Sometimes, you just want to push them away, and scream "You don't know me!" The whole fucking world.
There are moments when it's dark, and there can never be a "right place" to be, save one.
Awe and wonder can stand shining, right next to the blackest desolation.
When you're doing it differently, you do, finally, cross a point of no return. On the other side is freedom. Burning bridges is looked at as a negative thing. But after a while, you figure out that often, they were on roads to places you never needed to go to start with. Once you toast one or two, it does get easier. I find there's less and less of "good" and "bad" and more and more.....things are either true or they aren't. You spend time throwing away what's not needed, you get less and less reluctant to admit to YOU who you are and that makes it easier to match the walking with what's inside of you. Yeah, you're still scared shit-less as my dad would say, but you do it, you move....anyway. You learn to use compassion while still being true to yourself.
There will always be the music, when nothing else makes sense. I can listen to it, and it's as if I am instantly "home". Or someone can play the piano, or a guitar and I'll sing along and my heart and soul will open completely, the way music always makes them do. Oh sweet, precious release.
Telling the truth to yourself, to others and walking in it.....this isn't for the faint of heart. It'll put you on the other side of the world from everything you've ever known. And standing in it can't be compared to anything else in this world, on any plane of existence. Would I go back to being blind, numb? Hell no. Unequivocally, NO.....life is fucking beautiful.
My friend's young son said to me the other day "that's because you can read people." I haven't known him very long but it made me smile, people have said similar to me before. I don't know....all I know is if I get a glimpse into your soul through your eyes, or through your words, I DO "see" people. Did you ever really read between the lines in your conversations with people, watch their eyes, their gestures, body language...there's SO MUCH in what people DON'T verbalize. Or on social media....what people say and don't say...how they say it.....you can learn a lot by being mindful Summary. I love people. You can see their joy and their pain even when they don't think they're letting it out.
Every single day I learn something new. The more time goes on, the more I'm convinced....I don't know a fucking thing.
Sometimes I really just want a "lost weekend" ....but for like....maybe several months. I want to drive aimlessly around, travel, drink, smoke, have lots and lots of sex, listen to music, wander aimlessly through the wild places....skinny-dip, see every kind of art that exists, talk to random people, whatever.....completely unplanned. Anyone care to finance that for me? HAHAHA
Am I really a poet? I doubt it....my writing sucks, I think. But I'll always write. I don't know that I could keep my head on straight without writing and music.
Some days a woman needs to be held tenderly, and be made love to, slowly and with time and care. Other days, nothing makes sense and she needs you to block everything out - bring it quick, just fuck her brains out, hard - eclipse the fucking sun. Figure out which is which - we'll move heaven and earth for you, baby.
I just want to be true to what's real. That's all.
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