Did I believe in it when I posted it? To the extent that I feel it's a bad idea to mess with Social Security in the ways I've heard described by the current Republican Party, yes. (That was the theme of the meme I posted)
Do I truly feel that the people who are talking about doing that are stupid?
OK, fine. That's a struggle. I have to be honest, some of what I hear from Washington, DC really does make me think fairly frequently, "OK, that person is truly an idiot."
But when it boils down to it, this really was a much bigger issue, one which I've been avoiding each time it has come up.
I remember last month our teacher in the class I'm taking was discussing the concept of words being energy, that we need to be aware of what we are saying, and what our words are energetically putting out there for ourselves and others. She even specifically mentioned social media. Despite agreeing with her, I did identify in myself a certain resistance to what she was saying. I squashed it down and dismissed it.
The funny thing is, this isn't new territory for me. When I was a Catholic/Christian the concept of being responsible for what comes out of one's mouth was something I believed in.
And I think, in retrospect, that is one reason why my friend's actions this morning hit me so hard. Many would have said to let it go, no big deal.
OK, fine. That's a struggle. I have to be honest, some of what I hear from Washington, DC really does make me think fairly frequently, "OK, that person is truly an idiot."
But when it boils down to it, this really was a much bigger issue, one which I've been avoiding each time it has come up.
I remember last month our teacher in the class I'm taking was discussing the concept of words being energy, that we need to be aware of what we are saying, and what our words are energetically putting out there for ourselves and others. She even specifically mentioned social media. Despite agreeing with her, I did identify in myself a certain resistance to what she was saying. I squashed it down and dismissed it.
The funny thing is, this isn't new territory for me. When I was a Catholic/Christian the concept of being responsible for what comes out of one's mouth was something I believed in.
And I think, in retrospect, that is one reason why my friend's actions this morning hit me so hard. Many would have said to let it go, no big deal.
The first reason was knowing I had upset my friend.
Beyond that, I was really unhappy with my own actions. I DON'T BELIEVE IN CUTTING DOWN OTHER PEOPLE, USING LABELS, CATEGORIZING PEOPLE OR NAME-CALLING. And, I never have believed in doing that.
Yet, I continue to have this issue crop up. This is not the first time this has happened, my best friend and I have worked through this for several years actually. She has been amazingly patient. I get angry and passionate about something, I feel that there is a wrong to be righted and somewhere in this process I rationalize suspending my belief system and just letting loose, either verbally or via social media.
I hadn't been able to find a way to beat this, I've been working on it for a couple of years.
Initially I knew that part of my issue was being so mousy and quiet for much of my life. I didn't truly "find my voice" until well into my adulthood, and for a while it was really heady. I went from all filters to zero filters and that took some time to find the balance. I offended just about everyone. Those that are still with me after that time period, I know they truly love me! Once I found better balance, I really felt I had this beat.
Then I began to realize that I was very angry and passionate about social issues that I would read about or hear about on the news. My first approach was "total honesty, pull no punches!" and I found myself getting pulled into many negative and vicious fights on social media and sometimes in person with friends and relatives on issues that I felt passionate about.
After realizing how ugly these interactions were, how terribly I behaved during them, and how incredibly hard the other people's anger hit me, to the point of being physically ill afterward, I pulled back. I decided that I would refrain from involvement in all of these issues because the interactions were too negative. I tried blowing sunshine up everyone's tushies all the time.
That seemed like a great idea, but after a while, it felt like I was ignoring what was around me. My concern, my anger and passion for the social issues was still there. So I'd sneak a meme or two out there or maybe try and get into discussions without fighting and becoming negative. End result....well you can see how well that worked out.
I realized a few things after my friend ditched me this morning. First, I used to be offended by the memes my conservative friends posted, because I found the content so horrific and just inhuman. Just because Bernie Sanders memes are often in agreement with my basic political and social philosophy for example, do I truly think that I am changing anyone's mind or creating real dialogue? Probably, my friends find these just as horrifying as I did regarding the ones they posted.
More than likely, the creators of the memes on both sides of the house are using all of us. I really don't think, now, that inflammatory, insulting political posts are giving us any forward momentum.
Secondly, what I was thinking of as "darkness" - my raging anger, what about that? Because it was what I have always considered a "negative emotion", I really didn't give it any airtime. I never just sat, and allowed it to exist and asked it what message it had for me. In the past, my answer was to either give it total control (The Incredible Hulk approach) and get lost in it, or to try and surpress it, which didn't work because it kept leaking out.
Ok, Doctor Banner, what now? Today, I just sat with it, and allowed it to exist. What was I so angry and passionate about?
The answer was the feeling that something needs to be done. When people are struggling and can't make ends meet, something needs to be done to help them.
So, from now on, when when what I used to think of as a "dark" feeling arrives, I'm going to embrace it with love just as I do any other feeling. And I'm going to accept the feeling and myself, too, for having it. And I'm going to ask it what it has to tell me.
No more running from the "dark stuff". It has lessons and valuable information for me, just as the light does.
Today's lesson is very much about taking some kind of ACTION to help others who I feel are struggling. I don't know what that will look like. But I'm going to find it and put this passion somewhere other than pot shots on social media.
So, I guess in the end I can only thank my friend for ditching me today. It helped me figure out something that has been driving me, and those close to me, batty for a while. And that can only be a good thing. Hopefully in time, my friend will be back.
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