DEFINITIONS

OK. Can we chat about definitions? We seem to be having some confusion.

FACT: Something backed by proof. Some examples might be audio recordings, films, written documents, or hard provable science. These things exist regardless of our feelings.

OPINION: This is how you feel about something. There is no legality attached to your opinion. Opinions are about your feelings. We do not legislate your feelings.  We each have a right to our feelings, but we do not have a right to get what we want in all situations. (This is customarily referred to as ADULTHOOD.)

COMPROMISE: A term which defines what happens when people of strong character, compassion and good moral fiber work together, each willing to give up something they want so that everyone has something that works for the greatest common good. 

COMMON GOOD: Something that has the most widespread benefits for the most people. 

FREEDOM: Freedom in the United States of America, historically, has been the freedom to live as one wishes, while providing for the common good. (This is not to be confused with SELFISHNESS which is to do as one wishes WITHOUT care for the common good.) 

PUBLIC SERVANT: Someone who is in their position in government by the will of the people. Their own likes and dislikes are irrelevant. It is their job simply to carry the will of the people forward.

Thanks for listening. 



Legacy Unraveled

 I have always been unraveling

That which the world would make of me 

In doing so, I have pulled your strings, too

You haven't always liked the unraveling 

But I just kept finding those strings 

Unable to refrain from picking at things that felt wrong

More instinct than intention at first 

My questions and my ways making waves

I see now why I was often such an irritant 

But there was no other way for me

From the beginning, I saw the holes in it

In the way we were taught to be 

Woman, blinded and powerless 

Invisible, made right only in her disappearance 

And so you gave it all to them

Making of them Prince Valiant 

They wore it like a heavy, ill fitting coat 

It wasn't right for them 

But if they took it off, what then?

They tried to dull the pain of dragging it around

While you watched proudly, your own life force spilling out

Everyone filling roles that were killing them 

You all stood around saying it was holy

And I was incredulous, shaken with the horror of it 

The Princes had to wear the coat you fashioned

Miserable in the wearing, pretending a perfect fit 

There never seemed to be  relief 

Sex, drinking, praying, hating, loving....

Nothing worked

Only in taking OFF that coat are they free 

And few  are up to the task 

It takes immense strength, every day 

But when they do

Those very few strong ones

I stand with them 

For I am one who sees 

And when truth finally reigns 

I use all that I am 

To protect, support and make easy the way 

Yes 

I unravel myself, and all around me  

Pulling on every string that smells false 

It  is my nature 

I may unravel you in doing so if you stand too close 

So stand back if you wish to remain as you are 

There is beauty, truth and freedom in the unraveling 

But it is not for the faint of heart 

Nor the weak in spirit 

Mystic Fire

Many years ago, my brother and I cooked up an idea together. We wanted to open a little shop together. It would be a combination bookstore, gaming shop and tea and coffee place.

I adore books, so we would sell used books. There would be a section for used video games and systems, with tables set up for various types of games and perhaps tournaments. Of course we would have tea, coffee and some simple treats.

We were going to call it Mystic Fire. The name comes from a poem that I wrote about my brother Brad years ago after a very rough point in his life.

Over the past few years I have watched some close friends that have shops of their own. The amount of hours and time they have to put in are very likely more than my 56-year-old arthritic body would be willing to give right now.

But somehow, that dream never quite dies for me. I keep thinking if the money was right, we know enough people who would want to be a part of it who could work there and it could happen.

What do you want to be when you grow up? This was pretty much always my answer. To work in a quiet, comfortable happy place. To be surrounded by the people and things that I love. To create a haven for others that need one.

Somehow, I ended up in Corporate America. It has been good and bad. It has provided insurance, stability, food, and a roof over our heads. I can only be grateful for that. But it hasn’t been easy, and it has never been where my heart is. 

I will be 56 years old in December. We’ve never had the kind of budget where you go out and start a bookstore. We have a lot of things that need addressing at our house. My husbands car is practically an antique.

Our lives have been a mix of joy, happiness, tragedy, brilliance, stupidity, and blessings. Always, there is Rob, me, Josh, and Patrick. We have weathered everything that has come and I know that we will continue to do that. We are amazingly blessed and my heart is filled.

Yet, as I get up every day and put on the cloak of order and responsibility that Corporate America taught me in 1982 when I graduated from high school, I find my thoughts returning more and more to Mystic Fire. 

I picture Brad and I working in the store, surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. I picture other lost and unique souls finding our shop and knowing that it’s a place that they too belong. Whether it ever happens or not, I will always hold this dream as one of my favorite sweetest ones. It holds the same place in my heart as health and happiness for my husband and children, family and loved ones.

We all have dreams. Some we can bring into reality. Some we cannot. They say something about who we are. What are yours?

PURGATORY

The name of this place is ironic to me. It implies a place of difficulty, of long suffering, being in between, potentially on the way to something better, but one cannot be sure of when, or how? And, what will it look like on the other side?  

I don’t believe in the Catholic concept of Purgatory, yet if one looks at or climbs through the chasm here, I can certainly understand the comparison.

As I recall from many years ago when I could do such things, the climb through is NOT easy, but is definitely worth it. The chasm is beautiful in its silent power.

This land of giant stones, trees, water, animals and so many spirits touches my soul like few other places.

The irony in the name, for me, lies in the way I feel so completely at peace, so very much at home here. Here, there is never conflict or suffering for me.

I connect deeply with the spirits here. The stone people have allowed me to “see” their story when I touch them. The trees breathe and are as one. They will tell you many things if you can empty yourself. The waters here contain blessings for those who come with humility. The spirits of the land are luminous in the perfection of oneness with our Earth Mother. They are my friends.

In every season, there is beauty. After a winter snowstorm, the sleeping trees creak in the cold wind, and if you close your eyes, you can catch a glimpse of their dreams, as they prepare to bring the green things back to life in the Spring. They show us by their example, there is always life, even in the cold, dark seasons. But it takes time, and often we must wait.

