Rain

Rain does things to me.  Even as a little girl, rain has always been a portal, to imagination or to places inside of myself.

When I'm lying in bed on a rainy summer night, I can hear that "tires on rainy road" sound that cars make when the road is wet.  I get little pictures in my head, snippets of conversation and even moments of emotion as if their happiness, anger, fear or melancholy is seeping out the car window and coming to settle on me for the briefest of moments.  Then, as the headlights make moving designs across the dark bedroom ceiling, they are gone from me and I am again alone with the sound of the rain on the trees outside.

The SMELL of rain is very stirring to me.  One of my favorite things is that sweet scent that happens in late spring or early summer, when everything is in bloom and the rain falling down upon all of that thriving, growing greenness creates the most delicious mixture in the air.  It's an olfactory feast and I always have to stop, close my eyes and draw it in.  Life smells good, you know?

There are so many different, subtle scents where rain is concerned.  It depends on what is around that the rain is falling ON, what the temperature is, and many other different factors.  I think it's amazing how a scent can bring back an entire memory, and have me reliving an entire scene in my head.  I'm like that with rain, too.  Certain PLACES in the rain bring memories.  But it's not only that. When it rains, it's almost as if my senses, and I don't just mean the standard 5, are heightened.

On a rainy day, I'll often just pick up an entire scene, not one that's my memory, but one that is connected somehow with wherever I am at that moment.  Imagination? I wonder sometimes if it's a "place memory", I've heard some locations just have that kind of energy.  I'm not sure.  It happens more on rainy days than any other type of weather or situation.

I even have some songs that evoke rain thoughts.  There are a couple of Aerosmith songs that have no connection with rain whatsoever but each time I hear them I get a really strong rain smell, no matter where I am, and a quick little "vision" of pouring rain on green leaves.  If I ever meet Steven Tyler, mark my words, I'm going to ask him if it was raining when he wrote those two songs.

This morning, the air is sticky and sits on my skin like an itchy sweater.  I much prefer that the water fall from the sky, rather than to float in the air and make us all feel sluggish and nasty. High relative humidity, I believe the meteorologist called it.  This is one of the only forms water takes that I am NOT fond of!

Last night though, it rained.  When I stepped outside this morning to breathe, to greet the day as I always do, the rain was still making it's presence known, sliding off leaves like tiny ski slopes, and sitting in perfect spheres on flower petals.

That's an entire little world, or it is to me.  When I look up close at a flower, with perfect crystalline raindrops sitting on them, it speaks to me of life.  I can see, in that one moment all of the energy in the Universe, contained in this one clear view.  The color of the flower petals, the pistil and stamen, and the beautiful vivid green of the leaves are all quite captivating and I can lose myself in that world.  This morning, I found myself lost in wonder looking at the rain on my roses.

Rain.  I love rain.  I like walking in it.  I love to play in puddles like a 5 year old.  I love the sound of it and the smell of it.

Sometimes it even rains inside, and if you don't hide from it you'll find you're quite refreshed after it has passed.

New Day

The morning is sacred
Holy
Each person
Also sacred
Yes, even holy
What you bring to this day
Can be carried forward
By no other
Your light
Your gifts
Unique in this vast Universe
You are right where you need to be
Precious just as you are
A new day
You're beautiful
Let's do this
Shall we?

REGULAR PEOPLE DOING WHAT THEY DO

I realize that my overly enthusiastic expressions of support for people I care about and believe in can sound over the top to many people.  I'm certain there are those who think I'm being fake.  I can understand people having that reaction.

I assure you, quite the opposite is the case.  It's really about my world view.

I believe that the world is what we make of it.  Despite all of the horrible, negative things we all see and hear about every day, I still believe that what each of us does and says is important.  Every single one of us is unique and brings something different to the table. Something vital is missing if we don't share what we are.

And so, when I meet people, whether in real life or perhaps encounter them on line, once I interact with them, I SEE them.  I don't just see them, I REALLY see them.  It's who I am.  I end up just being completely in awe, everyday, when I see regular people doing what they do.

