got married I was far from ready for "adult life." We've spent our lives working hard, taking care of family and somehow along the way I developed a special skill for survival. I can do crisis management. I can scramble with the best of them. Throw me into a tough situation, and I'll find a way to get through it. I can talk an upset customer down off the ceiling, handle a termination of a staff member with grace, balance a budget with way less money than I need.....you get the idea. My solutions aren't always pretty. They are rarely polished. They get the job done, quickly, in that moment. They help me and the people around me get through. They're survival mode material. Hold it together with bubble gum and paperclips.
This summary of my mode of moving through life reminds me of an episode of M*A*S*H that I saw several times. It was the episode when the character of Charles Emerson Winchester III is introduced, and it is his first time in surgery at the M*A*S*H 4077th. He says "I do one thing at a time, I do it well, and then I move on." Charles soon falls behind as the wounded pour in and the other doctors have to tell him to speed it up. Hawkeye tells him that what they do is like "meatball surgery".....you just save their lives, patch them up. You glue them together the best you can, just enough so they make it. Someone else will worry about making it pretty when they get to Tokyo.
I always thought to myself that after the war, Charles was probably the type of surgeon that a major hospital would want. But in that crisis moment, the person you need is Hawkeye.
So, somehow, my approach to work, and to life in general has become more Hawkeye than Charles. At times, it's great. But at other times it's really not helpful. My skills in the area of long range planning, big picture thinking are sorely lacking. I get bored when I have to sit still and do the slow, careful work.
Lately, I have found that this is actually beginning to get in the way. I'm actually uncomfortable when I have to stop, slow down, focus.....I'm like Oh just give me the memo and get out of my way and let me do my thing!
It feels as if I'm one of those stones that skim across the surface of the water. It looks really good at first, but at the end they sink to the bottom right?
I need to focus. I need to think, work, live deliberately. I need to take time to be in the moment. What do I want to be doing right now? Do I know, have I thought about it?
This bears more thinking, meditation, or prayer. But I needed to get these thoughts down now, while they're on my heart.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Transported
Snippets, pictures, moments
Like a collage in my mind
The radio plays
And I drive, on autopilot
I don't remember the trip
But I'm sorry it's over
Because I like where I go
When the radio plays
Like a collage in my mind
The radio plays
And I drive, on autopilot
I don't remember the trip
But I'm sorry it's over
Because I like where I go
When the radio plays
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Ordinary
Sometimes I'm a afraid of ordinary
As silly as that sounds
Afraid of never flying
Of staying on the ground
I really thought there was more to me
The things that I would do
It's not that life is bad, you know
But is it really true
This day to day routine
As safe as it may feel
At times I think it's killing me
My soul that it will steal
I wanted to be amazing
To write, and sing and BE
I love my life, my family
I just need more of ME
So I'm afraid of ordinary
But the fault, it lies with me
Gotta be willing to shake things up
If you want your dreams to be
So take a risk, I tell myself
And put it on the line
And when I finally do it
The future will be mine
As silly as that sounds
Afraid of never flying
Of staying on the ground
I really thought there was more to me
The things that I would do
It's not that life is bad, you know
But is it really true
This day to day routine
As safe as it may feel
At times I think it's killing me
My soul that it will steal
I wanted to be amazing
To write, and sing and BE
I love my life, my family
I just need more of ME
So I'm afraid of ordinary
But the fault, it lies with me
Gotta be willing to shake things up
If you want your dreams to be
So take a risk, I tell myself
And put it on the line
And when I finally do it
The future will be mine
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
A Summer Moment In January
You heard this one a lot I'm sure
You surely knew the song
Heading to the lake perhaps
I'm sure you'd sing along
The summers that you spent
Your loved ones by your side
Smiling as you all piled in
Excited for the ride
Bare feet on the dashboard
We've packed our food and games
This our favorite season
We'll always feel the same
So, as I drive by I salute you
Since you're not really gone
You'll never be forgotten
As we take up the song
So shine your light upon us
Our sky still blue and clear
Well think of you in summer
And all throughout the year
I wrote this one in January, 2011 on a cold winter night on the way to a friend's house. I was driving by a cemetary in Grafton, Mass. A song came on the radio, I think it was actually "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company. For some reason the song made me think of summer, and riding around in the car on the way to the beach or a lake to swim. I glanced over at the headstones and all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling. I thought to myself, you all probably knew this song. Maybe you had your girlfriend, wife, or hubby in the car one day, and this song came on and you sang along. I could suddenly picture the entire scene, with someone's car all packed up for a day in the sun, off to meet friends and have a good time. I glanced back over at the headstones and said, out loud in the car, "The people you loved have those memories, so you're not really gone. I salute you." It was a very strange moment. I don't know anyone buried in that cemetary and I don't know why the moment struck me the way it did. But I do know as I drove the last few yards my headlights hit the shining headstones and a group of them lit up a bright red, like they were on fire. Just a trick of the lights, you know? But it felt as if those souls knew I'd acknowledged them, like they were waving at me or saying thanks. I can't explain why I felt the way I did, but it was a moment that will stay with me. That's why I wrote the poem.
You surely knew the song
Heading to the lake perhaps
I'm sure you'd sing along
The summers that you spent
Your loved ones by your side
Smiling as you all piled in
Excited for the ride
Bare feet on the dashboard
We've packed our food and games
This our favorite season
We'll always feel the same
So, as I drive by I salute you
Since you're not really gone
You'll never be forgotten
As we take up the song
So shine your light upon us
Our sky still blue and clear
Well think of you in summer
And all throughout the year
I wrote this one in January, 2011 on a cold winter night on the way to a friend's house. I was driving by a cemetary in Grafton, Mass. A song came on the radio, I think it was actually "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company. For some reason the song made me think of summer, and riding around in the car on the way to the beach or a lake to swim. I glanced over at the headstones and all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling. I thought to myself, you all probably knew this song. Maybe you had your girlfriend, wife, or hubby in the car one day, and this song came on and you sang along. I could suddenly picture the entire scene, with someone's car all packed up for a day in the sun, off to meet friends and have a good time. I glanced back over at the headstones and said, out loud in the car, "The people you loved have those memories, so you're not really gone. I salute you." It was a very strange moment. I don't know anyone buried in that cemetary and I don't know why the moment struck me the way it did. But I do know as I drove the last few yards my headlights hit the shining headstones and a group of them lit up a bright red, like they were on fire. Just a trick of the lights, you know? But it felt as if those souls knew I'd acknowledged them, like they were waving at me or saying thanks. I can't explain why I felt the way I did, but it was a moment that will stay with me. That's why I wrote the poem.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Everyday Life
You know, sometimes I really think everyday life is just so......uncivilized. What sense is there in running from one place to another, always rushing? It feels like my life is patterned after that stupid rabbit in Alice in Wonderland who is late and is a nervous wreck trying to get where he's going.
To a certain degree, I do this to myself. I need to make a point of not overdoing it. I say YES to too many things. I "help" some people in my life way too much - to the point where they lean on me instead of acting independently and doing things for themselves. I need to work to let go of the guilt and let them do their own thing. Help yes, but do for - no. I am doing too much for some of the people in my life and this prevents them from building independence and learning how to handle things on their own. And I get overwhelmed and become a complaining bitch, my usual reaction to being overtired or in pain.
