A Failed Experiment

For so many years
I looked at nothing
Numb
And then
For fifteen months
I looked at me
Changed the channel
From closed to open
The entire world!
Open before me
Could all THIS
Really be possible
It felt
So
Good
I didn't know
It could be like this
Hope was mine
But I hadn't learned yet
How to walk through this new land
With grace
And so, I was too loud, said too much
I guess I made a mess
Then came the labels
Selfish
Crazy, nuts
Even liar
And now
I'm just so sick
Of myself
Just like the rest of you are
And so
Call me weak
If you'd like
But my heart
My spirit
Are closed for business
I'm moving the dial back
I don't want to hope anymore
Keep your stupid shiny thngs
I'm turning in my wings
And leaving the sparkles
For someone else to spread
And so now
I will focus on others
Spend time with my mom & brother
And volunteer for a good cause
I will look at others only
Fifteen months
Was quite long enough
No more looking at me
For in the end
This was
A Failed Experiment