One person that comes to mind is #njpoet.  I discovered Charles Bivona's website and writing through another mutual friend on Twitter.  Charles is a working poet.  I actually like saying that out loud, that someone is a WORKING POET.  It feels good saying that, and to be honest I need to believe that the world has a place for a working poet, that we understand the value of this.  It gives me hope that the human race hasn't lost it's soul.  Following Charles on Twitter and reading his writing on his website has been an experience that is in turns delightful, sad, maddening and always thought provoking.  I read Charles daily, as if he were the morning newspaper, and I'd never miss a day.  That's regular people, doing what they do.

Speaking of regular people, I work with a huge bunch of them.  My coworkers are a varied group, different ages and backgrounds, likes and dislikes, just like any workplace.  As many who are close to me know, I've been on a bit of a personal journey (giant understatement) over the past 3 years.  I've worked in the same position during that entire time.  The past few months, as I've come out the other side of a rough part of that personal journey, and am enjoying the beauty of every day, I've noticed something.  I'm not certain how I missed this, honestly.  I clearly had blinders on, and I didn't SEE at all what was right in front of me.  My usual IN-sight failed me. I'm not just saying this but MY COWORKERS ARE ROCK STARS.  This has to be one of the hardest working group of people I've ever had the pleasure of being employed with.  And the positive attitude and sincere pleasure they get from helping each other makes going in to work every day so much better.  They help me to believe excellence is possible, and not just at work. There are those who would say that 9 to 5 isn't everybody's dream.  Maybe.  But a group of people like this makes your day about much more than getting a paycheck, you know?  And I was completely asleep to it, until recently.  That's regular people, doing what they do.

Musicians.  Babies, you know I love you!!  My dear friend Glenn Stewart is actually a true rock star as far as I'm concerned.  Glenn's gifts go beyond great songwriting, unexpected lyrics and truly stellar vocals. Watching Glenn on stage, seeing what happens as he interacts with the crowd....watching the way he communicates what's really behind a song - the emotion, the energy - that's beautiful!  Like so many musicians that I am gifted to know, Glenn works at a regular job during the day and works his ass off on his dreams on his own time.  To me, the music he shares makes a difference.  It gets inside, and it makes my heart sing.  It helps me to realize how connected we all are.  The music lifts people.  It feels good, really good.  I'm glad Glenn works so hard to share his gifts with us and I'm  SO glad he hasn't given up!  I've always felt the same way about Pete Klein from Blisstique, from the very first note of his music I heard and the very first interaction I had with him on Twitter.  Music that lifts people.  That's regular people, doing what they do.  (Please check these two guys out by the way, more people need to hear!)

 I'm also a loyal Chewstroker to the end.  If you're confused, check out Chewstroke.com.  There are those who would say that the tweets are too abrasive.  I've grown to love the attitude.  When I'm taking life much too seriously, I know exactly what timeline on Twitter to read - and I instantly get over myself.  I love people who tell the unvarnished truth, and so Chewy and Mark will always have a place in my heart.  Lots of people really don' t get it, and that frankly doesn't matter.  Regular people, doing what they do.

Many other everyday people regularly have me in awe, these are just a few gems.  I have written before about my family and friends, who are gifts to me every single day.  There are dozens of other people I interact with all the time, who always stop me in my tracks, just by the way they walk it, you know?   I will always be knocked over by beautiful, everyday people, doing what they do.  And lots of people will think I'm weird because of it.  And that's OK.  

Don't water yourself down.  Just like the people mentioned here, you are a unique gift to the world. You have no idea what effect you have on others.

Love Transformed

There is a silence

Beyond anything you have ever known

There is a longing

Delicious bliss

It lives in every cell

In the ripe, dripping breath

Drawn within, animating you

Making itself known

In every stretch, each step

Sweet, undaunted juicy ache

Skin washed in it 

Transforms the body

The knowing 

Within

Flowing throughout

Body, heart, soul

And eventually

Mind, as one 

Ego's violent death throes 

Giving way to soul's life

Never has there been 

Such intimacy

With one's own soul

And every single soul encountered

All of creation  

Heartbeats joined

Infused, connected

It is all 

So

Very

MUCH

In the best way possible 

5:30

Standing in the bedroom, alone
Skin still too warm
From the work clothes
Now in a pile on the floor
Moving neck and shoulders
Easy circles
Tension release
Throws the hair clip
On the bureau
Ditches the jewelry
Takes a second
Eyes closed
Letting it all fall away
Except for breathing
In, out, in, out
Long hair tickling bare back
Body beginning to cool
Stretching across the bed
Just being

