I dreamed of a cave, more like caverns really, with multiple chambers. I felt a strange fear, mixed with anticipation, and even a tinge of resignation. A compulsion to move forward, regardless of what the outcome might be fought it's way to the surface, pushing the other feelings away. I walked. Forward.
In each chamber, I met someone different.
In the first, a child, spinning and dancing, long hair wild around her shoulders, and down her back. She has crunchy autumn leaves all over her, from head to toe. She is in the midst of a huge pile of them, which I am now just noticing. The phrase "free spirit" comes to my mind. She stops abruptly, hazel eyes focused on me. Frozen in the moment, we stare at one another. She sizes me up, and finally, looks away. I cannot tell if she is disappointed or has simply lost interest.
I walk on, and find a woman, perhaps 18 or 19 years old. She sits by a fire, quiet, eyes closed. Seemingly lost in contemplation. Her hands are raised, her long hair forms a veil around her shoulders, and I think to myself that somehow she looks almost like a nun. There are others in the chamber with us, each doing various random tasks. The woman seems to be unaware of them; neither is she aware of me. She is lost in this contemplation of hers.
As I continue to walk on, I see others. In one chamber, I peer down from a balcony to see a woman navigating a maze. There is a man there, and some children, and several other people. The maze is full of obstacles. The woman is running through the maze, trying to get to the man and the children. She's very concerned that something will happen if she can't get to them and get them out of the maze. She's in such a frazzled state, she misses several chances to catch up to them and be with them. They're practically right under her nose and she misses the opportunity, because she's just running the maze so intently. I'm getting a headache just watching her, and I move on.
In the next chamber, I see a woman holding her father's hand as he passes away, shedding no visible tears. She looks up at me and I see; the tears are inside.
I walk forward again, and the next room is very dark, cold and damp. In this room, a woman cowers, half naked, in rags. She's bruised, bedraggled. She won't look up. She is chaining herself to the wall of this horrid place. I don't feel that she's safe here, somehow. I try to speak to her, to tell her to come with me. She doesn't react to me,just keeps on fastening the shackles around her own wrists and ankles. I can't figure out why she would willingly remain in the dark when there is a way out. This chamber freaks me out and I can't wait to get out.
In the next chamber, a woman stands smiling. She is calm, beautiful, very sure of herself, exudes strength. She tells me that each of the women I saw in the chambers were in fact, she herself. Each was a part of her life; something she walked through, good and bad, beautiful and ugly. Each of those women were a part of her. She told me that only by embracing and understanding each of those parts of herself, was she able to be strong in this present moment. She had to come to accept, love, forgive, embrace and learn from each part of herself.
I smiled. I felt as if I finally understood. I turned away from the mirror and walked out of the caves into the sun.
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