In the spring, all is life! Birds, insects, buds, and stream will all teach you about rebirth, if you are open. Spring here reminds us of hope. Hope that does not die. The energy of new life is so potent, you could dip a ladle in endlessly, and never be thirsty, forever.

Warm summer days here are bliss. Park your car near the water. The water reflects on the underside of the leaves, poetry in motion. Frogs croak. Dragonflies dart about, bees buzz, and flowers grow on lily pads. Do not bring your agenda. Just sit. Be.

Autumn here is glorious, with all the colors of New England. The air is crisp, and all of nature is decked out in her finest. As the veil thins, Mother Earth reminds us that the Autumn cycle of life can be the most delicious, most breathtaking time of all. I like that, as enjoy my own "autumn."

Purgatory. A place of waiting, a place of in between, when we are neither here nor there. It can be uncomfortable.

Sometimes there is nothing, just endless bland nothing, and you just want to MOVE, to find out what is next, to FEEL something. Other times, there is great upheaval. Ask the giant stones here about that. They will remind you that like them, you too will arrive after the time of the great rising. You too will survive, and be strong, beautiful in your own perfect way.

Purgatory? Indeed. Perhaps this is a perfect analogy for this year.

As the spirits here teach, all is well in its own cycle. Let us keep going, helping one another as the wheel of the year continues.

Blessings to you.

Written at Purgatory Chasm State Park, Sutton MA, July 1, 2020

Struggling To Find My Way

This is an odd time.  We've all been dealing with the Covid 19 crisis since March.  No one's life is the same as it was.  We have more political division than we've ever had.  And, our country is doing it's Shadow Work in a big way.

Shadow work.  For those who are unfamiliar with the term, coined by Carl Jung, shadow work consists of facing the parts of ourselves that we choose to repress, hide or ignore.  For those of us who have been there, done that, and know it never ends, what is happening in our country is so very microcosm / macrocosm.  What is happening within us is happening in our country, whether we recognize it or not.

We're making the most bizarre soup right now.   There is so very much to manage. We have reached more than 100,000 deaths in the United States from this virus.  What plans did those people have?  How many gardens went unplanted?  How many kids won't know their grandma or grandpa?  How many smiles, hugs and holidays together won't happen now?  How much art, how much music, how many inventions died with those beautiful, bright souls?  We must do better.  We owe them that.

We already had a lot to handle didn't we?  The chasm in the distribution of wealth in our country was already an ongoing, major problem.  Years of laws being twisted to the advantage of a few meant that many were just barely getting by, and some were NOT getting by.  Infrastructure has been failing in dozens of states, due to the lack of funding coming from Washington.  Our earth, the only home we have, has been abused and treated like a Christmas toy, forgotten and tossed aside once the next shiny thing comes along, or profit sounds it's siren call.  Many cannot resist her when she calls, she owns their souls.

Covid 19 will not be the last pandemic we have.  We have become accustomed to NOT having to deal with things like this, and now that it is here, and slow to exit, we have become spoiled children, whining and becoming angry that we have to deal with hardship.  I will include myself in that.  Our ancestors are giving a collective eye roll, right now, my friends, wherever they are. There are no easy answers here, and balance will not be simply achieved.  This will be the hardest work of our lives. People's health and safety must come first.  Then, how will the economy recover?  Where IS the balance?  What is the best path?  For some, the economy is tied up with their health and safety, as they may lose their homes or apartments or their health insurance due to loss of their jobs. Meanwhile, as we struggle through this, we allow our fear to bring on the blame game.  We need someone to blame, someone whose fault this must be, someone to shake our fist and scream at.  Oh, how we LOVE to fight, blame and take sides.

We have made note of so many things as this situation has developed.  For many years, disabled people, parents of small children, and others have asked to work from home, and/or have flexible schedules and have often been told it was not possible.  Suddenly, when EVERYONE needed to do so, we discovered that ANYTHING is possible.  Bravo to the companies who already supported work from home and flex schedules before this.  For the rest of you, understand that you're on notice now, there's no going back.  You're going to have to do a better job of balancing shareholder worship and employee needs.  It's also far better for the environment to support work from home.

Speaking of which, let's take a moment to acknowledge the wonder of nature's resiliency as we all pulled back to our homes. It has been a wonder.  I have been in awe seeing so many stories of how the earth responds when we are not behaving like parasites.  It is abundantly clear that the lifestyle we have built is killing the only home we have.  It is also clear that we CAN reverse direction.  Some countries have been successfully doing this on multiple levels for many years, without rampant failure of corporations and banks.  Who knew? What lessons can we take from this moving forward? What cool ideas have been birthed that we can keep?  How can we leave a safe, healthy home for the generations to come?  If we cannot do this, we have failed.

I have come to really appreciate the limitations of the Covid 19 restrictions, despite the inherent challenges we all face at the same time.  It forcefully brought us to a place where we HAD TO slow down.  We had to find other ways of being.  Patience has become an art form. We couldn't be incessantly busy, chained to our paychecks and the endless distractions we use to forget that little nagging voice inside that says...."Wait...hold on....."  Many have had more "family time" since March than they've had for years. Meals together, family game night, enjoying old movies, just being together has been so wonderful.  Medical personnel, first responders, retail staff, truck drivers, and food workers of every type have become the heroes that keep our country going. 

In 2020, we have seen MORE people of color die, frankly being murdered, in situations where a white person would have had far different treatment.  We only needed to see the armed white protestors in Michigan to know that this is true.  If POC had done exactly the same thing?  Ask yourself how that would have gone down.

Systemic racism is deeply embedded in the fabric of our country.  Many are blind to this, due to the way it is bound up in the way we have come to BE.   I am a white person.  The term white privilege bothers some.  I am not bothered by it.  It doesn't mean you haven't had difficulty, or that your  parents weren't hard workers.  We have all dealt with the ugly stuff.  It's not a pain contest, so for crying out loud, stop trying to WIN. Being aware of and having compassion for another's experience does not erase your experience. Acknowledging your white privilege means you understand that as a white person there are some things you have not had to deal with, and that you will never have to deal with.  People of color DO have to deal with a myriad of things that you will never have to face - IN ADDITION TO the hardships you've had.

