Alice's Lessons in Wonderland

This story started a year ago, a gals weekend away, with my best friend. We did some talking, some drinking, more talking, I finished with a nasty case of the spins. (Side note: Saw Joe Perry at a charity event that night, he played 3 classic blues songs. Amazing!) It's so cool having a good friend to rescue you when you need it. She was working an extended gig in New Hampshire, so I called her, packed up the car and drove up. I knew it wasn't right. I wasn't right. My life didn't fit me. I was closed completely. So I opened Pandora's box, didn't avoid anything. No subject was off limits. No hiding, work, marriage, faith, sex, all of it. Excavation can be excruciating. I've worn out a few shovels over this last year. I'm making changes, and taking steps daily. I've freaked out some people in my life. I've changed so many things, and I've only just scratched the surface. I'm not sorry about my journey, even if some of you think it's pathetic. Maybe I really am a cliche. That hurts, but it's mine to live with. I was in the plastic bubble so long. When I came out into the sunshine to play, and discovered how fucking amazing life is, I was a little overwhelmed. I found my passion. Everywhere. My writing has taken off, my love for music has again returned. I have dozens of ideas on how to change my career and I'm taking real steps to move that dream forward. All the while, I'm taking down this house of cards we've constructed that was killing us all. Here is my regret. Alice is new to Wonderland. There have been stops and starts. Life just feels great, I dive in and the water feels so good. This is right. But then, the current gets stronger and I'm not used to it, yet. I get scared, pull back. I've encountered some amazing people. People who are so fucking beautiful. I'm very lucky to have been able to know some of you. But my stops and starts have messed with some people. People who didn't deserve to get caught in my...mess. It was unintentional but that's no excuse. I had no business having such a lack of self-awareness. I know I can't go back to closed. But I can't let all of these walls down until Alice learns her way around Wonderland.