Today I had the experience of someone who relies on me 100% lashing out and criticizing me for the way I run things around the house and some recent decisions I've made. At first, I was really angry and came very close to saying everything I've held back for a very long time. Then I realized - I let this person lean so heavily and I never encourage them to handle their own affairs. I just keep enabling them, and they stay weak. So, the person is so comfortable that they decided to pick me and my decisions apart and give their opinion on how I should do things.
I got into this mess by feeling guilty. Well - no more. I love my family and friends but there are some things about my everyday routines, both personally and professionally that are not working for me. Physically, I'm............well, lets just say that my arthritis is sending very loud messages lately to take better care of myself. That means less stress, more rest, and time for my exercise, these are the things that help me manage my condition. Mentally, I am becoming frazzled which always makes me forgetful. I'm dropping the ball....forgetting to do things and doing a half-assed job on the things I remember to do. And spiritually - forget it. I haven't prayed or meditated in longer than I care to remember. I used to meditate so much that I had actual visions during my meditation and now I can't even recall the last time I bothered.
I love the people in my life. My family and friends are such a blessing. But I can't keep going this way. I need to get off the hamster wheel. I don't know what specific changes I need to make. But I know I need to slow down, both physically and mentally. To paraphrase Thoreau, I need to "live deliberately" and not fly around by the seat of my pants anymore.
I don't even know who this bedraggled, boggly-eyed old fart is who stares back at me in the mirror at the end of the day. I know she's not me. I need to get ME back.
Now that I think about it, that's my New Year's Resolution for 2011. To get ME back. I think if I do that it'll make for a happier me and as a nice bonus that will be better for the people around me who love me, so it's a win-win.
I want to live my life, not survive it. I am going to keep what works and get rid of what doesn't. I'm going to say NO sometimes. I'm going to do things that work for me and gently tell the people in my life that this is what is going to happen.
I am getting ME back. After all, I have a great life with great family and friends. I think it makes so much more sense to really enjoy it by keeping what works and not keeping what doesn't.
To a certain degree, I do this to myself. I need to make a point of not overdoing it. I say YES to too many things. I "help" some people in my life way too much - to the point where they lean on me instead of acting independently and doing things for themselves. I need to work to let go of the guilt and let them do their own thing. Help yes, but do for - no. I am doing too much for some of the people in my life and this prevents them from building independence and learning how to handle things on their own. And I get overwhelmed and become a complaining bitch, my usual reaction to being overtired or in pain.
Today I had the experience of someone who relies on me 100% lashing out and criticizing me for the way I run things around the house and some recent decisions I've made. At first, I was really angry and came very close to saying everything I've held back for a very long time. Then I realized - I let this person lean so heavily and I never encourage them to handle their own affairs. I just keep enabling them, and they stay weak. So, the person is so comfortable that they decided to pick me and my decisions apart and give their opinion on how I should do things.
I got into this mess by feeling guilty. Well - no more. I love my family and friends but there are some things about my everyday routines, both personally and professionally that are not working for me. Physically, I'm............well, lets just say that my arthritis is sending very loud messages lately to take better care of myself. That means less stress, more rest, and time for my exercise, these are the things that help me manage my condition. Mentally, I am becoming frazzled which always makes me forgetful. I'm dropping the ball....forgetting to do things and doing a half-assed job on the things I remember to do. And spiritually - forget it. I haven't prayed or meditated in longer than I care to remember. I used to meditate so much that I had actual visions during my meditation and now I can't even recall the last time I bothered.
I love the people in my life. My family and friends are such a blessing. But I can't keep going this way. I need to get off the hamster wheel. I don't know what specific changes I need to make. But I know I need to slow down, both physically and mentally. To paraphrase Thoreau, I need to "live deliberately" and not fly around by the seat of my pants anymore.
I don't even know who this bedraggled, boggly-eyed old fart is who stares back at me in the mirror at the end of the day. I know she's not me. I need to get ME back.
Now that I think about it, that's my New Year's Resolution for 2011. To get ME back. I think if I do that it'll make for a happier me and as a nice bonus that will be better for the people around me who love me, so it's a win-win.
I want to live my life, not survive it. I am going to keep what works and get rid of what doesn't. I'm going to say NO sometimes. I'm going to do things that work for me and gently tell the people in my life that this is what is going to happen.
I am getting ME back. After all, I have a great life with great family and friends. I think it makes so much more sense to really enjoy it by keeping what works and not keeping what doesn't.
Friday, December 24, 2010
See, experience, breathe, fly free
Hopelessly unsophisticated. Haven't seen a thing. Does what she's supposed to. Always. Ends up playing it safe. Wants to fly but won't risk it. The words and music, they don't just play all the time like they used to. You're even thinking of giving it up - convincing yourself you were never a writer, a poet to begin with. Is that because it's easier to give up? The world is a huge, amazing place. But I'm always walking up and down the same street.
If I could keep the people I love close to me but take every other aspect of my life, throw it all away and just start over. Clean. New. Naked. Like a baby, with all those possibilities ahead of me.
What are you waiting for? Hello, are you getting any younger? You keep saying you want to be AMAZING. You want to live fearlessly.
You're also known for saying if you want something to change, get off your ass and change it.
So........
If I could keep the people I love close to me but take every other aspect of my life, throw it all away and just start over. Clean. New. Naked. Like a baby, with all those possibilities ahead of me.
What are you waiting for? Hello, are you getting any younger? You keep saying you want to be AMAZING. You want to live fearlessly.
You're also known for saying if you want something to change, get off your ass and change it.
So........
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
My Experience In a Feminist World
When I was a little girl, my mother, like most moms in those days, did not work outside of the home. I looked at my mother and my memere and I knew. I just knew exactly who and what I wanted to be. I could picture it, my little kitchen, husband and kids. I wanted to be just like my mother. I wanted to take care of my family. And so I grew up taking for granted that life would deliver just such a future.
The things I picture in my "if I won the lottery dream" to this day? A small, modest home with a bright open kitchen. My time is my own. I take care of my family, and have a wonderful meal waiting for them each day, like my mother did for us. I can take the time to spend with my children and our relatives when they need something. I am able to spend time at the gym and in meditation. I volunteer at church and in the community. When my arthritis is acting up, I can take a day of rest - any time I need it. I don't picture million dollar homes, expensive cars or trips overseas. Just a small, neat, warm home here in Millbury and a life where I can finally take proper care of my home, my family, and myself. This is my dream life.
I love my husband. I love my family. I love my life. But frankly, there's too much of it for me. Juggling rheumatoid arthritis, a full time job, and running a household and all the other "family building" responsibilities is just an awful lot sometimes. I can do it, so far. Hell, I can even do it well. I can get promoted and make a pretty decent salary for a gal with a high school diploma who hasn't finished her Bachelor's yet. Unfortunately, to me it feels as if I'm doing a half-assed job of it, and I'm tired of feeling like a hamster, running and running but never getting anywhere.
When hubby and I were first together, we discovered that keeping a household together was tougher than we thought it was. Money was tight. And of course, we were brought up after the sexual revolution, so all my feminist sisters had made certain that there were plenty of places in the workforce for us gals. So off to the workforce I went. Even after the 2 boys came and we had babies at home.