Covid 19.  Financial instability.  Racism.  LGBTQIA people are still not safe and allowed to simply be as they choose in so many places.  And all the while, some benefit from all of our fighting.  There are those who pit us against one another for their own ends. We allow them to.

Why this blog post?  Why this rant?  Just to acknowledge.......FUCK THIS IS HARD.  I don't want to watch the news or check social media every day and think how frightening, disgusting and base humans are, how we have never evolved.   I don't want to fight with people.  I don't want to keep finding out people I know and care about hold beliefs that do not support basic human rights.  I need hope.  I need to see that we're uniting, that we are progressing, that we can be better than this. That we can find common ground even when we disagree and work toward the greater good.  That respect and humility mean something.  That white supremacy is dying and will rot away, never to return. That we are no longer obsessing about others sexuality, or gender expression.

Day by day, I waffle between anxiety, sadness and grief, rage, and other times when I must shut the world out for a day.  I must retreat to the woods, or spend time with the flowers.  I need soft music, a candle and a purring kitty.  I'll do an art project or clean a closet.  Jack, one of our cats, is absolutely the best at arriving just when I am about to lose my sh**.  He'll sit on my lap and I am forced to stop thinking, stop doing, and just enjoy being with him.  Thanks, kitty.

So, yeah. Shadow work is hard. So, I'll say it.  I am having a really hard time.  And maybe you are too. I see you.  Maybe you see me, too.  The United States is right in the midst of deep, deep shadow work.  It remains to be seen how Lady Liberty will emerge from this dark time.

This is uncomfortable.  But it is important to embrace this discomfort.  Our comfort is NOT more important than other people's lives.  It's not.  So let's collectively suck it up, shall we, and embrace the suckage together.  Let's invite it over for coffee or a beer and ask it what it has to say, understand it, and learn from it so we can begin to move forward.

Thanks to my family, my BFF's, our cats, the forest, birds and animals, the flowers, my daily magickal practice, and a host of beings not in the flesh, I seem to have retained enough of my marbles to function.  I hope you have, too.  I will continue to hold out for hope.  I will keep believing in love.  I will stop myself when I am repulsed by humanity and I will seek stories of the good, stories of overcoming and of progress toward the greater good.  And, I will help to be a part of those stories as often as I can, here in my little corner of our sweet Earth home that I love.

View, Assess, Move!

So, I’m a child of the seventies. "Explanations" tended toward this: "Here is a situation. Deal with it." It was a no nonsense kind of time. 

We tended to avoid the whining and commence the dealing with. 

I admit I recently found myself extremely triggered by a post from someone explaining that they could only make a choice that would help the most people if it was explained in the way they liked and could connect with. Otherwise, no deal. 

Honestly, I thought my head was going to explode.

My entire life, I’ve just gotten on with it, you know? You assess the situation you’re in, and decide what is best and within seconds you’re proceeding. Done. I’m not usually looking for someone to sit me down and carefully explain what to do, how and why that makes sense. From childhood, I could do that. I’m not exaggerating. 

This got me in trouble once or twice when I was a manager for 12 years. When people were capable, intelligent and experienced yet they wanted to be hand held through things......"but why am I doing this? What will I FEEL about it? What’s in it for me? 

My favorite was "How did you learn this?" My answer was usually "I saw that it needed doing. Nobody was there to ask. So I sat down and got on with it. Learn by doing." 

You see. You assess. You move your ass. Can we worry about the niceties later? At what point did someone tell you you would always get what you want? It’s not about that. It’s about what is best for the highest number of people. It’s about how can you bring your uniqueness to the whole, and make wonderful things happen, right where you are, in the muck you find yourself in. Welcome to how life works. We have been waiting for you. JUMP IN.

I really struggle when there is a challenge and a solution is at hand and people are standing around asking WHY they would make the choice that helps the highest number of humans and the earth. 

As always, I’m trying to learn. This is definitely a work in progress.

Simplicity and Respect

Why were strawberries and blueberries so delicious when I was a kid? Why was corn on the cob such an incredible treat? Wasn't it amazing when grandma or a special aunt or friend made that recipe that they ONLY made for Christmas or Easter?

Why was my "dressy sweater" so special and why did I feel so pretty wearing it as a little girl?

What was it that felt SO good about peddling my bike all over the neighborhood (High Street!) until my legs were exhausted, and I couldn't wait to go outside and do it again tomorrow?

What made summer veggies and fruits so delicious? It was a special family outing to go to Petruzzi's on "the East Brookfield flats" and get fresh produce every summer, in season.

We bought local because most of what we needed WAS local. We KNEW the people who owned these stores. Gaudette's market in Spencer would deliver mom's groceries after we walked down to choose them while dad was at work with our 1 family car. She'd pay and then they'd drive them to us at home.

Who remembers your employer providing your Thanksgiving turkey, and lugging it gratefully home from work?

My parents were hardworking people. Shoe factories, steel mills, CNA work in a nursing home. My parents spoke with reverence and respect to and about everyone they knew who worked hard. I NEVER heard them disrespect any hard working person. I didn't grow up thinking manual labor was bad, lower, not necessary, or unimportant.

I find myself thinking of my upbringing so often in these odd days we are all living through. Perhaps there are some lessons for us here. Perhaps there are SO MANY lessons for us.

Simplicity is definitely one for me. We don't need everything we think we do. Oh no! I'm out of this item. I wanted that for lunch.....grab the keys....get in the car....WAIT. STOP. NO. There's probably something right here in the house that's perfectly fine for lunch.

It's definitely possible to have far too many choices. Often in the past few weeks, I realize that I would have rejected choices in my own home for things to eat, things to do, or wear because I could easily go get something else. 5 minutes to the mall or the grocery store, overnight for Amazon Prime! I've been embarrassed and a bit ashamed honestly as I stop and realize how often this was a habit. Now? I stop. I put on the comfortable item closest at hand. I eat the thing that's here, and I'm incredibly grateful to have it. And I DON'T order things just because I can.

