Sometimes, you get these moments of clarity, when a truth hits you.
Lately, I've let loose verbally a few times, either in person or on Twitter. Each time, I've looked back on the situation and I'm horrified and sad at what I've done.
In sitting and really looking at this, I do see a pattern. In each case, I was either hurt, scared, or felt rejected.
There was a time in the past when those feelings made me pull back. I felt small, and I would pull away, trying to shrivel up and hide, disappear.
Well, I'm not big on hiding anymore. It's like I broke a bad pattern, but replaced it with something much worse. And I'm a wordsmith, so when I lash out, I can be nasty. I can't go around being mean and hurtful to people. I won't let this continue.
So, from now on when I feel like that, I am going to turn it outward. I'm going to do something positive for someone else. It's a good pattern, I think.
Hey, talk is cheap. I know. So I am going show this in action.
To those I've spit venom at, I could not be more sorry.
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