While my amazing mother-in-law enjoyed the wonder of my sons every day, I marched off to cubicle world. Ticky-ticky typie.....sitting at the computer. Finances were still tight, so I looked for bigger paychecks. I got better and better at figuring out what the bosses wanted and feeding that to them. I accidentally made a career out of it - hey - look over there - that job will bring more money in - I think I'll teach myself to do that. Bingo! Instant Manager - Just Add Coffee!!
And I can say that I have had the good fortune to work in many wonderful companies and had lots of great co-workers and bosses. So, despite the fact that I always felt like I was behind, both at work and at home, and it felt like I was perpetually exhausted I kept telling myself that "it would all pay off someday." I'm glad, and honored to be able to provide for my family. And so I kept plugging along. After all, my feminist sisters had worked hard to pave the way for me - so I should be grateful that I can have all this. Right?
OK, no. Wrong. While I will agree that I worked for several good companies, learned a lot, and provided for my family I will say, unequivocally that I am one of those few women who frankly did not, do not and will not, EVER "want" to have it all. Frankly, I feel as if those of us who cherish the old fashioned values got left behind and forgotten. Society was so radically changed that people like me whose God given gifts and talents clearly belonged in the home ended up hiking up the pantyhose, putting on the suits and heels and marching off with everyone else.
When I brought up to my hubby, relatives, friends and doctors that I was tired and upset from trying to do all this, and that it was wrong - for me and for my children - all I ever got was awkward stares and silence. It became abundantly clear that people wanted me in the role they were used to - responsible and reliable. I don't blame them really. It was just the expectation - everyone worked outside the home, what was my problem?
It's not any one's fault, really, except perhaps mine. I had no idea that once you sign up for cubicle world, you create a web you can't get out of. If I had, I'd have fought much harder.
I've made a success of it. I was a supervisor for 13 years and now I'm an account manager, and finishing my degree. I've competed both personally and professionally with completely healthy people while balancing a full time job and running a household with R.A. for 20 years. I have a family and friends that love me. I like the company I work for and I like my job.
I guess what I'm saying is that I wish that when women's lib happened - and all those gals got to have their dreams and join the workforce, I wish that we had kept the mother and homemaker role as important, too. I wish we'd continued to value it and let women know it's a good option too. So that young couples starting out having trouble can know that it's worth fighting for the old values and to try and find options.
This isn't about poor me. It's not about being bitter for not getting what I wanted - hell I've always hated whiners. Like I said, I've made a success of my life and I'm proud of that. What this IS about is to STAND UP and say something. It's to say to young women - "Hey! You! Before you decide who you want to be and what direction you want to go in, spend some time in prayer and really think. And for some of you, if you think that keeping a home and raising your kids is where God is calling YOU to be then you FIGHT for it. There's nothing wrong with that as a choice."
So, congrats to all of my sisters out there who are V.P's and CEO's and loving it. Congrats, authentically. It's beautiful that you got to be who you really are. Heck, the way my accidental career has gone, I may even catch up to you in a couple of years. And for those of you who made financial and personal sacrifices to be at home, congrats to you too, sister. I think society needs some of each of you. Lets make sure we all help and encourage each other to be who we REALLY are and not some ideal of who society says we should be.
The things I picture in my "if I won the lottery dream" to this day? A small, modest home with a bright open kitchen. My time is my own. I take care of my family, and have a wonderful meal waiting for them each day, like my mother did for us. I can take the time to spend with my children and our relatives when they need something. I am able to spend time at the gym and in meditation. I volunteer at church and in the community. When my arthritis is acting up, I can take a day of rest - any time I need it. I don't picture million dollar homes, expensive cars or trips overseas. Just a small, neat, warm home here in Millbury and a life where I can finally take proper care of my home, my family, and myself. This is my dream life.
I love my husband. I love my family. I love my life. But frankly, there's too much of it for me. Juggling rheumatoid arthritis, a full time job, and running a household and all the other "family building" responsibilities is just an awful lot sometimes. I can do it, so far. Hell, I can even do it well. I can get promoted and make a pretty decent salary for a gal with a high school diploma who hasn't finished her Bachelor's yet. Unfortunately, to me it feels as if I'm doing a half-assed job of it, and I'm tired of feeling like a hamster, running and running but never getting anywhere.
When hubby and I were first together, we discovered that keeping a household together was tougher than we thought it was. Money was tight. And of course, we were brought up after the sexual revolution, so all my feminist sisters had made certain that there were plenty of places in the workforce for us gals. So off to the workforce I went. Even after the 2 boys came and we had babies at home.
While my amazing mother-in-law enjoyed the wonder of my sons every day, I marched off to cubicle world. Ticky-ticky typie.....sitting at the computer. Finances were still tight, so I looked for bigger paychecks. I got better and better at figuring out what the bosses wanted and feeding that to them. I accidentally made a career out of it - hey - look over there - that job will bring more money in - I think I'll teach myself to do that. Bingo! Instant Manager - Just Add Coffee!!
And I can say that I have had the good fortune to work in many wonderful companies and had lots of great co-workers and bosses. So, despite the fact that I always felt like I was behind, both at work and at home, and it felt like I was perpetually exhausted I kept telling myself that "it would all pay off someday." I'm glad, and honored to be able to provide for my family. And so I kept plugging along. After all, my feminist sisters had worked hard to pave the way for me - so I should be grateful that I can have all this. Right?
OK, no. Wrong. While I will agree that I worked for several good companies, learned a lot, and provided for my family I will say, unequivocally that I am one of those few women who frankly did not, do not and will not, EVER "want" to have it all. Frankly, I feel as if those of us who cherish the old fashioned values got left behind and forgotten. Society was so radically changed that people like me whose God given gifts and talents clearly belonged in the home ended up hiking up the pantyhose, putting on the suits and heels and marching off with everyone else.
When I brought up to my hubby, relatives, friends and doctors that I was tired and upset from trying to do all this, and that it was wrong - for me and for my children - all I ever got was awkward stares and silence. It became abundantly clear that people wanted me in the role they were used to - responsible and reliable. I don't blame them really. It was just the expectation - everyone worked outside the home, what was my problem?
It's not any one's fault, really, except perhaps mine. I had no idea that once you sign up for cubicle world, you create a web you can't get out of. If I had, I'd have fought much harder.
I've made a success of it. I was a supervisor for 13 years and now I'm an account manager, and finishing my degree. I've competed both personally and professionally with completely healthy people while balancing a full time job and running a household with R.A. for 20 years. I have a family and friends that love me. I like the company I work for and I like my job.
I guess what I'm saying is that I wish that when women's lib happened - and all those gals got to have their dreams and join the workforce, I wish that we had kept the mother and homemaker role as important, too. I wish we'd continued to value it and let women know it's a good option too. So that young couples starting out having trouble can know that it's worth fighting for the old values and to try and find options.
This isn't about poor me. It's not about being bitter for not getting what I wanted - hell I've always hated whiners. Like I said, I've made a success of my life and I'm proud of that. What this IS about is to STAND UP and say something. It's to say to young women - "Hey! You! Before you decide who you want to be and what direction you want to go in, spend some time in prayer and really think. And for some of you, if you think that keeping a home and raising your kids is where God is calling YOU to be then you FIGHT for it. There's nothing wrong with that as a choice."