Honestly, I think I've been fatigued to a point where I was in survival mode a lot of the time, and that keeps me skimming the surface only. Not where I like to be.

So many seasonal things, or expensive things were special when I was a child simply because we didn't HAVE them constantly the way we do now. There was an appreciation for things, and a recognition that the fact that they were limited and had a time and a season was part of the wonder, part of what was beautiful.

Looking at the earth now, just 6 weeks of us all stepping back and letting her breathe and she's bouncing back so wonderfully. I always remember, we need her but she actually doesn't need us. The skies over LA are clear, the coal fog over China had dissipated, dolphins and birds in Venice, stories pouring in from all over the globe.

Moving forward we need to make so very many changes. Work is honorable and all workers, all people need respect, rights, and the same access to health care and housing and prosperity. We NEED our service workers. Truckers, food service workers, grocery, restaurant, everyone! There is shame in how we have looked at these people and we need to snap out of it.

Lets have way less gurus writing books about how to get rich and overcome the life you're in and have more people sharing information on the beauty of a simple life and how the day to day is truly magical and crafting that can be the joy of your heart.

Manufacturing needs to return to America. Made here, by us, and sold to our friends and neighbors.
Shopping and buying local whenever possible.

Lets grow some veggies at home!

Health care cannot be for profit. Pandemic preparation is a matter of national security.

Daily life must change. Paper plates and paper towels? What else can we make these from? Hemp is a good option. Or reusable, washable handiwipes for cleaning. In our homes we can use the damned glass dishes and WASH THEM. We can combine wash loads to conserve water, both for dishes and clothes. We can plan trips so that we make less trips to the stores.

We can stop when we are going to order or buy something. Do I need this? If so, do I need it now? Do I have something I can re-purpose or fix? Can someone I know help me? Can I offer my services to them for something they need?

How can I walk softly and respectfully on the earth, our home?

How can I treat people differently, and work for the greater good even when we disagree? Can I stop insisting on being right and having 100% of my own way?

These are the things on my heart and the things I want to challenge myself with moving forward.
Going back to normal? No. There was a lot about "normal" that was infinitely harmful. How can we do better? How can I do better?

One Little Witch’s Covid 19 Lockdown Story

One Little Witch’s Covid 19 Lockdown Story 

Having an arthritis flare in the middle of all of this has been challenging. I can’t see my rheumatologist presently and my infusion treatments are on hold. 

Last night I was not in a good place. Just way too much fatigue and pain. As some of you know, it just takes it all out of you. 

I went upstairs to get ready for bed. Rob was still downstairs. As I laid there in the dark, wondering how I could possibly sleep, suddenly I KNEW I wasn’t alone.

I felt the presence of relatives who had passed away. They were with me. I have an ancestor altar here at our home and I honor the ancestors of my family and Rob’s. And close friends who have passed. Our people. I speak with them frequently and they are a part of daily life for me. 

The presence of all who came to be with me in that moment was so strong, and I was filled with gratitude. I thought of all the stories of their lives that I have heard. I thought of all they had overcome. I realized there was much more that I didn’t know about that they had likely dealt with. 

I felt and understood that so many generations of ancestors we never met were also with me, with all of us. They are with us and IN US.

Political upheaval. War. Plague. Death. Loss. Hunger. Poverty. Sickness. Pain. Family drama and betrayal. Mistakes made. Uphill battles. Addiction. Backbreaking work. 

They survived it all. We know that BECAUSE WE ARE HERE NOW. And we will get through this, too. 

I fell asleep then, and despite waking a few times in the night because my everything hurts, I’ve awakened feeling better than I have in a long time. 

Yes. There are some moments when this is just really hard. We have one another. And we are finding new ways to connect and help one another. 

And we also have ALL OF THEM. The ancestors are always with us. Those you knew, and those you never met, going back generations. Regardless of their life events, they’re pulling for you now! They’ve got your back. They are with you and in you. You are never alone.

Blessings to you all.

Crone Life

Random Sunday thoughts from my cozy chair.

This is a delicious stage of life. There is so much less energy sent in the direction of fitting in, what others may think, or what is expected by society. It isn’t so much about not caring. On the contrary, you care quite deeply. It’s simply that the need for people to know or to approve has left you.

You don’t feel a need to be constantly announcing and clarifying your intentions. You have learned the truth and freedom in allowing things to drift out of your circle that no longer make sense there.

Being right becomes far less important. You think in terms of "What’s the best way that is for the highest good?" 

You can let so many things go, releasing the need to control people or situations. You discover this gives you far more energy for the things you DO choose to interact with.

Your no and your yes have become far more precise, and you do not explain or excuse them. You know your boundaries are consciously chosen so that you can live a healthy life on every level.

You know that your spirit, and your soul are endless. It’s far easier to govern your thoughts, and only work with those you choose, allowing the rest to float away, unengaged. 

You can accept criticism without taking it personally. You take the lessons that are needed, and let the rest go. 

You are quite aware that your body is decaying, and this becomes a strange source of humor in your life. You both love your physical body for keeping it going every day, while being perplexed and chagrined at the rapid changes and adjustments you experience.

Beauty is something inside of you, and not something you owe the outside world. Whether you choose high fashion or leggings and a hoodie, it is done for your own comfort alone. 

That which is simple, warm and brings a smile are the best things. Complicated things must prove their worth quickly or you don’t give them a second look, simpler alternatives almost always exist. 

Your fierce loyalty goes only to those who have damned well earned it. Your inner circle is far smaller, and curated. You do not apologize for this. 

Of course you have days when you screw it up. We all do. Even when we’re doing our best. But you’ve also learned that some humility goes a long way, and you make amends and corrections, with gratitude for the opportunity to do so. You know that mistakes aren’t the end of the world, you’ve survived them before and you will again. 