All of it
Floats just slightly out of reach
Lets it stay out there
Like so much flotsam
Finding center
Listening
Heartbeat
Sweet emptiness
Blessed fucking zero
Sacred silence
Nothing, Everything

After a time
Returning
Slowly
Allows the thoughts of the day
To seep back in
To the periphery
Of awareness
A slight discomfort
Like the butterfly
Pushing out into open air

Allowing, releasing, receiving, flowing
Now, yes
Sight finally clear
Heart sight
Standing now
Knowing

The Lily (for pK)

To be a lily
In your garden
Perfectly adorned
In the simple beauty
Of God's light
A smile to greet the day
And in this simple, daily exchange
All the mystery, love and joy
In the Universe

No Quarter

There used to be places to hide
Now
No cover
No quarter
Just stark fear
And even in this
I must consent
Running, quitting
Considered
But always
The truth catches up
There is only
Through
Strange
How the heart grows
Upon standing your ground
A brush of wings
The only refuge
In a time
That uproots
All

The Mirror

Look in the mirror
What do you see?
What happens when you make eye contact
With yourself?
The others you encounter
Day to day
They're also your mirror
A perfect reflection
Of what is within YOU!

The one who is afraid
Of having their dreams come true
Because they fear failure
The person who finds fault
With everyone and everything
So they don't have to get close
Perfect way to avoid being hurt
And have precious control
Sometimes the seeker
Looking for MORE
Who is my Savior?
Where is my Angel?
Who will validate me?
Where can I find the mystical connection?
Oh I'm so empty
Show me, oh please
I KNOW it's you...be that for me!

And we put them on a pedestal
Far above all others
But they're human
Just beautiful, broken people
Trying to make their way

But OH! They've disappointed us
And for this we will hate them forever
Making of ourselves
The perfect victim
Wronged again! I told you it would happen!
And we hold tight to our righteous pain
While the one we elevated so high
Reels in pain, broken after falling
From the high place we put them in
And wounded by our hatred
At their simple, bruised humanity
Bleeding from our rejection
Of the gift they tried to give us

Don't you know?
No one can save you
No one is your angel or your savior
There aren't any gurus or mystics that will help
And those things that make you so angry
The behavior beyond contempt
Everything you say you would never do
Because you're better
You're ABOVE all that, right?!
All of that
Is within YOU
Indeed, it is in your life
Right now
For precisely that reason
Because what you fear
What you despise, what you hate most
Is inside of your OWN heart, soul and psyche
Right now

And until the day
That you can stop
Look yourself in that mirror
Face absolutely all of it
Stop denying it
And then.....
Release it
All of it, no control
Until you are completely, blessedly empty
And just see YOU
Your naked, blessed beautiful Self
Until you face it and release it
None of the chaos will ever stop
And all of the sweet souls you encounter
Dozens of sages and mystics
And hundreds of Angels
Will only be able to stand by
Unable to help you
Powerless to stop the pain and the chaos
Until the day you realize
That you must save yourself

(This poem is written from the perspective of someone looking at themselves in the mirror. In this case, me)

Pandora's Peace

The soul
Intact in the safe place
A beautiful truth
But there is more

Peering out at the world
Surrounded by clouds
Wrapped in cotton
So easily disgruntled

Pandora's on trial
For opening it
Who shall look within?
One to brave the terror?

Arrows sent forth
Always find a mark
Somewhere, a reaction
Quantum physics

Comfortably robed
In righteous anger
Whitewashed with the known
Verdict rendered

Pandora and her ilk
Sit on the ground in rags
Ostracized
Oddly undaunted

Assembling the pretty soul shards
Beautiful, broken, shiny colors
A mandala
We are One

There was no evil
Simply that which was new to our experience
Light and shadow both reveal much
And the little band KNOWS

Nightspell

Will you walk with me at night
Intoxicated by the spring scented air?
I am amazed at the stars
And how we are all made of the same
Might you laugh at me?
The sheer perfection of it
The trees, the breeze
The crickets song
Each breath a miracle
As the sacred night
Kisses warm skin
And hearts beat in unison
Life's music

You Are Enough

Weigh yourself against others
And you will be lost
So many to please
All with a different view
Of who you should be
And the only "right" action to take
As each seeks to make of you
Their mirror
Every choice brings condemnation
Who shall you be?

