Please Do This Today

I remember it clearly. I was engaged but not yet married, still living with mom and dad. so I was 20. I was working at Paul Revere Insurance Company. I woke up that day exhausted, both mind and body just dragged out and completely spent. So I went with instinct, and did what I knew would replenish me. I called in sick, I rested all day, and then spent a few hours in the evening with my best friend Nicki, just talking.

By the end of the day the nasty washed out feeling had finally gone, and I truly felt rejuvenated, I knew I had done the right thing. And I already knew, there would always be a desk, it would always have work waiting, and that would never change. That would always be there to plug into. This was about balance, and taking proper care of myself.

The next day I caught hell from both my mother and my fiance. You see, I had not gone to work the previous day and apparently spending a few hours with my best friend talking was considered to be something akin to "Going out to play when you didn't go to school that day." Both mom and Rob were livid with me and lectured me for some time. I was getting married now. It was time to be responsible, to be an "adult."

So, thinking that I'd upset both my mother and the man I love, I assumed I was a schmuck and took the lesson.....one must always "be responsible." Okay. So, my needs are always less important than my job and the general concept of being a "responsible adult." I remember being worried about what other ways I might potentially step in it again.

So, off to Paul Revere I went, every day. And somehow, over the next...let's just say a long time.....I kept learning and relearning the lesson that I was less and that what other people, both personally and professionally expected of me, was always more important.

Now, I want to say right now, this isn't a dig on either my fiance, who became my hubby, or my fantastic mother. I love them both dearly. But, you see, as it turns out, I was right that day. I knew who I was. I knew what I needed. What I didn't know? How to have a voice, how to express myself and simply tell the people around me what my needs and limits were.

Really, I've learned that people treat you the way you allow them to. So, when I decided back there that family, friends and people at work were all happier if I was a "Yes-Woman", I'm the one who set that expectation. No one else told me to do that. In looking back, I can see where I squashed down my natural instincts and replaced them with people pleasing activities that I thought would make everyone happy. I really thought doing that was the formula for a happy life.

I've always been the fairy child, the free spirit, the one who wanted to be outside, where I spent my entire childhood, the one who embraced magic and chased mystery, the one who wanted to read, write poetry, take pictures, help people, be around flowers, play in piles of leaves, and who hates structure. But I decided that these were the trappings of childhood and I put them all away.

But an interesting thing happened in 2011. I had known for a long time that the formula I was using, the endless people pleasing, chasing the "American Dream", following the formula - it was NOT working for me. So I took decisive action. Anyone ever heard of Pandora's Box? Yeah. Well, I opened mine, and like the story says, once you do - that lid ain't going back on!!! Good. I don't want it back on. Four years later, there's still all sorts of wild craziness flying out of that thing. It hasn't been easy but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm awake and I'm not going back to sleep. I embrace this. ROAR!!!

Here's something that has come out of that journey. Guess what? I'm 50 as I am writing this. I'm still the fairy child, the free spirit, the one who wants to be outside, the one who knows and embraces magic and rides the night chasing mystery, the one who reads endless books, writes poetry, takes pictures, helps people, plays in piles of leaves, and is obsessed with flowers. I feel what you feel, talk to Angels and spirits, I truly SEE YOU,....and yeah, I still really hate structure.

But now there's a difference. I have a voice. I was the only one silencing myself. I was the only one holding me back. I've played in the "structured" world long enough to know it has it's blessings and it's drawbacks, I'm always going to need to have that balance and I'm learning where that fits now. But I know now that I will, I must and I do live my life by my own instinct and by my own inner knowledge, my intuition, along with the evidence of my senses. There's so much more than bare facts. Knowing who you are and walking that, embracing what is for you and setting limits on what isn't for you - that isn't selfish. That, my loves, is actually my idea of living. You can do that and still be lovingly present for those you love.

I'm sharing this because too many of us do what I did. We decide we don't need to explore what makes our heart beat faster, we don't spend time on those simple things that are for no other reason than joy and delight. We don't set limits. And we keep shrinking, more and more. And it shows in our lives in so many ways.

Some love the changes in me since "Joe Perry Weekend" in 2011. Not everyone does. That's okay.

Just whatever you do, please, please, speak from your truth. Don't shrink. Do what makes your heart sing. It's so much more fun when you do. You'll feel better, you'll be healthier. Your energy picks up!