Your heart breaks when those you love leave the physical realm, or when love seemingly ends, when all your choices seem horrible, or difficult things happen to wonderful people. And you discover that leaning into the heartbreak creates an open space within you to love differently and love more.

You are tiny and limited, and powerless. Yet you are endless, vast and powerful all at once. Magick isn’t a doing. It is your being. Connection isn’t "networking", it is breathing together with all things. 

Gratitude and humility partner with power in unexpected ways. 

#CroneLife

THIS IS THE WORK WE DO

Each day, you proclaim your sovereignty over the Earth, our Mother. You take and take from her, and destroy in the name of progress, money, power and to numb yourself. You kill our fellow creatures. 

You are surrounded by Grace, Truth, and lessons to help you, every day, yet you see and you hear nothing.

You harden your heart, and ignore the stirrings of Spirit within you. You twist yourself with every heinous, inhuman act and pretend they are holy. You try in vain to defile that which is beautiful, good, and natural. You believe the convenient lies.

You see people, and you say they are less than. You ignore their plight. You say they are not human. 

And we stand. Watching you. Working to heal our Mother. Working in our communities. Teaching our youth, because your ways WILL end with these young ones, make no mistake. Teaching them is our most holy, sacred task. 

And every day as you commit every crime imaginable against the Earth, her creatures, and your fellow human beings......

We will stand, together. We will endure the unimaginable pain of continuing to hold space for YOU, to continue to see your soul, and not your actions. To keep seeing YOU as a human being, even though every instinct says to turn from you and the horror that you have become.

We will do this. Every day. And the tide will turn.

Elizabeth Carrignant 

7/4/2018

New Creation

She’s gone now, the me I used to be. She was sweet. She also worked her fanny off getting me here, and endured a lot. I’m keeping the very best of her. Other things about her no longer work and that’s okay. Those things are not coming forward with me. That’s natural.

I feel like a new creation. Stronger, wiser, and no nonsense. Healthier, and at peace. Learning, always. I know where I end and others begin, whole within myself. There is no conflict within me.

I have had several people comment recently on the vibe they get from me now. Strong, no nonsense, loving, with an energy that says I’m a wonderful ally to have, but make certain not to cross the line. This makes me very glad, it was hard won getting here. 

I’m sharing these thoughts this morning because everyone has their journey. Please know that wherever YOU are on your journey is the right place for you. Keep going. Always, keep going ! It’s all good.

Crone

I’m really enjoying this stage of my life.

I have this little tiny allotment of "give a 💩" that I reserve and carefully use for situations when I choose to be nice or appropriate when it hasn’t been earned.

But other than that I just walk around being me. I keep it straightforward, simple, and honest. I set boundaries. I explain almost nothing to anyone about what I’m doing and where I’m at. My inner circle knows ❤️🌺.

My default is compassion. It takes far less energy to simply be pleasant, happy and assume good intent. If someone isn’t receiving that, they’ve gone quite a ways to earn that change. 

I still talk a lot 😆 but for me, honestly, I talk much less than in the past. Often, I choose silence. Listening is a skill I am expanding upon, and delighting in. 

I’m examining those remaining "triggers" as they appear and learning the lessons so those things can be dismissed for good. Past victories and mistakes are with me always to keep me centered. 

My body, mind and spirit let me know when something is out of balance, and I make adjustments accordingly. I have learned from experience that when I ignore these things, unpleasant things happen. 

I really can "set it and forget it" in both a mundane and a magickal sense and allow things to flow. I trust my inner knowing and my intuition. 

I am grateful for my body and mind. I am working to do things that help me to be healthy. But I do not have the expectation of looking younger than I am. I’ll be 55 in December. I embrace that. It is a gift to get to this age, one that I am grateful for. I see no reason to fight that or to take on false ideas that this is bad. It is not bad, it is wonderful! 

The way I present myself in the world every day is to please myself and no one else. I do not owe anyone a particular appearance. You may look my way, or turn away. It is all the same to me, because I delight in myself with no validation required. 

Yes. I am enjoying this stage of my life. The Crone stage. I look forward to all of the adventures on this continued journey!

Child Of The Crescent Moon

The doctor thought he himself had chosen her birthday 

After all, he did it all the time , at his convenience

Self important, his Christmas vacation at hand

Check off this birth, so he could get on the road 

But truly he was a pawn, a puzzle piece 

Someone in charge of The Rules 

Thought it was fitting 

Perhaps even funny or ironic 

To try and block the moon’s energy

From one of Sariel’s line

Except, as an agent of The Must Be

He couldn’t even allow himself the dry laughter

So, the Sunflowers laughed at his folly 

And those under the earth rolled their eyes 

Incredulous that he thought his plan could work 

She and those like her were HERE

Because that assumption was untrue  

Creation will NOT be placed into a box 

Always, endless options will push through

Like bulbs in the spring

The child, born on the sliver of the Crescent Moon 

Did not turn out too weak to push boundaries

Her natural ways confounding the status quo
Leaving a trail of bent assumptions
And altered wavelengths in her wake

Indeed, one could say

Rarely has a plan backfired 

So splendidly

The child was both light and dark 

Both human and angel 

Comfortable with the magickal and the mundane

She was Witch

A quiet knowing behind her eyes 

Many tried to define her

She defied the categories every time

A hybrid in every possible way

Managing to weave a tapestry

Somewhere between that which is immovable 

And all the things that indeed WERE moved,  at her bidding 

She was a liminal creature

The land of in-between was the source of her greatest strength

Making her stand, always on the blade's edge 

Both and neither simultaneously

It was at first exquisite pain

But in the end it was power, peace and healing

In the place where fate and destiny become one

Where Will and Surrender make love and merge

She found the place of her truth 

The Norns looked on

They had handed her a key to deep understanding

Simply by virtue of presence 

Not even the winged ones 

Have dominion over the Norns, after all 

For Her part, the Moon, in all of her ways

Quietly blessed the Crescent Moon Child
In ways unseen and unknown
As she does with all of Her Dark Children

Creation is endless, dense and fierce
Sweet scented is Her growth
Tendrils and trunks, growth in every direction
You cannot control Her
So, you'd best look to your own Work  

 

Separatism In America

I’m really feeling like it is time for us to ask ourselves as Americans why we are so close to uncontrolled hysterical anger all the time.