Count only your ego
As you make your way
Consider no one
And you will cut many
With your thoughtless push
No freedom will you find
From yourself
When you can only hate
What you have become

There will come a day
When you must let go
Of everything
Your striving to please
The need for approval
That cold terror
Of disappearing into complacency
You will forgive them all
And drop all guilt and shame
Forgiving yourself, too
You are empty in that moment
Blessedly void, oh sweet zero!

As you lean in, just slightly
You can hear the whisper of truth
Let it flow
Intuition fueling movement
Compassion and understanding
Blessing all interactions
Integrity and honesty
Keeping the way clear

You are light
You are spirit
The path you walk is yours alone
You live, breathe, connect
Laugh, cry and soar

All you can be
Is you
And, it is enough

Untethered (For dh, mm and bs)

The bravest among us
Walk untethered
While the rest of us
Sit happily in our cozy chains
The ones we chose
Until the day
When we are ready
We decide to break free
Taking those first steps
Heart-stopping wonder
That the world is ours
Standing strong against
The vicious anger
The chained ones level at us
Because we were them
And then
Yes, only then
In that moment
As we take those first steps
Do we realize the gift
That the untethered ones are
In our lives
A gift we could never understand
Until we finally
Took those first steps
On our own

For dh, mm and bs, with love.

Fingernail Moon

I've taken over the bathroom in the basement, and made it my own. This makes it much easier when I return from my morning walks. I couldn't do my walk today, though, because my ankle is still swollen and sore from the concert Tuesday night.  It's getting better and better though, I'll be back out there soon enough.

So, this morning, I put the PJ's back on and opened the door to the outside while I was brushing my hair so it could air dry.  It was still mostly dark, in those few sacred moments just before the dawn.  It rained yesterday and everything had that moist, growing smell to it.  I could hear the birds singing.

The sky was a beautiful shade of night blue, because it was about to lighten with the sun's first rays but the world was still waiting for what was to come.  I understood that feeling.

I looked up at the sky and saw one single star, shining brightly and something else that made me smile.  It was the moon.  When I was very little, I used to call it "the fingernail moon" because of the way it was shaped.

Looking up at that star, and the moon, I drew in several deep breaths, and brought the beautiful morning air into my lungs.

In that moment, I felt completely loved, completely comforted and utterly connected.  Without knowing what specifically comes next, for the first time in so very long, I wasn't afraid.

NEVER BE LESS

Let there never be a day
When you believe your own delusion
No taking the easy way out
Regardless of what people say
Don't give in
When it hurts the most
Fight
We can't become less
Giving up can never be an option
There is no sacrifice too much
When each day, you are MORE
Closer and closer
To your highest self
This
Is truth, is light, is real
Details, situations, obligations exist
Do what you must
Use compassion and love
As you forge ahead
But never be less
NEVER BE LESS
NEVER BE LESS
For an authentic path
Is not an easy road
But the only possible choice
Do you think you were put here
To fit into the worlds limited molds
No
NO
YOU ARE MORE
We are, each of us PURE LIGHT
Belief when worldly details deny you
Choosing the higher road
When pain tells you to HIT
Sure knowledge within
Despite all evidence
Patience because you KNOW
It is yours
Fight
When giving up would be so easy
Integrity
Tells you how to walk
And inspires others
Teachers and help
Are everywhere
If you stay open
No, there is no giving up
Joy in each day
Gratitude for many blessings
Staying in the flow
Trusting the process
Each of us singular, unique
With gifts we must use
And a mission we must BE
No
I will not take my eye
Off that beautiful light
That warms, fuels and inspires

Conduct Unbecoming

The painfully shy child
Kept it all inside
Except to agree
Survival

The woman who
Without realizing
Took the little girl's rules
Into adulthood

The day
When the rules didn't work
Dam broken
Everything rushing out

The spirit, now
Telling the mind, "Peace!"
There is a time to speak
And a time to keep your own counsel

Seek the wisdom
Of your Higher Self
And many, both physical and ethereal
Are here to help

You walk
As she did
Now spouting, chafing, impatient
But still so terrified of offending

You must flow
As the river
Delighted and grateful in the journey
And knowing the destination
Though unseen, is certain

Peace!