Please, be you. Please have fun. Please do things just because they feel good. Please play. Please. Today.

Love and peace to you all.

Bethie

Happy List

Sometimes I get overwhelmed when the world and all of us living on it seem bent on destruction and conflict. 

One thing I do when that happens is go to something on my happy list. These are guaranteed to bring a smile. Here are some of mine. What's on your list?

Hot tea

Talk with mom

Meditate 

Stevie kitty's purr

Walk in the woods 

Dinner with hubs and my two sons

Flowers

Laughing with my brother

Taking pictures 

A soft warm hoodie, always feels like a hug from a beloved friend

Talking with my sons about music, movies, anything at all for hours

Watching the birds at the feeder

Showering and slipping between freshly clean sheets. Preferably naked. Oh, bliss!

Driving Lil Red Subie with no particular destination 

Pete Klein's voice on Blisstique songs, it warms you from the inside like a shot of bourbon

Speaking of which, a shot of good whiskey

Pretty toenail polish

Holding some Rose Quartz 

Breakfast out with hubs

A massage 

Having reiki done on me 

Michael Crawford singing "All I Ask Of You" 

Hanging out with my gals 

My good morning crew on Twitter each morning 

Hot soup

Verble's music posts and blog on Twitter

Asking Angels for help 

Watch That Metal Show 

And the list goes on...so grateful for daily blessings.

 

Fresh

I love this

Freshly showered

Damp hair 

Clean and tingly 

From head to toe 

I come upstairs 

And instead of dressing right away

I shut off the light  

Sit quietly 

Enjoying the feeling 

Of smooth silky sheets

Against my skin 

The fan blows

Making me just slightly chilly 

Sunlight on the trees outside 

Beautiful green 

Just breathing 

A few minutes 

I love this 

These moments are mine 

Before the day begins 

It's Like That

Awake 

Sweet sexy tingle 

Like your skin gets 

When the night air touches you

After a swim 

Head space 

Room for the light 

The way the sky looks 

When the sun breaks through 

After a storm 

Eyes

Like windows 

Revealing much

With or without 

Shutters

Patience 

Like an easy stroll

Because time is relative 

And it's all yours anyway

Expectations 

Like dozens of tiny prisons

Locking you in 

Making you miss what's yours 

And love 

Like backwards fuel 

The more you give 

The more you're filled

Alchemy

The struggle is so familiar 

Almost comfortable now

Not believing it can work out

The daily waffling 

Between hopelessness 

And that head down keep going survival 

Hanging on to hope 

Even when you want to quit

Bob and weave 

Working and moving 

Never quite letting yourself believe 

And so we extend our limbo 

But, you know what?

We don't have to live there anymore 

If we surrender the where, when, how

Move through that fear and resignation 

That tells you to keep the armor up 

If we can give up control of the structure 

Then, finally 

There's breathing room 

For love to live 

For desire and will 

To meet, energized 

Touching and moving all things

Alchemy exists, and magick is 

We are the alchemist and the gold

If we throw off limitations 

Of the mind, the emotions 

And the rules of the five senses 

It all happens 

Hundreds of solutions 

Endless possibilities 

There is great power

Where will and desire

Meld with Energy and Truth

Surrender isn't for the weak 

For only the strongest know 

That releasing the white knuckles

And letting go 

Of "the way it's supposed to be"

Opens the entire Universe for you 

And moves you 

From fate 

To destiny 

Matricide

Maybe at first
We thought it would be wonderful
To tuck ourselves in
Amongst the green
And the richly scented
Life giving brown earth
We would be one with it all

But then we forgot ourselves
Lost our connection
Maybe we didn't ground ourselves everyday
Do you suppose we could do the things we do
If every single person connected with Gaia every morning?

At some point, we crossed a line
We decided instead of being a part of it
That we owned it
And all of it, just every single part
Will never be enough

And that changes everything

Tiny

Turning a corner on the path
Sunny clearing
Tiny, delicate beauty smiles up
Sweetest lavender and white
Warm yellow center
Breathtaking
Perfect

Some things need no explanation

Dusky Brown

Dusky brown wings
Color of tree bark
Rimmed with black dots
Slight pause
Sensing the flow of the air
Stillness
Then, movement
I could learn a lot from you