One tiny conversation, and we are off and running. Whether it is town politics, backed up traffic, a Christmas song, who should run in 2020 or whatever the case may be, we are holding our anger and self righteousness close like a well loved teddy bear.

WHY?

The judging, finger pointing, blaming, separatism, and polarization are our biggest problem in this country.

With unity we can and will overcome every obstacle and challenge. We need to ask ourselves, who benefits or profits from our infighting?

It’s time to embrace a realistic, adult point of view about what we can have in our country. We have become so polarized that many of us are walking around thinking that our rights are being violated if we don’t have every single thing we want every minute of our lives.
I’m not exaggerating. I sit and listen to people a lot. I hear it every day. People will say that their rights are being violated because another person spoke words that are different than their own opinion.

This is bullshit. We need to re-learn cooperation, compromise, and the greater good.
A society where everyone is safe, where everyone has the same rights and the same opportunities, has access to healthcare, where we use our resources responsibly, where infrastructure is a priority, and where decisions are made for the greatest good of all - that’s the goal.

The goal is not, and can never be in this country, a far left utopia or a far right utopia where "the other side" gets eliminated. It’s time to cultivate mutual respect, live and let live, and what is best for our country as a whole.

It is also time to stop having "my pain, trauma and oppression are bigger than your pain, trauma and oppression" contests. Let’s admit where we have failed, let’s own the horrible things that have been done. Let’s make amends where we can, and make changes where we must. But turning the terrible things that have happened to people into contests to see which one is bigger is inhuman. No one’s pain gets completely erased because of another person‘s pain. Let’s help one another heal together.

It’s time for American citizens to join hands and take our country back. It is our separatism that is our only enemy right now. If we can conquer that, then everything else is able to be handled. It’s time for us as Americans to dance with our shadow, own our darkness and claim our light. We can do this together.

Creation, Darkness and the Scribe

This morning, I have been thinking about creation, darkness and in a very microcosm/macrocosm kind of way, how that relates to each of us, specifically those who write.

I just finished reading an article posted by a good friend and writer that mentioned the Egyptian god Thoth.  So, as I was getting ready for work, my thoughts were around both writing, as well as around creation.

I found myself thinking that Creation "wrote itself" and that from this came the amazing order of all things. The Universe is always creating itself, and there is a stunningly beautiful, mathematical precision in this. For those who have worked with Archangel Metatron this is a subject that holds special fascination, and defies description in many ways.

So for the writer, or the scribe, your job is to "write yourself", thereby to understand the order of YOU and to continue to participate in Creation, to chronicle this, as well as to aid others in gaining understanding.

From a scientific standpoint, we know that all things created are made of the same basic components. I started to think of how amazing it is that somewhere in what has been referred to as chaos or darkness there existed all of the components that were needed to create everything that we know. A delicious cosmic soup that contains all things, how wonderful!

So we can see that darkness and light are actually one, and order and chaos are actually one as well. And in the same way that creation continues to "write itself" and cannot help but move, develop, and change, so we too participate in this Creation every day, each one of us.

If I wasn’t heading off to work, I would absolutely love to take hours to go down several rather inviting rabbit holes that this thought process invites. Later, perhaps.

For those that have the soul of a writer, in whatever way that is a part of you, we give birth to many things through the written word. We create and write ourselves each day. We chronicle this for ourselves, and for others. This aids in clarity and understanding. The work of the scribe has always been sacred, and it will continue to be so.

Everyday Miracles

I do love those "mountaintop" spiritual moments, the ones that shift everything, and you are never the same. I am blessed to have experienced many of them. I will always be glad for these times.

I think for me, though, one thing that got lost in the shuffle of every day life for a few years there was finding the sacred in the every day.  

For much too long I moved far too quickly, filling my time with too much.  What did setting personal boundaries look like? How do you navigate the waters of crafting a life that honors your own true rhythms and ways, and the sacred that is all around us and within us?  

I am learning this skill set and it’s lessons very late, I will be 54 years old next month. In refusing these lessons for so many years, my body has now conspired to force the lessons to happen. The last few months have been profoundly difficult physically, but I can only be thankful. There are so many insights that I have right now that I never would’ve had if I did not have these past few months of challenges.

Physical pain and fatigue, when it reaches a certain level, can definitely change your perspective in many ways.  

So for me, yes, those mountaintop experiences are amazing. I’m quite grateful for them. 

But lately, I am far more focused on the beauty in every day moments. 

Preparing a meal for loved ones, and then sitting around the table laughing and sharing it. Between work shifts and arthritis I haven’t cooked very often in the past few years. And I’m physically not able to fully be in charge of all of our meals anymore. But lately I do often prepare a meal on Sundays and it feels sooooo good to enjoy sharing this again! 

Coming home from work Monday through Thursday and having a hot meal waiting for me, complete with everything cut up for me. The warm food prepared by Rob exactly the way I love and need it is one of my favorite things at the end of the work day. 

Watching Christmas shows with my husband. 

Having a challenging day, and experiencing the grace of best friends encouragement. 

Drinking coffee, and writing in my journal in the morning.

Meditation.

Writing letters, reading.

Allowing time for naps.

Finding endless small ways to show love, such as picking up an item from the store that someone needs, making something special for somebody, or forwarding a cool article or song to a loved one that you know they’ll love.

"Living room talk." I absolutely love sitting in my cozy warm living room at the end of the day, and catching up with family. I love hearing how everyone’s day went, and just experiencing the beauty and joy of those interactions.

Finding delight in the dozens of things that your family does for you every day automatically, that you don’t even think of sometimes. I notice those things now.