So, congrats to all of my sisters out there who are V.P's and CEO's and loving it. Congrats, authentically. It's beautiful that you got to be who you really are. Heck, the way my accidental career has gone, I may even catch up to you in a couple of years. And for those of you who made financial and personal sacrifices to be at home, congrats to you too, sister. I think society needs some of each of you. Lets make sure we all help and encourage each other to be who we REALLY are and not some ideal of who society says we should be.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
You know....sometimes....
It's frustrating when folks feel the need to comment on the way I'm living my life. Don't get me wrong, I have an open mind, so if I'm being a complete putz, I do hope my family and friends will be honest and say something. But that's not the type of situation I'm talking about.
What frustrates me is the really over the top personal comments about my marriage or my finances and how we choose to handle things that really make me crazy.
Truthfully, I would never consider, in my wildest dreams, to comment on these categories to another person. Not even my three best friends, whom I trust with my life and for whom I'd walk to hell and back, will ever hear me criticize their relationship or how they're running their life. If someone in my life asks me for honest advice, or if they're about to really hurt themselves, of course I'll open my mouth. When I do, it's with gentle input that is aimed at helping the person - not in a way that's hurtful or critical. And I would never assume that I know everything about a situation and judge someone, because I'm not there, walking in their shoes, no matter how much I think I know about their situation. They're doing the best they can, no one gets up in the morning and says "Gee - I think I'll totally f*&$ up my life today!"
I don't want to play the poor me violin here, because as people who know me can attest, I've never had much patience with people who whine, complain and air their ailments and problems constantly.
But sometimes I really get TIRED of this. Really, I think I do OK. I get up every day, I go to work, I do my best. I try to find ways to get promoted so my family can have enough money for our home and everything. We try and make sure our relatives here in the family building are OK. I go to the gym and try to eat in a healthy way. I work with my rheumatologist to try and keep the progression of my R.A. at a slow pace, so I don't lose too many capabilities too quickly while also trying not to have to swallow a pharmacy every morning. I keep our checkbook and manage all the finances and pay the bills and handle all of the tax related paperwork. I'm the main contact for all paperwork for my father-in-law at the nursing home, and for both my brother and sister-in-law's disability and health insurance paperwork. I try to keep up with the housework around here.
And really, I don't mind any of that. I mean, OK, yes there are days when I feel like "Are you kidding? I know 100% healthy people who don't do all of this!" But then I think "Stop whining you silly b&t*h, and be thankful for what you CAN do every day." It really only gets to me when people cut me up and imply that I should be doing better.
Could my house be cleaner? Yes. Have I ever paid a bill late because I was so busy the due date passed before I had time to pay it? Yes. Have I ever forgotten to make a phone call, put in an Avon order or catch up with something or someone? Yes. Do I wish we had a bit more disposable income to update things around the house that need it? Yes. Does my bathroom, right now as I type this need to be scrubbed? Yes.
Having said that, I am very thankful for my life. I have a good marriage - one that has survived both good and difficult times. My honey and I have been through a lot and having him to come home to every night is so wonderful. We have two wonderful sons who we are proud of. We have a nice warm house to come home to and enough to eat. We live in this great country and can worship as we please every Sunday. We both have good jobs. I have amazing, loyal friends.
So maybe I could be handling this better. But I am doing the best I can and I am satisfied with that.
What frustrates me is the really over the top personal comments about my marriage or my finances and how we choose to handle things that really make me crazy.
Truthfully, I would never consider, in my wildest dreams, to comment on these categories to another person. Not even my three best friends, whom I trust with my life and for whom I'd walk to hell and back, will ever hear me criticize their relationship or how they're running their life. If someone in my life asks me for honest advice, or if they're about to really hurt themselves, of course I'll open my mouth. When I do, it's with gentle input that is aimed at helping the person - not in a way that's hurtful or critical. And I would never assume that I know everything about a situation and judge someone, because I'm not there, walking in their shoes, no matter how much I think I know about their situation. They're doing the best they can, no one gets up in the morning and says "Gee - I think I'll totally f*&$ up my life today!"
I don't want to play the poor me violin here, because as people who know me can attest, I've never had much patience with people who whine, complain and air their ailments and problems constantly.
But sometimes I really get TIRED of this. Really, I think I do OK. I get up every day, I go to work, I do my best. I try to find ways to get promoted so my family can have enough money for our home and everything. We try and make sure our relatives here in the family building are OK. I go to the gym and try to eat in a healthy way. I work with my rheumatologist to try and keep the progression of my R.A. at a slow pace, so I don't lose too many capabilities too quickly while also trying not to have to swallow a pharmacy every morning. I keep our checkbook and manage all the finances and pay the bills and handle all of the tax related paperwork. I'm the main contact for all paperwork for my father-in-law at the nursing home, and for both my brother and sister-in-law's disability and health insurance paperwork. I try to keep up with the housework around here.
And really, I don't mind any of that. I mean, OK, yes there are days when I feel like "Are you kidding? I know 100% healthy people who don't do all of this!" But then I think "Stop whining you silly b&t*h, and be thankful for what you CAN do every day." It really only gets to me when people cut me up and imply that I should be doing better.
Could my house be cleaner? Yes. Have I ever paid a bill late because I was so busy the due date passed before I had time to pay it? Yes. Have I ever forgotten to make a phone call, put in an Avon order or catch up with something or someone? Yes. Do I wish we had a bit more disposable income to update things around the house that need it? Yes. Does my bathroom, right now as I type this need to be scrubbed? Yes.
Having said that, I am very thankful for my life. I have a good marriage - one that has survived both good and difficult times. My honey and I have been through a lot and having him to come home to every night is so wonderful. We have two wonderful sons who we are proud of. We have a nice warm house to come home to and enough to eat. We live in this great country and can worship as we please every Sunday. We both have good jobs. I have amazing, loyal friends.
So maybe I could be handling this better. But I am doing the best I can and I am satisfied with that.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
ANCESTRY, AMERICA, AND WHAT IT MEANS TO ME TODAY
I've spent quite a bit of time researching my family's ancestry. I find it fascinating work, and I enjoy finding out facts about my family that I wasn't aware of before.
I have been tracking ancestry as a hobby for many years; long before it became a "fad" because of the new television program. Having said that, if more people are interested in this work, that's great!
Some people have said to me, "What if you find out something you don't like?" OK, point taken. I could discover something nasty about someone in my family tree. If that happens it will be unfortunate, but it doesn't change ME. Finding out about my ancestors informs my life, and gives me new information to digest, but it doesn't change who I am as a person. The information I gain from ancestry research is like anything else I discover, digest, and make a part of my life. It is something that informs my life, it adds some color and texture, but no one experience or person has formed me. Like all of us, I am a combination of my history and experiences, and my hopes and dreams. So, yes, I could find out something I wish I hadn't discovered. Since I already kniow who I am I don't have to worry about that kind of revelation changing me. God and I already know who Beth is, so we're good.
So far, I have enjoyed researching the family. The Bartholomew branch on my dad's side goes back to England in the 1470's, which I found absolutely amazing. There is a great deal of information about them and I haven't even scratched the surface. The Sauvageau's on mom's side also go way back, to France, and I have much more research to do there. The Stone's on dad's side and the Anderson's on mom's side have given me some road blocks but I don't give up easily, so I'll get there. I also plan on researching the hubby's family tree, so I have enough to keep me busy for a very long time!
