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Sunday, January 31, 2016

Discomfort

I didn't come here to make anyone comfortable - not you and not myself. 

I love. But I have learned a fierce, wild, open kind of love; one which by its very nature burns away what doesn't breathe, grow and live. 

Sometimes this means I'm going to make things difficult for you. Trust me I understand. I make things difficult for myself quite frequently. But these "difficulties" are blessings. They are an open, truthful, unvarnished look at what doesn't resonate, and what does.

Please know that it isn't anything personal. It is never an attack on any other person or belief system. What works for you, what makes you happy, what resonates for you is absolutely perfect for you. I love that, and I respect it. 

It is simply this. What works for me, who I am - sometimes that's going to look very different than what works for you. I'm going to continue to love and respect you and your journey. And I am glad to say that I have people in my life who do the same for me whether we are vastly different or whether we are kindred and seem to vibrate at the same frequency.

Sometimes I walk this journey with grace. Other times, I'm a bull in a china shop, all razor sharp edges and destruction. Both are a valid part of this journey. When that spills over onto you, I am authentically sorry for your discomfort and pain. I fully understand and respect whatever you feel you need to do in order to handle that the best way you can for you.

 I'm never going to intentionally hurt anyone. I do fully understand there are times when I express truly necessary destructive energy in ways that are hurtful 
or painful for people. Creation is what we are all doing as we live this life, and destruction is a part of Creation. 

I'm not going to sugar coat the truth, or water myself down, but I can speak from a place of love and compassion. I haven't always been successful at that. For that I am sorry. 

So no, I'm not here to make you comfortable. I'm not here to make me comfortable either. All I can do is show up authentically, victories and fall on your face moments both in the rear view mirror to learn from. 

Know that if you've been in my life at all, you're in my heart. The things that I do, I'm not doing them, "to you." I'm just trying to be the best me I can. I guess we'll have to wait and see how that turns out.


Monday, January 25, 2016

Not This Time, Old Friend

There is an energy I know well 
For a long time it was my friend 
An energy of smallness, dryness
Of pulling in, contracting 
Staying on the surface 
An energy of walls and barriers 
Miserable, hopeless survival 
Body, mind and spirit drying up
In a painful, slow death 

It comes now, many a morning 
To invite me in 
It reminds me how long we were together 
It tries to tell me that it's familiar arms 
Are the only comfort I will ever know 
It wants me to find in it's cold, brittleness 
A home
It wants to feed on me, like before 

But, NO. I say no. Not this time. No more.

I'm a Witch 
I don't need to play small 
I'm not afraid to dive deep 
I've made love with the dark and the light 
I have no need of walls and barriers 
I am one with All
Protection, transmutation live in me, they go before me
And surround me, at my word 
I am beautiful, wise, fierce and juicy 
You will not make of me 
A barren landscape 

The High Priestess is my sister
She stands behind one shoulder 
Archangel Michael stands behind the other 
They remind me of who and what I am 
In those moments when I get lost 

I honor my ancestors 
Their music is a part of my life's symphony 
Blessings continued 
Limiting patterns lifted and transmuted 

I speak with The Mighty Dead 
I respect and listen to faeries and elemental spirits 
Plants and animals are trusted advisors

I travel in dream time 
Mystery is a beloved companion

I love to learn 
I am well aware I know so very little! 

My life is craft, and art 
In fulfilling my life
I am best in service to others 
The circle of giving and receiving 
Endless blessings of prosperity shared

I am never powerless

And so I do not need my cold friend, come back to visit and tempt me.
I'm having none of it 
And so I bind it and send it on its way 
A trip to the violet fire 
So no other can become it's host 

Some old friends are a welcome visit 
Others are not 
And today, I made the final break 
With that one 

Blessed Be! 





Friday, January 8, 2016

Tenderness

Sometimes 
Tenderness is wide open 
Dripping like rain in the forest 
Pouring over everything 
Running off the leaves 
Soaking the ground 
You are bathed in it, like silvery moonlight 
It rises from the soft moss beneath your feet
Scenting the air 
Dancing with the mist 
Beyond words 
Being 




Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Comfort Zones and Safety

Comfort zones and safety are funny things. Food. Social media. Routines. Access to certain people in our lives. Habits that we resonate with, or things we enjoy that we pull a sense of identity from. 

Switch out the routine, and the mind decides "Nope. This is different. I'm uncomfortable." Moments later, emotion hits - panic, sadness, anger, bitterness, feeling trapped, desperation arrive - because they tend to travel with "uncomfortable." 

I can't speak for everyone, but I can say that for some people with an anxiety condition, that's what it's like. Or at least that's how it is for me.

So....you sit with it. You feel it, allow it space. Rant and rave. Say how unfair it is. Or be sad. Cry. Feel desperate. Yell at The Universe. Make demands. Roll up in a ball. Hide. Just be there, in it. Allow. Total permission to be, no filters.

After a while, you'll calm a bit. I do. You'll be able to ask yourself what you're feeling. Why do you feel like that? Ah. Okay. This is just so very DIFFERENT. So, it's scary. Threatening. It messes with your sense of self, your sense of being okay. Makes it hard to feel confident and together, like you don't maybe have control. That's not safe, right? 

Yep. There it is. 

But now you know. So, you can love yourself right now, exactly where you are. 

So, let's redefine safe. What if safety lies in flexibility?  What if we do it like Gumby, stretching and changing shape?  What if maybe that could be fun? 

You've got your inner compass. Clear intent. Pure heart. That's what makes you YOU. As long as you're using that to navigate, you're good. So it's okay to jump into what's different, things that mean we need to think or behave differently than our safe habits dictate.

Fear is okay. It either tells us to hold off because we haven't considered something from all the angles, or its just a signal that what we're getting into is NEW. That kind of fear is good, and it can mean LETS GO! That's the time to jump in and do it anyway - because this is going to be good for us. 

I'm excited about this year. I'm excited about being flexible enough to try things that are new, to look at things differently, and roll with it sometimes. Of course there will always be times when I want to draw boundaries and say "wow that's not for me." But at least I'll know because I tried it. I do know this. Your comfort zone can become a prison. 

There are always going to be things that are scary. There will always be things that don't feel safe, because they are new, and that might trigger an anxiety reaction. And that's OK. Strength lies in how we roll with it. 

So, I'm giving myself permission to roll with it my way, to not have it together all the time, to try new things, to make mistakes, and to let uncomfortable be maybe a little less scary. And I'm going to have fun.