Strange Happenings

It's an odd feeling, really
You're just
Doing your thing
Having
A day
And
CLICK
Everything is different
You take a second
What just happened?
Realization
You're not afraid of your past
You're not afraid of the present
You aren't afraid of the future
And for once
You understand
Freefall

Spring's Commingling

Something left behind in the car

Step outside

Wet leaves 

Spring's own breath

Bring it within

Sacred darkness

Majyck

Spirit moves 

Rises

Dancing on the breeze

Cricket sounds

Rhythmic, musical

Sweet lullaby

Abundant life

In the stillness 

Eyes closed

Moist air 

Clings to long hair 

The knowing

Feel the thread 

Pick it up

Oh! Beautiful pain

The truth lives

And so, carried

Cherished treasure 

Light within

Sky above

And earth below

I greet thee 

Flow, as the river 

Movement, free fall

Her only grace now

All efforts at control

Relinquished

A changed soul 

Honors the lessons

Trusting truth

Following the light 

Stumbling, barefoot

Laughing, learning

Finally 

To live 

 

A Woman Rains

Descending from the Berkshires
Taking the long way on purpose
Winding road
Following the river
Rain hitting the car
Music's on
Singing along
I'm raining, too
Just like Gaia
Because sometimes
A woman's heart rains
Not to say it's too much
Not that she can't handle it
It's not even because she CAN handle it
She can, and she does
There are days when a woman rains
Because like Gaia
She's connected with it all

Creation 

Birth and death
Life, people 
All of it
Who we are, what we do
And while she walks and moves
Through life
And in spirit
She feels EVERYTHING
Her triumphs, her falls
And all of yours too
There are times
When there isn't a refuge
A place to pause
And be enveloped in warmth
And so, it's natural
For the rain to fall
Water flows, like the river
Moving, life's journey
Cleansing, freeing rain
A cool, sweet scented breeze follows
And the air is changed
She looks up, seeing the sun
And with a joyful heart
Returns to the beautiful task
Of living, dreaming
Being

Active Hope

Hope.

Hope is a real, tangible thing.  It is a knowledge, deep within you.  It doesn't need evidence, it exists without benefit of sight or touch, it lives inside of each and every one of your cells.  Hope is fed by that light inside, and it changes your world view.

Hope is love in action.  Hope is unlocked when you allow yourself to be secure in the knowledge that something beautiful is yours, right now - regardless of the day's situation, and despite any challenges.  Hope is what gets you up in the morning to work out, to write, or to learn something new.  Hope is the fuel you use to work on your dream while you balance the day to day.

Hope whispers in your ear to take that risk, the one your intuition is screaming at you to take.

Hope.  It's the thing that turns passion into action, and action creates movement, both in the physical practical sense, and in the energetic world.  Action changes the game. Each step taken strengthens that hope.  You rejoice in each day you have been given - even the very worst ones - because each is it's own gift, and those days combined to bring you to this one - the one you are standing in right now.

Hope reminds you, in every moment, that steps taken lead to dreams coming true and to blessings that are already yours right now, whether you can see them or not. Hope feeds all that hard work, especially on the days that you want to give up and make an excuse but you don't - you KNOW who you are. Hope lives in your heart and let's you know "Yes. That's yours. It's real. Don't give up or give in, no matter what."

Hope is an endless supply, within each of us, and it wells up and spills over.  And we give it to others around us, whether by sharing a smile, or lending a hand. By being a voice for change. By truly seeing people. By showing up. Maybe by just silently being there. Sometimes people can lose sight of hope.  When we reach out, we can help them to feel it and let that energy live inside of them again. It's like lighting a candle - your light remains undimmed and now the other is also glowing!   It costs us nothing and makes such a difference to anyone we come in contact with.  Hope is a free commodity, and it can change you, me and our world.

Today, I am grateful for hope.

Hope Lives

As the sun's fire

Touches the morning sky

Crows call in the nearby pines

Patience replaces restlessness

Integrity pushes out easy fixes

Work and truth 

Action 

Remain the beacons

For creating it right

Becoming in each moment

The change you seek

Energy and flow

Connection with All

Belief

Shaping it every day

Hope Lives