I found it fascinating to find details like which ship people came over on. What was that experience like, life on a ship for weeks upon weeks? Looking at the passenger lists and the reasons for coming was amazing. Husbands and wives coming over separately and meeting back up, siblings coming over together, all to begin their new life.
This made me think. Why did they leave? I'm sure I'll uncover many reasons. In some cases, people came because life at what used to be home had become difficult enough that the trip to the United States, even with the fear of the unknown, was a better prospect. In this, they at least had hope. Hope that perhaps their new home would give their family a chance for a better life.
This is probably why people come here now. Some people follow the rules of what you're supposed to do when you arrive in a new country, and some do not. Either way, I bet some are coming for the same reasons my mom's grandparents from Finland sailed to Canada and then snuck over the border to the United States illegally. Because there was hope here.
I think that's what the founding fathers were looking for. It's why the pilgrims came here. We wanted to create a place where we could be ourselves, where we could think what we wanted and live the way we wished. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So, yes, lets have solid, enforceable rules and processes for people to follow when they come here, and lets call them on it when they don't follow those processes. But lets do that while still remembering why America is different. Our forefathers came here to create a life that was better than the one they were leaving behind. I hope other people who are willing to work hard can have the same opportunity today.
.
I have been tracking ancestry as a hobby for many years; long before it became a "fad" because of the new television program. Having said that, if more people are interested in this work, that's great!
Some people have said to me, "What if you find out something you don't like?" OK, point taken. I could discover something nasty about someone in my family tree. If that happens it will be unfortunate, but it doesn't change ME. Finding out about my ancestors informs my life, and gives me new information to digest, but it doesn't change who I am as a person. The information I gain from ancestry research is like anything else I discover, digest, and make a part of my life. It is something that informs my life, it adds some color and texture, but no one experience or person has formed me. Like all of us, I am a combination of my history and experiences, and my hopes and dreams. So, yes, I could find out something I wish I hadn't discovered. Since I already kniow who I am I don't have to worry about that kind of revelation changing me. God and I already know who Beth is, so we're good.
So far, I have enjoyed researching the family. The Bartholomew branch on my dad's side goes back to England in the 1470's, which I found absolutely amazing. There is a great deal of information about them and I haven't even scratched the surface. The Sauvageau's on mom's side also go way back, to France, and I have much more research to do there. The Stone's on dad's side and the Anderson's on mom's side have given me some road blocks but I don't give up easily, so I'll get there. I also plan on researching the hubby's family tree, so I have enough to keep me busy for a very long time!
I found it fascinating to find details like which ship people came over on. What was that experience like, life on a ship for weeks upon weeks? Looking at the passenger lists and the reasons for coming was amazing. Husbands and wives coming over separately and meeting back up, siblings coming over together, all to begin their new life.
This made me think. Why did they leave? I'm sure I'll uncover many reasons. In some cases, people came because life at what used to be home had become difficult enough that the trip to the United States, even with the fear of the unknown, was a better prospect. In this, they at least had hope. Hope that perhaps their new home would give their family a chance for a better life.
This is probably why people come here now. Some people follow the rules of what you're supposed to do when you arrive in a new country, and some do not. Either way, I bet some are coming for the same reasons my mom's grandparents from Finland sailed to Canada and then snuck over the border to the United States illegally. Because there was hope here.
I think that's what the founding fathers were looking for. It's why the pilgrims came here. We wanted to create a place where we could be ourselves, where we could think what we wanted and live the way we wished. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So, yes, lets have solid, enforceable rules and processes for people to follow when they come here, and lets call them on it when they don't follow those processes. But lets do that while still remembering why America is different. Our forefathers came here to create a life that was better than the one they were leaving behind. I hope other people who are willing to work hard can have the same opportunity today.
.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
On Judgementalism and Compassion
It seems to me lately that there is a noticable lack of compassion in everyday life. Each day I encounter people who seem to think it is acceptable to stand in judgement over others. The issues can be anything! I've heard judgemental comments about just about everything: a persons clothing, their food choices, the town they live in, their choice of college, what they do on their lunch hour, what businesses they frequent, how they cut their hair, what cellphone plan they have.......it goes on and on.
And the interesting part is that often, these same folks who place themselves in judgment over other people are themselves completely devoid of any self awareness. They have simply placed themselves over other people around them in judgement, they KNOW they're right, and they display no compassion for others whatsoever. Their own harshness, judgementalism, and frankly, their own fear of life in general, which fuels this judgementalism is lost on them. It almost seems like they have never done a self-examination of conscience. They do not think before they speak.
If it sounds as if I myself am "judging" this type of person, in a way, that may be true. Because unfortunately I have caught myself displaying this same type of behavior. I have definitely shoved my politics and my "healthy life" choices down people's throats in conversation. Now that I have been on the other side of the equation, and have observed it so often happening to others, I realize that I too, indulged in this mean and nasty, unnecessary behavior. Recognizing this in myself has made me see it in others.
I am frustrated with all of us!
The Big Guy says in the book of Matthew, chapter 7, "Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgement you make, you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get." Frankly, that's a little scary. Think of it. The same rigid lack of slack you have NOT been cutting your peers, Jesus says that exact measure will be applied to YOU. I'm not sure about anyone else, but for ME that's a wake up call! Yipes!
Not just that, but I don't want to be the type of person who verbally cuts people down all the time. Think to yourself how that FEELS when it happens to YOU. Well, that's how the other person feels when you criticize them. How many of these things that we blather on about and cut others up for are really all that important?
Food for thought.
And the interesting part is that often, these same folks who place themselves in judgment over other people are themselves completely devoid of any self awareness. They have simply placed themselves over other people around them in judgement, they KNOW they're right, and they display no compassion for others whatsoever. Their own harshness, judgementalism, and frankly, their own fear of life in general, which fuels this judgementalism is lost on them. It almost seems like they have never done a self-examination of conscience. They do not think before they speak.
If it sounds as if I myself am "judging" this type of person, in a way, that may be true. Because unfortunately I have caught myself displaying this same type of behavior. I have definitely shoved my politics and my "healthy life" choices down people's throats in conversation. Now that I have been on the other side of the equation, and have observed it so often happening to others, I realize that I too, indulged in this mean and nasty, unnecessary behavior. Recognizing this in myself has made me see it in others.
I am frustrated with all of us!
The Big Guy says in the book of Matthew, chapter 7, "Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgement you make, you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get." Frankly, that's a little scary. Think of it. The same rigid lack of slack you have NOT been cutting your peers, Jesus says that exact measure will be applied to YOU. I'm not sure about anyone else, but for ME that's a wake up call! Yipes!
Not just that, but I don't want to be the type of person who verbally cuts people down all the time. Think to yourself how that FEELS when it happens to YOU. Well, that's how the other person feels when you criticize them. How many of these things that we blather on about and cut others up for are really all that important?
Food for thought.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
On the Health Care Debate - An open Letter to Our Elected Officials by Elizabeth A.Carrignant
Good Evening,
I am very disappointed. I do not understand where you're at right now. Are you aware that you have a very unique opportunity in your hands right now? YOU have the opportunity to be a part of history making legislation. You can be more than a footnote, you can be a part of the group of legislators who made health care work for the American people.