The habits and traditions that are the earmarks of life with family and friends. The amazing delight in repeating these things. The light that goes on in your loved one eyes, the smile that graces your friends face when you repeat these things together, time after time. This is when hearts beat as one and love flows the most freely.

Sitting with clients doing a reading for them, and the joy as they connect with Spirit and get exactly what they need. I am so happy to step aside and watch as this little miracle happens. I love this work! 

I had a friend who was in my life for a couple of years, and then when she broke up with a dear friend, she moved away. I haven’t seen her for a few years, since she moved. She had the most exquisite gift of hospitality, welcoming, and of warmth. I have rarely seen another person who could prepare a simple snack and a cup of tea and sit around the table with you, and make such an atmosphere of comfort, welcoming, and warmth. The simple, open way that she presented herself, her home, and the way she welcomed people was a rare gift. I have, since that time, endeavored to take a page from Eileen‘s book.

I think of her sometimes as I find the earmarks of joy in the mundane things in every day life, because she had such a gift for that. It reminds me of growing up in the 1970s when time to stop, and interact over tea and to have conversation and connect was a more common occurrence. There was space in life for it.

I’m glad that mountaintop experiences happen. But for me, the past few months, sacredness, the Divine, holiness… It is in the small incredibly beautiful details of every day life. It is a complete shift from the striving, scrapping, trying so hard energy that I have been in for so long that said that I had to keep trying to get "there" wherever the heck that was.

I understand that a lot of that comes from being an arthritis warrior. My dad was. I am. I think sometimes that both he and I have had a habit of fighting so hard that we haven’t always known when to stop pushing. I’m learning now, when to stop, and it’s good.

I have come to believe that tomorrow is built on the exquisite love and wonder of the moment we are standing in. I have learned that the Divine is in the every day. And I have come to be able to see sacredness in holiness everywhere around me. So, yeah. It isn’t any fun occupying this body at the present moment. But in her rebellion over the past few months, my body has given me a gift that I frankly would never have slowed down long enough to see, if she didn’t do what she did. So I can only be strangely, unexpectedly, completely grateful.

Little One

You came to me in a dream last night
Even though you are with me every day
A part of the rhythm of my life 
It was a much younger version of you
But I knew
I was trying to get some things done
Struggling and distracted, as always
You went outside to look for treasures
I kept doing all the things, the list is endless
You came back inside, upset
You couldn’t find anything good
We went outside together
And crouched in the sand
Your sweet little chubby toddler hands
Holding a paper cup
We found pretty rocks
And lots of glass marbles
Looking at each one
The world was just us
And the rocks, marbles and sand
"Look at all the wonderful treasures!" I said to you.
You looked up at me, and said "I guess I did a lot for you."
As our eyes met, I realized I was waking up.
Becoming aware that I was cold, I pulled the covers up over my shoulders. I laid there in the dark, waiting for the alarm clock.
I kept replaying it in my head. Crouching in the sand, looking for treasures. A perfect moment. Nothing else was needed.
"I guess I did a lot for you" you said.
And all I could think of, laying there waiting for the alarm was, "Have you not known the wonder that you are?

Living Life Consciously

A recent conversation on a "Bookaholics" page I belong to got me thinking. We were discussing how Amazon and other on line retailers are making it difficult for brick and mortar stores to survive. The discussion started because of multiple recent articles about Barnes & Noble and their struggles to remain a player in the market.

I know for me, part of the pull of Amazon is the ease and convenience. But it's too damned convenient. I don't really need to order every fabulous book I hear about. But it's so easy on Amazon. My card is attached, I have the app, so I can just look it up and zoom, less than 3 minutes later, it's on order. This isn't always necessary nor financially sound. Often I've ordered while scarfing my lunch at work, or in the midst of watching the news in the morning with Hubs, in other words, only part of my mind is on it. Now, I am working at being more conscious, more present about my purchases.

This is my new tactic. I'm not ordering anything from Amazon (or other online retailers) while I'm doing a bunch of other things. I have a little notebook that I keep my "to be read" list in. I add good prospects to it. Now I'm checking the list from time to time, then deciding between used bookstores, B&N, Amazon Prime, or Kindle. Hubs and I used to sometimes like to go to B&N to relax, chat and have coffee. I would pick out books then, since I have always had the membership. I am finding I miss the actual process of going to the bookstore and relaxing as I browsed books.

Not just ordering on autopilot is good on more than one level. I'm finding it's keeping me more on track with how I spend, as well as bringing me back to a time when I set aside time for reading and also for browsing and purchasing books, not just mindlessly ordering, which I will fully admit I was definitely doing. It's slowing me down and frankly making it more FUN again because it's something to look forward to, and to enjoy and experience, instead of being a mindless purchase plopped on top of the "To Be Read" pile when I open the box.

This online discussion got me thinking in larger/broader terms about related issues.

This is just one example of something that is coming to mind over and over as of late. Convenience vs consciousness. Sometimes the convenient choice is the best choice, such as when I'm completely exhausted, we aren't cooking dinner that night, and I pick up a salad using rapid pick up at Panera. There are definitely other times when convenient is the last thing I want or need.

More and more, I find myself stopping, just about to order something, or ready to make a snap decision, follow an old pattern, or whatever it may be. What am I doing? Does it make sense? Why am I doing it? Do I even want to, or is it a habit?

The past few months, I'm letting myself live at MY pace, and to experience life instead of skipping across it like a skimming stone. Less is so very definitely more, I do not need nor do I want all of the things or experiences all at once, I'm being choosy. Books, clothes, classes, personal habits, how I spend my time, relationships, everything. I feel as if I'm coming down to earth and noticing so very many more things.

It is no secret that I have never been suited to a life of frenetic, panic based energy, and anything that this kind of energy breeds.  Being on auto-pilot isn't my jam, either. There is just so much CRAP that is presented to us every day, and there is something very freeing in practicing the STOP, and asking if it's something that makes sense. 