Is that what you're thinking as you get ready for work each day? Or are you thinking of your own party's position and how you're not going to budge? Are you thinking up new ways to scare the daylights out of the public so we'll be too frightened to fight for ourselves and demand what's right? Are you thinking how amazing it will feel to score one against President Obama by killing health care reform?
If I were in your position, I would wake up each day humbled, and honored to have the opportunity to serve. Whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, the health care debate is an issue of great importance to the American people.
I do hope we can all agree that SOMETHING must be done.
You have a professional, ethical, and moral responsibility to move this forward, to work toward compromise, to exercise self-control during discussions and debates on this subject, and to work toward what is RIGHT for the American people; not what is right for you, your career, your campaign contributors or your PARTY. But for US, the American people.
Quite frankly, you spend so much time arguing that you rarely accomplish very much. So, most of you WILL BE a footnote. "He was a good party supporter." Well, congratulations. If that was all you wanted to accomplish, you're there.
Do you have it in you? Do you really have the guts to do this right, to leave your own ego and your party's position aside and only think of the average citizen?
I doubt it.
I want more than anything to be proved wrong.
I am very disappointed. I do not understand where you're at right now. Are you aware that you have a very unique opportunity in your hands right now? YOU have the opportunity to be a part of history making legislation. You can be more than a footnote, you can be a part of the group of legislators who made health care work for the American people.
Is that what you're thinking as you get ready for work each day? Or are you thinking of your own party's position and how you're not going to budge? Are you thinking up new ways to scare the daylights out of the public so we'll be too frightened to fight for ourselves and demand what's right? Are you thinking how amazing it will feel to score one against President Obama by killing health care reform?
If I were in your position, I would wake up each day humbled, and honored to have the opportunity to serve. Whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, the health care debate is an issue of great importance to the American people.
I do hope we can all agree that SOMETHING must be done.
You have a professional, ethical, and moral responsibility to move this forward, to work toward compromise, to exercise self-control during discussions and debates on this subject, and to work toward what is RIGHT for the American people; not what is right for you, your career, your campaign contributors or your PARTY. But for US, the American people.
Quite frankly, you spend so much time arguing that you rarely accomplish very much. So, most of you WILL BE a footnote. "He was a good party supporter." Well, congratulations. If that was all you wanted to accomplish, you're there.
Do you have it in you? Do you really have the guts to do this right, to leave your own ego and your party's position aside and only think of the average citizen?
I doubt it.
I want more than anything to be proved wrong.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Why I'm Inspired by Ted Kennedy by Elizabeth Carrignant
Ted Kennedy passed away last night. Admittedly, it feels very strange, and sad. My parents were big Kennedy fans. I grew up with a picture of President John Kennedy in our living room, and more than once my parents talked about the Kennedy family and their history. Ted Kennedy became a senator before I was born. I haven't lived in a Massachusetts, or a United States that didn't have Senator Ted Kennedy in it.
Ted Kennedy is truly an inspiration to me, for two reasons. The first has to do with one of the ways that he was so successful in Washington. While he was truly passionate about his beliefs, he was able to find compromise. He had a remarkable ability to get people to sit down at the table and work together. I did not ever meet the Senator. But what I did observe in the coverage I have seen is a man who treated everyone with respect, a man who could disagree with you but treat you with respect and compassion and dignity. I find this a remarkable example to follow. I have seen the news coverage today, and have been amazed by the number of things this man accomplished, often by working not only with his Democratic colleagues, but also by creating forward momentum in working with Republicans. I would venture a guess that I am not alone in my fear that there is no one now in Washington who has this kind of honor, this kind of humanity, and the ability to see a way for us to move forward and work together, despite our differences.
I am also inspired by Ted Kennedy because he became his very best self despite personal shortcomings and tragedies. Senator Kennedy was not perfect. He made some very public mistakes. He made some bad decisions, went in some wrong directions, and made a mess at times of his personal life. He had an amazing legacy to live up to, which would have crippled many people with fear. What I find inspiring is that he did not give up. He faced his shortcomings, and moved forward. Ted Kennedy became his best self, something many of us never accomplish in our lifetime. He touched thousands of lives by doing so. This shows me - shows all of us - that we can all do amazing things, regardless of the mistakes we may have made or the circumstances we find ourselves in.
So, thank you Senator Kennedy, for taking care of Massachusetts, for making this little state feel like we matter, for the amazing legacy of your life and career, and for the inspiration. You will not soon be forgotten.
Ted Kennedy is truly an inspiration to me, for two reasons. The first has to do with one of the ways that he was so successful in Washington. While he was truly passionate about his beliefs, he was able to find compromise. He had a remarkable ability to get people to sit down at the table and work together. I did not ever meet the Senator. But what I did observe in the coverage I have seen is a man who treated everyone with respect, a man who could disagree with you but treat you with respect and compassion and dignity. I find this a remarkable example to follow. I have seen the news coverage today, and have been amazed by the number of things this man accomplished, often by working not only with his Democratic colleagues, but also by creating forward momentum in working with Republicans. I would venture a guess that I am not alone in my fear that there is no one now in Washington who has this kind of honor, this kind of humanity, and the ability to see a way for us to move forward and work together, despite our differences.
I am also inspired by Ted Kennedy because he became his very best self despite personal shortcomings and tragedies. Senator Kennedy was not perfect. He made some very public mistakes. He made some bad decisions, went in some wrong directions, and made a mess at times of his personal life. He had an amazing legacy to live up to, which would have crippled many people with fear. What I find inspiring is that he did not give up. He faced his shortcomings, and moved forward. Ted Kennedy became his best self, something many of us never accomplish in our lifetime. He touched thousands of lives by doing so. This shows me - shows all of us - that we can all do amazing things, regardless of the mistakes we may have made or the circumstances we find ourselves in.
So, thank you Senator Kennedy, for taking care of Massachusetts, for making this little state feel like we matter, for the amazing legacy of your life and career, and for the inspiration. You will not soon be forgotten.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Where has Self Control and Simple CLASS Gone?
OK, can I be honest here? I'm all for the wonderful, good old American values of speaking your mind and being an individual. But frankly, we've taken it too far. We seem to think we have the right to have a loud-ass judgemental opinion about everything and everyone in the world, and the right to verbally vomit that opinion out on everyone around us.
We who? Just about everyone, to be honest! I run into it every day, and it absolutely shocks me. Here is just a sampling of what I have observed:
1. People in stores treating clerks, waitstaff and other service personnel in a horrible manner. Even if a mistake has been made, making personal or derogatory remarks is not necessary nor does it help the situation.
2. People calling in to customer service on the phone dropping f-bombs, making personal remarks, threatening people, and wishing bad things to happen to them. I have always found it interesting that many people will say alot of things over the phone that they would never think of saying in person. Would you still say it if your mother/father/son/daughter/grandchild were listening right now?
3. The folks who lose control of their emotions every time someone disagrees with them. My favorite manifestation of this is the reaction where the person seems to think that by saying what they want REALLY LOUD it will somehow come to pass. This is the adult version of stomping your feet. (Waaa, but I WANT it!)
4. The appalling habit we seem to have of labelling people. It's so offensive to have to hear slurs about people's race, looks, or sexual orientation. I find this completely unacceptable and I'm tired of putting up with it.
I will fully admit I am not perfect. But I do try and take personal responsibility for my own actions.
What happened to self-control? Why do we have to flip out every time we don't get our way? Why can't we remain calm in the face of a minor difficulty. Why do we think that laying on our car horn and flipping someone the bird is acceptable behavior? Why do we verbally attack people if they disagree with us? Why do we label everyone? Women - what happened to being a lady? What happened to class? It's not about what people think of us, but to me it's about how we think of ourselves. Is this who we WANT to be?
We who? Just about everyone, to be honest! I run into it every day, and it absolutely shocks me. Here is just a sampling of what I have observed:
1. People in stores treating clerks, waitstaff and other service personnel in a horrible manner. Even if a mistake has been made, making personal or derogatory remarks is not necessary nor does it help the situation.
2. People calling in to customer service on the phone dropping f-bombs, making personal remarks, threatening people, and wishing bad things to happen to them. I have always found it interesting that many people will say alot of things over the phone that they would never think of saying in person. Would you still say it if your mother/father/son/daughter/grandchild were listening right now?
3. The folks who lose control of their emotions every time someone disagrees with them. My favorite manifestation of this is the reaction where the person seems to think that by saying what they want REALLY LOUD it will somehow come to pass. This is the adult version of stomping your feet. (Waaa, but I WANT it!)
4. The appalling habit we seem to have of labelling people. It's so offensive to have to hear slurs about people's race, looks, or sexual orientation. I find this completely unacceptable and I'm tired of putting up with it.
I will fully admit I am not perfect. But I do try and take personal responsibility for my own actions.
What happened to self-control? Why do we have to flip out every time we don't get our way? Why can't we remain calm in the face of a minor difficulty. Why do we think that laying on our car horn and flipping someone the bird is acceptable behavior? Why do we verbally attack people if they disagree with us? Why do we label everyone? Women - what happened to being a lady? What happened to class? It's not about what people think of us, but to me it's about how we think of ourselves. Is this who we WANT to be?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
About Guys and why we Gals need to relax and chill out
Guys are not stupid after all. In fact, I think they're pretty cool, and much smarter than we gals have a habit of giving them credit for being.
In fact, lately I sometimes feel that we gals have gone from "we want women to have equal rights" and have turned it into "I must have my way, all the way, all the time, and if you disagree you're denying me my rights". When did our need for equal rights suddenly turn into a need for being dictator of the universe and having our way 110% of the time? I hear and see this all the time.
For me, I can admit when perhaps I have been wrong about guys in general, and about my guy in particular. I can think of a few situations I wish I had handled differently, for example:
Situation #1
Your guy does something nice for you or buys you something.
My reaction: That's not the one I said I wanted.
What I wish I had said: Oh thank you! It's so sweet that you remembered that I wanted one of those.
Situation #2
Your guy does some chores around the house.
My reaction: Did you remember to empty the shop vac? Are you sure that's how you're supposed to do it?
What I wish I'd said: Thanks so much for taking such good care of all the outside chores around here, honey.
Situation #3
Your guy suggests a new item for the two of you to make for dinner.
My reaction: I assume YOU'RE going to eat it, I'll have something else.
What I wish I'd said: I like trying new things, lets go for it.
Situation #4
You need your guy to do something:.
My reaction: Is there some reason the outside light isn't installed yet?
What I wish I'd said: Nothing. (He takes out the trash, shovels, mows the lawn, does the laundry, gets up and goes to work every day, and a hundred other things.) The light will be installed when he gets a moment.
My man is neither stupid nor incompetent. He is a very intelligent man with a strong work ethic, is a wonderful friend, is hysterically funny, and doesn't give up easily. If I know that he has all of these great qualities and more, then WHY do I find the need to control situations? Why do I nit-pick so many day to day situations so that the process we use and the outcome are 100% within my control?
It's as if we gals forgot that the guys were figuring out how to put their pants on and navigate the world just fine before they found us.
If he loads the dishwasher or pays the bills differently than I would, is it that big of a deal? If he thinks of me and makes a nice gesture or gets me a gift, why can't I be happy and thankful for the time and effort he made instead of analyzing what it means that it isn't the specific item I pointed out?
And WHY do I see so many other women doing all of these samethings so often? Is our world going to crash in on us if we let him do a few things without our ever present nit-picking "help"? Honestly, I think if we just let them be themselves and learned to chill out about the "process"and the exact "end result" we gals would find our OWN lives to be much easier, and our guys would be more relaxed and happy, too.
Honestly, why would someone keep doing nice things for a person who only criticizes things? Would we put up with from our gal friends what we do to our guys? I think not.
Food for thought, at least for me.
In fact, lately I sometimes feel that we gals have gone from "we want women to have equal rights" and have turned it into "I must have my way, all the way, all the time, and if you disagree you're denying me my rights". When did our need for equal rights suddenly turn into a need for being dictator of the universe and having our way 110% of the time? I hear and see this all the time.
For me, I can admit when perhaps I have been wrong about guys in general, and about my guy in particular. I can think of a few situations I wish I had handled differently, for example:
Situation #1
Your guy does something nice for you or buys you something.
My reaction: That's not the one I said I wanted.
What I wish I had said: Oh thank you! It's so sweet that you remembered that I wanted one of those.
Situation #2
Your guy does some chores around the house.
My reaction: Did you remember to empty the shop vac? Are you sure that's how you're supposed to do it?
What I wish I'd said: Thanks so much for taking such good care of all the outside chores around here, honey.
Situation #3
Your guy suggests a new item for the two of you to make for dinner.
My reaction: I assume YOU'RE going to eat it, I'll have something else.
What I wish I'd said: I like trying new things, lets go for it.
Situation #4
You need your guy to do something:.
My reaction: Is there some reason the outside light isn't installed yet?
What I wish I'd said: Nothing. (He takes out the trash, shovels, mows the lawn, does the laundry, gets up and goes to work every day, and a hundred other things.) The light will be installed when he gets a moment.
My man is neither stupid nor incompetent. He is a very intelligent man with a strong work ethic, is a wonderful friend, is hysterically funny, and doesn't give up easily. If I know that he has all of these great qualities and more, then WHY do I find the need to control situations? Why do I nit-pick so many day to day situations so that the process we use and the outcome are 100% within my control?
It's as if we gals forgot that the guys were figuring out how to put their pants on and navigate the world just fine before they found us.
If he loads the dishwasher or pays the bills differently than I would, is it that big of a deal? If he thinks of me and makes a nice gesture or gets me a gift, why can't I be happy and thankful for the time and effort he made instead of analyzing what it means that it isn't the specific item I pointed out?
And WHY do I see so many other women doing all of these samethings so often? Is our world going to crash in on us if we let him do a few things without our ever present nit-picking "help"? Honestly, I think if we just let them be themselves and learned to chill out about the "process"and the exact "end result" we gals would find our OWN lives to be much easier, and our guys would be more relaxed and happy, too.
Honestly, why would someone keep doing nice things for a person who only criticizes things? Would we put up with from our gal friends what we do to our guys? I think not.