There is a sweetness, a joy in the routines of everyday life.  And I have decided to EXPERIENCE things and enjoy them, those beautiful simple moments, instead of cramming all of my time and space full. So, here's to slowing down, needing less, and enjoying the simple things!

On Reclamation

It’s happening at my pace. It’s happening gently.

One day, it might be finding the blessings in a traffic jam caused by road work. (Hey! Someone is spending money on infrastructure !) The next day, it might be finding a way to laugh and move on after a frustrating work situation.

Sometimes, reclamation is stopping myself as fear arrives to try once again to tell me old stories, stories that tell me to contract, to defend, to struggle, to try really hard, to push, and to exert control. I don’t have to believe those stories anymore, I can write new ones. Those frenetic, panic based tactics never brought any real results anyway. Why go back to that? In these moments of pause, reclamation helps me find the balance between the doing and the letting go, the being, knowing that all is well, regardless of outer appearances.

There have been many days when reclamation has been an opportunity to clear out and organize an area of my home. Tiny micro projects like gathering books to donate, or cleaning out my pajama drawer, and so many others. Did you know you can radically change your life in 20 minute increments? That’s what it feels like, as more and more of these blessing times arrive every day.
Reclamation comes in subtle choices, saying no to things that aren’t needed, or just don’t fit well. It comes in speaking with gentle, compassionate honesty that helps everyone instead of swallowing back the truth.

It breathes new life into everyday situations, as gratitude grows, and the mundane becomes a beautiful poem. It helps find space within to face my own failings with love, compassion and forgiveness, which allows me to more readily forgive others.
Reclamation is gratitude and taking the lessons from the past, but not living there. Reclamation is trusting the future but not obsessing that I’m not there yet. Reclamation is accepting, loving, living and enjoying THIS MOMENT.

I’m reclaiming my life. Nice and slow 🐢. At a pace natural to me. We can all choose differently, if we would like.

The Little Witch and the VERY BIG BAG

Once Upon A Time, there was a little witch. The little witch was known for carrying a VERY BIG BAG. She was always lifting the bag, dragging the bag, digging through the bag looking for things, and standing in funny positions because the bag was so very heavy.

Many times, her friends would say "You are a little witch. Why do you carry such a VERY BIG BAG?"

The little witch would tell them, "I must have all of things that are important to me close."

"Why?" They would ask."Why can't you leave some of them at your home, or in another safe place?"

And each time, the little witch would say, "Things change a lot, and I need to be ready."

"Like what things?" Her friends would ask.

"Anything, everything" she would tell them.

After a very long time, the little witch began to be very sore and really tired because of the VERY BIG BAG and not even her healing spells would make it better. She went to see a medicine woman. The wise, old one asked her "Why does the VERY BIG BAG make you feel safe?"

OH! The little witch had never realized. Is that what she was doing? She knew better than to accuse the wise one of nonsense. The wise one always told the truth. So she sat, and asked herself. DOES the VERY BIG BAG make me feel safe? She had to admit, it did.

She looked at the wise one, who met her gaze with her own smiling one. She told the old one "You are right. The VERY BIG BAG really DOES make me feel safe. I feel less nervous. I feel prepared."
The old one asked her, "Do you think you need ALL of those things to be ready?"

The little witch thought about it for a long while.

"No, she finally answered. Probably not all of them."

The medicine woman looked at her kindly, saying "The VERY BIG BAG is filled with many things. Some help you. Some do not. Some are ready to be let go of, or put away. The VERY BIG BAG is not helping you, it is holding you back. Do you understand?"

The little witch thought perhaps they were talking about much more than the VERY BIG BAG all of a sudden. But she smiled and simply said "Yes, I understand. Thank you."

As the little witch slowly walked home, dragging the VERY BIG BAG, she was very thoughtful.

By the time she got home, she had a VERY BIG SMILE on her face. The little witch dumped out the contents of the VERY BIG BAG. She looked at them, one by one, and remembered the stories and memories that went with each item. She laughed, she cried and she took her time doing this task. A few things she put aside. Some she put away in a special place in her home where she could find them if she needed to. Some other things, she gifted to others who needed them much more than she. Some she was able to let go of, she did not need them anymore, and so she put them in the recycling bin.

Then she took the small pile of things she had put aside, and placed them carefully in.....A CUTE LITTLE BAG. These things were carefully chosen. They would help her to be prepared and organized and ready, but they would NOT weigh her down. She put the CUTE LITTLE BAG on her shoulder and it didn't hurt at all! She felt very light and free, and she knew it was not just about the actual bag she had carried.

The next day the little witch went to THE PLACE OF UNITY. She liked it there, the people were so very nice, and welcoming. They worked so well together, helping one another. When she got there, the man with the beautiful smile said they were blessing bags today! She could not believe it! How perfect. There are no accidents, the wise one had once told her, and she knew it was true. The man with the beautiful smile and the lady with the shining eyes told everyone about how a bag packed with just what we need could be helpful when things were changing.

The lady with the shining eyes told a wonderful story about a starfish who learned about the many blessings that were right around her. The little witch loved the story so much! When it was her turn to go to the front, she brought the CUTE LITTLE BAG up with her. The man with the beautiful smile asked her what she would bring into the places where she would take the CUTE LITTLE BAG.

She answered "Trust and openness." She could choose to feel GOOD wherever she went, even when things were changing. The man with the beautiful smile gave her a blessing and some sparkles. Oh my, the little witch loved sparkles! And then, the lady with the shining eyes gave her a starfish pendant to remind her always of all the many blessings to be found right around her. She attached the starfish to the CUTE LITTLE BAG.

As the little witch walked back to her seat smiling and talking with the others, she was filled with joy. She knew that she was safe and ready no matter where she was in the world. She knew that there were beautiful people everywhere. She knew people will always help one another. She was excited and thought to herself "How fun! I'm ready!"

The little witch took her CUTE LITTLE BAG and went walking outside to enjoy a song with her new friends and enjoy the sunshine. And it was indeed a VERY GOOD DAY.