Food for thought, at least for me.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Spring Fever
Birds outside the window
I'm watching them hop around happily
But this is serious business
I should really be listening
Instead, my head is somewhere else
Walden, or Quabbin perhaps
Or walking down a tree lined path at Howe Park
The warm breeze in my face
OK, people are supposed to pay attention during business meetings!
Back on track!
Those little birds really are cute though
I'm watching them hop around happily
But this is serious business
I should really be listening
Instead, my head is somewhere else
Walden, or Quabbin perhaps
Or walking down a tree lined path at Howe Park
The warm breeze in my face
OK, people are supposed to pay attention during business meetings!
Back on track!
Those little birds really are cute though
Solitude
A solitary rock
By the water's edge
Reaching toward heaven's eye
Light glints off the water
A breeze ruffles the leaves on the trees
There's magic in the greetops
Like a lacy fringe of green
Caressing the sky
Endless birdsong
Each sound in harmony
Creation's symphony
Man intrudes
Voices, cars, trains
Be quiet, noisy man
And listen to the wind
Written at Walden Pond, May 29, 2001
By the water's edge
Reaching toward heaven's eye
Light glints off the water
A breeze ruffles the leaves on the trees
There's magic in the greetops
Like a lacy fringe of green
Caressing the sky
Endless birdsong
Each sound in harmony
Creation's symphony
Man intrudes
Voices, cars, trains
Be quiet, noisy man
And listen to the wind
Written at Walden Pond, May 29, 2001
Monday, July 14, 2008
TEN SIGNS THAT YOU TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY
1. Your favorite item is taken off the menu at a restaurant you frequent. You spend the entire meal complaining about it and decide you'll never come back.
2. Someone in your circle makes a mistake. You take this as a personal affront and spend 20 minutes berating them. During the span of time that you were raving, they could have corrected the simple, inadvertent error 9 times.
3. You update everyone you know about all of your ailments and problems in great detail, and often.
4. You assume your way of thinking is the only one out there and you get offended if people think differently than you.
5. You KNOW you're right.
6. Your conversation is peppered with phrases like, "That's nothing", "Am I right? ", "You should", "The right way to do it is", "that's stupid!" and "Why would you do that?"
7. You get upset when people don't know what you need, want, think and feel, even though you haven't told them.
8. You think "active listening" is when you let someone finish their sentence before moving on to your point.
9. You judge people frequently and voice that judgement to anyone who cares to listen.
10. You're offended at this list and assume I wrote it about you.
2. Someone in your circle makes a mistake. You take this as a personal affront and spend 20 minutes berating them. During the span of time that you were raving, they could have corrected the simple, inadvertent error 9 times.
3. You update everyone you know about all of your ailments and problems in great detail, and often.
4. You assume your way of thinking is the only one out there and you get offended if people think differently than you.
5. You KNOW you're right.
6. Your conversation is peppered with phrases like, "That's nothing", "Am I right? ", "You should", "The right way to do it is", "that's stupid!" and "Why would you do that?"
7. You get upset when people don't know what you need, want, think and feel, even though you haven't told them.
8. You think "active listening" is when you let someone finish their sentence before moving on to your point.
9. You judge people frequently and voice that judgement to anyone who cares to listen.
10. You're offended at this list and assume I wrote it about you.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Getting There
Live Simply
Live Green
Trust God
Wish the very best for everyone I encounter
Have fun
Don't procrastinate
Do it with passion or don't do it at all
Walk my truth no matter what
Show compassion
Be Patient
Notice the beauty in nature
Be thankful
Be a very good friend
Don't take myself too seriously
Live Green
Trust God
Wish the very best for everyone I encounter
Have fun
Don't procrastinate
Do it with passion or don't do it at all
Walk my truth no matter what
Show compassion
Be Patient
Notice the beauty in nature
Be thankful
Be a very good friend
Don't take myself too seriously
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Looking on the Bright Side
Lately I have had the opportunity to reflect on having a positive attitude. You can call it "glass half full/glass half empty" or any of the other common cliches that exist.
What it really amounts to is that every moment we live is an opportunity. We cannot always control what happens to us. What we do have control over is how we react to those occurrences in our lives.
I have known some very positive people over the years. These are the folks I used to think of as "too happy" or "unrealistic". They never complain when something goes poorly. They are invariably pleasant to those around them. Many have overcome amazing odds and have added so much to our world despite harrowing circumstances that have happened in their lives.
I have also encountered my share of the folks who look at the glass as half empty. Everything that happens is filtered through the lens of "my life is so bad, things don't go well for me, it's not fair....." As these folks complain, it seems more and more negative things DO happen to them. It's as if negativity begets more negativity - almost as if the universe sends them each day what they send out. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, and they can say "See! I told you my life was terrible!"
I have, during my life, waffled between these two positions. I definitely spent my share of time in the half empty court.
I have made a decision to no longer live there. I decide how I feel and react every day, no one else. I can choose, each and every day, how my day will go. Whether I run out of gas, or the cafeteria closes before I get my lunch, I can choose my reaction.
This is invariably a process. It has helped that many of us at work have joined "A Complaint Free World" together. The aim is to learn, together, to eliminate pointless complaining from our day to day lives. This process does seem to help, since we are all working on it together. Having the visual, and the process of moving the purple bracelet from my right wrist (right attitude) to my left upon indulging my complaining really helps to illustrate just how much I was complaining each day!
And so, I will continue to look for the positive. I will keep finding the silver lining. I will continue to choose to avoid negativity. And I will STOP once and for all throwing "Oh Poor Me, life doesn't go the way I want it to" out into the Universe. Because I am a firm believer that the Universe operates like a giant boomerang.
What you throw out there comes right back atcha so watch what you're dishing out folks!
What it really amounts to is that every moment we live is an opportunity. We cannot always control what happens to us. What we do have control over is how we react to those occurrences in our lives.
I have known some very positive people over the years. These are the folks I used to think of as "too happy" or "unrealistic". They never complain when something goes poorly. They are invariably pleasant to those around them. Many have overcome amazing odds and have added so much to our world despite harrowing circumstances that have happened in their lives.
I have also encountered my share of the folks who look at the glass as half empty. Everything that happens is filtered through the lens of "my life is so bad, things don't go well for me, it's not fair....." As these folks complain, it seems more and more negative things DO happen to them. It's as if negativity begets more negativity - almost as if the universe sends them each day what they send out. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, and they can say "See! I told you my life was terrible!"
I have, during my life, waffled between these two positions. I definitely spent my share of time in the half empty court.
I have made a decision to no longer live there. I decide how I feel and react every day, no one else. I can choose, each and every day, how my day will go. Whether I run out of gas, or the cafeteria closes before I get my lunch, I can choose my reaction.
This is invariably a process. It has helped that many of us at work have joined "A Complaint Free World" together. The aim is to learn, together, to eliminate pointless complaining from our day to day lives. This process does seem to help, since we are all working on it together. Having the visual, and the process of moving the purple bracelet from my right wrist (right attitude) to my left upon indulging my complaining really helps to illustrate just how much I was complaining each day!
And so, I will continue to look for the positive. I will keep finding the silver lining. I will continue to choose to avoid negativity. And I will STOP once and for all throwing "Oh Poor Me, life doesn't go the way I want it to" out into the Universe. Because I am a firm believer that the Universe operates like a giant boomerang.
What you throw out there comes right back atcha so watch what you're dishing out folks!
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